Regulus Black
Saturday, 6th January 1973.
Hogwarts
"You alright?", Evan asked him once he noticed that Regulus hasn't touched his food.
"Yeah.", Regulus said while forcefully taking a bite out of the roasted potato as his eyes roamed the other side of the Great Hall. He had other things occupying his mind at the moment.
If he was being honest, the holidays could not have gone any better. The Black family banquet was restored to its original state, no pranks and just elegance. Regulus felt like huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders since he didn't have to constantly try to figure out if Sirius was planning something and how to stop it.
Most of the members of the sacred twenty-eight joined them at the 12th Grimmauld Place which meant that Regulus saw most of his housemates. This was a huge thing since the banquet was the perfect opportunity for him to show who he really was and gain good status and respect among his peers.
Of course, his roommates already looked at him with admiration. Travers and Greengrass always wanted to provide him with homework, but each time Regulus politely declined. The Blacks are never in anyone's debt. Evan and he had mutual respect and even, if he daresay, friendship, but there was five first year Slytherins sharing the dorm.
The last one of his roommates was Barty Crouch Jr. and, frankly, Regulus didn't really know where the two stood. The boy always showed respect to him, but not like Travers and Greengrass did. Crouch seemed to think of him and Regulus as equals. Unfortunately, Regulus didn't get the chance to really meet Crouch since the boy was always studying.
Because of this, Regulus didn't really know whether to consider them being equals as a positive or a negative thing. He was a Black after all. Was Crouch good enough to be at the same level as him? The Crouch family was member of the sacred twenty-eight, but so were Travers and Greengrass and those two for sure weren't good enough to compare themselves to Regulus according to Orion's opinion.
He just wanted to make sure that he was surrounded by respectable peers since the company you keep is a reflection of who you are. Evan qualified as a perfect peer in every aspect. He came from respected pureblood family, he was smart and well-mannered, so Regulus didn't have any pressure of someone getting the wrong idea whenever he was hanging out with Evan. Plus, he liked hanging out with Evan.
That was the reason why Regulus wanted to figure Crouch out. So that he knows if he can be an important ally. Allowing Crouch to act like his equal can turn out to be great if Crouch carried himself to a high standard and supported right causes. On the other hand, it can be a huge dug to Regulus' reputation if it turns out that Crouch is some idiot who likes mudbloods. The Crouch problem will be solved one way or the other, but, for now, the important thing was that everybody else from Regulus' year respected him.
Since he gained good status within the first years, Regulus wanted the upper years to also see who he really was and which family he represented. Reputation is everything, his mom's voice whispered.
Orion had similar thing in mind since, days before the banquet, he had a serious talk with Regulus about family reputation. His father advised him to look and act his best during the banquet. We have to show that the Black family has a respectable descendant who is willing to act like it. In other words, Regulus' job was to ensure that the other pureblood families didn't think he was the same as Sirius.
And he did just that.
He showed up in his finest robes that the Black family's tailor finished days before. His hair was perfectly styled and, most importantly, his manners were impeccable.
Regulus greeted each and every guest with respect and indulged into numerous of conversations about his experiences at Hogwarts. Whenever someone gave him an approving look, Regulus would look at Orion and see the tiniest nod from his father which was enough to encourage him to continue.
Evan was also there, but he was on the same mission as Regulus, so the two didn't really chat too much. Regulus talked with Mr. Travers and Mr. Greengrass who told him that they heard only the best about him from their sons. He had a wonderful conversation with Abraxas Malfoy and Lucius which ensured him a good image within the sixth year Slytherins.
Mr. Selwyn was also present, along with his son Tristan who Sirius apparently beat in a duel. Fortunately, Mr. Selwyn seemed unaware of this little detail. Honestly, if Regulus was Tristan, he would have hidden that from his parents too, losing in a duel from someone four years younger than you could really damage your status. Not to mention letting them take your wand away.
While talking to Mr. Selwyn, Regulus hinted at the mentioned duel, just to show Tristan that he knew. Tristan, of course, looked at him pleadingly which ensured Regulus a good look within the seventh years as well.
Finally, the time for the midnight waltz came and Regulus politely asked Mr. Macnair for dance with his daughter, Lya, again. His request was granted and Regulus spent the whole dance talking to her. By doing this, he killed two flies with one stone. Lya Macnair was a second year, so his image within them was secured. She also had a brother, Walder Macnair, who was fourth year. Since Regulus was a polite gentleman, Walder liked him immediately so fourth year was done too.
The third and fifth year were easy to finish as well.
Once the banquet came to an end, Orion called him to his study. There, he congratulated Regulus on his behavior and thinking skills. He even patted Regulus on the back which was like a precious, little treat to him. That small pat somehow made him want to please his father and mother even more. Maybe next time he'll hug me, he thought to himself.
