Severus had been reluctant to go anywhere public with Katherine anymore. He had let his guard down way too much with the Yule Ball where any wandering eyes could have noticed and he didn't want to allow a repeat. However, she had insisted on going to Hogsmeade the following weekend, and he happened to have planned something else there later that day.
So here he was, walking around with her as she revisited many of the stores. She went to Zonko's first, admiring all the unique products, then to Honeydukes for more sweets and finally to the Post Office. He remembered that she had been interested in the letter sets last time they were here. Indeed, Katherine immediately went to the shelves and started picking up a bunch.
"Look, it's so cute!" she exclaimed, showing him one decorated with cartoon bears and another one with cats. There were also a few painted ones which she had her eye on. Eventually, she settled on five and bought them at the front desk.
"Who are they for?" Severus questioned as they walked outside.
She smiled but didn't reveal her inner thoughts. "Friends... I guess," she said before taking out a pocket watch and checking it. "You said you were meeting with someone in around an hour and I also arranged to go shopping with Minerva around then, so want to relax in the Three Broomsticks before that?"
"Yes, we can do that."
Katherine knew she had been there many times in the past few months, but she thoroughly enjoyed conversing with Rosmerta and had vowed to try out all the foods on the menu. Every experience there was another fun memory to her.
This time, she called directly for the barmaid, an idea sparking in her head.
"Why hello again, Katherine!" the blonde-haired woman called as she reached them.
"Rosmerta, it's good to see you," she responded, "Do you know Severus?"
Rosmerta looked to the man beside her, with his signature scowl etched on his face. She smiled. "Yes, I do. It's not everyday you see a skilled Potions Master around here," she said kindly.
As expected, Severus remained silent. "Didn't you mention wanting to learn to brew something the other day?" asked Katherine, attempting to involve him in the conversation, "Maybe Severus could help sometime." He shot a glare at her. He had no idea what Katherine was trying to do, but he didn't like the sound of it.
"Oh yes, I wanted to be able to brew Dreamless Sleep Potion without a textbook or recipe," Rosmerta recalled, "Not long ago, I was having nightmares about... the past, I suppose."
This caught Severus' attention, being something that he had experienced countless times himself. "How often?" he questioned.
She frowned, as if trying to remember. "Not too often. You see, I lost my mother to You-Know-Who in the First Wizarding War and sometimes my mind just tries to remind me of the pain. It's been a while, but there are moments where I still wonder about all the possibilities if it weren't true."
"I'm sorry for your loss," the other woman said, touching her arm. Rosmerta shook her head and smiled.
Katherine could see a spark of empathy in Severus' eyes even though he didn't say anything in response. He pursed his lips, as if thinking carefully. "I suppose... I could go over the brew with you before the semester begins again."
Surprise lit up in Rosmerta's green eyes. "That would be much appreciated, thank you."
He nodded curtly. Afterwards, she took their order and left for the kitchens. His head whipped towards Katherine. "What was that?" he hissed, narrowing his eyes at her.
"What was what?" she said innocently.
"Do not... play dumb with me, you know you didn't have to intentionally refer to me," growled Severus.
A sheepish smile formed on her face. "Honestly, I thought it might be nice if you became friends."
"Who I am friends with is not for you to decide," he scoffed.
"I know, I know," Katherine sighed, "I'm not trying to force you to do anything, it's all your choice. It's just... nevermind."
"It's just what?" he prodded, his eyebrows furrowing.
"I just thought, it's not really good if I'm your only friend."
Severus rolled his eyes. "It's perfectly fine as it is now, there is no need for me to have so many friends." Especially when he would have to serve under the Dark Lord when he returned.
But who else could you turn to when I'm not here anymore? she thought sadly, though she didn't say anything else. She knew he had Dumbledore, but it was different because Severus worked under him, and there would always be some imbalance in their relationship. However, Rosmerta was closer to their age and easy to have conversations with. Damn it, stop thinking about your impending doom again! she scolded herself.
When they had eaten, Katherine called for the bill. She immediately paid a large sum of money despite Severus' protests. "What are you doing? I won't allow you to pay for me," he said in disbelief, trying to shove his Galleons into her hand.
"No Severus, it's my treat. I was the one who wanted to come here," she pushed him away insistently. He cursed under his breath, glowering hard at her, and crossed his arms. "Come on, don't look at me like that!"
"You're the one who started it," he sulked, which made her laugh. It strangely almost felt as if they were teenagers.
"Are you leaving soon? It's almost one thirty," she asked.
"First, you irritate and defy me and now you want me to leave. Fine then, have it your way." He stood with a huff.
"Hey!" she pouted, getting ahold of his arm. "If I really had it my way, you would be stuck by my side all day, okay? You're the one leaving me here."
Her words sent intense flutters to his chest that he didn't know was possible. Severus was now gazing at Katherine so intently that she felt her body going weak, her head spinning with conflicting emotions. It seemed like forever that he towered over her, not breaking eye contact.
