Maya~
I shut my bathroom light off before leaving the bathroom. My overhead light is on and Christian isn't in bed so I'm confused. I'm leaving for work and he's not in bed.
I take my bag to the kitchen. Christian stands in the kitchen reading my bottle of prenatal vitamins. I take the bottle from him, "What are you doing awake?" I ask, twisting the cap.
He holds up a green drink. "What is that?"
"A smoothie for you."
"It's green."
"Green smoothies are a thing."
"And they never taste good. I'm not drinking that."
"Try it."
"What's in it?"
"Spinach, celery, lemon juice, part of a mango, yogurt, and milk."
"That doesn't even sound good."
"It is, I tried it."
"You're not the one with food aversions right now."
"Will you please try it?"
I find a straw and take a drink. It's not bad but it's also not good. "I don't love it."
I set the cup down and opened the garage door to start my car remotely. I turn back to him, "There is no good reason for you to be up right now," I tell him quietly.
"Let's call it preparing for the future."
"Let's get to 12 weeks and then we can start talking about that."
I grab a light jacket along with my hospital quarter zip. I grab my bags but he's adamant about taking them.
"You're halfway there," he says, setting my bags on the backseat.
I hug him, "I'll see you later."
He kisses me, "I'm going to stop by the house and talk to the contractor and then probably get boxes. He's supposed to give me a firm date when we can start moving everything in."
"Sounds good. If you're around, you should stop by for lunch."
"Let me know a time."
"I will."
He kisses me again before shutting the door. I go to change the gear and realize my stupid green smoothie made it in the car with me. I don't know when he did that because I certainly didn't see it happen. I glare at him as I back out of the garage. He laughs to himself.
I'm not drinking this. I'm going to make Bridget try it. I make my way to work, parking next to Bridget. We get out at the same time. She walks over to my side of the car. "What's that?" she asks.
"A green smoothie that Christian made me this morning."
"How is it?"
"I didn't love it."
"So why do you have it?"
"It magically ended up in my car and I wanted you to try it since I had to try it."
"No, I already puked this morning."
I groan, "A small sip. Please."
She holds her hand out. I give it to her. She uses the straw, taking a small drink. I wait for her reaction, "Oh, this is actually really good. I don't know why you don't like this."
"You can have it. I don't want it."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
We walk into work together, heading straight for the locker rooms. We get changed and situated before walking to the nurse's station together. We start looking over the reports from last night. I started clearing our patient board since I guess that was too hard to do.
"Would Christian make me one of these every morning?"
"Honestly, yes."
"Just say it's for you and then bring it with you."
"He knows that I don't like it."
I take a seat in my chair, settling into this quiet morning. I start to hear a high whistle. "Are you whistling?" I ask.
"No, I thought that was you."
"Sydney," I mouth since she must be near.
She grabs two tablets, one for me and one for herself. I log into our scheduling system, "I really need to fix my schedule. I can't be coming in at 6 am anymore."
"Why's that?" Sydney asks, "I'm only asking because I appreciate you coming in earlier than most do."
I look to Bridget. "I'm starting to appreciate my sleep more than I have in the past," I tell her.
It's not a lie. I am sleeping more than I normally would be especially on the weekends. "Is that some comment to tell me that we're understaffed?"
"No."
She shrugs, "Figured it was."
I hold my head in my hand. "Well, I just wanted to ask if I could be your shadow today. I figured you wouldn't mind."
It's not like I have a choice to decline. Bridget gets up and leaves me alone, "Yeah, sure," I tell her.
"Awesome, thanks. I'll be back in an hour."
She walks away. Bridget comes back laughing. I throw a pen at her, "This isn't funny."
"It is."
She tosses the pen back at me, "It's only funny to you because you're not the one going to suffer for the entire day."
"Suffer? You're dramatic."
"I almost hope we're not busy today because then she won't follow me around like a puppy."
She laughs, "I'll hope for that too. When are you guys going to start telling people? We're telling our parents this weekend."
"Well, we're in a different boat than you guys and I'm a week behind you."
"I know but I still want to know."
"I think I would be okay with telling our parents after 8 weeks. But I'm just trying to get there. Then the focus will be trying to get to 12 weeks."
"How's his mom going to react?"
"I don't know. I'm avoiding that thought right now."
"One thing I've noticed about you is that you avoid a lot of things."
"Thank you for that observation."
"What about your parents?"
"Besides shocked, well, I think they'll be happy. I'm basically the golden child."
"That's unusual for being the oldest."
"Well, when your little sister gets pregnant at 17 and you stay in college and finish your degree on time and then go on to get another degree, that happens."
