I took my time in tormenting this man who seemed to be in love with the idea of my dominance over him. I remember back to our last session with me on top when I confessed to him I could play with him for hours. It shocked me to realize that that was true. Foreplay and all of its wonder had never appealed to me much before. While I enjoyed how he worshipped my body, I never understood how it benefited him when the main event was only a few articles of clothing away.
Unwilling to touch me, and my reservations about letting an inebriated warlord loose on my body, I was left to my own devices as far as servicing the both of us. I find the joy in listening to him come apart, listening to him struggle to contain himself and how his body reacted to my touch.
Much as I appreciated his participation, there was a part of me that felt he was too rehearsed, that he knew what I wanted to hear and he would give it to me regardless of his satisfaction. I struggled with this side of him, always wondering if he was doing it for the joy of the satisfaction it brought us both or because he felt he owed me an attempt.
After I'd stripped him of his pants and boxer briefs, I truly enjoyed the torment I inflicted upon him, stroking him, bringing him to the edge, and then allowing him to taper back down while I licked and sucked on every part of his body I could get my mouth on. This was when he felt his most honest, he couldn't hide from me in this state, the way his moans turned to pleas and his gasps became whimpers. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment where he was at my mercy in this way.
I entertain myself with this glorious body laid out before me. Unfractured by the various wounds I'd come to know him by, I relearn every inch of him once more. I remind myself just how sensitive his nipples are, and how much he loves my nails to rake over his thighs as I swallow him. The taste of him, the way he struggles to steady his hips, only to obediently thrust when I command him to use my mouth.
The impressive appendage that I greedily swallow almost seems wasted on an attempt such as this. My own body cries out for a completion that feeling him inside of me would satisfy. While I did appreciate the ability to scratch the itch for dominance now and then, with my wolf rattling its cage for more, I enjoyed the lovemaking we shared most of all.
When I'm lost for inspiration, I default to his torture tactics, mimicking just how he would use that skilled tongue on me. Pressing my thighs together, I know I won't last much longer with the foreplay. Using my fingers, I shove them into his mouth to wet them, thrusting them in and out past his teeth as he obediently sucks. My hand tightens on the base of his erection, twisting, attempting to push him over the edge as his body trembles and his teeth sink into my fingers.
I run my tongue up and down his length, teasing the tip as he shivers under my touch, unwilling to let him finish just yet. "Look at you, you're hard as a rock. You'd think you liked being treated this way." I tease, sitting up to gaze down upon my handiwork. Taking my drenched fingers, I slip them into my mouth, meeting his gaze as I suck on them before sliding the digits between the muscular thighs.
"Do you want more?"
"Yes, Your Majesty." Verando exhales, flinching as I tease him with my fingers.
"Relax," I instruct, wrapping my hand around his length once more as I match my pace with the rhythm of my fingers.
"Ah, Nic." He manages, already getting close again as I stop once more. "Nic, please-"
Leaving him to consider his options, I depart to grab the lube and return to find his lips, kissing him deeply as I tangle my fingers in his thick, gray locks. Verando kisses me back greedily, capturing my lower lip in his teeth, making me moan as the sharp canines rake over my skin. "Are you still with me?" I ask, checking his eye color, making sure I hadn't lost him to the whiskey.
"I want you so bad I can't stand it." He retorts, in one quick maneuver I flip him over onto his stomach, gripping him by the hips and yanking them into the air so that he rests on his knees. It effectively silenced him, having his cheek crammed into the mattress while he was exposed to my desire.
Delivering a sharp smack to his ass, I'm rewarded with a shakey exhale, I can't help but roll my eyes, I know how much he enjoyed being flogged. "You're something else." I sigh, carefully rubbing the offending spot with my palm. "What would your friends think if they saw you like this?"
Verando doesn't answer this time, I tilt my head at the sudden silence.
I smack him again, harder, "I'm feeling kind, so I'll spell it out for you." I apply a generous amount of lubricant to my cock, gripping his hips as I yank him back against me, rubbing against him with hopes to encourage him into more begging. "This is my will, to have you this way, for as long as I desire so that you keep making those pretty noises for me. Understand? That is my instruction for you, show me how you intend to gain my favor-"
I hesitate when I realize he's fallen silent, and for a moment, I'm worried I lost him to Fenrir but instead, I see that his eyes are wrenched shut in a way that doesn't indicate that he was enjoying this.
