-Niall’s Point of View-
Louis had gone with me to Zayn’s dorm so Zayn could ‘fix’ Harry. I insisted on staying to make sure Zayn wouldn’t purposely botch the whole thing but Louis pulled me out to the cafeteria.
Even the cafeteria isn’t the same without Harry sitting beside me eating nothing but sweets.
I was walking alongside Louis and listening to him chatter away but it’s like I’m not really there. My legs are moving yet it’s happening without me realizing it, like my body’s functioning but my mind is elsewhere. I glance at Louis who’s so animated about whatever it is he’s yammering about but I can’t bring myself to care.
It isn’t until we’re sitting down with our breakfast trays where I slip up.
Louis stares at me expectantly.
“What?” I ask staring at the strawberries on top of my waffles.
“I knew you weren’t listening. I said, I’m giving Eleanor a promise ring.” Louis answers poking me in the ribs with his elbow playfully.
“Well that’s hardly worth celebrating.” I mumble.
“Now you’re talking rubbish. That’s a big step, mate.”
“No. Marriage would be a big step. I mean it’s just not as…binding. With a silly promise ring, you can call it off whenever you want and it’s almost like saying ‘hey I think we should spend the rest of our lives together but just in case either of us changes our minds, here’s a promise ring instead of an engagement ring’.” I go on callously.
I know I’m being a massive dick but I can’t find it in myself to feel happy for Louis and his living breathing girlfriend. I’m selfish and there’s nothing I can do but be rude and unsupportive to my best mate.
“You know what an arse you’re being so under the said circumstance I forgive you.”
“You just can’t imagine the thoughts raging inside my skull now. I want to be happy for you but-”
“It’s alright. Things have a way of working themselves out.”
I want to yell at Louis for saying something so generic. I already have an areshole comment on the tip of my tongue. I want to go off on him about how he doesn’t know what it’s like to be a loser, to be alone, to fall hopelessly in love with someone you shouldn’t be with, and to lose them completely. My heart’s ravaged and he can’t possibly know how much it hurts. This isn’t something I can get over. It’s something I’m going to carry for the rest of my mundane life. I fell in love with perfection, perhaps that’s my downfall.
To make matters worse, I can see Liam approaching our table.
“Hey lads.” Liam smiles brightly.
Usually the smile would make me go delirious like a Japanese school girl but now it just makes my stomache turn.
I nod imperceptibly and Louis smiles back at him.
“Still upset about Harry leaving to Chesire?” Liam asks with sincerity.
A lie Louis has spread. Harry’s missed by the others too. Doesn’t surprise me.
I stuff food in my mouth hoping Liam gets the message that I don’t feel like talking. Even the food is tasteless without Harry.
“So how are things with you and Zayn?” Liam changes the subject.
I choke on my scrambled eggs. Louis pushes the cup of orange juice into my hand and I down half the cup in one go. I wipe the forming tears from the corners of my eyes and try to process what’s just been said. Me and…Zayn? Zayn who? Zayn Malik? There aren’t many other lads named Zayn in this school. Well, none actually besides Zayn.
“They aren’t together.” Louis corrects for me when he sees my face turning red.
“Sorry. It’s just you guys have been spending so much time together since Harry…you know.” Liam apologizes and with a face like his, it’s hard to stay annoyed.
I wave it off and keep eating.
“If you’re not together then…you want to go out for that cup of tea you asked me about a few months back?” Liam asks tilting his head slightly, blush coloring his cheeks.
My heart jumps up into my throat and my lips part but nothing comes out. My eyes begin to prickle with hot tears and my chest tightens.
“Why? Why didn’t you say yes when I had asked you the first time?” I stand up and it comes out as an angry accusation.
This catches Liam completely off-guard.
“You’re right. I just never thought of you that way until…”
“Until I was with someone else. Well you snooze, you lose.”
I march off leaving Liam and Louis dumbfounded.
I don’t really know where all that boldness and bravado came from.
