July 16, 2014
Karlie does her best to focus on the pieces of information being exchanged, they are Karlie's Kookies after all, but the notebook in front of her is incredibly blank. The pen she is holding absentmindedly is slick with sweat. She can't keep her eyes from Josh, on the opposite corner of the room, who is having no problem jotting down the occasional note.
He knows.
After returning to Taylor's apartment last night, they had a less dramatic couple of hours. There was lots of talking, lots of comfort, and things almost felt resolved. So, naturally, something else had to come along just like this.
Karlie stiffly stands up, staring at Josh. Her partner slows her speaking, tentatively looking to Karlie, wondering if the model has anything to say or a particular reason for standing. Josh maintains her eye contact, as other people in the room curiously glance at her as well. Perhaps in a different situation, she would be able to come up with something to play off the odd display.
Her partner goes right along speaking at her normal speed, ignoring Karlie. It is then that the model takes a few long strides to the opposite side of the room, finding herself face to face with Josh, before grabbing his shirt's collar and roughly leading him to the door of the room. They leave the meeting, which has become deadly silent at the undeniably inappropriate action that has just taken place in front of close to a dozen people involved with Karlie's Kookies.
"Karlie?! What are you doing?" Josh hisses, allowing himself to be pulled by the shirt into the now empty kitchen of the bakery. "Everyone is going to think—"
"What the fuck is your problem?!" Karlie exclaims, once safely in a private setting, roughly shoving Josh in the chest with both hands. The impact is harder than she expects, and her both wrists hurt as Josh is thrusted backwards a step.
"Hey!" Josh exclaims, looking at her as though she is crazy, rubbing his chest.
"This is work. This is part of my job. You didn't think it was a bit of an inconvenient and shitty time to interrogate me like that?!" Karlie exclaims. "I wouldn't have done that to you!"
Josh groans and puts both of his hands on top of his head, gripping his hair tightly by the roots. "I know, okay? I know. I'm sorry! I told myself I wasn't going to bring Taylor up, I kept telling myself I wouldn't. But I just couldn't fucking help myself when I saw you, I had to know," Josh groans, sounding apologetic and frustrated.
"Well you don't know anything, got it? I didn't tell you anything, you don't know anything, and you didn't ask me anything," Karlie says quickly, sternly.
Josh gives her a knowing look, a disapproving look, as he harshly smiles and rolls his eyes, looking away. "Don't at least I deserve a little bit of respect at this point for you to at least be honest? I don't have a right to know?" Josh asks darkly.
"No, you don't have a right to know, Josh! This is my life, and you're not a part of it anymore!" Karlie exclaims in disbelief.
"Oh, so you were all for wanting to be a part of each other's lives still a couple weeks ago? So I could tell you, 'Don't feel guilty. It's all good.' But now you don't want that because you're done with me. Out of sight, out of mind?" Josh asks darkly.
Karlie glares at him silently, not even sure how to respond. Is that true?
"If it isn't true, just deny it right now then. You and Taylor are dating, right? You've probably been going behind my back since the road trip. Right? That weird trip you took when I was in California, you skipped work. What was that? Running away from your guilt and Taylor back in New York City? I have to wonder how many times you left my apartment, saying you'd rather sleep in your bed and wake up early for work, did you go to Taylor's instead? You went behind my fucking back and had the nerve to even spend time with both me and Taylor at the same time," Josh replies. The tone of his voice is even and steady, but there's an undeniably calm anger there, and for some reason it sounds more ominous than it would if he had been shouting.
How long has he been thinking about all of this? Karlie can't open her mouth to speak, how could she so blatantly lie and deny all of that? What kind of person would that make her? It doesn't mean that she doesn't glare at Josh furiously, however, as she meets his statement with a toxic silence.
"You don't have the decency to just say yes? 'Yes, Josh, that's who I was fucking while you were stupid enough to think I loved you.'" Josh replies, his voice a cruel and twisted version of his usual one as he rudely imitates the model.
"It wasn't like that! You can't just sum everything up like that! You don't understand the first thing about us!" Karlie exclaims, rising to the bait.
"You said you loved me in Rhode Island! Multiple times! We were at her fucking house with her! You dumped me hours later, how could you—"
"I love you as a friend! I wasn't in love with you anymore, it doesn't mean I didn't love you!" Karlie interrupts, doing her best not to feel ashamed at abusing such a petty technicality.
"You knew what I would think it meant!" Josh exclaims in disbelief, eyes wide.
Karlie closes her eyes and turns around and takes a few steps away from Josh, thinking of what exactly to do now. I can't argue about all of this with him. There's no point anymore. But what do I do? He knows about Taylor, what am I supposed to say?
"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" Josh says, softly. "I don't want to...to stress you out at all. I really don't, I'm not just saying that. I want you to be happy, that's all I want for you. And I know me starting this here isn't appropriate, but I haven't been myself at all."
Karlie turns back around and quietly stares at him. "Don't act so noble, you're not happy for me. If you were happy for me you'd just leave me alone, you don't want me with her," Karlie accuses him.
"What the fuck am I supposed to do with pictures of us? You know, that is what I'm hung up on the most. I have photographs of us together and have no fucking idea what I'm supposed to do with them. Do I throw them out? Doesn't that seem wrong? What do I do with them? What did you do with yours?" Josh asks, running a hand through his hair, his voice becoming tight. "Or how am I supposed to go back to my family, after telling them I was going to propose, that you actually broke up with me before I even got the chance to ask. How am I supposed to tell them that? Because to be honest, I haven't told them yet. I've been avoiding them. My friends don't know. I have your shampoo and conditioner and tooth brush still in my bathroom, I see it every morning. What am I supposed to do with it? I have food in my fridge and cabinets that I'm never going to eat, but you liked it so it's there, am I supposed to throw that out?"
Karlie is shocked and remains silent. Is an apology necessary? Words of comfort? Is that appropriate? How couldn't Karlie have considered the heartbreak Josh would surely and unavoidably be ailed with because of her.
