Vada
//
My eyes meet Harry's as soon as he gets close enough.
Go, my heart beats.
Trouble takes one step toward me before Zayn, Louis and Niall hold him back by his flannel. I turn from my spot and run towards my boy.
When I get to him, he's no longer lit up and glowing like he was on stage. He's a shell of his best version as he breathes outrageously through his nose working his hardest to get his boys off his back. He manages to get one arm free, but Niall pulls him again by his shirt collar until it rips.
Zayn whispers something in his ear, trying to get him to calm down. I don't hear much but I do hear. "I know you love her but..." His lips say. "It's not worth it here—We can't get caught up—"
But Harry is relentless, he's used to doing what he does best.
The circle around us tightens as Benny heads for him, and I get pushed back when the boys can't control their leader anymore. I try to run back towards him but dainty arms keep me back, circling around my waist and keeping me from getting too far.
I push down and kick my legs, not caring who I'm hurting. "Let me go!"
"V," A voice I know too well says. "Stop."
I dig my fingernails into Juliet's hands, and elbow and squirm and stomp and yell. But the girl I call my best friend does not waver. She doesn't give up on me.
I watch Benny step up and reach for my boy. I watch the boys release Harry.
I get a clear view of trouble enduring and inflicting pain. For every blow he gives he takes. But there's more anger for his opponent than usual. I don't know what Ben told him or threatened him with but the way Harry's taking it I know it was nothing good.
At first nobody around us moves, and a small crowd of people that aren't distracted by the firework show moves in around us. I feel myself burst at every hit and every crack rumbling in the sky.
But in true Harry Styles form, the fight turns frightening really fast. The boys exchange looks wondering if they should break it up. Zayn kind of moves forward like he might, and then with one look up, his eyes land on his girl, and then to me before heading in as a challenge to let his lead singer up.
Benny struggled beneath Harry, bruised and bleeding. His knuckles are raw and the neck of his shirt is ripped. His shoes skid and dig into the concrete beneath him, trying to gain leverage, but Harry is ruthless. He will bleed to death before he gives up.
I turned in Juliet's arms. "Li, please! Let me go."
Her eyes shift to my face and back to the fight before she finally lets up. Zayn has his boy up by the shoulders but the fighter remains determined.
I immediately rush inwards and right towards Harry, pushing him back with all of my strength so he finally lets up. I hold him tight around the waist pleading with all I have until he finally calms down just a fraction.
"Vada, get the fuck out of here—" Louis demands as he steps forward.
But to everyone's surprise except my own, Harry lets me keep him where he is as his eyes are specially trained on his enemy who's still broken and bruised on the ground and people watch as he struggles to get up.
My focus is on the boy in front of me though where he's blood-coated and his eyes are wild. He spits and wipes his cut lip with the back of his hand.
"Come on, motherfucker, I thought you were supposed to be a professional or some shit?" Benny spits out once he's gained composure.
I don't have a good enough grip on him because then I hear Harry's bitter laugh before his feet rush towards him and then they both collide again. A few more fists fly, someone screams and when the boys finally get the two off of each other again— I realize the scream is coming from me.
And that's when the rain starts.
The fight is over and between people rushing out of the grounds around us, the fireworks falter to a stop as it's replaced by rain cracking from the sky and thunder booms behind it. But nobody from our group moves or speaks.
Usually one of the boys would do or say something to ease the anxiety that their leader caused, but that's not happening this time.
I look up at the muffled stars, releasing a breath pulling all the way within me. The rain seeps around us in a drench and we're all soaked as I look back at Harry.
Blood and dirt and tears coax through his being, but he stands tall and when my boy looks at me through it all, I know that this is what I signed up for. His eyes tell me what I already know.
This is our truth. This is our deal.
"Come on motherfucker!" Ben is screaming now and the look of distress in his eyes makes my throat burn. "You wanna bruise somebody? Bruise me!"
"Ben." My voice croaks and he shakes his head, expression flaming.
"This is fucked, Vada and y'know it." He points at me. "You're letting him tear you apart, look at you." He accuses and something seems to break inside of me at his words.
