I sit with my back to the cave wall, watching Bellamy. Deja vu hits me as I remember Charlotte and our stay in the cave. I remember Atom, Wells, Elliot, Finn and now Miloch.
Ice coats my veins as Bellamy and I hold each other's gazes. He doesn't attempt to say anything, even though we're alone in the cave, the others having left to convene about Arkadia and their plan of attack.
I asked to only be included when Pike's head needed to be caved in.
My mouth moves before I can think. "Did you love Gina?" I ask, my eyes downcasted to look at my hand drawing circles in the dirt.
If Bellamy is shocked by my voice, he doesn't show it. Instead his lips press together in thought. "I don't think so." He murmurs, his battered and bloody face scrunched up in thought. "She loved me, I think." He sighs. "All I could think about when I was with her," I slowly look up to meet his gaze. "Was you."
I clench my jaw and look away. "Yeah, well, what good that did." I practically scoff. "Miloch taught me everything I know," I begin, my bottom lip threatening to quiver and betray my emotions. "And you and Pike just go and throw it all away." My voice breaks.
"I am so sorry, Hailey." His voice shakes. "I'm sorry for all the pain that I've caused you and the people you've lost."
"I've lost everyone close to me and I thought, maybe just for a second that I'd be able to be with someone that understood me." I say, my thoughts trailing to Clarke. "But I don't even think I deserve her." I mutter.
"Her?" He asks, confused. "Clarke?" His eyebrows furrow. "Didn't know you swung like that, Hails." He brings himself to half chuckle and for a second I'm back on the dropship with him and everything was relatively okay.
"I don't really think you know me at all anymore, Bell." I let his old nickname slip.
A minute or two of silence passes between us before I remember the night before and its events with Orla's serum.
"I'm going to tell you something and I'm going to trust you." I say, standing and walking over to him. I sit down next to him as I say, "Can I trust you?" I ask. "Don't just say yes, think."
He stares at me, his eyes flicking back and forth between mine. "Yes, you can trust me." He breathes out.
"Okay." I mutter before reaching into my belt and pulling out a knife.
"What are you..." He trails off as I bring the knife to my palm. "Hailey, don't!" He tries to stop me but I drag the blade across my hand, making black blood bubble to the surface. "What the hell?" His head tilts and he brings his chained hands to grab my palm. "Your blood is black."
"Yes, it is." I say, pulling back my hand and wrapping it up. "Orla gave me a vial and said to drink it in emergencies, and I didn't want to lose it or break it, so I drank it last night." I sigh, bringing my eyes back up to his.
"If word gets out you're a natblida, people will hunt you down." Bellamy warns me.
"I know." I say, getting back up and sitting back on the wall opposite of him. "I can protect myself, Miloch saw to that."
"No, you saw to that." He corrects. "He may have been the teacher, but you rose above everyone in the camp," He watches me for a moment to make sure he didn't upset me. "You took all of our faults and mistakes on your shoulders. You bore that responsibility, not Clarke or me. You did." He swallows. "Even without Miloch, you would have gotten here just fine, maybe it would have taken longer, but you are a natural born warrior and a leader and you have something rare."
With furrowed brows, I ask, "What?"
"You still have your humanity."
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"What about Clarke? With Lexa gone she's not safe in Polis." I hear Miller's voice as I wake up. I sit up against the wall as everyone enters the cave. I stand and my eyes catch Bellamy's, his eyes show a little amusement as he brings his chained hands up to the corner or his mouth and taps.
I wipe my drool away and roll my eyes, making him smirk a little.
"Clarke made her choice. The only thing that matters now is killing Pike." Octavia says, making my eyes narrow.
My dad nods. "Octavia's right. Once we resume our place in the Commander's coalition, Clarke will be safe. So how do we do it?"
"Lexa's dead, so we just hope that her successor honors the terms." I say, making everyone's eyes turn to me.
"Bellamy come in. It's Monty. I'm in trouble. Please say you still have your radio." Monty's voice comes in on the radio, making my eyes dart to Bellamy.
"If we respond and Pike's listening-" I say, taking a step towards my dad.
"Go to channel seven. Please say you still have your radio. That's seven words after the word trouble. It's code, go to seven." Bellamy says, his eyes true and honest.