"I stay at work late. I pretend to accidentally fall asleep on my desk in the office, and I really try telling myself it's not on purpose, but I just hate my apartment so much now. Everything in there is...everything in my office in the building downtown is work. That's where all my work related things are. And my apartment is just...it's all you. The only things I had in my life was work and you. And my apartment is just...it's..." Josh pathetically trails off, running a hand through his hair, studying his feet.
Karlie hesitates before beginning, "I'm sorry, but—"
"So, no. I guess I can't say I'm thrilled that you're with Taylor. Or that you cheated on me. And that you're so happy and don't feel an ounce of what I'm feeling, but I would never want you to feel this way either. I do want the best for you, because I love you," Josh finishes.
"You can't say that to me anymore," Karlie mutters, as she awkwardly looks away blushing.
Josh shrugs his shoulders, his brown eyes look dull, tinged with defeat. "I just wanted to know. It would've been eating at me, and I needed to know. Even though I don't feel better at all knowing now," Josh says, mostly speaking to himself at the end.
"I don't know what to say," Karlie replies quietly, never having felt as though a truer statement has come from her lips.
"Yeah, I ah...I know," Josh says stiffly.
How do I deal with this? What am I supposed to say? As much as Karlie feels badly for seeing Josh in this state, her first priority is Taylor. She is the one who needs to be protected now. "Josh...you can't, like...this is bad that you know about us," Karlie says, wringing her hands around the back of her neck.
Josh closes his eyes for a second, and takes a quick deep breath, hints of annoyance present. "I wouldn't tell anyone."
"How am I supposed to know for sure? Josh, you need to sign a—"
"Are you serious?" Josh asks is quiet disbelief. "I have never lied to you. Ever. Not once. That's more than you can say. I haven't lied to you a single time after dating for over a year, and I'm telling you now I won't tell anyone. I promise."
Karlie bites her lip, studying his face, completely believing him yet finding her heart break, knowing that it isn't enough.
Maybe Josh interprets her silence the same way, because he looks down from her gaze, looking utterly disappointed. In a tortured monotone, he adds, "Why would I want people to know you cheated on me? I don't want that. I don't want to be a scumbag who outs people's sexuality either. And Taylor Swift? Do you really think I'm the type of person who would like media coverage anywhere near me?"
Karlie thinks of all the warnings she has received from Taylor, of just how explosive the media could be if finding out about their secret romance. Surely, Josh would somehow become involved in that, and looking at the shy and soft spoken man in front of her, uncertain even with Karlie, the woman he knows best, she knows that would be his biggest nightmare.
"Thank you," Karlie breathes, beginning to feel disappointed in herself for needing more assurance from Josh than just his words of promise.
"I'm going to go home and try to get some sleep or something," Josh mumbles, beginning to leave the kitchen now.
"Wait, Josh, I'm sorry. Is there anything that I can do...I don't know," Karlie says tentatively, still completely confused by how exactly she is supposed to behave right now.
"I haven't been able to sleep at all so I'm just going to go," Josh replies neutrally.
"Don't you want to talk—"
"There's nothing you can say that I will want to hear," Josh replies sadly, pausing at the doorway and staring at Karlie with eyes so sad she is sure the rest of her day would be plagued with guilt.
Karlie quickly walks to him and instinctively gives him a hug, naturally wanting to ease the pain of someone she cares about. It isn't until his arms wrap around her familiarly, his musky scent filling her senses, that she realizes this isn't okay anymore, but she felt Josh instantly relax under her embrace. Her own body becomes tense, knowing this is wrong, but feeling badly that it is.
Josh sighs when Karlie's arms become stiff, and giving her a final squeeze along with a deep inhale, he is the one who breaks the embrace. "Sorry. I'm going to go, have fun in Sweden," Josh mumbles, turning away before Karlie can even see his eyes again.
"I'll see you when I get back," Karlie says to his retreating back, hoping that it brings him some comfort as he goes.
Do I want to see him when I get back?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taylor instantly smiles, seeing Karlie unexpectedly walk into her den as she sits on the couch with Meredith and Olivia.
"I thought you weren't coming over until later after you packed?" Taylor asks, but not at all disappointed by Karlie's surprising early arrival.
"Yeah, well," Karlie mutters, dropping down onto the couch beside Taylor carelessly.
Taylor leans closer and gives her a kiss on the cheek, and waits for Karlie to to turn her head to give another on the lips. "What's up?" Taylor asks, her brow furrowed, knowing that Karlie usually greets her in a much more enthusiastic way.
"I had a horrible day," Karlie replies darkly, keeping her eyes trained on Olivia rather than Taylor as she gently runs her slender fingers through the white fur.
Taylor cracks a small smile when Olivia releases a purr, causing Meredith to stalk over for some attention as well. "How did you manage to become, like, the only person Meredith actually wants to spend time with?" Taylor asks, leaning her head on Karlie's shoulder. Karlie doesn't even crack a smile, still staring away from the singer. "I'm sorry you had a bad day. What happened?" Taylor asks softly.
Karlie sighs, before tensely saying, "I know I have to tell you about it, and it's going to be so bad—"
Taylor moves her lips to Karlie's neck, leaning more of herself onto Karlie's side. "It's okay," Taylor assures her, her lips grazing Karlie's neck as she speaks. After last night, the last thing Taylor needs to see more of is a stressed out Karlie. "I will tell you about my day first, then you can tell me about yours," Taylor says, leaning away from Karlie to look at her, as she wraps her arms around the model's long neck.
"Okay," Karlie replies, sounding unsure.
