"She's going to try to make a run for it," I said to Sarah after leaving Samantha's room and entering ours.
"No she isn't," Sarah said from the bathroom.
"Did you see the look in her eyes before she turned away? Did you hear what she mumbled?"
"I couldn't look her in the eyes," Sarah said. "I feel so horrible that part of me thinks Sam should go home. Not because I don't want her here, I absolutely do. But after the accident, she technically died four times before Tyler and Jenna got here. I would have hated if we'd been the only ones with her at the end. I would hate to take that away from them. I could never have imagined missing Jessie's funeral, as much as I hated being there. If one of those times we got called to the hospital. When she got beaten up, if she'd died on the way to the hospital, before I could hold her hand, it would have been that much more devastating."
I looked at my wife and wrapped my arms around her. I kissed the top of her head. I felt a wet spot on my shoulder, but I didn't say anything. I held my wife as she shed the tears we both had in too much abundance.
"I'm sorry," Sarah said, pulling away.
"Don't be," I assured her. "Don't ever apologize for being sad about missing our daughter. Because I do too. I really, really do."
Sarah smiled a sad smile at me and sighed.
"So," she said, taking a deep breath. "You think Samantha's going to run?"
"I think she's going to try," I said.
"What do we do?"
"I'm going to stake out the downstairs. I'll sit in the dining room. I'll be able to see her coming down the stairs before she'll see me," I said. She nodded.
"Good plan," Sarah said. "Are you going to tell Tyler and Jenna?"
"No," I said. "Let them sleep."
Sarah nodded. I kissed her as I pulled a t-shirt on over my sleep pants.
I very carefully opened the bedroom door, stepped into the hall and closed the door. I turned around and found someone sneaking out of the their room. Tyler stopped and looked at me, stunned, then looked at me guiltily, as if I had caught him trying to run away. Then he stood up and grinned. He pointed at his head and then back and forth at the two of us. I nodded. Great Minds and Fools and all that stuff.
He pointed downwards and then made a 'follow me' motion. This guy was inviting me into my own downstairs? I shook my head, smiling.
Tyler reached for a light switch and I put up my hand to stop him. I pointed up towards Samantha's bedroom door. She'd see light coming from down here. Her room is at the top of the stairs. Tyler nodded. I motioned for him to come into the dining room. We quietly sat down at the table, both of us looking towards the stairs.
"You think she's going to try to run, too?" Tyler said, looking at me. I nodded. He sighed.
"We fucked that up, didn't we?" He asked me. I looked at him.
"Well, yeah. Kind of," I said. "You didn't give her a chance to discuss it with you two and you made it sound like you'd decided she's going home."
Tyler sighed. I looked at him with sympathy.
"Look, Tyler, you're all in a really fucked up situation. None of us can deny the facts. You almost lost her. Sarah and I were talking just before I came out of our room. We would have felt horrible if, if Sam hadn't made it and went before you had gotten here. We would have felt horrible if we had been the last people to hold her hands while she was alive. If we'd been there if she had died, instead of you two being with her. There were times when I was away and Jessie got really, really sick. I worried we'd lose her before I could get home. Sarah said that's something she'd never have wanted to take from you guys. I mean, if it had come to that and we were the last people to be with her, at least she wouldn't have been alone."
"If we had lost her," Tyler interjected. "It's you two that I'd have wanted to be with her. Or Josh and Debby. At least we'd have known that she'd been with people who loved her."
I nodded. I knew it was a small comfort to them, but I thought the same thing. There weren't a lot of people who I would have been okay with being with Jessie if we'd lost her at a time when I couldn't be home with her.
"Do you want us to convince her to come home? She's still healing, and is going to need to see her doctors for a while still. It's a lot of work driving back and forth to all the appointments she's going to have."
"Tyler," I said, looking at him in the eyes. "We've done it before. We love Samantha as though she were our own daughter. There's nothing I wouldn't do for that kid. Your family needs to make that decision and if you choose to let her stay, we are all in. We're happy to drive to the doctor, to physio, to whatever she needs. I don't want to be the reason she stays or goes. That's for the three of you to discuss. Just know we do not want to send her home. We've been through it all in varying degrees. Sam has been, I don't know how to explain it. Having her here, it's made the pain of losing Jess a little easier to bear."
I looked towards the stairs as though I could see into Sam's room - Jessie's old room. Behind that currently closed door was a young woman who had not only weathered some horrible things in her life, but had survived them, as well. She probably shouldn't have survived the car accident, considering how badly she'd been injured. But she had.
"Someone, somewhere has a plan for your daughter," I said. "And holding her back from experiencing everything life has to offer, isn't fair to her."
