Hey Severus,
It's funny how I'm writing this to you right after we were just together. If Albus gave this to you, I'm sorry to say that I must not have made it. If you're wondering, the other letter sets went to Remus, Sirius, Minerva and Rosmerta, the other ones who I have been close with. There are so many thoughts I never expressed to you in person and I'm sure you had many unanswered questions, so I thought it would only be fair if you got the answers you needed. You're an idiot, you know. You're stubborn, impatient and judgemental. You always make situations the most difficult they can be... it's actually amazing that you ended up staying by my side when I asked you to.
I've always had a weak immune system and constantly got sick when I was young. I did attend Hogwarts until my third year. If you're wondering, I was a Hufflepuff — really fit for a counsellor, right? But the doctors diagnosed me with a rare disease early on, and I was in and out of the hospital constantly, so not many remember me. Soon, the visits became too frequent from my condition worsening and I was taken into the hospital in my third year. That's why you don't remember me.
I still remember the first time I met you. It was in the library, when my clumsy second-year self crashed into you. I wasn't in a good emotional state that day, having heard my parents secretly cry about my condition the night before. The sheer impact of our collision broke me down to tears. I'm so sorry, it must've been overwhelming and confusing for you. But you sat next to me as we picked up the books we were carrying, and stayed to help me with my potions essay, which was my excuse for my sadness. I was so grateful, it really helped me calm down. From that day on, I began to notice you everywhere. You were always with Lily, you two were practically inseparable and it wasn't hard to tell that you were completely smitten by her. I admired you, but it was clear there was no room in your life for anyone else, so I lost hope of becoming closer to you — I was three years below you, so there was nothing much we could do together anyway.
There were two more times that I interacted with you. Both were in Hogsmeade. The first of the two was in my second year during the Christmas holiday (I know, you're only allowed from third year onwards, but I was an exception). I went into the bookstore after coming back from a doctor visit, and there you were, staring longingly at a shelf of Dark Arts books. I noticed how you only had a few Knuts. And then, your attention went to the Potions section. You kept running your finger along a certain book — the Advanced Potions Making book. Then I asked, what was your favourite subject? You replied with Potions, so I decided immediately to gift you that book. Yep, that anonymous present was from me. It's funny how all the times we met, I was unstable. I had you accompany me back to the school in case something happened, and it was really nice, you know. I learned you were a half-blood, that your family never celebrated holidays, that you were interested in that Dark Arts because you wanted to 'show Potter that you were a million times stronger than him'. It felt like you really needed someone to talk to that day, and I'm glad it was me.
The other time was actually after my hospitalisation, when I visited Hogsmeade again with the help of a walking stick. You may not have perceived me as the same girl. That was the day I found you and Lily's spot, the one with the pear trees, because I saw you go inside. Later, I was informed it was after she stopped being friends with you. You looked so lonely and lost, I wanted so desperately to reach out and help. I wished I could save you from the pain. I wished I could stop your suffering. Such an unrealistic thought — when I actually came up to you, you refused to talk to me and left. But I'll never forget that hint of sadness and longing in your eyes. All these moments, they just made me more and more drawn to you.
What broke my heart most during my years at Hogwarts, though, was the relentless way you were bullied by the Marauders. It was always at least two against one, those cowards! Honestly, they were just jealous and insecure, I suppose. It's really unfortunate they had to take it out on you, especially James. You didn't deserve to be treated that way. On behalf of my brother and his friends, I'd like to apologise for their actions.
Yes, you read that right. I can imagine the shock on your face, your widened eyes and your mouth slightly open as you take in all this information.
My real name is Katherine Potter... and I'm the sister of James Potter.
That's the real reason I knew Lily well. That's the reason I knew about your past. After they started dating, James brought Lily when he visited — sometimes Lily would even come on her own. She became a dear friend, I trusted her deeply. I found out a lot about you, and let me assure you something. Lily never truly hated you. She said it herself, she left you because you were too deep into the Dark Arts and the idea of joining the Death Eaters. This is exactly what she said: "I've forgiven Severus for what he called me, I know he's been terribly misguided and it pains me to know that my absence is making it worse. I still value my memories with him, I wish I'd been a better friend and stayed by his side, but now it's too late. I just hope he will realise what he's doing and understand how I felt." Trust me, she wouldn't have entrusted the necklace to me before she died if she hadn't cared about you. While I don't agree with everything she said... I hope knowing that will bring you some peace and that you would be able to move on.
