The red sunlight softly danced upon the beige pillar. Flickered. It became brighter, then softer again. A brief moment later, blue made its way upon the pillar too. Then yellow. Violet and green. In wonder, I stared. Experiencing it as if it was the first time I'd seen it.
The colours kept dancing, but the sunlight had the power over how bright they would be displayed. Only a mere minute. Then the sunlight disappeared again. I blinked a few times, moved my eyes away from the pillar, and gazed at the people, who were praying, admiring, or just sitting upon the benches in the church.
I dropped my head upon my arms, resting onto the Prie Dieu. Closed my eyes, but my lips could not form a prayer. For it had been too long since I had done that. I didn't remember how to. Looking up, I wished I could read the minds of the people who seemed to be praying. wondering what they said, confessed or thought in silence.
How did Mamma do it?
After a moment, I tried to reach for my trekking pole, and pulled myself up with a soft grunt.
With my lips slightly parted, I breathed in deeply, found my balance, and breathed out slowly as I straightened myself. It took me a few steps before the stiffness went away in my right leg, and once I was near the exit, I walked a whole lot less limp.
Perhaps, it hadn't been the best of ideas to kneel down with an iron leg that didn't work as it used to. It was the effect of unspoken prayers, but endless thinking. Another failed mission. With a sigh, I returned back to the farm.
The lane leading up to the house, was about one quarter mile. It depended on the day, how fast I could walk the gravel path.
The path was big enough for a tractor to drive on, but two cars wouldn't be able to pass. Alongside the path were wooden fences, enclosing green pastures where a few jersey cows and Valais blacknose sheep were happily grazing away. A few apple trees were scattered along the way towards the house, with ripen apples slowly swinging back and forth due to the soft breeze.
I picked one and took a bite, while I snuggled deeper into my sweater, the temperature turning colder now it was November. The sun, although shining weakly, still warmed my face a little.
I enjoyed autumn. For me, it felt as if the earth would start to slumber a little. People slowed down, preparing for the end of the year, tucking away the hastiness that summer had been. Perhaps, it felt that way, because I wasn't always be able to keep up, but in the end, I guess it was what everyone needed. A time to reset.
Leaves would fall, apples were ready to be picked, and animals had more time to slumber in their warm barn. I liked it. Younger me would not have understood that.
Finishing my apple, I threw the remaining of the apple in the chicken coop, which laid on the left side of the path, where the barn was. The chickens clucked, quickly made their way over to the fruit. First hesitant, but after one of the chickens started picking rapidly, the other chicks soon followed. I watched for a while, then turned the other way to the farmhouse.
The house wasn't too big, nor small. It had three bedrooms, one bathroom, two toilets, a kitchen, a basement- which served as a big pantry, and a living room.
On the opposite of the house, stood the barn. There was a loft in the barn, renovated into a place where a bed, a shower, a toilet and a small kitchen were made. It was home to me.
When I entered the farmhouse, Matthew was sitting at the kitchen table, with a paper in his hand, a cigar in his mouth. He glanced at me, gave a quick nod. I returned it, and poured the both of us some coffee. Matthew cleared his throat. "Where's the warm apple pie?" He asked, his eyes not leaving the newspaper.
"I, sadly, suppose the apples are still hanging there." I glanced outside the window, to the trees where I'd just taken an apple from.
"When Beth was still here, those apples wouldn't have made it this long."
I was used to the way he talked, but sometimes, I still couldn't make out whether he was serious or not. "I don't mind picking them for you. An apple pie is something I might even be able to make out of it."
"Don't bother. I hope you enjoyed the apple." Matthew laid his cigar, which had burnt off, away, closing the paper. "Got plenty of hands helping me in a few weeks."
Right. Something a church from around the area had composed. A trip for children who needed a little more care than the average. So the parents had their hands empty for a few days.
Apparently, it was something Matthew and Beth used to do each year. But he hadn't, ever since she passed. His motives were unclear to me, but maybe he missed the company and was ready for it again.
"If you need me to-"
"They always have a few girls, boys helping them. I don't take care of them, besides the task to provide them food, warm water for baths and a place to sleep." Matthew stood up, taking his time to do so. It made me realise that he was older than he sometimes pretended to be.
What was it, with those old farmers, that they never seemed to actually get too old, and just went on with their tasks until their death? It was something I did admire.
"But if you would cook their meals in the evening.." Matthew opened the cabinets, poured the last few coffee beans into the machine, purposefully turning his back to me, as he whispered out. "I'd appreciate it."
It had been the unwritten rule ever since I got to live here. Beth used to cook his meals. The only thing Matthew knew in the kitchen was to cook up a nice breakfast. Other than that, he hadn't ever learnt how to cook. Subconsciously, I had taken over Beth's tasks in the kitchen. We had never questioned it.
"Of course, it would be my pleasure." I said, sincerely.
The bell, which stood in the corner of the kitchen counter, rang, telling us somebody was waiting at the little market stall we had standing at the end of our path, where we sold fresh eggs, raw milk and some fruits and vegetables. Amateurish. "I'll check on it."
