"i got your heart of glass,
you've got my love.
i know we'll still be there,
to pick the pieces up."
- Fragile, Labrinth
☾
A warrant had been put out for Bucky's arrest when he didn't show for therapy.
Madeline had put into the system that he was a no-show. And missing his court mandated therapy is like missing a check-in with a parole officer.
I wanted to yell at her, but I couldn't be mad at her for being honest and doing her job.
I rushed out of the office and hopped a plane to Maryland.
An hour later, I'm in Baltimore, in a taxi, heading to the station where Bucky's being held. I arrive and quickly pay the driver before jumping out and heading straight into the department.
Nerves hit me as I walk inside and I fiddle with my fingers.
I'm nervous to see Bucky again. I've missed him so much and I just hope he's okay.
I speak to someone at the desk and they inform me that he's free to leave and tell me to wait for the officers to bring him out.
I don't even have to do anything, no paperwork, nothing. He's already free to go. They were just waiting on someone to pick him up.
I turn around, brows furrowed as I walk to the seats of the waiting area.
Before I sit down, I spot Sam Wilson sitting in one of the chairs.
"Mr. Wilson?"
He lifts his head, his eyes finding mine as he stands up out of his seat.
"I'm Dr. Edwards. I'm James' therapist." I say as I shake his hand. "I've heard a lot about you."
"So nice to meet you." he answers politely. "Thank you for getting him out."
"That was not me, I'm afraid." I inform him and he frowns.
As if on cue, John Walker waltz's into the room. The new 'Captain America' makes his way to us.
"Hey, Sam." he says, then turns to me. "You're the therapist, right?"
"Dr. Edwards." I say with a nod.
"John Walker." he announces proudly, waiting for me to shake his extended hand.
"You got Bucky out?" Sam asks, while I begrudgingly but politely, shake John's hand.
"Yep. Got some unfinished business, him and I. You too, Wilson." John replies. He excuses himself to greet a fan and take a selfie.
I exchange a glance with Sam.
Walker turns back to us, looking at me. "Bucky's not going to be following a strict schedule any longer." he says, matter-of-factly.
"We haven't finished our work. Who authorised this?" I ask.
"I did." he says with a smug smirk.
A door buzzes at the front of the room and I spot Bucky through the glass. I draw in a sharp breath and watch him walk out, an officer in front of him and another behind.
We lock eyes and he reads the concern in mine, giving me the subtlest of nods, reassuring me he's okay.
"He's too valuable of an asset to have him tied up, so do whatever you gotta do with him and send him off to me." Walker tells me.
I pull my eyes from Bucky, and frown up at the man in front of me, laden in his Captain America uniform.
"No." I declare.
"Excuse me?" he says, an amused smirk on his face.
"No." I reiterate. "You weren't assigned to this case. I was. And we're very near the end of our work. I won't allow you to come in and disrupt that however you please."
"Look, lady-"
"Doctor." I correct.
"Doctor-"
"The answer's still no." I interrupt. "I'm not wrapping anything up, for your sake. I work with the government, not a mascot."
"Well, Doctor, governement includes me." he says, dismissively and looks to Sam. "I'll be outside."
Walker leaves the room, my eyes following him with a frown before returning my attention to Bucky.
Finished with his discharge paperwork at the front desk, Bucky turns to face Sam and I.
The two men scowl at each other, the tension palpable.
Goodness, there's too much testosterone around here.
I breathe out a little huff and go to Bucky.
"Are you okay?" I ask. I feel calmness washing over me as I look into his blue eyes.
"I'm fine." he replies, looking down at me.
"I'm so sorry. My receptionist put into the system that you didn't show. I was going to let it slide but I didn't speak to her about it. You've never not shown, I didn't know she would do that." I throw at him in one breath.
"It's okay." he reassures me.
I nod my head and sigh shakily. Then I close the small distance between us, wrapping my arms around his waist in a tight hug.
"I'm just glad you're okay." I say while he tenderly hugs me back.
I step back and see Sam watching Bucky and I.
"We should go." I say, blushing as I head for the door.
Night has fallen as we step outside.
"Gentlemen! Good to see you again." Walker calls, he and his partner standing amongst the parked police vehicles.
Bucky and Sam glower at him, looking very unimpressed as they approach him.
I follow like a lost puppy, not really sure what else to do with myself.
I suppose I'll just hop a plane back home. Bucky's out of holding and by the sound of things, his mission is not yet complete.
But I'm finding it hard to leave him.
"Look, if we divide ourselves, we don't stand a chance, you guys know that." Walker says.
"So, whaddya got?" Sam asks.
Walker informs them that the leader of the group they're after is named Karli Morgenthau, and that he's been targeting civilians who have been helping Karli move from place to place.
His partner, Lemar Hoskins, chimes in, saying their satellites have found the groups symbol popping up in various displaced communities all across central and Eastern Europe.
I'm not sure I'm privy to this information, but I'm metres away and none of them even try lowering their voices.
"Where is she now, Walker? Do you know?" Bucky questions snarkily. "No?"
"No, we don't know, Bucky. But it's only a matter of time before we find out." Walker replies.
"Things are really intense for you, aren't they, Walker?" Bucky comments snidely.
"Look, Walker's right. It is imperative that we find them and stop them." Sam says. "But you guys have rules of engagement and all kind of authorisations you have to get. We're free agents. We're more flexible. So it wouldn't make sense for us to work with you."