"You don't even fucking know me—"
"Bullshit, I've known you my entire life—"
"No Ben, you really don't know shit about me. You just know the version you made up of me in your head." I tell him as I step forward towards him.
I watch brown eyes draw over me a few times, his expression breaking a little as he finally looks away. "You're right," He then nods. "I guess I really don't know who you are anymore." He agreed.
I stand in the pathway between love and friendship. Between everyone's curious and questioning eyes, there's a pit in my stomach where I know I need to make a decision.
I feel from the corner of my eye as Juliet stays very still, and very silent. I feel her thick gaze from here and I know her head must be spinning. Everyone else just looks at each other, and we all wait for one person's move.
Harry then turns towards Ben, and the two are all heavy breathing and face to face again.
"You think you can threaten me with her? You don't stand a fucking chance." His voice drips venom as he stands his ground but makes his words travel far.
"You know everything, huh? Well then y'know if you ever try anything again, I'll fucking kill you." He shrugs his shoulders and squares back up. I hold my hands against his chest and tell him to stop, but he just walks right through me.
"You want her, and you love her?" He asks him, letting out a soulless laugh. "You really fucking think it's any comparison for what I fucking feel for her? You really wanna go up against me in that competition, cause I'll win every time motherfucker—"
"Harry, let's go," I tell him as I pull on what's left of his flannel.
His eyes shift down to mine. "Now?" Water drips down his face, mixing with the blood coming from his lip as they give a wicked smile.
"Yes. Now." My heart pounds.
Harry just shakes his head. "Look around, baby." He tells me. I don't.
"This is all for us, this was our outcome from the beginning, remember?" Don't get caught up, stick to my rules and we'll be fine. Well, look where we are now." He laughs bitterly.
My eyes shift away from his for a moment and land on my best friend. Zayn stands at her side but doesn't comfort the tears spilling out of her eyes. Ben's expression is pitiful as I look at him, but he can't even make my eye contact. Everyone else around us is still, staring at us like we're something unfamiliar.
"Let's just go," I repeat, ready to run for the hills and never look back. Because he's right, this is what I wanted. Just us and nobody else.
Harry straightens out and wipes the water and blood from off his face before turning to Ben one last time.
"Go near my girl again, and I'll fucking rip you up and send your body parts back to daddy, how's that for a fucking threat, huh?" He steps forward and pushes past him. I follow after him.
As I pass Juliet, she grabs onto my wrist and jerks me back. I try to get free but she doesn't let me go.
Her eyes are pooled with distrust and accusations that are well true. And I know when she looks at me she doesn't recognize me, but I don't blame her.
"Juliet let me go," My words are final and my tone leaves no room for argument.
Like she touched something scolding hot, she immediately removes her grip and lets me go.
I run after trouble as he is blurry through thick raindrops and the crowds of people around us. I manage to reach the parking lot where there are hundreds of cars trying to leave at the same time.
"Harry!" I yell after finally spotting him down by his car parked just a little up the street. "Harry!" I yell again as he climbs in the driver side of the car.
"You can't leave me," I tell him once I reach his car and open the passenger's door.
Wiping his face and starting the engine, he barely looks at me. "Get in the fucking car, Vada."
***
We drove back to the motel in a freighting silence.
The storm doesn't let up a fraction, instead it gets intensely worse. But my biggest concern isn't with the weather. It's with the raged-filled boy that stays too quiet for too long. I know that saying anything would push him more so I copy his usual manners.
When we get back to room four, Harry stays in the bathroom for too long as I change out of my wet clothes and climb into warm familiar sheets.
I close my eyes and my head spins from the events of tonight. I try not to let my mind jump in every which way. Guilt swarmed in my stomach when I thought of the betrayal. Still, I couldn't help but feel a little relieved either.
The weight of the world was sitting on my shoulders the entire summer. I held back everything that made me feel whole from people that were important to me. But now that it's all out, and I've made the decision of him choosing him, it all felt like puzzle pieces clicking in their right places.
We had each other, it was just everything else that was fucked up.
Knowing sleep is a far stretch, I throw the sheets off my body, and walk over to the bathroom door. Knocking softly on the splintered wood, it takes a few moments before Harry finally opens up behind it.