Matthew glanced at me, gave a simple nod while he retrieved a new basket full of fresh eggs. The basket was small, but there were many eggs. I took it from him, carefully. Decided to leave my trekking pole behind, so I had my hands free.
The door closed with a creak and a thud, and after I had stepped into my brown, work chelsea boots, I made my way over, walking the quarter mile again.
From a distance, I couldn't make out who was standing there. But it was someone who felt bothered by the cold, judging the beanie and scarf I could make out from afar.
I continued to walk, avoided a few puddles, but when I had almost gotten there, my boot slipped in the mud and my right leg failed to keep me up. I fell on my side, the basket slipping out of my hands, causing the eggs to scatter and break all around me.
I muttered an Italian curse word, and wanted to grab the outstretched hand. But before I could, the hand was pulled back while a gasp was heard. "What did you say?"
"Forgive me, that wasn't very polite. It slipped out of my mouth before I-"
"I think I'm going to faint!" The woman hovered over me, and when I looked up, I recognized her instantly. To which I froze a little. My eyes flickered away, even though I craved for eye contact at the very same moment. She removed her beanie, I saw how her black curls were pulled back in a tight bun.
"Open your mouth."
"What? I-"
"Don't bother, I saw it." Her tone puzzled me. I wasn't sure if she wanted to turn around, speed off and never come back again while leaving me here in the mud, or if she was relieved, in a way. "Italian curse words, the grey eyes, the small gap between your front teeth.." Gloria helped me stand up and pulled me in a tight hug, smearing the mud all over herself.
"Hello, Glorie." I said softly, somewhat uncertain. "You're covered in mud now yourself." I said, prying away from her hug.
"Does it look like I care?" Gloria's tears were felt on my cheek as she pressed hers against mine. "I can't believe I'm seeing you right now. I cannot believe you're here, standing right in front of me, alive.." Her breath hitched by the last word, she looked away, aware of her words. Though, she recovered quickly, looking up at me with a wide smile, her eyes watery. "Benjamin.. what on earth are you doing here?"
"I suppose I could ask you the same thing." I grinned a little, pulling on her bun. A trait I used to do when we were little.
"Well, in a few weeks, we will be staying at this farm with a few children. I was just driving around the area to get some ideas for activities, what the easiest way is to reach the farm, and whatnot. And then I saw this little stall and was just about to ask if there were some more eggs." Gloria sighed deeply, she wasn't aware of the fact that she was stomping all over the eggs, cracking more while she walked around me. "Heavens knew I would run into you.." She hugged me from behind, I briefly touched her hands. "So, what are you doing here?"
"I live here." I said, hesitant about the fact that I just gave that away. For the past year, it felt nice, living here without anyone knowing, but I knew that sooner or later, people would find out, and I'd have to face them.
Gloria's eyes screamed surprise, then turned questionable. "You do?" Her voice turned soft, almost to a whisper. "For how long have you lived here?"
"About a year now." I answered, bending down to collect the few eggs that had survived. I couldn't bear looking at her for a moment. I held myself up with one hand, my right leg shaking as I put pressure on it.
Gloria bent down too, and helped me. "A year. You have lived here for a year. Thirty minutes away from us.." I swallowed, didn't dare to look at her face still, in case hurt would be written all over it. What excuse could I give, after all? And what about the accusations? Wouldn't she know about it, did she pretend not to know about them, or didn't she believe it?
After a moment of silence, I realized no reproach had sounded in that sentence. I dared to look at her again. "I can see why." She said, frowning when I smiled a little. "I do, Benjamin."
When the eggs were collected, we both stood up again. I made my way over to the small stall, to which she reached for a bag. "Well, I would love to buy some of the none-cracked eggs, two bottles of milk and two boxes of pears. I work at the Beany Business, and I wanted to try out a new recipe. Pear pie."
The Beany Business. Nolan. I wondered what had become of him. I didn't mention anything about it. Seeing Gloria was enough for now. I packed the products nicely, and shoved a pack of freshly baked biscuits in her bag as a gift. We exchanged the bag and the money, which I put in an old glass jar, shoving it away under the stall, where no one could see it.
"In good faith." I said, when I saw how her eyebrows went up, while a soft smile lingered on her face.
"Well, I have enough to recover from today." Gloria joked, sighing softly. "It is so good to see you again, Benjamin. Truly.."
"Likewise, Glorie." My voice turned hoarse, but I coughed it away.
"You won't run away now, will you?"
"I won't."
"So I'll see you in a few weeks?"
"You will." I meant it.
"Au revoir then, Benji." I watched as she entered her car, driving off after hitting the honk one time.
It took me a few minutes to regain the grip on my thoughts, and to saunter my way back. Gloria, a daughter to my parents, and a sister to me. It took me back to the time where we had first played together.
•
*Aurora's voice* look at you, Beniamino, all grown up!
So, uhm, hi guys.. it really has been a few years, hasn't it? It's insane how fast time flies by..
I hope you liked this chapter, and I hope you will like this book. I will try to update regularly, but in between writing this book I have a million breakdowns because I sometimes just don't remember how to, since its been so long and so much has happened in my life.
But I will try! Thank you so much for your support, and let me know your thoughts!
What do you think.. Benjamin? Gloria?
All the love, X Jo.