Quickly, I untie him, pushing him onto his side as I wait for him to come back to me. "Why didn't you tap out?" I ask shortly, frustrated by his desire to lay there and tolerate where he wasn't a willing participant. "Randy, how am I supposed to trust you when you-" Running a hand through my hair, I growl roughly in frustration, catching the distant look on his face and knowing this ran a lot deeper than simply being drunk off his ass.
We were treading close to the root of the problem, why he felt the desire to order a chamber that would be his worst nightmare, and why he felt he deserved to be taken in such a manner. In our other experiences where I had been on top, he hadn't been nearly so persistent with his preferences. I should have known better, yet I was trapped in the predicament that I wanted so desperately to be enough for him.
I knew he missed this part of the play, yet the more we indulged, the more I realized he was chasing something that never existed. I wasn't willing to maim him further, to use him in the manner in which he was accustomed.
"I need you to answer me." I attempted, pulling the gloves off his hands to remove any semblance of the play, I wasn't worried about his ability after I effectively prevented Fenrir's physical assault.
"It's not your fault. I was so interested in punishing myself, that I got in my head, and... that was almost exactly what Caspian said to me, in the same position. If you'll give me just a moment, I can get back into character-" The look on my face must tell him that I had no interest in continuing.
With a short grunt in disappointment in himself, he props himself up on his elbows while I struggle to come to terms with the fact I'd told him the same thing that lunatic had before he'd raped him. I was worrying him, I'd seen under the veil and had another glimpse of just how not okay he was. "I'm sorry I'm so fucked up, Nic. Please don't look at me like that."
That was his issue, he always blew past his limit with no regard for his safety. We'd done this before and he seemed to enjoy it, but even then I went way beyond what was normal for a beginner on the receiving end. Verando was tolerant to a fault in that he felt he deserved the discomfort, he was not worthy of someone's patience.
"Don't apologize to me for something that happened to you. Randy, we have hardly even talked about what happened, if I had known- Baby, I want to know you're alright in there. This is about doing this together, not getting some revenge on Fenrir while using my husband's body to do it. I'm sorry, I don't work that way."
Flinching, he sits up, and I know his guard is up and his sobriety is returning. "Does it matter what happened? Why, Nic? Why does it matter so much to you how I feel? I want you, I want to sleep with you, why does all of this in-between matter so damn much?"
"Yes." I exhale slowly, searching his agonized expression. "Randy, if I had known- I would have picked a different scenario, or maybe I would have gone about this in an entirely different way. I-"
Shaking my head, it's nothing new to me when it comes to him yet it catches me off guard every time. We were in emotional turmoil and neither of us had had a chance to come down from it since Anubis changed him. It was too new, too raw.
"You seemed to like it, but this isn't healthy. I don't consent to performing any sort of scenario that ties me to that psycho, even if it's unintentional. Randy, I love you too much to allow that man into our bedroom. We are worried about you, not for you. Everyone is well aware of how much you can tolerate, it doesn't mean any of us like seeing you go through it."
His appreciation for mistreatment was why Caspian did it to him. Caspian took possession of one last thing and that was stealing the man's coping mechanism when it came to his submission. He wanted to ensure this was an experience we would never share.
"I'm not asking what happened to judge you or to pity you, I'm asking what happened because I don't know what to avoid. I want to give you this side, but not at the expense of you laying there, looking like I'm about to-"
I'm not sure if I should touch him, awkwardly I place my hands in my lap as he considers my words and I know he's fighting with himself and what his default would be. I struggled with this, too. He knew my faults, knew how much it pained me for strange men to touch me even with the best of intentions.
I didn't like to be touched by anyone but him. There were times when I'd cowered from him, even when I'd asked him to treat me roughly, times when I'd reverted entirely into a heap while he held me until the visions stopped and I could find safety with my one constant again.
I wanted so badly to be that for him.