If Regulus was being truthful, he liked that Sirius was absent from the 12th Grimmauld Place. Because of his brother's absence, he got a pat on the back. Had Sirius been there, all the guests would not have dedicated that much attention to Regulus since he wasn't a Black family heir. But, of course, once the banquet was over, the coldness began.
Regulus felt lonely without Sirius, but he kept reassuring himself how Sirius purposefully kept the request to join the Pettigrews from him. In his mind, Sirius didn't want Regulus to know because maybe then Regulus could persuade him from going. Of course, this persuasion would have been impossible since once Sirius got something into his head there was no way of changing his mind. This time, Sirius chose to leave Regulus and it really stung.
Each time he thought of their fight, Regulus was furious with himself as much as he was with Sirius. He hated how he reacted. A Black must always be in control, Orion's words echoed in his head.
Regulus wasn't in control that day. It was like all the things he kept to himself, from last Christmas break to summer vacation, just resurfaced at the same time once he read that stupid letter. He just couldn't control himself so he stormed off to the Gryffindor table despite Evan's worried questions.
Even worse, Potter tried to intervene like he had the power to say anything on the matter of his family. The fight didn't even concern Potter and it angered Regulus how the stupid blood traitor gave himself the right to interrupt him and Sirius.
Granted, Sirius did try to explain everything to him later, but Regulus just didn't believe that Pettigrew wouldn't tell Sirius about the invitation or that he wasn't the one to give the idea in the first place. Then things escalated when Sirius found out that Regulus knew about his punishment.
Looking back at it now, maybe Regulus should have told his brother what will happen. He even tried when he first got the letter, but Sirius cut him off before he could utter a word which Regulus didn't really mind. He was even relieved to be cut off since that meant that he tried.
Or, at least, that was what he told himself. In reality, he didn't want to risk being punished or worse, be regarded as a disappointment by Walburga for telling his brother what was about to happen. The letter strictly said only to tell Sirius that he needed to quit the Quidditch team.
But then again, Regulus did warn him that there will be some punishment. Sirius even said that nothing could have changed his decision in the first place, so what was even the point? The broom would have ended up broken either way, but this way, Regulus was saved from being punished as well.
You knew?
Sirius' broken and disbelieving voice made another appearance in his mind. Just his brother's tone angered him. He sounded so... hurt... disappointed. But Regulus didn't do anything wrong. He warned Sirius and Sirius knew how their parents were. He knew that something severe would happen.
But Sirius was just so furious. Regulus had never seen him that angry, especially not at him. His brother was just dramatic. Yes. That was it. He must have known that the punishment for exposing himself as a proud Gryffindor while being the Black family heir would be harsh. Sirius just decided to blame Regulus because there was nobody else to blame.
James would have never betrayed me in a way that you have.
When Regulus replayed those words for the first time in his mind, he broke his dorm mirror in the bathroom. Thankfully, the dorm was empty so nobody heard him and Regulus was able to compose himself and repair the mirror, leaving no trace of his anger behind.
How could Sirius even compare him to that blood traitor? To idiotic Potter. Even though Regulus avoided Snape as much as possible, the greasy haired boy did hang around some important students such as Avery so he had to tolerate Snape's company sometimes.
During one of these hang-outs, Snape mentioned that he heard something from Lucius. Apparently, the two of them had some type of relationship, but Regulus was sure that it wasn't a real friendship since Lucius was way older. He suspected it to be some type of mentorship.
Snape told them all about the rumors that were spreading around Hogwarts and around pureblood families. There was apparently some important politician who wanted to make a real change when it came to blood status. The boy didn't go too much into it, but he did mention that the Potters didn't except the invite to one of this politician's gatherings, marking them as suspected blood traitors.
Regulus kept that information in mind, but decided against asking his parents during the Christmas break. There was already enough happening with the banquet, so he decided to leave the questions for summer.
So how could Sirius even compare Regulus, his flesh and blood, to someone like James Potter? The boy was a complete idiot on top of being a blood traitor. Always in close proximity to Sirius and always trying to make him laugh. Potter must want something from his brother, that was the only reason why someone like him would want to hang out with the Black family heir. If the rumors about his parents were true, Potter should dislike Sirius as much as he does Snape, Avery, Mulciber and Wilkes. It just didn't make any sense to Regulus—
"You're making a mess.", Evan whispered and just then did Regulus realize that he has been stabbing his potatoes. He placed a fork back on the table, "I think I'll just go to the dorm and unpack.", he stated.
Evan nodded and Regulus got up. He threw one last glance at the Gryffindor table where Sirius was now sitting not only with halfbloods, but with mudbloods as well.
Naturally, every Slytherin knew who the mudbloods were in this castle so when Sirius and his friends joined Evans, McKinnon and Greenford for dinner, Regulus wanted nothing more than to crawl out of his skin.