"Okay. Hm..well, when you left this morning I stayed in bed for a bit longer. Then I went to your gym, and I worked out with your trainer, so I don't think I am ever going to be able to walk again. He thought it was funny. I did not. Thennnn...oh, then I came back home, and I did some laundry. And the amount of clothes of yours that I now have mixed in with my own stuff was becoming really confusing for me, because I have a very particular way of organizing my clothes, but having your clothes makes me confused. Like should you have your own drawer? Or should it be mixed in with my stuff? Also, how many grey t-shirts and sneakers do you even own?" Taylor says lightly, watching as Karlie's green eyes begin to warm up as she continues with the description of her day. "So anyway, I decided that you've caused enough problems in my life as it is, I didn't need you ruining my very intricately organized closet. So I moved all of your clothes to the guest room, and the closet and most of the bureau drawer's are actually full. Then I made myself lunch...oh, I talked on the phone with my mom for a while. She wanted the real details about you, you know, the ones that she thought I wouldn't say in front of you. She was trying to get some dirt," Taylor continues, smiling at the same time when Karlie begins to.
"And what did you say?" Karlie asks.
"To be honest, I told her even nicer things than I would want to say in front of you," Taylor replies, a slight blush forming on her cheeks but knowing that this is something Karlie may need to hear after a bad day. "She said it was definitely a first for her to hear only good things."
Karlie smiles but there is sadness in it. Karlie says, barely above a whisper, "I just wanted to have a good night before I had to leave for Sweden and now—"
"We will have a good night, Karlie," Taylor coos, assuring her as runs a hand through the model's blonde hair. "You just had a bad day. What happened?"
Taylor is shocked to see tears come to her eyes, but Karlie is quick to bring her hands to her eyes, wiping at the bottom lashes. Her fingers glisten with salty tears, when she says shakily, "I don't want to tell you. It's going to be so bad."
Taylor pulls her in for a tight hug, and tears soak through the fabric of her dress as Karlie nuzzles her head against her. "What happened? It's okay, babe, don't cry," Taylor says softly, rubbing a hand up and down her back.
"Taylor," Karlie whimpers, and Taylor waits for her to continue. She holds her tighter, hating the sound of the model's voice.
"What happened, Karlie?" Taylor asks, doing her best to keep worry from her own voice. Karlie is clearly worried enough for the both of them, but how could Taylor not begin to feel anxious?
"Josh. Josh knows. He knows about us dating," Karlie whispers.
Taylor's mind goes blank and her mouth drops, her entire world stops, but she holds Karlie even more firmly against her than before, so as to keep her from seeing Taylor's reaction. "How?" Taylor asks, her voice hoarse, feeling as though time has dreadfully stopped.
"He just figured it out, Taylor, I don't know," Karlie says, her voice choked up with tears.
"Okay," Taylor replies lamely. She knows Karlie needs to hear something else, something more from her, but what can she say? Josh is going to tell everyone.
"What are we going to do?" Karlie asks, wriggling free of Taylor's grasp.
Taylor stares into her worried green eyes, tears glistening, and her mind is blank. She opens and closes her mouth twice, begging words to come to her, a plan of some sort, but she has nothing. And she definitely needs something. He is the absolute worst person who could ever find out. Her vision becomes blurry, and she isn't even aware tears have come to her own eyes until Karlie's hands are cupping her face, wiping away tears.
Taylor leans away and gently grabs Karlie's hands in her own. Her breathing is shallow, but she just can't seem to breathe deeply enough to get enough oxygen to keep from feeling lightheaded. "Tree will know what to do," Taylor says, and even though she is positive her statement is true, her voice sounds as though it is overflowing with uncertainty.
Karlie's green worried eyes turn into ones of panic. "No, please, I don't want to tell her right now. Not right now, Taylor. He isn't going to tell anyone!" Karlie says quickly, gripping Taylor's forearms tightly. "We don't need to tell her yet."
"Karlie, he is the worst person who could ever know about us," Taylor replies, her voice a raspy version of itself.
"He isn't going to tell anyone, he's not like that, we don't—"
"He should hate me, Karlie. He should hate us being together. He shouldn't want us to be okay, of course he's going to tell people," Taylor replies. "I need to call Tree," she adds, standing up from the couch as Karlie tightens her hold on her arm.
"Taylor! Please, don't! He wouldn't do that to me!" Karlie says, and her knuckles turn white as she squeezes the singer's arm, keeping her close to the couch.
"I need to tell her, okay? I need to tell her right now, this is how this works. You need to let me go," Taylor replies, pulling at Karlie's hand as she twists her arm.
When she is free she briskly walks towards the privacy of her kitchen, wiping at tears as she goes, hoping Karlie doesn't have anything else to say. She collapses into one of the chairs by her kitchen table and doesn't even take the time to compose herself before beginning to call Tree.
She tries taking steadying breaths as she listens to the dial tone of her phone.
"Hello," Tree answers.
"Josh Kushner knows me and Karlie are dating," Taylor says quickly.
"I'll be right over," Tree replies curtly, hanging up the phone before Taylor can even respond.
Taylor drops her phone onto the kitchen table with a bang. The wave of anxiety that has washed over her seems a bit settled, at least knowing that action is about to be taken.
"What did she say?" Karlie asks, and Taylor turns to see the model leaning against the doorway, her arms crossed.
"She's coming over now," Taylor replies.
Karlie's eyes widen and her brow furrows. "What, no, Taylor, I don't want to see her again!" Karlie exclaims.
Taylor walks to her and cups her face. "I need to see her right now. I would tell you that you can leave, but I have a feeling it will be best if you're here for this," Taylor replies steadily.
"No! I hate her so much, I don't want to do this again!" Karlie whines, looking down at the floor.
"I'm sorry, Karlie. We need to, this isn't good," Taylor replies as her voice cracks.
"He won't tell anybody! I don't want him involved in this!" Karlie exclaims, walking away and mindlessly pacing, her hands fidgeting uselessly by her sides.
"He just made himself involved in this," Taylor replies. "I hate when you, like, defend him and act like you need to protect him."
"I'm not doing any of that!" Karlie exclaims angrily. "Stop acting like he's a threat, I chose you!"
"He is a threat! He is a threat right now, Karlie! He's always going to be a threat!" Taylor fires back.