"And your brother?"
"Well, after everyone learned about Ella, they decided to force him to go to college and then he hated it but still graduated because our parents wouldn't let him drop out."
"Now I see why you're the golden child."
"It's exhausting."
"Oh, I know it is."
"How ya' feeling?" Christian asks as he walks into the bathroom as I sit against the bathtub, an arm's reach of the toilet.
"Dizzy," I mumble.
He sits on the bathtub ledge after setting a cold water bottle next to me. I hold the water bottle on my neck, "I was hoping for a number but that works too."
"A 2," I tell him.
He starts running his fingers through my hair, gathering it in the back, "That's worse than I thought. Why don't you call in?"
"Because I can't call in every time I don't feel good for the next 7 months."
"I know but it's the first day you haven't felt good. Everyone will be fine without you for one day."
"What time is it?"
"6:30."
I take the water bottle away from my neck and open it. I text Bridget and call Sydney but she doesn't answer so I leave her a voicemail and a text. I also emailed HR so nobody can tell me that I didn't tell anyone that I wouldn't be at work today.
"Are you hungry?" he asks.
"Not really."
I bring my legs up to my chest and put my face on my knees. "What about toast?"
"Butter and don't burn it. Please."
He lets go of my hair, "Give me a few minutes," he says before kissing the top of my head.
I am so scared of these symptoms getting worse. I'm scared it'll end up being what I experienced a couple of years ago. I'm 8 weeks so that's one thing but anything could happen.
I get myself to my feet and make my way to the kitchen. The room is spinning but I manage to make it to a barstool.
Christian stands next to me, "Try to eat."
"We both know how it's going to end up."
Getting in bed with Christian, I make sure to be as close as I possibly can to him as he scrolls on his phone. "Yes?"
"Don't mind me."
He puts his phone down on his chest before putting an arm around me. "Are you excited for tomorrow?" he asks.
"Yeah."
"That wasn't very energetic and enthusiastic."
"Well, I have to work before and be with college students until 1."
"I don't know why you chose to do that."
"Well, that was before I knew everything and I'm not going to turn down private school money. And it was either talk to college students or go out into the field and I can't necessarily do that right now."
He laughs, "I wouldn't either and I don't want you in the field right now. Med students?"
"I think they're nursing students."
"So what's the schedule for tomorrow?"
"I'm going to work at 6 and working until 1. I'm going to eat lunch until 1:45. So if you want to show up then that would be perfect. Then we can walk up."
"Or I can eat lunch with you at 1."
"Okay."
"Why don't I take you to work tomorrow?"
"You want to get up early with me?"
"I do it anyway."
"I guess."
Sitting back in my chair, I watch over my group of nursing students as they practice doing sutures on a slab of fake skin. It's what they wanted to do and I wasn't going to turn it down especially since they can handle themselves.
"Is this right?" one asks.
I get up and go over to her table. I grab a pair of gloves and look at her work, "Yes. Just make sure you don't leave too much tension in the stitch."
I walk around and answer any questions as I wait for time to run out. It's almost 1. I'm so ready to eat and see our baby.
I hear the door open at the back of the room. I look back and see Bridget standing with Christian. Some of the students start to notice Christian and are immediately sidetracked.
I walk back to them, "You're early."
"By ten minutes."
"We're almost done although it seems most of them are checked out by now."
I stop by each station and tell them they're welcome to leave once they've cleaned up their area. I pack my bag and straighten up my area.
"How was it?" Christian asks, putting his arm around me.
"Good. They're excited to learn and willing to listen to me."
"I'm glad."
I turn the lights off before locking the door. Bridget walks with us, "Are you done for today?"
"We're going to eat lunch then go to our appointment."
"And then come back to work?"
"I'm not working for an hour if that."
"You'd rather go home?"
"Yes."
"You're right. I'd rather go home too."
We stop at the station first so I can clock out and grab the other bag that I stuffed beneath the desk. Christian takes both bags from me, "What is in here that makes this heavy?"
"All of my notes from grad school."
"All of them?"
"Christian, you have to understand that she was literally insane in college and studied her ass off every single night that it literally put her to sleep."
"Yes, all of them. And I don't regret it."
Christian holds my hand, rubbing his thumb across my skin, "Are you nervous?" he asks. We just got done with our scan and we're waiting for Dr. Frisco to come back since she wasn't the one to do my scan.
I nod. "Have you talked to Abby in a while?"
"Haven't needed to."
"Maybe you should."
"No, because then I have to tell her everything. Our families don't know yet and that feels wrong. She's basically a friend at this point."
