It is 1975, and rhythm guitarist and vocalist Joan Jett and lead vocalist and blonde bombshell Cherie Currie of the rock band The Runaways find themselves caught in a pickle on the streets of L.A. when, suddenly, the bright sunny California skies become overrun with paratroopers wearing gray urban camouflage... to which Joan concludes that they must be foreign soldiers conducting a surprise invasion. Joan and Cherie are on their way to their favorite hangout spot, the Sugar Shack, an all teenage nightclub where you have to show your ID to prove you are under 18, so they can meet up with the rest of their band: lead guitarist Lita Ford, bassist Jackie Fox, and drummer Sandy West. Joan and Cherie rush to the Sugar Shack in the shade as the paratroopers blot out the sun. As they hide from the enemy soldiers, Joan and Cherie stumble upon their bandmates and familiar friends where they must work together to survive at the Sugar Shack or face the end of The Runaways.
This is a purely fictional story not intended to convey any special meaning with all these random events other than to be an abstract metaphor of the wild nature of unregulated 1970s society which, when compared to today, seems as crazy as the Wild West or a hypothetical Soviet ground invasion of the U.S. during the Cold War like as portrayed in Red Dawn (1984) and The Runaways song Takeover from their last album in 1978. The characters' personalities are meant to be comedic, distinct, and memorable, and their motivations are not representative of being accurate to anything in real life.
Girl: Guys! It's Cherie!
Crowd: [flocks to Cherie like pigeons] Cherie!
Cherie: Hey, guys. Good to see you.
Boy: Hey Joanie!
Crowd: [flocks to Joan like pigeons] Joan!
Joan: Hey.
Jackie and Sandy: Hey guys!
Joan and Cherie: Hey!
Lita: [angry tone] What's the deal with you guys? We've been here for hours! Where were you?
Cherie flinches and backs away, intimidated by Lita. Cherie hides half her body behind Joan.
Joan: We had some stuff to settle at the record label, Lita.
Lita: Well if Cherie hadn't come in late, we would've got done faster and you guys would've left earlier.
Cherie hunches her shoulders and hides more behind Joan.
Joan: You guys weren't on time, either. Let's be reasonable, Lita. Legal shit takes time. I was there all afternoon before you guys showed up.
Sandy: Hey Joan, you didn't even wear red to the photoshoot this morning like the rest of us!
Everyone looks at Joan who is wearing a white Sex Pistols shirt underneath a black leather jacket and blue bell bottom jeans.
Joan: I don't have any red clothes. I just have this [points to the red Santa hat she is wearing].
Cherie is wearing a red jumpsuit and also a Santa hat.
Jackie: Well, okay, we're here together now. That's all that matters.
Lita: Who's been parachuting into L.A.?! We saw them all over the sky!
Joan: I know the Russians are behind this shit.
Cherie: [steps forward from hiding behind Joan] I think they're planning a takeover scheme.
Cherie catches another blonde girl running over to her and the rest of the crowd around The Runaways. Initially hanging out by the juice bar and the Christmas tree, it was Cherie's identical twin sister, Marie Currie, running over to see them. Together, the sisters are the belles of the ball.
Marie: Cherie [hugs Cherie]!
Cherie: Marie [hugs Marie]!
Marie: Hi Joan. Hey guys.
Joan: Hi Marie! What's been going on?
Marie: Nobody knows what to do. We've been hanging out here trying to not attract attention. All the paratroopers were speaking Russian.
Joan: Listen, we'll probably be better off with some scouts on the roof.
Girl: Hey! I got that covered. Me and my friend have been on watch upstairs.
Joan: [turns to the girl who spoke] Good. What's your name?
Girl: My name is Jane Wiedlin, proud to be of service, miss [salutes]. I got my friend Belinda upstairs on watch with me.
Joan: Thanks, Jane. Have anything to report?
Jane: Well, first we scouted around the area, we found some Soviet tanks a few blocks north of here on Chandler. Some men passed by real close too. We can't let them take over the Sugar Shack! Some men already came over and took some of our cocaine!
Cherie: [gasps, eyes open wide] WHAT?!
Marie: Oh, it was horrible. None of us speak Russian. They came here for our drugs. They were also trying to take some of the girls but we chased them off for now.
Lita: [looks at Jackie] They were trying to take Foxy away from us! I was gonna beat that little guy up!
Cherie: But... My cocaine!
Cherie catches sight of a pile of all their cocaine on the floor by the side of the Sugar Shack opposite the juice bar. It was all placed in the back corner of the dance floor, which has wall-length mirrors covering three walls, the mirrors that are filled with lipstick kisses of all different colors. Above the dance floor in the center is a huge disco ball. At night, the lights went out but the disco ball would spin and the DJ would sound the air horn on the wall as bodies danced across the floor. For now, everything lay dormant this strange afternoon. It was also too early in the day for action, anyways. Cherie runs and kneels by the cocaine.