Finally, my warlord begins to thaw out. "We've talked about this before, but not in-depth." He's quick to remind me, only to sigh and let his shoulders relax as he stares into the comforter as if it somehow holds the answers.
"Caspian has a very good way of reminding me of every last fault I possess. He didn't do anything beyond what any other mistress I'd taken to bed had done, save from the perspective of a man. He told me if I wouldn't have him, then he'd take me instead. That seemed like the better of the two options at the time." Shuddering, he curses, tossing the gloves off the bed in frustration.
"Having sex with you in this way is nothing like how it was with him so comparing the two feels- I don't understand why my mind went there."
I carefully touch his hand with my own, "Something shitty happened to you and unfortunately a symptom is that we don't get to choose when those ghosts haunt us. It took me a very long time to remember that you weren't your brother. This is part of the human experience, baby."
Verando pulls his hand from mine, disappointed with my response, or more so in himself. "We can't compare our experiences. Sherian tortured you for months, on end, and you overcame it. I had a single experience and I'm a damned trainwreck. For the amount of women I've engaged with and the amount of beds I've laid, you'd think something so simple as my body wouldn't affect me so much. It's almost unbearable, feeling so disgusting and knowing he'd left a piece of himself inside of me. If I could have died without hurting you, I would have. It's the weakest I've ever been."
Laughing sadly, he shuts his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose. He was so hard on himself, so unforgiving of these entirely human moments. "Something as ridiculous as my bloody masculinity can reduce me to this mess. You shouldn't have to keep digging me out of the depths, this shouldn't have so much space in my head, why can't I just get past it?"
I grip his face, stopping him, unable to prevent the anger from bubbling to the surface. I'd drag that man from the depths of hell just to kill him all over again if I could.
"I despise this side of you and I'll never forgive Caspian for this as long as we walk this earth. Verando, you forgive everyone but yourself. Demanding you to let it go won't change anything but I'm begging you to give yourself some grace. You were raised by incredibly homophobic men who prided themselves on destroying every last ounce of humanity in you. This is so much more than Caspian, and yet even if it was only Caspian, that still deserves your kindness."
"I don't have a scrap of remorse left for this husk, darling." The conviction in which he speaks nearly brings me to tears because I believe him. "The head trash is overwhelming some days. I don't know what I'd do without you, you're the only piece that keeps me sane. Damn... I should stop drinking. I'm a mess." Collecting my cheek in his palm, he brushes my lower lip with his thumb, pressing his forehead to mine with a defeated sigh.
Kissing him, I tangle my fingers in his hair, moving my lips slowly against his as I cling to him. "You should stop drinking. You're terrible at it, but it also shows me that you're not over this by a long shot and for that I'm grateful. You can't hide from me when you're drunk."
I kiss him until I'm breathless, climbing his body to straddle his hips. "Then what happened?" I press, brushing my nose against his, kissing the corner of his mouth, sharing my warmth with his cold body.
"For hours he held me under that bloody water, not long enough to drown me, not at the surface enough to let me catch my breath. I was so out of it by the time he decided my body had been worn down enough that I couldn't fight him off. I remember thinking that it was my personal hell, that I was finally getting what I'd been searching for, a punishment to fit the crime. Yet, all I could feel was emptiness and it left me wondering what in God's name had I been searching for. What punishment could fulfill this damn void in my chest that says I'm not worthy of the air I breathe?"
I urge him to kiss me with gentle tugs on his hair, refusing to let him retreat. "I love you," I tell him gently, giving him a chance to speak yet I know he feels like he's said too much. "Look at me, this hasn't changed anything, not how I feel about you and certainly not how you affect me. These last few days we've been in crisis mode, there's no escaping this life sentence, and if you have to tell me this story every day to help you feel even the slightest bit better, I want to hear it."
Once more his gaze meets mine, "Nobody gets out of this alive, it's a guarantee, I suppose I'm just coming to terms with that. Even if it takes centuries, one day, someone will feel the need to eradicate us. A life sentence, you said, with the end being the penalty of death. We are no longer linked and while that relieves me that you could go on without me, I'm terrified to imagine a world without you in it."