"You don't even know him!"
"Yeah, because I'm not the one who dated him!" Taylor replies, and her voice sounds cruel as she says it. As Karlie opens her mouth for a retort, Taylor cuts her off, "Look, none of this even matters. Let's just...calm down before Tree gets here, okay?" As she reaches out for Karlie to return closer to her, she begins to see some fear set in behind Karlie's expression.
"I don't want to see her again," Karlie replies.
"It won't be like last time," Taylor assures her.
"How will it not be?" Karlie asks.
Taylor stares at her silently, without an answer to give. Is it going to be worse than last time?
"I have to go to the bathroom," Karlie says quietly before leaving the room.
Taylor is sure she should probably follow the model, comfort her now because she certainly needs it. But Taylor is ashamed to feel as though she needs the comforting just as much, and is definitely in no place to give it to Karlie right now. She sits down at her kitchen table and puts her head in her hands, willing herself to stop letting her mind run wild with all different outcomes, thoughts, and scenarios that could come of this.
Last night, Taylor had been so sure that Karlie was going to leave her. She knew from experience that when things like that happen, it is so rare for a relationship to remain the same. Once more in Taylor's life, she was hopelessly in love with someone who was completely overwhelmed by what comes along with dating someone with Taylor's lifestyle. It definitely isn't a lifestyle she would want for Karlie, for someone who she loves, but she's known from the start that by being with her and not protecting her from all of this was selfish. From the get-go in March, Taylor knew that being with Karlie would wear the fresh faced model down, and maybe even hurt her.
So how could her chest right now not feel tight with crushing worry? Perhaps Tree would wear Karlie down, send the model running back into Josh's much more simple arms. Or maybe Josh himself would wear Karlie down, undoubtedly old feelings could still resurface. But worst of all, maybe Josh could out their secret to the world, and wear both Taylor and Karlie down simultaneously once the media's reaction took hold in their relationship.
Last night, all the tears and worry that Karlie had shared with Taylor were no one's fault but her own. All of this is Taylor's doing, and Karlie doesn't deserve it, but there's no other way. As much as she loved Karlie, she needed to protect the career and image she has spent over a decade building up. Didn't she have a right to do that? To protect her dream, her career, the part of her life she has been in love with since first knowing what music even was, from even the slightest possibility of danger. She worked so hard to get to where she is right now, so it can't be too wrong to put that career ahead of someone she has just started dating. Especially if Karlie doesn't feel as strongly about me as I do for her.
Nonetheless, a deep feeling of guilt settles in her stomach. She doesn't want to choose one over the other, and although she doesn't really feel as though she is at most times, she knows Karlie will at some point surely feel as though she comes second to the intricately crafted brand and image that is Taylor Swift.
Taylor looks at the time and sees that about twenty minutes have passed since calling Tree and becoming consumed with her own thoughts. Karlie has still yet to return. Taylor stands and goes towards the bathroom, hoping to have the time for a few words with Karlie before Tree arrives.
Taylor tentatively knocks on the closed bathroom door. "Can I come in?" Taylor asks softly, leaning her forehead against the bathroom door.
She doesn't get an answer but takes it as enough to turn the doorknob and go in. Karlie is sitting on the side of the bathtub, wiping tears from her face when Taylor gently pushes the door in.
"I'm sorry," Taylor says, as she takes a seat beside Karlie and putting a firm hand on the model's thigh. "I really mean that."
"I hate when you say sorry so much because I don't even know if you should be apologizing," Karlie says sniffling.
"You hate when I say sorry because you don't want me to feel bad, because you put everyone else's feelings before your own. But you shouldn't, and I deserve to feel bad," Taylor replies.
Karlie is quiet, continuing to wipe at her face, probably hoping to stop the flow of tears.
Taylor moves her hand from Karlie's leg and wraps it tightly around her waist instead. "I just want you to know how much I care about you, okay? You have no idea how much I care about you, and I mean, all day today I just kept thinking about how lucky I am and how different you are. I just...you're perfect. And none of what I've been exposing you to so far has been anywhere near perfect, anywhere near what you deserve," Taylor says quietly. "But I don't know any other way. I wish I did, but I don't."
"We don't need to do all of this, Taylor," Karlie whimpers, Taylor's words only worsening the flow of tears. "We don't need to do all of this stressful and complicated stuff, we don't need to hide."
"You have no idea the type of media attention and possible negative backlash we would be on the receiving end of," Taylor says, shaking her head.
"I can handle it, I don't care about any of that, as long as we're together," Karlie insists.
Her statement is so familiar, Taylor can't help but smile sadly at the younger girl. They were words she heard throughout the spring, when Taylor didn't allow them to be together because she felt as though it wasn't a lifestyle Karlie deserved or truly wanted. "Karlie, no offense, but you thought you could handle hiding the relationship, and you're already overwhelmed. That's okay, you're allowed to feel that way, but what makes you think you can handle something so much more explosive?" Taylor asks quietly.
Karlie puts her head in her hands and is quiet. Taylor waits for her to say something, but they sit silently in the bathroom.
After a moment, Taylor leans close to Karlie and litters her neck with soft, delicate kisses. Taylor whispers against her neck, "I..." I love you. She pauses, wondering if now is the time to tell her. She doesn't feel the same way, not yet anyway. "Do you want to come back out to the kitchen and wait for Tree with me?" Taylor asks.
"I think I'm going to stay here until she gets here," Karlie replies, not even lifting her head from her hands to meet Taylor's eyes with her green ones, making it clear that she would be staying in here alone.
Taylor stands up and runs a hand through Karlie's hair, kissing the top of her head before leaving her how she wants.
When Taylor returns to the kitchen, feeling painfully alone, it isn't long before there is a knock on her apartment door. When Taylor opens the door she is not met with the usual amusing greeting from Tree, but the shorter redhead rushes by the singer towards the kitchen where they met last.