Just then, Samantha's bedroom door opened. We had been whispering, hoping Samantha couldn't hear us. I tapped Tyler's arm and nodded towards the stairs. Sure enough, Samantha was trying to make her way slowly and carefully down the stairs. I smiled at her tenacity as she sat down and came down the stairs holding her crutches up and using her right arm to guide herself down the stairs.
As soon as she got to the bottom and stood up, arranging herself on her crutches, I turned on the dining room light. Tyler blinked at the sudden brightness.
"Going somewhere?" I asked, leaning on the wall between the dining room and the hallway, my arms crossed across my chest.
Samantha stopped and slowly turned around, seeing me, and Tyler. Her shoulders drooped. She knew she wasn't going to be able to go through with her plan.
"Come on," I said. "Come into the dining room. Let's have a chat."
Samantha frowned, looked up the stairs, sighed and walked carefully into the dining room. She sat heavily into a chair at the farthest end of the table, dropping her backpack on the floor beside her.
"Where were you off to at," I checked my watch. "Two fifteen in the morning?"
"As if you don't know," she said, her arms crossed and her gaze aimed at a spot on the table.
"I don't actually," I said. "Do you?"
She shrugged.
"I'm pretty sure none of the rental offices are open at this time of night, so what was your plan? Head downtown and try to find an all night rental office?"
Samantha frowned, but didn't say anything.
"Sam," Tyler said. He stopped when he saw the look of pure vitriol Samantha looked at him with.
"Hey," I said, getting her attention. "Don't you take that attitude, Sam. You may be 18, but you're still his kid. He still deserves respect, even if you're pissed off."
She frowned at me with an amount of hate I never thought possible from her.
"Why do you even care? You're not my parent. You can't wait to get rid of me!" She said.
"That is absolutely untrue," I frowned at her. "Having you here has been one of the best things that has happened in the past five years. I know you're angry so I know you aren't going to believe me, but we absolutely have loved having you here."
"But now you can't wait for me to leave. You're on their side!" She said, tipping her head towards Tyler.
"You're absolutely wrong. We, your aunt and I, will support whatever decision you and your family make. Together. It's not my place or your Aunt Sarah's to influence either decision."
"How convenient that you get to be Switzerland," Samantha spat at me.
"Samantha," Tyler said. "Please. Let's at least talk about it."
"What is there to talk about, Tyler?" I saw Tyler's face show the pain when his daughter, who he'd fought so hard for, called him by his name and not 'Dad'. "You and her already made up your minds. Why bother even asking the person it affects the most? Huh? Why should I have a say in what happens to me?"
"Sam, you're not being fair. You have to give us a chance to explain what we're thinking."
"You're not thinking at all!" Samantha said, raising her voice. "You're just deciding. Like you're some king or something and you rule by decree. What you say goes, fuck the peons."
"Number one," Tyler said, his teeth clenched. "Your sisters and your mom are sleeping so keep your voice down. Number two, we already admitted we messed up the approach. We should have discussed it with you."
"They aren't my sisters and you aren't my parents!" Samantha said. "I'm 18. I'm legally an adult! You can't make me do anything I don't want to do anymore."
The hurt in Tyler's eyes was palpable.
"Samantha," he said, his voice cracking. "How could you say that? After everything we've been through, you would cut us out, Mom, me, Rosie, Junie and the new baby? Just like that?"
Samantha stared at Tyler. Let me say, if looks could kill, this would be a bloodbath.
"It's not like you give a shit about me anyway!" Samantha said.
"How can you believe that? Samantha. How? I..." Tyler trailed off, shaking his head, tears in his eyes. He looked up at Samantha and I saw something flash in her eyes. Remorse, maybe? Sadness? Something Tyler said struck a nerve.
"Sam?" I heard from the stairs and I saw Jenna coming downstairs holding Rosie.
"Sammy?" Rosie said, her head on Jenna's shoulder, her eyes on Samantha. Just try to say Rosie isn't your sister to her face, I thought to myself.
Samantha frowned and looked back at me and Tyler. She looked back at Jenna who'd come into the dining room and sat in the chair closest to Samantha, Rosie in her lap.
"What's going on? What are you all doing down here?" Jenna asked, looking between the three of us.
"Did we wake you up?" Tyler asked.
"No. Rosie did," Jenna said. "Rosie, do you want to tell Daddy and Sammy what woke you up?"
"Sammy's sad and mad and I don't want her to be," Rosie said, cuddled into Jenna. "Sammy? Why are you mad and sad? Don't you love us?"
I looked over at Samantha, who was looking at Rosie with a look that was unreadable.
Until she burst into tears.