"Stay safe," he muttered before finally turning and exiting the inn, his black cape billowing out behind him. She let out a sigh and closed her eyes. Don't be stupid, Katherine. He was just thinking of what to say, that's all. There was nothing there. Besides, you're in no position to try anything, she scolded herself for the thoughts running through her mind at that moment.
Severus headed to the Hog's Head, his head reeling with doubt. What was he doing, holding onto this strange, wishful hope? Katherine would never have feelings for him. To him, she had made it clear from the beginning that she was in love with Lupin. So why did she get so close to him? Why did she care so much and want to stay by his side? Not to mention the way she had acted on the night of the Yule Ball, so flustered and shy unlike her usual self... or perhaps she was just playing the part and reflecting the atmosphere they were in. It pained him to think that yet again, he was stuck in another unreciprocated love that he would never recover from again. Only this time, he had brought it upon himself.
"Hello, Severus."
His gaze swept to look at the man that had just appeared in his view, who was brushing away some of his light brown hair from his face.
"Lupin," he acknowledged.
"I must say I was surprised to see a letter from you requesting to meet, Severus. So, why am I here? Did you decide you wanted to duke it out after all?" Remus joked.
"What if I did?" Severus was curious.
He smiled. "Then I would let you win, because it's not everyday Severus Snape admits to having feelings for a woman."
The raven-haired man rolled his eyes. "Don't be ridiculous."
"How is she, by the way?" asked Remus, his smile dropping slightly.
A sinking feeling occurred in Severus' stomach. Did he know about her condition? "Fine, why?"
"I was just wondering. Last time I saw her, she looked pretty pale and something just felt off," said Remus, thinking back to that day. "Do you know if she ever got sick or anything?"
He deliberated on whether to tell the truth about what he knew, considering Kathrine herself hadn't even told him about her illness. She might have wanted it to be kept secret. "No idea... though I noticed it as well."
Remus nodded. "Well I hope not. Anyway, what did you want to discuss?"
"I wanted to ask if you knew about the two-way mirrors that Black and Potter used during their school years," said Severus.
"Ah yes, I do recall such a thing, but they mainly used it to communicate during detentions and I was never in possession of one," he replied.
Severus frowned. "I wish to know where I can obtain a pair."
Remus thought about it for a moment. "Did you... did you know about Padfoot?" he said lowly.
He was returned by a sneer. "Yes, I am aware of his innocence. Why does that matter?"
"I think the best option would be to ask him about it..."
Immediately, Severus' face darkened with displeasure. "I am not talking to that imbecile," he hissed.
Remus sighed, "I figured. Well what about you come with me and wait outside while I do the talking? You might be needed for more information though."
"Fine then."
They walked along a quieter area of the Hogsmeade streets and Remus led him to a cave on the outskirts of the village. If Severus didn't know better, it would seem like he was about to be kidnapped, seeing the gloomy-looking cave in front of them. However, the mood it gave off rather felt like his own office, dark and constricting.
Remus went in, telling him to wait outside.
Feeling impatient, Severus began to pace around after a while of not hearing much. Soon, he was stopped by a hand on his arm, which made him flinch away and almost draw his wand, until he realised it was Remus again.
"I'm sorry, but I don't think it's possible anymore. Sirius said he got it from his family house and they're enchanted antique objects, so you can't find them anywhere else," he informed him. Sirius had said he didn't even remember that it existed until now, and now that Remus had reminded him, he realised he could go and find it in his old house to give to Harry for easier communication. He didn't tell Severus this, of course, seeing as Sirius wanted to use it himself.
"Wonderful, well what now?" Severus said sarcastically.
"Fancy going back and getting a few drinks at the Hog's Head?"
He scrunched his nose slightly, not liking the idea of Remus treating him like a friend. "I'll pass."
Remus shrugged and they walked on the path back to Hogsmeade. "Well I wanted to let you know that I've decided I'm not romantically interested in Katherine anymore," he suddenly said.
"What? Why?" was Severus' fast response in his shock.
He laughed at the question. "There's no particular reason, I just think it's better if I see her as a friend," he explained. Lately, he had realised that his feelings for her hadn't grown stronger, and he supposed a part of it was because of the very man walking next to him. Another reason was that it just felt too strange as he had always regarded Katherine like a little sister when they had been at Hogwarts. It had come with careful thought he'd gathered over a long while.
"And does she know this?"
"Not yet, but she will soon."
Severus wondered how she would take it.
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She was kneeling on the floor, frozen with fear. Despite her efforts, huffing and breathlessly trying to push herself off the ground, her knees wouldn't budge. "Please move," she whispered to herself, tears welling up in her hazel eyes. She was hyperventilating, each breath making the sting of her heart worse with the pain pulsing through her body.
"Move! MOVE!" she screamed, hysterically slamming her hands on the ground.
"Katherine? Katherine, are you alright in there?" a muffled, concerned voice came from outside.
"You're my legs, why won't you move!" The tears were set loose, streaming endlessly down her pallid face, droplets falling onto the floor and onto the clothes which had fallen from her hand just before. Now she desperately tried to calm herself, taking in deep, shaky breaths mixed with her sobs. There was hurried speaking from the other side, but her mind was buzzing with frustration, unable to hear it.