Cherie: How much did they take?!
Joan: [runs after Cherie]: Cherie! Stop! You just got some more at the studio!
Cherie: [angry tone] Argh! Nobody steals my cocaine and gets away with it! [stands up, puts hands on Joan's shoulders] We're gonna make them pay if they come back here!
At that moment, Belinda comes downstairs and stands by Jane while the crowd has their attention on Joan and Cherie. Joan turns around and faces them.
Marie: We don't know what to do. All of us are scared. Who knows if we'll get shot or not if we leave this place.
Cherie: Joan, I think we almost got shot.
Joan: It was hell out there. It would be too much risk to bring everyone outside.
Jane: We don't know if they got the whole valley under control.
Joan: Does anyone have a map?
Marie: I found one under the bar counter.
Joan and Cherie walk behind the bar while the kids follow them. Joan reaches underneath the counter for a folded up map. She opens it on the bar counter and quickly inspects the area.
Joan: Jane, do you remember where you spotted the soldiers? Anyone got something to write with? Can you mark it on the map?
A girl hands Joan a pen while Jane steps up to the map, takes the pen from Joan, and puts X's roughly where she had spotted soldiers and Z's where she spotted tanks. The marks are mainly to the north.
Jane: But they're still parachuting in, they could land anywhere.
Joan inspects the map quickly and thinks.
Joan: All right, does anyone here have any combat experience? No? We're just dumb dead end kids thrown out with the garbage? I thought so. Jane... and you must be Belinda, I want you guys upstairs on watch. Good job on the intel. Let any of us know if you see something and you guys relay it to me ASAP. The enemy is mainly to the north. We don't know if they captured the entire valley, but either way, if we cross through the 101 to Hollywood, we get bottlenecked and we risk getting ambushed. And we're definitely not crazy enough to take the 405 to West L.A. We don't know if the enemy has landed all over these major routes or if they started moving there.
Sandy: Either way, we can't just let the Soviets take over the Sugar Shack!
Crowd: Yeah.
Lita: I'll stay and fight if anyone wants to as well.
Crowd: Yeah!
Joan: Okay. Then the rest of us must set up defenses and arm ourselves in the event the Soviets come back for us. We will make a stand here because they cannot take over the Sugar Shack! Anyone object?
Crowd: No! We love our teenage club!
Joan: I have one rule. Everyone fights, no one quits. If you don't do your job, I'll kill you myself. Got that?
Crowd: We get you, miss!
Joan: If you laugh at my Santa hat, I'll kill you twice. They don't make this in black so I had to get it in red!
Jackie: [slight chuckles, covers mouth]
Joan: [glares at Jackie] Especially you, Foxy.
Jane and Belinda go upstairs to keep watch from the window on the roof.
Marie: So what exactly do we do Joan?
Joan: I want everyone to search the place for any weapons, anything that could be remotely used to defend ourselves. Bring them to the bar and place them on the counter.
The crowd dissipates in all directions as kids turn the Sugar Shack upside down looking for any weapons.
Cherie: Hey, what's that present under the tree?
Cherie looks down at the only present that reads "CHERIE" underneath the Christmas tree by the juice bar. The present is shaped like a large box. The tree is decorated with lights of all different colors of the rainbow with a yellow star on top.
Marie: Oh yeah! No one knows who dropped it off. But I noticed it was there a few days ago.
Joan: Open it. Might be something useful.
Cherie grabs the present and brings it to the bar counter. She opens the gift to find a cardboard box, and inside the box are red cherry bombs.
Jackie: Well, what is it?
Cherie: It is a... ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb!
Cherie takes a cherry bomb out of the box with one hand and points up into the air like her dance move with her other hand, imagining herself performing on stage.
Crowd: [claps] Woohoo!
Sandy: Wow! That is useful!
Cherie: Thanks, Santa.
Lita: If they're real, we can use them as weapons.
Joan: You're right, Lita. We can use them as grenades. But don't waste any.
Cherie pulls the collar of her jumpsuit down and holds the cherry bomb up to her little cherry tattoo on her shoulder. After scrounging the area, the kids all gather with their findings at the bar. Joan examines everything and comes up with improvised weapons. She tells the kids to dump out juice and soda bottles, fill them with isopropyl alcohol, and stuff a piece of cloth inside to make molotov cocktails. Joan keeps rolls of duct tape handy to stick anything together. Lastly, they have two revolver pistols from the security room with a little ammunition at their disposal that Sandy found.
