!!!TW!!!
Mention of SH and suicide
CHAPTER 19
'Wanna stay over Shoto? It's quite late' Inko says.
Don't stay over. You're not wanted.
'I think my guardians want me back' I say. 'Guardians?' Deku asks.
You've fucked up.
'Y-yeah, Endevour's really busy at the moment so I'm staying with relatives.'
'Oh, okay' He says.
You've upset him.
'Let me call them' I say. I head into the corridoor.
'Hi Mr Aizawa. I was wondering if I could stay at Deku's tonight?' I ask. I hear a huff down the phone.
'I guess it would be good for you to spend time with other people' He says. 'Yes, but on one condition' he says.
'What?' I ask.
'You have to tell Inko about your...situation.'
Absolutely not. She won't want you dating her son anymore if she knows you're suicidal.
'Oh okay' I say. 'Bye' I hang up. I head back into the kitchen. 'What did your guardian say?' Deku asks excitedly.
'Yes'. 'Yay!' Deku says. 'We can play games and then watch a movie and then talk about which heros we think could beat All Might...'
He goes off mumbling. I smile. Cute.
'Erm, Inko, could I speak to you for a second?' She looks at me surpirsed. 'Sure'. I walk out into the corridor, and she follows.
Just wait.
'What did you want to tal to me about honey?' She asks. I take a deep breath, calming my nerves.
'My guardian said I could stay over on one condition' I say. 'Oh?' Asks Inko.
They'll kick you out.
'Well, erm, I'm sort of...a risk to myself and my guaridan said you should know'. I stare down at the floor, not looking up. Has it been minutes? Seconds? Hours? I have no idea.
'Thanks for telling me Shoto'. I look up, seeing Inko's eyes. 'Does Izuku know?' She asks. I shake my head. 'I don't want to let him down'. I say.
'What do you mean?' She asks. 'Because he won't want to be with me anymore'.
Inko sighs. 'Shoto, that's absolute rubbish. I think you should tell him. I can tell by how much he talks about you that he really cares for you'. I nod.
'Can I give you a hug?' She asks. I nod again, and find myself being gently pulled into a hug. 'And Shoto, if you're ever having those thoughts, please call me anytime. I'll give you my number'. We unclasp, and she puts her number into my phone.
So this is what having a mother is like. She smiles at me, and I copy her.
-later-
Deku and I are huddled up on his bed, watching some cartoon on his laptop.
He'll leave you. Don't do it you pathetic piece of shit.
'Deku? Could I talk to you about something?' I ask. He pauses the movie. 'Of course, what's up?' He scootches round so he's facing me.
'Well, you know I wear this green bracelet' I ask. He nods. 'Well, I sort've um wear it because...' I trail off.
DON'T TELL HIM.
I begin to hyperventilate, but am quickly pulled into a hug. 'It's okay. Whenever you're ready'. I calm myself, breathing in the smell of rosemary.
'I-it's a quirk nullifier'. I say. 'I know' Deku says, stroking my hair. 'You know?' I ask. 'Well, when I saw it that first day, I did some research because it's pretty distinctive, and I thought it was likely a quirk nullifier'.
There's a moments silence. 'S-so do you know why I wear it?' We unclasp and he brushes some hair out of my face.
'I have an idea, but I want you to tell me' he says. This shocks me. 'Y-you know?' I ask bewildered. He takes my hands, looking up at me in the eyes.
'When I was younger, I was told by somebody to take a swan dive off a roof. At the time I didn't really think much about it, but as the days went by, the thought sort of...kept coming back'.
Shit.
'I-I never acted on those thoughts, because I had a good support network, and got help and everything.' He smiles at me. 'But, I understand'.
I breathe a sigh of relief. 'I'm sorry you went through that' I say. He smiles. 'It's all okay now, I don't have those thoughts anymore. I still have anxiety, but it's under control'.
There's a pause. You need to tell him.
'A few weeks ago, I acted on...those thoughts'. I look down at my hands, refusing to look him in the eye. 'If Eri hadn't of been there, I wouldn't be with you now.'
I hear a sniffle.
You've made him cry. idiot.
'Do you still have those thoughts?' He asks me, tilting my eyes to look at him.
LIE. LIE YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT.
'Y-yes' I say. He pulls me into a tight hug. 'I'm glad you're with me Shochan' He says. I hug him back tightly. He sniffles again.
'Thank you' I whisper. We stop hugging.
'So the bracelet, I'm guessing prevents you from making anything harmful?' I nod my head. He picks up my hand, then kisses the bracelet. 'Well then I'm thankful for the bracelet' I hum in response.
'I have a question though'. 'What?' I ask.
'Why was Eri there?'
Shit. Do I tell him? No, I was told not to. Shit what do I do...
'Are your guardians Aizawa-Sensei and Mic?' he asks. I look at him bewildered. 'How the hell do you know that?!' He smiles.
'Well, Backugo and I sometimes babysit Eri at the dorms. She always mentions her dad and papa, and mentions how one is really loud, and the other one sleeps all the time'.
I laugh. 'Yeah that makes sense. Who else knows?'
'Just Backugo and I. And Mirio. Although we didn't talk about it, we all just kinda assumed they'd want their privacy'.
I nod. 'Does this mean you're staying at UA?' He asks. I nod. 'Yeah'. He tackles me into a hug, kissing every inch of my face.
'Stopppp!' I say complaining, but he just kisses me more. 'Stop!' I say again. He pauses, before kissing me on the nose.
'I love you Shoto' he says. 'I love you too, Izuku'.
He leans fowards, kissing me. I love kissing him, because it makes the world melt away. I place my hands up into his hair, twisting it around my fingers. He cups my face in response.
He strokes his other hand along my side. Suddenly, he touches my thigh, where my scars are. I flinch instinctively.
He pulls away immediately, getting off me. 'I'm so sorry Shoto!' He says. 'I should've asked-'
'-it's okay.' I say. 'I just, well, I kinda have...scars there. And they're ugly'.
He cups my face again, so that my eyes meet his. 'Shoto Yamada-Aizawa, you are perfect, in every single way'.
'It's Aizawa-Yamada' I say, cheekily, sticking my tounge out. 'Tomato tomato' he says, kissing me again.
We hear a knock at the door, and we quickly pull away. 'Come in' Deku says. Inko walks in with some laundry. She looks at the pair of us, then begins giggling.
'Sorry, was I interrupting something?' She says. 'MUM!' Deku says, protesting, hiding his face in his hands. 'Sorry, sorry, I'll go now.' she winks, then leaves the room.
I turn to Deku, who is the deepest shade of red I have ever seen him be. I laugh. 'Tomato tomato' I say pinching his cheeks.
'Shut up, I'm not that red am I?' He asks. I nod. 'It's cute though'.
He smiles.