And if it wasn't obvious already, I have to admit that I told you a big lie. Are you ready to find out?
It started with: "I'm interested in Remus Lupin." Sure, I loved him as a friend and we clicked well. But the truth is, it's always been you. I was interested in you ever since I laid eyes on you. You were never just a stand-in to me, I purposely picked days when it would just be you and me. And... I love you, Severus Snape. I know what you're thinking, but no, this isn't some sort of sick joke. If you're in disbelief, let me explain. It's not that I've been loving you the whole twenty or so years I was away, that would just be absurd. I dated others in the past, but still, I always felt something for you whenever your name was mentioned. Seeing you around the castle again made my feelings resurface, so much stronger than I've felt with anyone else. There's not always an explanation to love. Often you just can't help but fall, and that's what I felt with you at first. But it's different now. After all the time we spent together, I've found a million reasons, from which my feelings for you became a choice. My choice. I would choose you every time, Severus, because I really, really love you.
The moment I received a letter from St. Mungo's saying that my condition would get worse and that I might not be so fortunate this time around, I panicked. I had my first surgery the week before Lily and James' death and it stabilised my illness, but there were still worries of it coming back. That was why I decided to remain at Hogwarts and hide away from the rest of the school, afraid of making connections. For so long, I cared for you from a distance, along with the other staff and students, observing everyone's actions and feelings. I was set on staying out of the way, I convinced myself it was for the best. Albus agreed, in case anyone recognised me as a Potter. I'd always wished I could talk to you and be by your side, see how I really felt about you... I just feared you would push me away. That day, I finally snapped — it didn't matter how much I struggled, I had to at least talk to you. It would be strange if I just told you my true intentions though. I'm sure you wouldn't have believed me and I knew you weren't ready for anything romantic. So, I asked Albus to help us meet, under a pretence. No matter how difficult it was, I was still so happy to be next to you. You inspired me to live how I wanted, to embrace who I wanted to be. At the end of the day, I got to spend my final moments with you, that was all that mattered.
Remember the snowfall when you first met me? It was exhilarating to dance in the cold, especially since I could talk to you for the first time. Remember the Christmas crackers you and Dumbledore pulled, how he was dressed as Santa and you as an elf? That was a sight nobody could forget and I know you secretly enjoyed the attention. Remember the pear trees that were starting to grow back in spring? They were marvellous, being reborn and thriving again. Remember the fireflies in the forest? Sneaking around like that, it was thrilling and those creatures were so frail, yet persistent in bringing light. And then there's my favourite: the Yule Ball. I loved the feeling of dancing in your arms, feeling such freedom whenever you lifted me up. On top of that, all those other moments... all those times I tried to help you and stay with you... and then when you were the one staying with me. You let me hold your hand, sat beside me all throughout, until I had to go. Honestly, I couldn't have wished for a better ending. All these trivial memories bring me so much comfort and make me feel stronger.
I don't agree with Lily when she said it was too late. It's never too late. I have so much faith in you. I've seen your emotions and your pain. Deep inside, you know what's right, and I know you have the ability to change. You're strong, Severus. We all have our inner battles. Yours was a straight-out war and yet, you haven't fallen. I'm so proud of you for making it so far. That's what makes you so beautiful to me.
I know, it's really unfair that I've uncovered so much of your past when I've hidden most of mine, until just now. I'm sorry. The truth is, I wanted so badly to tell you everything, to let you in on all my secrets... I just thought revealing too much would make it much worse when I left you. I guess it's too late now. Still, I really hope you'll move on, but never forget. That's my wish — that you'll continue on with life and see its colour, with or without me.
I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry for being so annoying and stubborn. I'm sorry to be leaving you in such a short time and not getting to know you more.
Thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you.
With all my heart,
Katherine
P.S. One last thing, I really appreciate your Christmas gift. I was able to make a small photo album of us. I hope you will like it too. I'm also gifting you back the camera, please make more memories with it!