Sandy: Joan, I found these guns in the security room. And I found this.
Sandy shows Joan a huge radio. She extends the antenna. Sandy's knuckles are all red.
Joan: What happened to your hands?
Sandy: Oh, this stuff was in a locked metal cabinet and there was no key around. So I just brute forced it, you know? The cabinet was so thin.
Jane: [peaks downstairs] HEY! A Soviet tank is incoming with about 10 enemy soldiers! They're 2 blocks away to the north!
Joan: Okay, nobody panic! Jane, take this radio and try to establish comms! Signal for help, anything.
Jane: Got it.
Sandy: Joan, can we blow up the tank with all the cherry bombs?
Joan: Might be worth a shot. If we tape them all together, it would surely be explosive enough to be like dynamite.
Sandy: Okay, let's do it.
Joan: Okay, listen up! I need a few kids to come with me and flank the tank! We will tape the cherry bombs together and toss them onto the tank to destroy it!
Lita: Joan! We're dead if we go out there!
Joan: Lita! We must do it! Our weapons have no chance against the frontal armor of that tank! The only chance we got is to go around it and destroy it from the back!
Boy: Joan, how do you know all this?
Joan: ...I read about it at the library! Now, who's with me?
Cherie: I will go.
Marie: Cherie!
Crowd: No!
Cherie: Don't worry, Marie. They're not taking any more of my cocaine, not over my dead body! This means war!
Lita: Damn it, Cherie! Don't listen to Joan, it's suicide!
Cherie hunches her shoulders and reaches for her sister, intimidated by Lita's ferocity as she stomps her feet. She thinks Lita would beat her up right there.
Joan: Okay, Cherie and I will go. I will take one revolver. [turns to Cherie] I will defend you with my life.
Jane: [tunes radio] Mayday! Mayday! Anybody copy? The Sugar Shack is under attack by the Soviets! We are at the corner of Whitsett and Magnolia, North Hollywood. We have about 20 kids trapped in here, 14-17 years old, including me! Soviets have been spotted at the corner of Chandler and Whitsett with 7 tanks and 50 men, maybe more around the area. We have reason to believe that they will push south to cross through Hollywood Hills. Requesting immediate evacuation! Over!
Crowd: Woohoo!
Belinda: Where did you learn all that jargon?
Jane: [holds up booklet] I read the manual.
Sandy: What about the rest of us?
Joan: Sandy, I want you and Lita to go across the street to that restaurant and take some of the kids with you. We will lure them into a kill zone and overwhelm them with molotov cocktails from both sides.
Lita: Joan!
Joan: Listen, Lita! We're all afraid but I can't do this without you, okay? Or we're all gonna die! Foxy, Marie, I want you in charge of things here at the Sugar Shack.
Jackie: Joan! No! Don't leave me here!
Joan: Foxy, I won't let them hurt you. I promise. I will do the first shot. Then everyone else joins in. You got your lighter?
Jackie: Yes.
Joan: Marie?
Marie: I got mine and my Marlboros.
Joan: Gimme one of those.
Cherie: Me too!
Joan and Cherie blaze up before moving out. After duct taping together all the cherry bombs, Joan hands Sandy the other revolver. Wearing an old coat she found in the Sugar Shack's closet, Sandy stuffs some boxes of ammunition in the pockets. Joan does the same with her black leather jacket. Joan gives a quick rundown of the plan and makes sure everyone understands. Then, Sandy, Lita, and a few other kids, armed with molotov cocktails, run across the street to the restaurant and hide behind the front counter. Joan and Cherie move out toward the Pizza Hut across the other street heading north. The tank and men pass by them while they lean against the wall of the drive-thru. Joan hears them speaking Russian. The men are wearing the gray urban camouflage and armed with Kalashnikov rifles. When they pass, Joan rounds the north side of the Pizza Hut and throws the first molotov behind the group. Soon after, Belinda begins throwing molotovs from the roof window of the Sugar Shack as well as Sandy, Lita, and all the kids at the other restaurant across the street. When their molotovs are depleted, the kids retreat to the kitchen in the back of the restaurant as Joan instructed and lay with their heads on the floor. Jackie and the rest of the kids join in with the molotov throwing at the bottom window of the Sugar Shack and then retreat to the security room in the back laying with their heads on the floor.
Joan: Cherie! Bombs away!
Cherie takes out her lighter and lights the fuse of one of the cherry bombs out of the big clump.
Cherie: Bombs away!
While the Soviets are burning, Cherie tosses the explosives onto the engine compartment of the tank. Joan points her revolver at the fire in the event she needed to defend Cherie.