When they enter the kitchen, Karlie does the same at the other doorway. Neither the publicist nor the model even acknowledge the other's presence, until Tree says briskly, "I'm going to have to talk to Taylor alone first. You're going to have to leave the room." Taylor looks at Karlie and sees an anger in her eyes that has fortunately never shone so intensely in her direction before, and when she looks back towards Tree she is completely bewildered as to how she can easily meet the model's stare head on in a neutral manner. "I work for her, not for you," Tree adds, speaking to Karlie.
"Babe—"
"Fine," Karlie spits, quickly leaving the kitchen with footsteps that momentarily shake the kitchen.
Taylor takes a seat across from Tree at the table. "Did you have to say that to her?" Taylor groans.
"This is business, Taylor," Tree says in disbelief. "You know that."
"Yeah," Taylor mutters.
"So what the hell happened? Did she tell him? I still don't have Cara's contract either, if she's not going to work with me—"
"She said he just figured it out. And she is going to cooperate, she's under a lot of pressure," Taylor says sternly.
"Taylor, you're under a lot of pressure. Do you realize the kinds of stories that can be written if this guy goes to the press?" Tree asks.
Taylor doesn't say anything as she frustratedly rubs her eyes. "So what are we going to do?"
"I don't know, Taylor. He has no reason to like you, right?" Tree asks pointedly.
"No," Taylor sighs.
"That's not good," Tree answers.
"Yeah, I know. But isn't it your job to figure shit like this out?" Taylor asks, feeling annoyed now as she slaps a hand against the kitchen table. "I'm not signing your paychecks to tell me things I already know," Taylor snaps. "And the next time you want my girlfriend to leave the room, you tell me that. You speak to her like that again along with telling me information a ten year old can figure it out, you're going to be looking for a new employer."
It isn't often that Taylor speaks down to her employees, but in combination of the stress of the situation, Karlie's undoubted anger that Taylor would have to deal with, and Tree so far seeming utterly useless sets off a tick of annoyance.
Tree stares at her, stunned. "I'm sorry if I was out of line with Karlie," Tree says measuredly.
"You were. There aren't any 'if's involved," Taylor replies coldly.
"I'm sorry I was out of line with Karlie," Tree corrects herself.
Taylor stiffly nods her head, not verbally accepting the apology. "So? What are we going to do?" Taylor asks once more.
Tree looks a bit startled at having to be so blatantly asked about a plan. "I need to think about this for a second," Tree mutters.
Taylor realizes it probably does no good for Tree to feel so threatened as she struggles to think of a solution.
"Well, best case scenario is we get him to sign an agreement saying he won't tell anyone about this," Tree answers. "But I'm not sure how we'd manage to get him to cooperate with us."
"Well, the only way that would ever happen is with the help of the person you just kicked out of the room," Taylor replies neutrally. "Any other ideas?"
Tree shrugs her shoulders and shakes her head. "Taylor, what are we supposed to do here? He either stays quiet or he doesn't. It's out of my hands. If he doesn't want to sign the agreement, maybe with some money involved..." Tree trails off.
"A bribe?" Taylor asks.
"A settlement," Tree says instead.
Taylor is quiet as she thinks. "If...if I knew with certainty he would never speak about me and Karlie being together, I think something could be arranged financially. But I'd prefer that to be a last option."
"He's the absolute worst person who could know," Tree says.
"You think I need you to tell me that?" Taylor asks quietly, cocking an eyebrow.
"Taylor, we need to be partners here. You've worked with publicists long enough to realize that, if we start to have a poor relationship we're in trouble," Tree says placidly. "You're paying me to tell you things you don't want to hear, but need to."
"Well, I'm not paying you to tell Karlie things she doesn't want to hear. I'm glad she's not in the room right now. She's stressed out enough as it is, I don't want her hearing all the pointless negativity," Taylor says sternly.
"Yes, ma'am," Tree replies, hands raised in surrender to her boss.
"So should I bring her in her?" Taylor asks.
Tree nods her head as Taylor stands. She stalks out to the den and finds Karlie sitting on the couch with her legs curled up, Olivia in her arms.
"Do you want to come back in?" Taylor asks quietly, making her way to the couch.
"I'm allowed to?" Karlie asks drily, but her voice sounds much less mad than sad.
"I basically just threatened to fire her by accident because of that, so you might like to hear that," Taylor says with a small smile, but she doesn't get one in return.
"I don't want to go back in. I don't want anything to do with all of this, I hate her and I hated the last meeting," Karlie replies.
Taylor sighs and sits down beside her. "You're the one who knows Josh best. You're our link to him. I hate that I have to ask you to do something you don't want to do, but from now on I will do my best to just act as a messenger between you and Tree. But today..."
Karlie nods her head sadly. Taylor had no doubt she would agree to return to the kitchen, Karlie would never say no to her.
Taylor holds one of her hands in both of her own as they slowly return to the kitchen.
"I'm sorry about the way that I spoke to you," Tree says immediately when they enter the room.
Karlie neutrally stares at Tree and says nothing, as both her and Taylor sit down across from Tree's side of the table. Taylor scoots her chair closer to the model's, cupping Karlie's thigh in a hand out of view from Tree.
"So, what happened today exactly?" Tree asks calmly.
"Every six months investors of Karlie's Kookies come to the meetings. Today was the six month mark. In private he started asking me all questions about our friendship. I knew that he knew. Then...well we talked again in private later and he spoke pretty openly about it. He knows," Karlie replies monotonously.
"Did you tell him?" Tree asks pointedly.
"No, I didn't tell him!" Karlie replies, sounding outraged.
"You're under contract not to tell anyone," Tree says.
"I didn't—"
"She just said she didn't tell him," Taylor says coldly.
"Just reminding her," Tree replies, sounding a bit more subdued. "He's going to need to sign a contract."
"Yeah, well, I figured," Karlie mutters.
"Tomorrow," Tree replies.