I hover my lips over his, making him chase me, teasing him briefly before I deepen the kiss, enjoying the feel of him coming back to me, guiding one of his hands to my hip as I roll my body against him. I'm on fire, desperate to reconnect. "Then act as if it's our last, no more secrets. I want all of you, the good and bad, even the drunken parts that break my heart."
Too easily, he lifts me, and I'm shocked by his coordination given the state of him as he carries me into the bathroom. My warlord in his full glory presented before me in the mirror as he turned on the shower, my gaze washed over every inch of that body that I clung to. I find that I'm blushing like a schoolgirl as I hide against his shoulder, my mouth watering over the well-sculpted back through the mirror.
"Are you alright?" His voice is hard, and raw, dragging me back to reality.
Coming out of my stupor, I nod quickly. "Sorry, sometimes I forget how attractive you are." I stammer, crossing my legs behind his back, I gather his face as I trace my tongue over his lower lip, giggling as he pursues me only to gasp as we enter the shower and he pins me against the chilled wall while the spray glints off his back.
I feel the tension in his body, the way this bothered him on a deep level as the water soaks his hair, darkening it and sending droplets down his tanned skin. Overcome with the memories flooding back full force, at the end of his rope as far as he could tolerate with the water cascading over him. Gritting his teeth, standing over me as I'm pinned between him and the wall, he almost appears defeated for being so exposed.
"This is all of me." Verando manages, grimacing, uncomfortable.
"You're beautiful, you know." I keep my tone light, blinking through the water as it drenches us both. I had so many fond memories of our escapades in the shower. "Your eyes are so pretty when your hair is damp," I exhale, my breath catching as he kisses me once more.
Raking my nails down his back, my body writhes against him, "Focus on me." I encourage, "Take me, make love to me, whatever you have to call it, I want you." My voice sounded sultry even to me, I was love drunk, wanting desperately to show him just how little these character flaws meant to me.
Without the need for encouragement, he slides into me, I flinch at the suddenness but cling to him all the same only to pause when he jerks with a low curse. His body tense against mine, the silence assures me that my suspicions were correct.
"Did you just...?" I can't stop the giggle, quickly covering my mouth only to relax when I see the flash of my favorite look. "I believe that was less than 30 seconds, sir."
"You've been teasing me for hours." Verando reminds me shortly, letting me slide off his body as I squirm in protest. "I'd say we should resume what we started but I think you're a touch short, darling."
Considering this for a moment, I step aside to gesture to the glass wall. "Allow me to instruct you on the ways of depravity. Get on your knees, facing the wall, I'm sure I can manage."
Cautious, his hand tests the water, as if unsure if he will hold up being vulnerable in here.
"If you don't want to-"
Verando stoops to collect my waist, kissing me deeply, slow and building. "I trust you."
Obediently, he does as he's told and I marvel at the specimen before me as I slowly knead his shoulders, starting at his neck and triceps before moving down the plains of his back. Greedily my hands explore his muscles, enjoying the feel of them beneath my fingertips, worshiping the adonis of a man.
He hums in appreciation, tipping his head downward to expose more of his shoulders as I massage through the plains of tension. "Put your hands on the wall and spread your legs." The words coming out of my mouth sounded undoubtedly lude, my voice was deep and husky, the Alpha in me stood front and center with excitement.
"No safe words, tell me if you want me to stop and I will. This isn't play, this is only me and you." I remind him, holding back the desire in my voice, not wanting to let on just how badly I wanted him.
Momentarily concerned, he glances over his shoulder at me as I get on my knees behind him, guiding his hips backward until the height is more obtainable. It's difficult for me as well, the pressure to not hurt him, the desire to have him this way muddied with the fear that I was forcing myself on him.
"Tell me what you want," I instruct him, my voice tight with my discomfort at just how much the water bothered him. "Is this too much for you?"
Verando seemed to be focusing on his breathing, yet those sinful hips rocked back against me with a level of impatience that encouraged me. "I want you to have all of me." He manages, I press my torso to his back as I slide carefully into him. I hear him curse under his breath, pressing against him to steady the shiver in his body as I kiss his shoulder, and his neck, staying as still as I can manage while he adjusts.