Cherie: Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-CHERRY BOMB!
Joan and Cherie dive behind the Pizza Hut. The cherry bombs explode, the blast penetrating through the engine compartment and destroying the tank. After a few seconds, the Soviet tank gets engulfed in a giant ball of fire and smoke. Sandy unleashes a few shots at the last remaining men from the restaurant.
Joan [looks at Cherie]: Cherry bomb!
Cherie [looks at Joan]: CHERRY BOMB!
Joan and Cherie: Woohoo!
Joan: OWW!!!
Cherie: Now that's some dead end justice!
Joan: Come on, Cherie. Back to the Sugar Shack.
Joan and Cherie run past the drive-thru back across the street and inside the Sugar Shack. The kids are all cheering at them.
Joan (to Jackie and Marie): You all right?
Jackie: I think so.
Marie: I can't believe that worked.
Cherie: [hugs Marie] We did it!
Marie: Yay!
The kids cheer at each other between the Sugar Shack and the restaurant across the street. The kids hold their positions across the street from each other. Minutes pass by as they all celebrate and jump around in relief.
Suddenly, Joan gets the urge to stop and listen. While at the front door of the Sugar Shack, she looks up and opens her ears. She hears a faint roar of engines in the distance.
Belinda (shouting from upstairs): MORE ENEMY TANKS INBOUND! THREE OF THEM!
Jackie [looks up, eyes wide open]: No!
Cherie [looks up, eyes wide open]: Oh my God! We're out of cherry bombs!
Marie: [looks up, eyes wide open]: We're out of Marlboros!
Crowd: [surrounds Marie, Cherie, and Joan] Marie! Cherie! Joan! What do we do?!
Belinda: THEY'RE AT PIZZA HUT!
The loud boom of a tank shot pummels the air and everyone dives to the floor.
Boy: I can't die! I want my mom!
Girl: I want my dad!
Suddenly, Jane rushes downstairs with Belinda.
Jane: THEY SENT PATTONS! THE PATTONS ARE GONNA SAVE US!
Joan looks up off the floor and sees that one of the Soviet tanks was smoking and had a giant hole in its frontal armor. The shot they all heard was fired by the lead Patton tank that arrived with other Pattons driving north on Whitsett. The kids look up along with Joan and see the Soviet armor get annihilated by the Pattons in the intersection. The kids are cheering once again. American soldiers accompany the tanks and they come upon the Sugar Shack to save the kids.
Soldier: We're here to rescue you!
Joan: There's kids over in that building, too [points to the restaurant across the street]!
Soldier (by the restaurant): [knocks on the open front door] Friendlies! We're here to save you!
The soldiers gather all the kids back at the Sugar Shack. Joan makes sure all the kids are okay. Lita walks up to speak to Joan, Cherie, and Marie. Cherie holds onto her sister and tries to look away.
Lita: Hey, Cherie!
Cherie: [stutters] Y-yeah, hey.
Lita: [smiles] Get over here! You did alright going up against a tank, you little Cherie bomb! [hugs Cherie with one arm] I knew you could do it!
Joan: [chuckles] No you didn't!
Lita: You little punk!
Cherie (whispering to Marie): Help me hide the cocaine!
Marie and Cherie run to the mirror-covered walls on the dance floor with some of the kids to hide their stash upstairs on the second floor under the cushions of the couches that face the fireplace.
Sandy: [yanks Joan's Santa hat off her head] I saved your butt!
Jackie: You didn't even hit anything with that gun.
Sandy: [turns to Jackie] ...No! ...Shut up, Foxy.
Jackie: [laughs].
Joan: [yanks her Santa hat from Sandy and puts it back on] You hit the street sign, I'll give you that. I saw it. I wish I had my Polaroid with me.
Sandy takes out her revolver and does a gun twirl, until she stops it as the grip points towards Joan, intending to give it back to her. Joan takes the revolver and does a backwards gun twirl around her index finger, then a forwards gun twirl before slipping it into the pocket of her leather jacket.
Sandy: Not bad.
Joan: Hmm... [looks down at her Sex Pistols shirt] tomorrow seems like a Ramones kind of day!
Jackie: Joan, if we survive, tomorrow we're going shopping to get you some red Christmas-ey clothes.
Joan: Bleh!
Jackie: [turns to the crowd] Hey, after all this, who wants to retreat down to the Starwood tonight?
Jane: Nuh-uh, Belinda and I are gonna go hide in Whiskey a Go Go! Cheap Trick is supposed to be there today!
Lita: Who the hell is Cheap Trick?
Joan: I'm gonna go change my pants. What about you, Sandy?
Sandy: If this is your definition of Christmas, I gotta be here for New Year's!