*Trigger Warning: Explicit Language used*
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"Sith... Sith, wake up!"
I feel my body lurch forward, a scream vibrating on the edge of my lips.
What happened? Where was I?
"Sith!" I jump back at the feel of a hand on my arm, my eyes finding the opponent immediately, the crisp smell of pine trees and musky earth fills my senses. I knew that smell, recognised it considerably. Even with his face shielded in darkness, I sensed it was him. Nikos.
"What..." I trail off, my throat raw and breathless. I had been screaming.
"You had a nightmare." He says, leaning forward. The musky haze over my sight was lifting, and even when cloaked in shadows I could spot the green hue of his emerald eyes.
"I woke you?" I purse my chapped lips, shaking my head from the haze. My mind was blank, empty. The dream was gone, maybe it was the dream about the Dragon, or something else entirely.
"It's alright." He assures me.
Whatever it was, he'd come for me. Maybe the talk we had earlier in the day gave him the feeling that he could come here, after we'd spoken so freely about our demons. I had never initiated it that way, I had never had anyone witness this part of myself, apart from Ivan, but even then, that was rare. He did not live with me, he probably only witnessed the nightmares a couple of times over the years.
"You didn't have to come—"
"I was already up." He says as if I should know. I should. He rarely slept, same as me. I noticed that he was perched at the end of my bed, and the night gown I wore was revealed because of my sweat stricken state, sometime during the night, the blankets had been peeled from my boiling skin. The blankets were a bundle on the floor beside me.
I shoot upwards, nearly knocking my forehead against his chest, I pull myself away from him, making sure the gown wouldn't ride any further up my thighs than it already had. Once I was calm enough to focus, I almost gawked at the bare chest on display in front of me. He was wearing loose fitted trousers, thank the Gods.
Back in Falor, in the heat of summer, all the men working at the village stripped because of the heat. However, most people my age or a few years older never stuck around Falor. They usually headed for Trios, the mortal kingdom where King Arlon and Queen Echo resided. It was a fair place, a place where normal people felt welcome, whole. For villages like Falor it was hard work, a secluded place, away from society and adventure. I used to believe that a life of solitude was not for me, but so far, it was all I had ever known, and all I believed I'd ever had, until now.
His lips had lifted lightly, probably because of my train of sight and thought. I had been quiet for a while, hadn't I?
"Come, I'll draw you a shower." He casually states, heading for the exit of my room.
I squeak after him, wobbling on shaky feet to stand. "T-that's not necessary!"
"Your sweaty." He says as if I didn't know. "A shower is the best remedy after a nightmare." He advises with a sincere glance.
I sigh, he was probably right. "I just don't know how to work the shower," I confess with flushed cheeks.
"Work the shower?" He looks at me over his shoulder, a sensual and humoured glint lighting his eyes.
"Don't laugh!"
"I didn't," He smirks. "How have you been bathing yourself for the past few days?" He asks with arched eyebrows. Lingering in my doorway as I awkwardly grab a robe that was provided for me by Kessa. Most of the stuff I had worn belonged to her.
"Well, back in Falor you'd heat the water by the fire, here it felt silly since the only fireplace is in the common room, and everyone's there. I couldn't just walk in with a pale of water and leave it in front of everyone." I confess, keeping my chin high. "So, I've been using the cold water from the sink to fill up the tub."
This time he did laugh. "I must have forgot to explain how it works here to you, I'm sorry." He stops his amusement to throw me an apologetic smile.
I cross my arms and frown. "Amuse me then."
His eyes drop from my face for a second, before I could glance to see what degraded his eyesight, he was already speaking. "We have boilers, machinery built in the basement of this house. The water is stored into a large water tank, the furnace heats the water and the piping running through the house sends it to the bathroom." He says, distracted almost, he was barely looking at me.
"That sounds... remarkable."
"It is, come on." He waves at me to follow as he leaves my room. I silently follow him on bare feet as he enters the bathing room closest to my own from the hallway. I'd been in here before, it offered a full length mirror and a tub you could stand in with a sink and toiletries. They also had a toilet. I wasn't privy to such a privilege back in my tiny shack in Falor. "Look," He says, gesturing to the large shower head above the tub.