"Fuckin hell, Nic." He murmurs, making me chuckle breathlessly.
"I was thinking the same thing." I retort, keeping my body pressed to his as if somehow that would shield him from the contact of the water. "Do you want more? Should I stop?"
I worry about his ragged breathing, on the edge, but as he rocks back against me, I grip his hips to stop him from teasing me beyond what I could handle. "If you keep asking me how I am, you're going to ruin the mood. I'm melting, darling, I need you to move."
Wide-eyed, I curse as I pull him back against me, thrusting into him, filling him with every stroke. I would never grow tired of the sinful man, just as I would never grow accustomed to how painfully similar we were in this way. We had a painfully similar love language, we were both so broken, but we knew how to put the pieces back together.
I couldn't heal him, but maybe we could start to rewrite why he felt the need to eviscerate himself emotionally.
I rock against him, keeping him pinned between me and the glass only by the position he chose to hold. I gather his throat in my hand to keep him from hiding from me, "You've gone quiet." I warn, concern at the back of my voice.
"I'm just trying so hard to stay here," Verando admits, and I know that it's more than between me and this wall. Verando had struggled with this darkness as long as I knew him, I'd be a fool to think it hadn't crossed his mind how easy it'd be to hand over the reins to Fenrir, to allow himself to be snuffed out.
We moan in unison as I roll against him, savoring him, clinging to this incredible body. "You keep letting me know, and I'll keep giving you new reasons to stay. You're not going anywhere." I promise him, moving quicker as I struggle to keep my wolf in check. Keeping his throat in my palm, I sink my teeth into his shoulder to pull a throaty moan from his lips.
"Fuck." He snarls at me through his teeth, "Alpha's going nuts." His chuckle brings an amused snort from me, I sink my teeth into the base of his neck, pulling him back roughly against me to insight a breathless gasp at the intensity.
"Mine is, too. I wonder if they like it or if they're trying to kill each other." I muse, two Alphas tangled in a way that neither was accustomed to with very little inhibitions. My wolf had his preferences, Alpha was even less flexible than the man he inhabited.
I wasn't willing to dominate him, but I could indulge in his kinks. He was still so sensitive from the play earlier. I was pleased with the job I did to prepare him, my hand slid up to grope his chest and twist one of the erect nipples. I can't help but chuckle at the way his body ignites, the quivering of his shoulders from the intensity, and the way his entire body seems to be flexed beneath me.
"You're so dirty that you like to be choked. It's hot." I comment, tightening my grip as he groans in response.
"You're driving me crazy, Nic." He manages, though I know he wants to hide from me, I keep his back pressed to my chest. Quicker, harder, I move against him while trying desperately to fight off my completion.
"I intend to make you come first again." I exhale, moaning into his back, "You feel so good." Leaving his nipples, I find his manhood and stroke in rhythm with my hips, bringing on a whole new series of expletives from my warlord. Resting my weight on his back, I'm out of my mind, pleading with him as if he were the one in control, and in reality, I was begging for him to finish so I could follow behind him.
"I love you so much." I breathe, as I find my completion in unison with him. Me chasing him or him chasing me, it was hard to tell who was more desperate to finish. "You're so beautiful."
He taps my hand, trembling beyond his control for me to leave him so he could collapse onto his hip and struggle to catch his breath. I collapse in a heap beside him, listening to our ragged breathing while we both try and find some level of coherence. "Holy shit, Nic."
"You're so vulgar." I chuckle, tilting my head back to escape the spray of the shower. "Are you alright?"
"Good thing you have my heart in that pendant, I think it might have stopped." He wagers, taking my hand in his, and bringing it to his lips with a lazy kiss. "I love you so much, Nic. Remember this moment to tomorrow, I'm going to be hung over as hell-" Hesitating, he raises a brow. "Do you think Death gets hangovers?"
"I hope so. I hope they're terrible. Stop drinking." I retort shortly, brushing my thumb over his lower lip. "Get it together, I want to go again, I didn't get a proper turn, Mr.Less than 30 seconds."