"Bridget knows."
"Bridget is the reason we know."
"When should we tell them?"
"Christmas is way too late. But I also don't want to tell your mom over the phone."
"So let's go out there for Thanksgiving and tell my family. We'll tell your parents before we leave."
"After we get back?"
"Yeah."
I don't think he understands how nervous I am to tell Alecia. I'm not this nervous to tell my parents. "We have nothing to worry about. Everything will turn out just fine."
He kisses the side of my head as there are a few knocks on the door. "Yeah?"
Emily comes in smiling, "Everything looks great. Baby is measuring great for 8 weeks. I heard you weren't feeling great but it wasn't anything serious. Any questions or concerns for me?"
"No," we both say.
She smiles, "Okay. I'll see you both in another month and we'll discuss your risk level and probably move you down to low risk."
"Thank you."
She hands me our sonograms. There's a huge difference between today's sonograms and our sonograms from last month. There's an actual baby in this photo- or what will be an actual baby. It's more of a blob right now. But it's a huge improvement from our 4-week scan where all we saw was a black hole.
I feel like my entire pregnancy will be anxiety-filled- for a good reason, but then that anxiety goes away when we get to see our baby. It's that reassurance that I know they're healthy. And we had it confirmed that it's only one baby (thank god).
Christian and I walk back to his car, "So when should we leave?"
"Tuesday?"
"Okay."
He opens my door, "Is that enough time?"
"Yeah," I tell him before he shuts the door and gets in on the other side, "But I did want to pack up the house this weekend and move some stuff that we don't need."
"Honey, would you check on the green bean casserole?" Alecia asks as I set the cutting board and knife in the sink.
I grab an oven mit so I can pull out the rack. The smell of cooked vegetables hits me. I hold any facial expressions back, "Is it done?"
"Yeah, I think so."
I take it out of the oven and set it on a pot holder. I step away from the kitchen and open the sliding door, "Hon, you okay?"
"Yeah, just cooling off."
The dogs run outside and I go out with them. Cooper brings me a tennis ball. I throw it to the edge of the fence. He runs after it and brings it back to me, "Hey, what are you doing?" Christian asks.
"Trying not to get sick."
He holds a hand on my back, "What was it?"
"Green bean casserole."
We play with the dogs until I start to feel better. "I love cooking but I literally can't stand it right now."
"You don't have to help out."
"I told your mom that I would help out though."
"I don't think she'll mind."
He hugs me, "Maybe she'll let me help."
"I don't think that's going to happen."
"No?"
I shake my head, "I think you'll get kicked out pretty fast."
He laughs, "We'll test it."
The dogs ran into the house as Christian held the door open. He lets me through before following me. "Christian, you decided to help out?"
"Until you kick me out."
As I wash my hands, I notice my stomach touching the counter. I close the bathroom door after drying my hands and stand in front of the full-length mirror. I lift my sweater and turn to the side to see my growing belly. It's the first time I've noticed it. We just ate so I'm sure that adds to the effect. I look bloated. But I think I could also be mistaken for being pregnant if no one knew.
I snap a picture because I want to remember this. I sent it to Christian even though he's just in the other room. He sees the photo and shortly I hear soft knocks on the door. I open it to see Christian.
He kisses me immediately. We both smile and laugh. This is the first time I've felt relief about being pregnant. Knowing that I'm growing means that our baby is growing. It's all I needed.
"Should we tell them now?"
"Yeah."
I grab the sonograms from last week's appointment. We walk into the kitchen where Alecia and his brothers gathered. I sit at one of the barstools and he stands behind me.
There's a lull in the conversation giving us a perfect segue into our news, "So, I haven't been completely honest with you guys," Christian starts, "The house is coming along great and we'll probably move in within the next week but we have some other news that's really surprising but so exciting."
By the way Alecia is looking at both of us, I feel that she knows. I hold up our sonograms, "We're expecting."
"What?" Alecia asks, smiling yet surprised, "You're pregnant?"
"Yeah."
She's quick to come over and hug us. "How far? When are you due?"
"I'm nine weeks as of yesterday and I'm due June 29th."
"Oh my gosh! This is so exciting! I'm so happy for you both!"
"So we're keeping it quiet right now. Her parents don't know yet but they will when we get back. We just ask that it stays between us until we announce it."
His brothers come over to hug us. Everyone circles around us and looks at our sonograms. "When are these from?"
"Four and eight weeks."
I lean back on Christian as he stood behind me. He keeps his arms around me. We're so lucky to have family understanding our current situation especially when we're not married.