"The left is the hot water, right is the cold. Sometimes you have to wait a moment for the water to heat, the boiler is temperamental. As soon as it is at a temperature you like, pull this plug and the shower will turn on." He does so, water trickles from above. "There is boilers in almost every home in Palin, and in the academy. It was strange for Kessa to get used too as well when she first arrived. Maddox helped her though."
I blink, surprised by how easy and simple it was. I turn to him, "I assume you've grown up with this?"
He shuffles on his feet and nods. A stupid question. His father was a general and a reigning council member on the council of Sphere. He grew up wealthy, igniting another difference between us. "I want to apologise, about today. I should not have left you like that."
Now it was my turn to shuffle awkwardly. I run a hand through my frazzled curls and shrug my shoulders. "The Lycan's rattled all of us."
"It was no excuse." His voice was hard, his eyes carrying emotion as he stared at me.
Moving past the intensity of his voice, I avert my gaze. "It doesn't matter, me and your brother shared a lovely conversation instead."
He groans. The sound nerve wracking and surprising coming from him. "I bet it was." He talks in a deep tone, striking me.
I send him a knowing smile, "I would tell, but I swore I wouldn't."
He arches an eyebrow. "Now I have to know."
I chuckle, shaking my head as I gaze at the shower. "Thank you for... showing me how to use this." I bow my eyes in embarrassment.
"It was my pleasure," He almost bows his body in mockery. "When you're finished, come to my room, I want to show you something."
My entire body freezes at his words, my eyes must have expressed my alarm because immediately his body responded the same way. "Oh, Gods, no! Not like that." He struggles to speak, his cheeks flushing pink as he awkwardly rubs the back of his neck, flexing his arm and his muscles.
His bare chest was not helping this situation.
He clears his throat, his voice smooth and rid of any embarrassment. "I want to show you something that is not in my room," He clarifies with precision. "I just meant when you are... finished, to meet me at my room and then we'll leave."
I hide my smile and nod; this was embarrassing in a strange way. I'd never been flustered before, never by a boy. I found all boys in Falor strange and annoying. They never liked me anyway, I was not insinuating that Nikos was, but I did prefer his company to any boy I'd ever met, and that was slim.
"Okay!" He awkwardly waves and leaves, closing the door behind him. I lock the door behind him and do as he advised, turning the left tap, waiting a moment for the hot water to start pooling in my hands.
I was gobsmacked and entirely invested in the water. It was hot enough to burn you. I mixed the hot with the cold until I was happy with the temperature and pulled the plug, watching as the water fell down as a sort of waterfall above me. I undress and step into the tub, shellshocked at the warm feeling across my skin as I stand under the water.
I wonder if this was what sanctuary felt like. My sore and aching bones were immediately eased with the soothing affect of the lilac liquor I had poured over my skin. A jolt of familiarity left me muddled as I washed my hair. As far as I could remember, I had never bathed myself like this before. But there were gaps in my memory, my memories only chose to unlock bits and pieces when the deepest part of my mind comes alive when I fall asleep. My nightmares are fuelled by those forgotten memories. Maybe I had a soothing upbringing, maybe I had a good childhood filled with possibilities and luxuries like a hot shower.
But the life before I met Ivan was a blur. I knew I had to have been on my own for years before Ivan discovered me. I was half wild when he came upon me. He had to coax me with food to keep me locked inside. He had to teach me how to speak again, how to clean myself, and with that, did he train me to hunt. My senses were the most alert he had ever seen, surviving by myself for so long made me strong. He exploited that. In a way, I could never really fault him for it. A part of me will always be grateful for what he did, but I would never tell him. He gave me what I needed, but I had no purpose, no feeling. Being here in Palin was like a cold prick upon my heart, jolting it alive, to feel. I was feeling more these past few days than what I had in the past eight years since Ivan found me when I was nine.
And I did not know how to process that. This. The ceremony, meeting the others, becoming a Rider and growing closer to Nikos. It was foreign, unnatural but... natural.
Gods, how was I supposed to process all of this? Would this finally drown me, into the inevitable? I could see it, but I had not yet been defeated, and I could not let myself be anytime soon.
I willed myself to leave the shower, pushing the plug back down so the water turned off. I dry myself with a towel from the pile left in a small cabinet. After squeezing as much water as I could from my hair, I wrap the damp curls into a pile on top of my head. Emptying the tub and wrapping my robe back around me, I leave the relaxation of the bathing room and take the short steps back to my room in the darkness. Another strange thing to get used to was the electricity running through the house, as it did in the academy too. There was electricity in Falor, but only in the wealthy houses and most of the convenience stores, Ivan used it, but I never lingered too long in that blood room. Unlike my complete wonder at the boiling system, electricity was a familiar current.