Shirtless in his baggy jeans, curls drape in his face but I still catch sight of his blacked out eyes and fresh bruises. Leaning against the doorframe, I reached for him, dragging him to me by his belt buckle.
But Harry has other plans as he bends and picks me up by my waist, placing me on the bathroom counter. He kisses me until the room spins and my body heats and I'm breathing hard enough to need him more than oxygen.
"Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry—" I tug his curls and bite down on his already bruised lip.
It makes his actions go from slow to rough as he holds my face up with one hand on my neck and leans my head back so we're eye to eye.
"You know what this means right, Vada?" He speaks in a drowsy tone, lips curling upwards.
"It means you're mine now," He leans his forehead on mine. "You signed the fucking contract, hung up everything in your life, all for me." The look in his eye would make anybody feel insane.
I swallowed hard, keeping his hard eye contact. Despite everything though, he's still the only boy who makes my heart pound and my soul burst.
So with a small smile, I gently pushed back the curls from his eyes before running my fingers through his scalp and then pulling as hard as I could.
"Stop trying to scare me, stop waiting for me to fucking run away from you." I tell him, eyes and tone as determined as his. "This isn't what you did, this is what we did. I knew it from the beginning, since we started all this bullshit. Don't you get it, Harry? I was already yours to begin with, it was everything else that wasn't right."
I kiss him and time moves as we move to the bed and Harry takes his time when he takes his shirt and the rest of my clothes off. We kind of just stay still and wrap each other up in soft touches and kisses that melt our skin and bleed into the run of our veins and straight into our hearts.
The world shakes from outside, but it all feels quiet in this peaceful serenity that we create together.
The way the rough pad of his fingertips brushed my skin gently. The way his soft smile creases and melts away the hollowed look in his green eyes. I was capturing every kiss and every touch with clinging hope as I glanced into our future.
"Where do we go from here?" I find myself asking, afraid of tomorrow when I just wanna live in this moment.
"I think our summer of no plans has officially come to an end, Harry." I then say. "Juliet hates me, grams is selling the motel, there's nothing here for me—"
"Come to California with me," He then says and my eyes shoot to him.
"What?" I kind of laugh.
"There's nothing here for you, V. You just said that." He reminds me. "So come to California with me." He states like it's the most simple thing in the world.
"What am I going to do in California, Harry?" I shake my head.
"Be with me," He shrugs, and green eyes are in a daze as his smirk grows wider. "It never rains in California, V. All this shit won't matter." He then reminds me and my mind wanders.
I trade autumn in the west village for shady palm trees and curls under beach waves. I picture tagging along from state to state with the band, being front row for them at every show, making our summer promises together last forever.
New York was my dream, but love had me up further in the clouds than the city ever did.
"You said you loved me," I then say as he hovers around me, sweeping red-blonde bangs from my eyes.
Harry kisses me gently again, a small smile pulling on his lips. "I don't really know what it means, or how it feels." He says, his eyes dazzling in a nervous way.
Taking a breath, I take his free hand and place it on my chest so he can feel my heartbeat. Then I take my hand and feel his as it matches my pace.
"It feels like this," I say, closing my eyes to trap myself in the moment and the kiss he gives me is deeper than all the other ones.
He leaves marks down my neck and a trail down my chest as he spreads my thighs wide open for him. I feel his heartbeat rack underneath his ribs as he pushes us together, skin to skin, heart to heart, two becoming one.
Harry moves down and positions himself between where I ache the most for him. "It feels like this." he repeats my words, holding me still as he pushes himself all the way inside while he never breaks his intense eye contact.
A euphoric feeling erupts in my body, and I cry out as he fills me deeper and practically touches my soul.
He starts slow at first, feeling me wholeheartedly with all that he has, feeling everything with all that we have. His rhythm is steady and Harry takes his time as he pulls almost all the way out before making me feel every of his inches as he pushes back in.
It's slow going and more painful than it should ever be.
Harry isn't in his usual selfish regard, taking what he needs desperately. He moves smoothly and sensual, his lips kiss my neck gently, and his fingers lace with mine. My boy is making love.