"I'm going to Sweden, I can't—"
"Then how can I reach him?" Tree asks.
"You're not going to be the one to ask him!" Karlie replies defensively.
"When are you coming back from Sweden?" Tree asks.
"The 21st."
"That's too long. I am going to need to ask him, or you're going to have to delay going to Sweden," Tree says with a shrug of the shoulders.
"Ah, skip work?" Karlie says with a derisive laugh. "I don't think—"
"The contract you signed says you won't tell anyone about you and Taylor. It always says you won't endanger this secret at all, and that is a legal document you signed. If you think that allowing Josh to be in the know of this information without having signed a contract until five days from now isn't endangering Taylor, you're very wrong," Tree replies quickly.
"Endangering?" Karlie replies blankly, the stony tone of voice she has been using thus far completely dropped. "Why the hell wasn't that mentioned beforehand?"
"You're obligated to cooperate with me. In a time efficient manner. Which you also haven't done with Cara Delevingne, either," Tree replies.
"She's going to take care of that," Taylor interrupts, quickly rubbing Karlie's thigh in comfort before stabilizing her grip once more.
"She'll do what she will, but Josh needs to be taken care of now," Tree replies, tapping her finger against the table.
"He's not going to tell anybody," Karlie replies.
"Your words don't mean anything to me, and that isn't personal, you just can't expect me to feel as though that is enough for me to do my job and protect Taylor," Tree says.
"I protect Taylor, too, and I'm telling you he isn't going to tell anybody," Karlie replies coldly, leaning forward against the table.
"He's well aware of how to contact media outlets. If you don't think—"
"He doesn't want to contact media outlets. Simple enough," Karlie insists.
"You're naive if you think—"
"And you're ignorant if you think you know him better than I do," Karlie replies. "His word is his word."
A thick silence settles over the table.
"Look, from a personal perspective the last thing he would most likely want to see is a relationship you're in to succeed, especially given the circumstances of how it started," Tree says, breaking the silence.
"Okay, and from a personal perspective if he still has feelings for me he isn't going to want to piss me off in that way," Karlie replies.
"And what about when he doesn't have feelings for you and is just really bitter and mad?" Tree asks.
"He wouldn't tell the media. He doesn't want that type of attention on the relationship he had with me. He's shy," Karlie replies.
Taylor is turning her head back and forth watching the tennis match of words take place.
"Do you know the type of money he could make from a story regarding Taylor like this?" Tree asks doubtfully.
"I don't need to know, because, believe me, he already has more money than he needs. It wouldn't be a factor," Karlie replies.
"Okay, so he tells family, friends. They leak the story," Tree says.
"He hasn't even told any of them that we've broken up yet. And even then, he's a good person who promised me he wouldn't tell anyone. I believe him. I'm going to Sweden tomorrow, and I will deal with him when I get back," Karlie replies, with a tone of finality in her voice. "I don't think much will change with his family and friends knowing before I get back. And if they care about him, they'd know him well enough to know he'd never want this story to leak and put his personal life under the spotlight."
After a beat of silence, Taylor says to Tree with a small smile, "Maybe I should just hire her," causing Tree to purse her lips tightly together.
"You need to think about who you're more interested in protecting. Taylor or Josh. I hope to have contracts from Cara and Josh as soon as possible before things become even more complicated," Tree replies sternly.
"Are you—"
"Is that it?" Taylor asks, before Karlie can fire back a response. Surprisingly enough, Karlie's words assured her more than anything Tree had to say.
"I suppose. I hope I wouldn't have to ask this, but you won't be joining her to Sweden, will you?" Tree asks, standing up from the table.
"No," Taylor replies.
Tree nods her head and begins to leave. Taylor walks her to the apartment door and opens it for her.
Tree hesitates and says, "I'm sorry if it seems as though we were butting heads today, but—"
"The last couple of days have just been a bit...dramatic. You're doing your job, and I respect that. I think I've just been feeling a bit sensitive," Taylor explains, sounding a bit subdued.
Tree nods her head and they exchange goodbyes.
Taylor turns to return to Karlie, but on her way to the kitchen sees that the model has already returned to the couch in the den.
"Was that better than last time?" Taylor asks, taking a spot beside Karlie.
"Why'd you have to call her? I could have told you all of that stuff without her ever being involved," Karlie asks.
"It's important to just keep her on the same page with things," Taylor replies calmly.
"What if Josh doesn't even sign the contract? Or Cara...even Cara might be...my family is going to think all of this is—"
"I don't want you to worry about that tonight," Taylor says softly, pulling Karlie close to her.
"I don't know how to tell all of them, Taylor. I don't know how to ask them to do that. I have to do it in person right? I mean, I can't just—"
Taylor stops her from saying much more by planting her lips firmly against Karlie's, swiping her tongue along the model's bottom lip. She pushes forward, guiding Karlie to lie on her back as their tongues meet.
Taylor pulls apart and grips the bottom of Karlie's shirt, helping her lift it over her arms before the girl beneath her completely settles back against the couch. Taylor pushes her hands beneath Karlie, struggling to unhook the bra beneath the model's body weight, but when finally pulling the under garment off, Taylor lies flat on top of Karlie, kissing her neck and cupping a breast in her hand.
She lightly nips at the long tan neck, but Karlie quickly jerks her head saying, "You seriously can't do that. I have an important photoshoot."
Taylor smiles against her neck, quickly licking the spot instead as way of apology, before moving her mouth lower to Karlie's defined collar bones, as Taylor begins circling her nipple with her thumb. She gently grazes the length of Karlie's collar bone with her teeth, mostly just to get a reaction from the model. When she mischievously glances up to see her favorite pair of green eyes, she is stopped cold seeing a few tears wet the model's blonde hair, as they flow backwards as Karlie lies down.
"Babe," Taylor coos, surprised by the reaction Karlie is having. "Karlie, what's the matter? That was way better than last time, wasn't it?" Taylor asks softly, pressing her cheek against Karlie's, feeling badly that she totally missed Karlie's lack of positive reaction to Taylor's attempt at arousal.