I switched the small lever by the door, the wires running to the centre of the ceiling where the small bulb hung, bringing the spark to life, creating a glow to fill the shadows of the room. I grabbed the riding suit Kessa gave me from the armchair in the corner and hoisted it over me, cursing at how baggy it hung around my arms and waist. Knowing there was nothing I could do to fix it, I emerged out of my room, switching the light off and headed for Nikos' room, rapping quietly at the wooden door. He opened it, the first thing I noticed was his clothed shirt, dressed in his own brown leather suit. The light of his room filled the hallway, lighting up my face.
He smiles. "Ready?"
"Yeah," I sigh, pulling up the sleeves of the suit. "This is really annoying."
He laughs quietly, noticing my discomfort. "You'll get your own made soon."
"I guess." I mutter, stepping back. Allowing him to step out into the hallway as he shuts his bedroom door, locking it with a key.
I frown looking back at my own room and realising that I did not have a lock on my door. "Shouldn't the girls have locks on our doors?" He takes me aback when he swivels around to look down at me, his chest so close that I had to take a step back to crane my head to peer up at him. He was tall.
"I would say the same, but the rooms here don't have any locks. I built a lock into my own room myself; I think the others did it themselves too. I know that Sky did Kessa's for her." He explains. I nod, albeit strange but I guess it was just how the house was built. "I can do it for you, if you'd like? If it'll make you feel more comfortable."
My lips twitch. "Thanks." I was always thanking him for something, wasn't I?
He shrugs before gesturing for me to follow as we creep through the hallway and descend the stairs. He leads me towards the back door where we exit. I knew from the moment he asked me that we were taking a ride. A flash of light steals my attention as the dark clouds above me part to reveal a full moon, as round as could be. I relish the moonlight, a rare reflection indeed. We were deep into the night; I was stepping towards something I wasn't quite sure of.
Roan was sleeping as we approached, soundly enough that it felt wrong to wake him. "Wait—" I step and grab Nikos' hand.
Nikos' eyes open in alarm as he stares down at our joined hands. "What is it?" His voice was gentle, near a whisper, careful to not awaken the sleeping beasts ahead of us.
I blink, glancing down at Roan. "He sleeps so peacefully compared to us."
His hand warms in my own, I glance the dimple in his cheek as he looks upon his flame. "He wakes when I do, he's faking it." And almost in unison, Roan's eye opens to reveal the mystical hue of an emerald staring back at me. It was strange to see such beauty in an eye.
Mayor Blacken in Falor bathed in his wealth, he always had all sorts of extravagancies on show, like jewellery. I had seen many jewels, emeralds were always my favourite.
"Oh." My cheeks flush as I softly peel my hand from his. He gazes at where my hand used to rest in his before breaking apart and stepping back. I follow as Roan shifts as soundly as he can, the ground shuddering beneath him. Flick slept beside the Terra Dragon in a soundless slumber. Most of his hours were spent in sleep. The two young females on the level above also remained sleeping, thank the Gods for that. The fear of waking Astra was too strong. I had an inkling that the Byron didn't like me much, then again, she appeared to not like anyone, apart from Sky, and maybe Roan.
I silently follow Nikos on damp grass as we clear the clearing, walking as far from the Dragon's as we could get. Roan stomping lightly behind us, following. Nikos finally turned to him when we were a good distance from the house. He patted Nikos firmly on the snout, offering calming words to his flame, but only for them to hear. Even in the darkness, Roan's glow was a welcome light, his yellow tinted scales on his underbelly practically radiating light on the grass below.
Nikos shifts to peer at me, how he knew where I stood, I did not know. I figured I was encased in shadow, but Nikos probably had the sight of a Dragon, of Roan's vision. As I expected all Rider's to have.
"Ready?"
I nod, approaching them. It was only then did I notice so clearly, stopping me immediately. "His saddle." I blurt, almost like a question.
Nikos' lips shift. "We're riding bareback."
Bareback. He made it out as if we were going for a ride on a horse. Roan was no horse. He was hundreds of pounds of pure muscle; the length of his wingspan measured their den entirely. I had ridden Astra bareback the other day but only for a few minutes. We were barely flying above the ground when that happened. The thought of doing it now, high in the air was unnerving.