Why did this have to happen now? Just when she was having a good day, it had to be ruined by her stupid body that refused to function. She buried her face in her hands.
Once she got a hold of herself, Katherine quickly wiped her tears away and pulled open the lock of the changing room. She was met with the shocked face of Minerva and an employee from the store, who was holding up a key, about to open the door herself.
"Katherine! What's wrong?" gasped Minerva, staring at her bloodshot eyes.
"I- I can't... I can't get up," breathed Katherine, tears threatening to escape again. The older woman got ahold of her by the waist and hoisted her up.
"Oh dear, I'll get you to the Hospital Wing right away. It's alright dear, take deep breaths, alright?" she attempted to soothe her, apologising to the employee before helping Katherine out of the store and apparating to the gates of Hogwarts.
They hurried past a startled Dumbledore, who had just been heading outside. He realised quickly what must be happening and followed them to the infirmary. Once Madam Pomfrey caught sight of Katherine, she rushed into her office right away to find the right potions and equipment. The headmaster and his deputy watched with anticipation as she laid on the bed.
"The poor girl, her condition has been wavering for so long and she didn't want to be constrained to a bed... but this time, she may not be able to leave," the Healer muttered sadly.
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Severus' head spun with each step he took. The only thoughts that echoed through his mind were about Katherine. Katherine. What had happened to Katherine? How had she landed in the Hospital Wing again? Was she okay? What if she was dead? No, she couldn't be dead. He wanted to yell out in frustration, but the best thing to do was just to check. The moment Dumbledore had bumped into him and told him about her being in the infirmary, he had practically bolted away.
He flung open the door and it crashed into the wall with a bang. There she was, sitting upright on her bed, her arm attached to an IV drip and her whole self looking paler than ever. Her bed was surrounded by curtains like the other time she had fallen to keep out students, but at the moment it was opened from the side where he could see her. As always, she smiled at him as he halted and tried to catch his breath, as if nothing was out of the ordinary.
"Hey, Severus," she said softly.
He walked up to her bed and silently stared down at her.
"W-What are you looking at?" She pulled her blankets higher to cover her shoulders, frowning at him. When he shot her a glare, she burst into laughter and rolled her eyes at him. "Come on, I was only joking! I know you weren't looking at me like that. Stop looking so upset and say something!"
"What... am I meant to say?" drawled Severus with a bitter tone, seating himself so they were on the same level. "You said it was not a big deal!"
Katherine pursed her lips. "Why is it a big deal now?" she asked.
He growled in disbelief — why did she insist on keeping up this act? "Then tell me why you've been here three times in the past year and why you need to be connected to an IV!"
Four times not including the ones where I came to get medicine, she thought, but kept that information to herself. If she was in the Muggle world, she was sure she would've been hospitalised much earlier, but the doctor had allowed her to keep going due to their medicine. "They just need to do some checkups on me, that's all, and I need to be in the right state..." she lied nervously.
If looks could kill, she would be absolutely dead now. Severus was glaring daggers at her, not even daring to speak in fear that he would hurt her. He just felt so frustrated. Why were the people around him always getting hurt? When she had gotten discharged the last time, he had pushed away the concern in his heart, telling himself that she was alright after all. All he wanted to do was avoid the truth right in front of him, and he supposed perhaps Katherine did too. That was why she constantly put up a smile and pretended everything was fine when it really wasn't.
He took a deep breath and composed himself. "Does Lupin know?"
"Know about what?" she questioned back, even though she knew what he was asking.
He knew that she would deny all mentions of her condition. "Know about all the times you got into your... accidents, and that you're in here again," he said.
Her eyes darted away guiltily. "No, he has no idea. I don't need another person worrying about me." If he realised that she was getting sick again, he would surely request to be by her side at Hogwarts, and she couldn't have him neglecting his own work for her sake.
Severus shook his head at her, once again astounded by the sheer stubbornness of this woman.
For the next few weeks, he would visit her as often as he could, bringing her anything she requested such as food and books. Although she seemed to grow tired much faster, he saw not much difference in the way she acted. She was still the same kind, joyful and stubborn woman that he knew, with her constant smile and gleaming hazel eyes. And he began to steer away from the topic of her recovery as well, afraid that it would pull him into another sea of despair. Instead, they stuck with light-hearted topics, such as the novels she finished or her trying to convince him that certain foods he loathed were good.
Usually, he would see her for short amounts of time on weekends or in-between classes, but little did he know that it was at night when she had her worst episodes. Katherine refused to give into her pain, however, the reality of her state came crashing down when the doctor came in for his checkups after dinner. She would attempt to stand and exercise like a normal person, but the more she tried, the more she couldn't anymore. When nobody was around, she would have her worst panic attacks, chills jolting down her spine as she shivered with tears in her eyes, and tried to control the tightness of her throat, despising her body for how useless it made her.
The only times when she wasn't in distress were when Severus was beside her, when she would reply to Remus' letters and when she tried to practise holding her smiles while nobody was around. Yes, she felt so pathetic and worthless that she even had to practise them. That was when Katherine started to ponder exactly what she should do.