It was probably not a good idea to have raged at Liam like that. It felt like he was just offering me a pity date anyway. Really, I should apologize though. While I’m talking apologies, I owe one to Louis too. I know I’m being a pissy little tosser but it doesn’t seem like something I can control.
Without realizing it, my legs have walked me to Zayn’s dorm.
I lean against it not wanting to disturb him even though every muscle in my entire body is aching to do the opposite. I want to kick open the door F.B.I style and see Harry waiting patiently for me. I want him to make up for all those months I’ve been alone, to make up for lost time. All those kisses and smiles we could’ve shared during that time…but this isn’t where our story ends.
Zayn stumbles out the dorm looking fatigued.
“Shit, Niall, I didn’t see you there.” Zayn says running a hand through his flat hair.
I take a deep breath before I ask the question lingering in the back of my mind.
“How’s he doing?”
“It’s slow…but I think everything will work out.” Zayn answers, his voice sounding detached.
“How are you doing?”
Zayn looks up at me. He takes off his glasses and studies me with those liquid gold eyes. He’s got stubble growing along his sharp jaw and around his pouty mouth that’s sorta hypnotizing.
“I would’ve been so much better for you. Don’t you see?” He steps closer and his voice drops low enough for only me to hear.
I try to shake my head but he keeps going.
“I’m real. I’m living, breathing, flesh and blood.” Zayn takes my hand and pressing it against his heart.
“It’s you that doesn’t understand. I’ve been here the whole time. And you didn’t do anything. You’re just like Liam.”
“No, I’m not. I love you Nialler. Not the romantic kind of love, not yet, but the kind of love that would always prevent me from hurting you.”
“You’re too late. Once upon a time I would’ve…maybe jumped at the chance to be with someone like you. Harry cared for me when I wasn’t up to everyone else’s standards. I don’t care if I’m being stupid or idiotic for loving an inanimate object. I didn’t start living until I met that robot. And if you can’t bring him back then maybe my love will.”
“I’m doing my best.” Zayn murmurs.
“Can I see him?”
“I think it’s best if you wait Nialler.”
I nod reluctantly before leaving to my own dorm.
The hours drag on and on and I’m running out of things to do. I do my homework all the way up to the next semester. I watch movies on my laptop. I strum my guitar.
When I can’t think of anything else I collapse on my bed. Why hasn’t Zayn called? What is going on over there? I thought he figured everything out. If he did then why is it taking ages?
Just as I get up to shut the lights off, all the lights shut off on their own accord. I stand reaching in mid-air for the light switch frozen until I hear doors opening and closing in the hall with a bunch of chatter from students. It must be some power outage. There’s knocking on my door but I ignore it and crawl back to bed disappearing beneath my cold sheets.
The questions keep popping up relentlessly until I can’t fight sleep anymore.
His laughter is musical and that smile is intoxicating.
He brings me up to his chest, my skin flushing where it touches his. I trail my hands along his sides, my fingers gliding across his soft skin feeling goose bumps rising all over him.
I can’t even bring myself to wonder where my clothes are and why neither of us is wearing any.
“Mmmm, I’ve missed you, love.” I sigh, looking up and meeting jewel green eyes.
“Missed me? I haven’t gone anywhere.” He grins, showing off his irresistible dimples.
The bed sheets rustle as I push myself up to meet his lips. They’re just the way I remember them, genuine, gentle, and always hungry for me.
“Let me ravage you my gorgeous boy.” He growls playfully.
“Wait, just let me look at you.” I plead.
He hovers above me readily but watching me with curious eyes. His vibrant brunette curls hover just above his brow making him look almost childlike. His creamy skin looks like its glowing and his pink lips are just the most kissable shade of rosy red like a rose bud. He’s so perfect it makes my heart ache.
“Baby, is something wrong? How can I fix it?” He asks, concern marring his beautiful features.
“No, nothing is wrong. You’re here with me, aren’t you?” I question reaching an unsteady hand to touch his pretty lips.
“I’m with you.” He confirms with a small smile kissing my fingertips.