"Are you serious?" Was the only thing I could think to say. He laughs softly at my expression, fuelling my bones.
"This isn't funny!" I hiss, quickly embarrassed with my tone. "I'd fall." I gulp, that fear of falling and hitting the ground...
His eyes hold me down, he does not hesitate when he says; "I'd catch you."
I freeze as he turns to mount Roan. "Embrace your fears Sith, it's the only way you'll beat these nightmares."
His words make me move. I follow him, looking up as he settles on the dip at the end of Roan's neck. He was further down compared to where the saddle would sit, but he did not have that comfort, forcing him forward. I breeze the climb to the top, Nikos letting me level myself behind him as I press down on his shoulders. I shift, positioning myself away from the uncomfortable bumpy scales lining Roan's spine. I'm quick to wrap my arms around his middle, the fear of the inevitable was overwhelming. But I could not lie and say that I wasn't excited to see where this flight led me.
"Eager?" He questions, grabbing the spiked horns that line Roan's neck. I gulp, squeezing my thighs tightly around Roan's back, this was it. Nothing to hold on to, no stable grip. It was like free falling. But I would not be falling, I'd be rising.
"Eager to prove you wrong." I tightly reply, "I am scared of nothing."
"One day, you will be." He whispers so silently.
I pause in the silence, nobody moves, not even Roan. "I... detest these nightmares that control me, my mind choosing to play tricks, a way to deal with whatever trauma I experienced about my family." I confess, the first-time I had spoken the words out loud. Too proud to admit how badly it terrified me. I was satisfied when he did not turn to me, as bad as it was, talking to his back was so much easier, easier than facing him.
"You really remember nothing?" His head shifts lightly, his eyes close to holding me.
"No," I press my cheek to the back of his suit. "I don't even remember their names, or faces. All but ghosts. I've tried, tried too hard to remember, to possess some sort of memory, just so I could sketch them, and never forget."
Why was I telling him?
"But my mind has formed a different path. I have no choice but to follow it."
His breathing was calm beneath my skin, his heart beating at a slow pace, maybe even too slow. But then it flickered and sped forward, knocking me aback. "My nightmares aren't real." He says, as if I should know.
"They never are."
"My mother died. When I was a baby." His words struck me.
So, this is where it had led.
How I would process this, I had no idea. No one had confessed something so painful to me before, so raw and exposed. I knew now how to trust someone. The way Nikos had been trusting me.
"I say a baby, but it was when I was born, in childbirth. A troubled birth, she wasn't strong enough to survive it."
I press my cheek on his back and relax my hands against his middle, feeling his chest rise and close again. I wanted to calm it, to find a way to soothe the ache, the ache I surely knew from losing a mother, a mother both of us could not remember.
"I dream of her pain," He swallows. I could not bare to look at his eyes, to the hollowness I would surely see. Even Roan was frigid beneath me, frozen in the cold, the cold his Rider had plunged into.
"When did they start?" I croak, my fingers drifting across his front as he takes a shaky breath.
"A few years ago... I always knew—" He falters suddenly, his head bobbing. "My mother, told me as soon as I was old enough to know."
Sky's mother.
I wonder how she felt, how she coped after realising she would have to raise another woman's son. But she chose him regardless. That had to mean something. Nikos is a year and a bit older than Sky... she must have been pregnant when Nikos was born. Oh Gods. Was her husband unfaithful? How could the great General Alexia do something like that? Had she known Nikos' mother?
"I can hear the questions ticking inside your head." His voice was light-hearted, a shift in the sombre atmosphere as his head was angled to look back at me, I catch the corner of his eye.
I blush, pressing myself closer to him, just to escape his gaze. "I'm sorry."
He lets out a small laugh, "It's fine—"
"No Nikos. I am sorry, for all of it."
He was silent again. Enough for me to wish I had not bought the pain back up. "It's no one's fault," He breathes a sigh. And I knew that was the truth, more than I knew him. "I consider Sky's mother as my own, because she raised me." He explains with fondness. I nod, listening intently. "She loves me, loves me equally to Sky, even when she did not birth me. She is as much my mother as I am her son."
His words comfort me, I allow myself to smile. "That sounds wonderful."