His hand moves between us, right at our centers and his fingers touch my clit and it shoots sparks up into my brain. With his same steady pace, I'm met with the first earth shattering orgasm and after one comes the other.
I'm on my way up to my third one, my body spent but needing this more than I've needed anything in my life. His pace is too slow and love moves like he's going to break me, but it's purposeful, I know him.
"Harry—" My voice croaks desperately, I touch up his shoulder and to the back of his neck, pulling his curls.
Green is leveled with mine, and he's everywhere I am. His hand goes from my hip to my neck and he holds me tight with the same determination.
"Always tell me what I need to know, V." He reminds me. "I'll do anything you ask me to, just say it—"
"Harder, Harry." I breathe. "Fuck me harder."
It is enough to make him break from above me, and he switches like night and day.
Harry flips me over, pulling me up by my hips so I'm sitting on all fours. My face is buried in the pillows as he lines himself up and kisses up my spine as he rocks into me so hard that the bed frame rocks against the wall and knocks the picture down above us.
He fucks me so hard my vision goes blurry. I'm a mess of desperate shrieks and moans, and I don't have any other choice than to just hold on tight.
Gentleness turns into crudeness, consideration to mindlessness. He gives me what I wanted.
Trouble sinks in deep and holds me against him by my hips. He gives me rough strokes and he pulls my hair until it stings my scalp. He uses his teeth, splitting skin and drowning me open to touch me on the inside.
I focused on the way every action of his brought both of us closer and closer and the way we lose our minds just for the others touch.
Like when I finally gain composure and meet his rough strokes and we're in a rhythm so good Harry starts to whimper with need from behind me.
"Baby, baby, baby—" He bites into my shoulder as his breath gets rougher by the second. "You don't want me to fuck you like I love you, huh?" He manages to croak out. "You don't want me to show you how sweet I can become if you really let me—"
He then pulls out of me so quickly that I almost scream because of how close I am. Then, with needing action, he flips me so I'm on my back again and he's back between my thighs before I can catch my breath.
"I'm a sucker for your eyes baby," Harry tells me, reaching for my leg and pulling it up so he can sink deeper than ever before. He always wants me like this, I remember him telling me. Right where he can see me.
"I want the way pretty gray's roll back when you come to be tattooed on my fucking chest." He brings up his hand to the back of my throat lifting my head so he can capture my lips as he goes at a pace that burns my skin and touches my soul.
Soaking down my thighs, I wrapped myself tightly around him and reached up, holding onto his shoulders, splintering the delicate skin with my nails when I felt myself become closer and closer than ever before.
"Harder, baby," Harry squeezes my neck, holding both sides so the air in my lungs gets slowed down and when he circles the most sensitive part of me it hits me so hard and I lose my fucking mind.
It explodes from inside of me and all around me, tightening my walls so hard that we both feel each other come apart right within. It's a hopeful feeling of bliss, and it shatters every other existing feeling in the world.
My body aches and feels sore. But the feeling of serenity outweighs everything else. I'm a buzzing wreck of satisfaction. When I open my eyes he's right there, curls draped around fucked-too-good green eyes, and a cutting smile I'll recognize for all my lifetimes.
He helps me clean up, and afterwards wraps me around him underneath the mass of blankets and sheets, hiding us away from the storm brewing outside.
"You love me, it's a rule." He whispers suddenly, and I feel his throat swallow as his chin rests on my head.
"No rules allowed in love, Harry, remember?" I say back, sleep thick on our voices.
"Fine," He answers. "You just love me then. No rules. Every part of you loves me but especially your heart, it's why it beats." And I know he is right.
"It's why my heart beats," I tell him the truth like he needs it to be at peace.
While his breath started to become even, I kissed his neck and shoulders, breathing in his comfort with my ear pressed to his chest, hearing every chord of his heartbeat.
Tears suddenly were brought to my eyes, not for any particular reason. I didn't let them fall. But I did let them bask in the moment where I felt love for someone so deeply for the first time in my life.
This was the feeling I had been searching for my entire life. He was a purpose I didn't even know I needed.
***