Even though they were still fighting, Regulus knew that word about Sirius sharing a meal with a mudblood will travel quickly to Islington, which made him quite uneasy. For Merlin's sake, it was the first meal since they came back to Hogwarts and Sirius just had to do something to piss their parents off.
Regulus exited the Great Hall with pin straight back and walked out of the Entrance Hall towards the Dungeons. He was just about to take a left into the last corridor where the stairs were, but someone pulled him by the arm.
He didn't really have time to react before he was pushed into the same, abandoned corridor behind the portrait of some Seer. Regulus didn't need to turn around to know who had snatched him, he just kept his back turned to his capturer.
"Reg...", Sirius said in a loud whisper.
"What do you want?", Regulus replied with way more emotion than he intended to. Clear sadness could be heard in his voice, but he tried his best to control it and make it emotionless.
There was a sigh from behind him, "Can you please turn around?", Sirius asked.
Regulus didn't know why he listened and turned, but he did. The angry part of him kept repeating to just leave Sirius alone in here, just like the boy did to him before the break, but the part of him that loved his brother just wanted for this stupid fight to be over. No matter how angry he was or how much he disagreed with Sirius.
Their eyes met and Regulus tried to control himself as much as possible. He didn't know whether he wanted to scream at Sirius or hug him. It was like his morals and love were in a battle inside of him.
He was just sitting with mudbloods, he told himself harshly, he left you again... just like he did during summer... and last Christmas. But then there was a softer voice in Regulus' head, he's your brother, it said, you love him.
They were on the opposite sides of the corridor, not daring to look away from each other. Regulus felt like a huge surge of emotions had just gone through his body and, from the look on Sirius' face, he knew that his brother was battling with himself as well.
Same eyes were starring back at him. Same hair, same nose... He's your brother... It was like looking at some weird mirror... but then Regulus saw something else...
Her eyes... Don't disappoint us like your brother, Walburga's words echoed. Then Regulus saw his hair... Great preservation on uselessness of Muggle Studies, Regulus. Those muggles and mudbloods have no place in our education, Orion said to him in his office after Christmas banquet.
It was difficult, very difficult indeed to make a choice between your morals and beliefs and someone you love. In a perfect world, you could have both, you could settle on the difference of opinions. But that was not the world the Black brothers were living in.
Their world was one step away from war and, in war, you always have to choose a side. But, at least for now, they could try and take advantage of that last step. They could try and understand each other while they still can.
"I'm sorry.", Sirius whispered and that was enough for Regulus to make a decision.
"I'm sorry too.", he said in the same whisper.
It was a strange feeling he experienced. Like all of Regulus' anger just evaporated as soon as Sirius apologized. Like his mind just forgot all the reasons why he should be angry. Regulus just couldn't do it. He couldn't be mad at Sirius when the boy was looking at him with such hopeful expression. After all, throughout all their lives until Hogwarts, the two of them only had each other. How was Regulus supposed to stay angry at someone like that? At his brother?
Sirius took one unsure step towards him and, when he saw Regulus mirroring his action, he took another... and another... until the two were right in front of each other.
Regulus felt such relief once Sirius enveloped him into the so familiar hug. He buried his face in his brother's shoulder and squeezed him tightly. It was like his body wanted to show Sirius how much he missed him.
"I'm sorry.", Sirius whispered again.
Once Regulus had hugged him like that... like he was hanging on for dear life, Sirius remembered the talk he had with Euphemia Potter. This was just proof to him that Regulus was just a kid. A hurt kid who stupidly wanted to obey his parents, so Sirius had the need to apologize again while buried his face further into the familiar black curls.
Regulus didn't say anything. He just hugged his brother tighter.
Once the hug was over, neither of them wanted to talk about the fight. They were just too tired of fighting. Regulus and Sirius had never fought like this before. It was way too exhausting to both of them. They just wanted to enjoy each other's company and not discuss anything that could bring up arguments.
There was this silent agreement between them. Like they decided to just sweep everything under the rug.
This will become somewhat of a routine for them in the future. Not a healthy one, but a frequent one. Maybe if they had talked openly from the start, even if there was a risk of conflict, a lot of things would have been different.
But they didn't.
Regulus just wanted to keep Sirius in his life no matter the price, and Sirius wanted to do the same. They both feared talking about things, feared that fighting will drive them even more apart, but what the two didn't know was that silence was the killer of relationships. Like a shadow, it sneaks up on you and waits. Waits until it becomes way too big for either of them to handle.
The desperate need to be in each other's lives will become the reason why they will separate. Both of them will keep important things to themselves in fear of losing the other. Keep their opinions, morals, decisions... but the truth will always come to light in the end. By then, the hurt they caused to one another will be way too great for either of them to handle. Way too great for either of them to forgive and forget.
Way too great to just sweep in under the rug like they were used to.
A/N:
Hii! Like promised, the new chapter is here! I hope you like it. We're now back on the regular update schedule, so new chapter every 2-3 days! Thank you for reading and have a great day!