"It was but I can't...I still can't feel okay," Karlie whimpers as a few more tears drip form the corner of her eyes to her hairline.
"Shhh," Taylor says soothingly, kissing by Karlie's ear and hair, her lips tasting the saltiness of the tears. I'm in love with you. "What are you feeling?"
"I don't know," Karlie says, her voice sounding tight.
"Just talk to me, babe," Taylor says softly.
"I really don't know," Karlie whines, balling up a fist around the fabric of Taylor's dress. "It's still everything. Nothing is different, that didn't help anything. My family doesn't know, my friends don't know, Josh knows, and I still have no idea how to get those contracts signed. And Josh is so sad because of me, and I hate Tree. And...you're going to be so busy soon, I'm too used to you always being in the apartment here. And Jourdan thinks we are growing apart, and...and...I lo— I'm in l— I'm under so much pressure, I don't know where to begin with everything," Karlie cries.
"You don't need to deal with anything until you get back from Sweden. We can make a little to-do list or a schedule or something, we're just going to take things one at a time. We aren't operating on a strict schedule," Taylor replies, slowly rubbing Karlie's bare side.
"How can you say that? Of course we are, you're just going to start getting busy pretty soon. We aren't going to be able to see each other as often. And everyday that passes is another day that I don't have any family and friends to go to support, I'm not even going to know how to talk to them at this point," Karlie says. "It's like I miss them."
Taylor kisses Karlie's temple, cupping Karlie's face with one of her hands. "We're going to make it work. I'm going to be in New York for a lot of the promo, I promise. Even when I go to LA, it won't be for long. Europe will be harder, but I am going to be a phone call away. And even that trip isn't too bad, okay? And your family and friends are still there for you right now, they always are. They're a phone call away, too," Taylor says softly.
"There's just so much—"
"I know there is. There is a lot. But I don't want you worrying about that tonight, there's nothing we can do about any of it until you get back from Sweden," Taylor says, hugging one of Karlie's long legs in between her own two.
"I don't even want to go anymore, now I'm going to hate being in that hotel because I know you're going to hate I'm in it, and I'm just going to be thinking about Josh and feeling guilty," Karlie says.
Taylor sighs. This is a lot. She couldn't shake the feeling of somehow being in an unbeatable game of chess, or a maze without an exit, a riddle without a solution. Each piece of comfort she provides seems to only lead to another problem. Each way they turn, another possible trap is awaiting them. "It's only a couple of days," Taylor assures her, and it isn't until then that she recalls just how badly she misses Karlie now when the model goes away. Karlie's last trip away had been downright miserable for her.
"Yeah, I get to look forward to coming back to complete hell after being away for a couple days of isolation with only my horrible thoughts," Karlie replies, her voice cracking.
Taylor sits up a bit and looks into Karlie's eyes, using a thumb to wipe away the potential tears that would surely be falling after a couple seconds. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've had a lot of amazing things happen to me, and you are still the best thing to ever happen to me. And I've had a lot of luck in my life, but being with you is the luckiest I've been. I've also had a lot of less than amazing things happen in my life, and all of this stuff we have to deal with is some of the worst things I've had to deal with since my career took off. But you know what? I know just how special you are to me because even though this is the worst situation I've ever experienced, I'm still the happiest I've ever been," Taylor says seriously, holding Karlie's head steady as she stares full on into the model's orb-like green eyes.
Karlie lifts her head and meets Taylor's lips with her own, and once more their tongues meet. As they kiss, Karlie pulls the fabric of Taylor's dress higher and higher, and Taylor doesn't sit up until Karlie is pushing at her chest, to lift the dress up and over her head. Their lips greedily reconnect as Karlie expertly unhooks Taylor's bra strap. They lie chest to chest, Karlie holding the singer tightly against her.
Taylor wriggles her body beneath Karlie's strong arms, moving her lips from Karlie's mouth, jaw, neck, and collar bone, lightly nipping and grazing her teeth against particularly sensitive areas as she does it.
"Are you okay now?" Taylor breathes, her mouth centered in the valley between Karlie's breasts. She rests her chin on Karlie's chest to look up at her, but her green eyes give her the answer to the question she has just asked. No, Karlie isn't okay now, but she was trying hard to be just for Taylor. I'm in love with you.
Taylor moves her head a couple inches and kisses and licks one of Karlie's breasts as she massages the other with her hand. It isn't until when Karlie tightly wraps her legs around Taylor and elicits a very slight moan, does Taylor stop her adoration. She gently and slowly begins to move lower down Karlie's body, pausing her mouth just above the waistline of Karlie's jeans. Goosebumps have broken out beneath Taylor's lips, and she feels Karlie's body, especially her legs, twitch with anticipation when she begins to unbutton and unzip the jeans. She sits up as she pulls the jeans slowly down her legs, pausing to take her shoes off as well.
She tries not to smile, feeling Karlie's intense and eager gaze completely focused on her as she takes her time undressing her. She runs both hands along the outer sides of Karlie's very long, muscular, and tan legs, causing them to tremble. She puts her lips on a kneecap, slowly dragging her mouth upwards as her tongue moistens some of her flesh. When her mouth finds Karlie's upper thigh, her legs are twitching with each touch of Taylor's tongue, and Taylor lightly bites down on a particularly sensitive area of her inner thigh, causing Karlie to very slightly thrust her hips upward, practically begging for Taylor to just move the inch upwards to where Karlie really wants her.
When Karlie impatiently begins pulling at the waistline of her own panties, trying to speed Taylor along, the singer gently grabs at her hands, pushing them away. She crawls back up Karlie's body, lying against chest once more, firmly rubbing her hand against Karlie's toned abdomen.
Karlie releases a mixture of a groan and a moan, realizing Taylor had completely teased her for the last few minutes, only to once more return to her mouth. They kiss each other in a way that involves much more tongue than lip, and the model tightly squeezes one of Taylor's breasts.