“How is it that you’re here? I mean…you just feel so real.”
“Niall, don’t ask such silly things. Weren’t you the one who told me I was real to you?”
I blinked a few times in confusion.
“Tell me baby, has anyone else been inside you while I was away?”
I stare at him wide-eyed, feeling the unmistakable heat crawl up my embarrassed face. He laughs again so wonderfully.
“Even in your dreams, I can make you blush.” He smiles leaning down to run a hot velvety tongue along my bottom lip sensually.
I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him down so I can bury my face in his soft curls, trying to disappear into him. He hums slightly, turning his head so he could press feather light kisses against my neck.
“No.” I murmur.
He stops to gaze at me questioningly.
“I-I meant no, no one has been inside me while you were away.”
“Are you lying to me?”
“I would never.”
“I know.” He whispers.
“I love you.”
“And I, you. Shall I show you how much?”
I nod eagerly.
He smiles wickedly.
It feels surreal and perfect and I don’t want it to end so I’ll play along.
“How do you want me to do it? Should I go slowly, carefully, like you’re made of porcelain…?” He asks pressing feather light kisses all over my bare torso.
I whimper as he glides his hot tongue over my collar bone leaving a trail of cold saliva that he blows on making me shiver.
“Or I could go rough, hard, and merciless like you’re a cheap slag…” He says with a sigh, biting down hard on my throat making me yelp while pulling at his curls.
“W-Whatever you want, do whatever you want.” I pant.
He nods and gives me sweet peck on the lips.
It isn’t at all like all the other times we’ve been together. Something feels…different. I’m not sure if it’s different in a good way. There’s this strange feeling in the pit of my stomache, like there’s something I’m missing, something I’m dreading.
“I want you to be here when I wake up.”
“What makes you think I won’t be?”
“’Cause I broke you. It was my fault, wasn’t it? If I hadn’t made you cry you’d be here for real…”
“Don’t do that.” He ran his thumb over my trembling bottom lip. “You know I don’t like to see you upset. Besides, I haven’t heard you say my name yet.”
“I don’t want to jinx this.”
“It wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”
“What?”
“You deserve the real thing Niall, a normal, breathing person with flaws.”
“This is my dream and I don’t want to hear any of that.” I growl stubbornly.
“I’m too perfect. You’ve been thinking it too.”
“I said I don’t want to hear any of that!”
“You need to hear it. Doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
“I wish you were real. I wish you were a living breathing human person with your own family and everything.”
“Keep going.”
“I wish you’d been my roommate from the start and I didn’t have to lie to everyone. I don’t care if you weren’t perfect as a human as long as you’re real.”
“You mean that?”
“Yes. I don’t care if you’re not good at sports anymore. I don’t even care if you aren’t good at sex anymore as long as I get to have you. I just realized having you the way you were wasn’t enough and it never will be enough because you deserve to be real and I deserve to love someone real.”
“I’m glad you came to that conclusion. Did it have anything to do with me fucking it out of you?”
My face flushes and I bury my burning face against his neck.
“Now say my name.”
“Why?”
“Because you haven’t said it, not once.”
“Harry.” I sigh. “Harry, Harry, Harry. I love you Harry.”
He starts to fade and I’m pushed into the dark where I’m half-awake and half-asleep.
“I love you Harry.”
“Good. Now wake up and kiss me.”
Cliffhangers are fun aren’t they? :) haha hope this was worth the wait! I only have a chapter or two left of this plus the epilogue and I gotta say it’s gonna be hard to let go of this story. And I promise not to leave you guys hanging about what happens with everyone like Zayn and Liam. I have a few things planned and I just want the ending to be good and not lame or a letdown you know?
Anywayyyys, since I’m so near the end I want you guys to do me a little favor. Tell me in a comment what your favorite moment was in the story OR what makes you like this story. You don’t have to be super descriptive but I’d really like to know. I’d really, really, really appreciate it if you guys did this! And I’ll probably dedicate the next chapter to the best comment!
Stay lovely, you’re all amazing. xx