"He's telling the truth, do it." I nod to my dad.
"How do you know, Hailey?" Octavia grabs my arm, turning me towards her. "Please say you haven't already forgave him after one day." Her eyes harden.
"No, I haven't." I say, my tone icy. "Miloch wouldn't want me to kill my ex boyfriend. That's why I'm being civil." I spit, pulling my arm out of her grip.
The truth is, is that yes. I'm finding myself partially forgiving him. He didn't get Miloch killed, Pike did.
That's who I'm blaming and that's who I'm going to make suffer.
"Bellamy, are you there?" Monty asks.
My dad presses the talk button. "Monty, it's Kane. What's wrong?"
"Pike knows that I helped you get out." Monty says, making me clench my jaw out of stress.
"Can you get to the dropship?" Kane asks.
"I think so." Monty says and something is off. My heartbeat roars in my ears as I try and persuade myself into thinking there isn't a trap waiting for us at the dropship.
"Good, go there. I'll bring you in. Stay off the radio. Over and out." Kane puts the walky down.
"It's a trap." I say immediately and Harper nods along with me.
"There's no way to prove that it isn't." She says.
"That's why I'm going alone." He says.
"Like hell you are." I say, anger lacing my voice.
"No you're not. If it is a trap, I'm not marching our entire insurgency into it." He enforces, a fatherly tone in his voice.
"She hopes it's a trap." Bellamy says from behind us, making tilt my head, agreeing with him.
"To stop me, you're gonna have to kill me." I say, gritting my teeth.
Octavia steps in and says, "I'm coming too and so is he." She gestures to Bellamy. "We need a hostage to trade for Monty."
"That's a good plan. He stays chained and gag him." Kane says, making me press my lips together.
"But sir..." Miller starts but is immediately shut down.
"He's the enemy, don't forget that." His eyes are cold as he glances back at Bellamy.
----------
We enter the charred camp the 101 prisoners used to call home. My eyebrows furrow as I glance around, my painful past resurfacing.
"We got here first." Kane says. "Monty?" He yells out as I notice clear, distinct footprints in the charred soil below our feet.
"No we didn't." I say, unclipping my gun and raising it towards the dropship's tarps. "Come out!" I yell out.
Monty emerges with a gun to his head via Pike. "He followed me. I'm sorry." Monty says.
"Let him go, Pike!" My dad yells.
"I can't do that." He says, pulling out a walkie and saying into it. "One at their feet." A shot lands in front of me. "It's over. Put down your weapons." He says, but I don't move.
I try and aim for his head and even with my almost perfect aiming, Monty is still in the shot.
"Shoot him." Octavia tells me, but I shake my head.
"Monty's in the shot." I sigh, still not putting down my weapon.
"Come on, Marcus. I promised Monty's mother that I'd bring him home alive. Don't make me a liar." Pike says before sending me a smile. "Hailey. Put down your weapon." His smile widens. "Wouldn't want your pretty face getting messed up now, would we?"
"Go to hell." I spit as my dad begins to lower his gun.
"Kane, no." Octavia says as he sets it on the ground.
"Now you." He says to Octavia, but she instead grabs Bellamy and puts her sword to his throat. I immediately respond by inching closing to her, my gun still pointed at Pike.
"What are you two doing?" My dad asks, his tone frantic. "Hailey!" He urges, but I block him out.
Pike pulls up his walkie and says, "One in each of the girl's legs." But before they can do so, Bellamy knocks Octavia down.
I turn my gun to Bellamy as he stands with his hands still tied with Octavia now on the ground.
"Put it down, Hailey." He pleads, his eyes wide. "He will kill you." He says, inching closer.
"Put a bullet in her leg!" Pike screams.
"No! I've got it!" Bellamy screams back as he inches closer to me.
I don't blink as he sets his forehead against the barrel of my gun.
"Kill me if you want, but it won't allow you to get revenge." He says as my eyes water.
"I can't let Miloch's death go unavenged, Bell." I whimper, my decision being made as I glance over at Pike and see a clear shot.
I swing my gun around to shoot Pike, but before I can aim, I'm tackled by Bellamy. A shot bounces off the drop ship as Bellamy lays on top of me.
"I'm sorry, Hailey." He murmurs into my ear as a tear slides down my cheek.