Taylor keeps her hand firm against Karlie's stomach, inching nearer and nearer to the waistline of Karlie's panties. Karlie moans into their kiss when Taylor quickly rubs a hand over her panties before returning to her stomach.
"Taylor," Karlie says breathlessly, genuine anger sounding in her voice, as she squeezes Taylor's breast tighter.
Taylor flinches at the sudden feeling of pain, but recovers and tantalizingly smiles and moves her mouth lower to Karlie's neck, looking downwards at her body. Her perfect and even tan resides on each part of the model's body, somehow even her breasts. She's not exactly in the mental position to wonder just how that has come to be now, but rather continues admiring her very toned abs and hip flexors, her muscles rippling as she constantly shifts her hips from anticipation. Of course, her just as toned legs seem to go on forever, one stretched out to the very end of the couch, the other bent at the knee.
"Your body," Taylor says huskily against her neck. "It's like a work of art."
With that, she plunges her hand beneath the waistline of her panties, Karlie very audibly moans in a mixture of surprise, relief, and pleasure. She spreads her legs wider as Taylor's hand works both against and inside of Karlie.
Taylor lifts her head and stares at Karlie's reactions, watching as her face screws up in pleasure, her brow tight, mouth sometimes open in soft moans, other times tightly biting against her lip, causing the skin to whiten. Taylor ever so slightly kisses her cheeks, jaw, and chin. She doesn't bother to move away her hair when her bangs fall forward into her eyes, and her longer locks of hair resting on Karlie's flushed cheeks.
Karlie wraps an arm around Taylor, keeping her incredibly close as she folds the crook of her elbow around the back of her neck. Taylor lightly kisses Karlie's lips, but doesn't get much of a response back, as she is too consumed by Taylor's hand. When Karlie both arches her neck and back, and squeezes the couch cushion in a balled fist with a louder moan, Taylor continues more aggressively, feeling her body spasm due to her touch. She doesn't stop until Karlie herself has pushed her hand away.
Karlie breathes heavily, in shallow breaths, as her eyes lazily shut. Her grip around Taylor's neck has loosened considerably, and when Taylor moves lower down Karlie's body once more, her arm completely flops off of Taylor's neck and drops onto the couch.
"You're beautiful," Taylor mumbles, gently kissing Karlie's chest, her misted sweaty body tasting quite salty and moist beneath her lips and tongue. Karlie's heart is hammering against her chest still, and her chest rises and falls quickly, and Taylor closes her eyes and enjoys resting her mouth against so much activity.
"Roll over," Taylor says softly, gripping the side of Karlie's abdomen, guiding her over onto her stomach. Taylor firmly rubs both hands from her the very small of her back to her muscular shoulders, massaging as she had done only yesterday, but with Karlie's perspiration providing a slickness to Taylor's touch. She presses her thumb against every area of her back that seems tighter than it should, and spends time running intricately fingers along the outlines of her shoulder blades and spine. She delicately grazes her own breasts against Karlie's back at times, smiling at the slight shiver she is able to evoke from the girl beneath her as she does it.
Taylor massages her mostly in silence, communicating words with her hands in as intimate a way as any. She hopes that with her hands she can infuse a sense a comfort into the girl, ease her worries and stress, at least for even tonight. Feeling Karlie practically melt beneath her touch and completely relax deeper and deeper into the cushion lets her know she is succeeding, and that with each deliberate movement of her hands she is bringing much needed relief to the selfless girl beneath her.
"Please come to Sweden with me," Karlie says, breaking the silence, her voice sounding as though she is someplace other than here.
"Just relax tonight," Taylor says softly, not wanting to say no to Karlie.
"But, you—"
Taylor slips her hands underneath Karlie, massaging her breasts under her body weight, silencing the model with a surprised and sharp intake of breath. Karlie rolls over beneath Taylor's straddle, and Taylor massages her front just as she had done her back, as the model lazily reaches up and cups Taylor's breasts.
"No one would ever know if you came with me," Karlie says breathlessly after a few moments.
Taylor leans forward and gently kisses Karlie's lips, and once more begins to move lower and lower down Karlie's body. Unlike earlier, there is not much teasing involved when she guides Karlie's panties off and replaces the fabric with her own mouth. Karlie keeps a steadying hand on Taylor's head, keeping her in place as if to prevent Taylor from pulling away to tease her any further. She is much quicker to release, but her body lacks the energy for as much of a reaction as earlier.
Taylor lies back down on top of Karlie, lightly kissing her cheek as Karlie lazily wraps her arms around Taylor's hips. Her eyes are slowly opening and closing, perhaps fighting off sleep.
"I need to make us dinner," Taylor says quietly as she plays with a strand of the model's hair, when Karlie wraps her legs around Taylor as well. "Don't trap me on the couch."
Karlie smiles a bit, all of her actions just emphasizing how tired she truly feels. "Please come to Sweden," Karlie says softly, her words slurring from exhaustion.
Taylor doesn't reply as she watches Karlie fall asleep, luckily finding a way to avoid saying no to her girlfriend once more. She stays in Karlie's arms for a couple moments, enjoying the feeling of their bare chests together as Karlie breathes deeply in her sleep.
Taylor sighs as she carefully eases herself off of Karlie and the couch. She smiles, finding Karlie to be endlessly adorable, when in her sleep her face tenses up due to Taylor's absence as she blindly reaches for something to hold on to. She doesn't go back to a peaceful slumber until she finds a couch pillow to wrap an arm around.
"I'm in love with you," Taylor says, her voice even lower than a whisper. She smiles when her only response is a single and very quiet snore from Karlie. She bends down and kisses her cheek, allowing her lips to linger.
Taylor admires her long naked body sprawled out on the couch, wondering just how she has become so lucky. She throws a blanket over Karlie before slipping her dress on and going to the kitchen to make dinner for their last evening before Karlie leaves for Sweden.