He shifts his body; I pull back as his head swivels around to look at me properly. His eyes pin me in place, scared to even breathe, I watch him. "I'm sorry you can't remember that Sith. Truly I am."
I warm at his words; it was almost enough to cool the turmoil. Almost. I shift my hips, his eyes zero in on the movement. "It's alright, I had Ivan as a mother instead."
He grimaces, causing me to giggle. "That doesn't sound any better."
I snort. "He was rather strange, wasn't he?"
He bellows a laugh. "He was. Something about him was familiar though."
I blink, processing his words. "How?"
He shrugs, his eyes skimming to pinpoint what he said. "I can't be certain, just an instinct. It may be because I thought he was like my father... but I could be wrong."
Ivan was familiar in a strange way to me, never a father figure, never a home or even a safe place. He was just there. He just existed in my life. Without him I would probably seize to be. And I could never come to terms with that. Because he made me what I am, made my mindset in his own twisted way, before I was nothing, but with Ivan I was something. Something I knew I'd have to face again.
"I'd rather not meet your father now. No offence."
He takes a breath before offering me a smile. "None taken." Anyone in resemblance to Ivan was a no in my book. Adrian was the only exception because I was stuck with him but even then, if Mei could love him as he was then the rest of us could grow to respect him. "My father is a twisted son of a bitch." He curses, surprising me further. "In every form, I am a bastard. Born a bastard. Everyone growing up in my life, would not let me forget it, apart from my mother and Sky. My childhood was good but wrong. My father was already married when he slept with my birth mother, conceiving me. My mother had to find out without him telling her."
"Gods," I whisper, enraged with the actions of a man I did not know.
"But she raised me, without a single doubt. I was hers. My father all but ignored me as a child, but then I got older, and then he saw something in me, something he figured Sky didn't have." And there it was, the archaic reason that has driven two brothers apart. All for there father's approval. "Which is why I am here, trying to prove to Sky that he is better than me, that he will be better. That our father should not dictate otherwise. It's why I am not out there, with the rest of my Guild, serving Palin. Serving him."
I wallow in his truth, seeing Sky in a different light was harrowing. I could never pity him; no Alexia brother deserved that dishonour. His reasons for despising his brother were wrong, but they were fuelled by a man they called father. Pitting brother against brother, son against son. All for strength, for the one that excelled. How far had this world fallen? Then again it had always fell, the Goddess has turned a blind eye to her creation since the beginning. Since she turned away when I lost my family. When Nikos lost his mother.
"I respect you." I confess, the choice of my words piercing him.
"You don't believe I should be fighting? Fighting for Caleer."
I tilt my head, "You are. You're fighting for your brother, fighting to find a better world, because there must be. One filled with peace and no war. You want the best for everyone, you don't realise that enough."
Something like admiration washes over his gaze, but it was quickly gone, replaced with an unreadable glint that made me feel all sorts of wonder. "You are something Sith Cylon." He whispers to the wind. I had not noticed how long we had been sitting on Roan's back. The Dragon had at some point laid upon the grass, watching the sun slowly start to rise in the deepest corner of the world.
The corner of my lips lifts up as I watch the sun. "And don't you forget it."
Sunlight reflects off his face as Roan shifts beneath us and stands on his four feet, the Dragon stretches his wings, preparing for the rise. "Never." He drawls, smirking with me.
I wrap my arms back around him, pressing my cheek to his back, closing my eyes in near peace as Roan takes off. I squeeze so hard, I fear I had bruised him, but that quickly washed away when Roan levelled and was now gliding across the pink tinted clouds. The sky was a mixture of pink and orange, reflecting rays of joy that only a new day could bring. The wonder, the peace, the feel of the wind on my face... the touch of the Rider sat before me and his Dragon beneath me, lifting me up. I was weightless, infinite.
"Let's stay here forever." I whisper into his back. He does not reply, but I knew he heard me.
Instead, he lets me worship in this radiance for a short while, we fly over Gods knows where, there was only the sky and us. Nothing else mattered. I could feel myself drifting behind him, my arms loosening enough for him to reach an arm and hold them close to him. I was near asleep when I heard the words.
"Through the skies that call us and the flame inside you... I am with you, Sith." But it was too late to decipher if the words were a dream, or something more.
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I'm sorry it was a late update 😭 I've been in Belgium over the weekend and it was too late to upload travelling back to the UK yesterday night. So it is a monday upload 🫣