Bucky and Sam turn away from Walker, heading back to me.
"A word of advice, then.." Walker says loudly, and they stop and face him. "Stay the hell out of my way." he advises bitterly.
We walk out into the night, the three of us side by side, Bucky in the middle, as they discuss their next move.
"Not a chance." Sam says, dismissing whatever idea is swirling in Bucky's mind.
"Walker doesn't have any leads." Bucky argues.
"I know where you're going with this and no." Sam replies.
"He knows all of HYDRA's secrets." says Bucky.
"So you're just gonna go sit in a room with this guy?"
"..Yes." Bucky replies, very hesitantly.
"..Okay, then." Sam concedes. "We're gonna go see Zemo."
I stop in my tracks, finally on the same page. "Zemo?!"
They stop and face me.
"Once you're safely on a plane home, yes. Zemo." Bucky says.
"Whoa, wait a minute. I think she should come with us." Sam suggests.
"No." Bucky dismisses immediately.
"Now, hold on. If you're seeing Zemo, I think she should be with you, just incase. Zemo's gonna mess with our minds. Especially yours, no offence." Sam says.
Bucky glares at him. "Offence."
"If you want to see Zemo, this is my condition. I'll feel better about this if she's with us." Sam looks at me. "You with us, Doc?"
"Of course. Whatever I can do to help."
Zemo used Bucky for personal gain, controlling him as the Winter Soldier before framing him for bombings and murders. While I believe Bucky can do this on his own, I won't pass up the opportunity to be by his side when he confronts this.
Bucky stares at me for a long moment. "Fine." he begrudgingly agrees.
"Alright." Sam nods his head.
"So, where is Zemo?" I ask, stepping closer to the guys, hands in my pockets.
"Berlin." Bucky answers.
☾
The flight to Germany is over eight hours, so I decide to take it upon myself to address the elephant in the room. I'm not going to fly through eight hours of emotional turbulence.
While Sam and Bucky are seated on opposite sides of Sam's military cargo plane, I sit down on the floor between them.
First I start with the Miracle Question exercise. An exercise used with couples, when they're trying to figure out what kind of life they want to build together.
But the pair bicker ridiculously, making snide comments at one another, like children.
"Okay, let's try something else.." I say. "Come here, both of you. Come on."
They both sigh and groan as they move from their seats to the floor.
"Good. Okay, get closer." I tell them and they shuffle forward, rolling their eyes, looking unimpressed.
They sit cross legged on the floor, right in front of each other. Sam at my left, Bucky at my right.
"I want you to look at each other, in the eyes."
They comply, starting off scowling at each other. Then their faces begin to relax and I think we're making progress.
That is until I realise neither of them have blinked.
"A staring contest? Seriously?" I say before snapping my fingers in their faces, making them blink. "My god.."
I shuffle a bit closer and sit up straight, giving myself a little more height in an attempt to be taken seriously.
"You have a job to do. And if you want to work as efficiently as possible, you need to respect one another and support one another. And you need to be able to communicate." I scold the pair. "The way you two are going, you're not going to be much help to anyone, least of all each other. I know you're both better than this."
They drop their gazes to the floor.
"Now, please can you look into each others eyes." I ask. "And please blink freely."
They comply.
"Bucky.." I start. "Why does Sam aggravate you?" I see a glint in his eyes as they narrow slightly. "And don't say something childish." I add.
He tongues the inside of his cheek, biting back his remark.
Then he exhales deeply through his nose as his eyes turn serious. "Why'd you give up that shield?" he asks lowly.
"Why are you making such a big deal out of something that has nothing to do with you?" Sam retorts.
"Steve believed in you. He trusted you. He gave you that shield for a reason." Bucky says. "That shield; that is everything he stood for. That is his legacy. He gave you that and you threw it away, like it was nothing.." Bucky's tone grows louder and angrier with each sentence, as he leans towards Sam. "So maybe he was wrong- And if he was wrong about you, then he was wrong about me!"
Bucky slowly leans back again, his eyes full of despair.
I swallow quietly, blinking back the threat of tears at his admission. My heart aches for him.
"..You finished?" Sam asks flatly, seemingly unaffected by Bucky's words.
"Yeah." Bucky answers, staring at Sam.
"Alright, good. Maybe this is something you or Steve will never understand.. But can you accept that I did what I thought was right?" Sam counters. "And after meeting Isaiah, I'm even more convinced I was right. They couldn't handle a black Super Soldier. They hid him, experimented on him and erased him. How do you think they'd handle a black Captain America?"
Bucky and I sit in silence.
Sam lets out a light scoff. "I don't have time for this, we have real shit going down right now."
He gets up off the floor.
I want to remind him we currently have a whole six hours, but if he's not willing to talk, I'm not going to force him.
They've both just released big woes. I need to let the air settle again.
My eyes follow Sam as he leaves the cargo bay and heads for his friend and colleague, Torres, in the cock pit.
I turn my attention back to Bucky, who's still sitting on the floor with me.
My eyes scan his face. "Are you okay?" I ask softly.
"Fine." he answers flatly. Then he stands up and moves back to his seat.
He man spreads and looks down at the ground, slouching back against the wall of the plane.
I slowly get up and join him, sitting down beside him with a sigh.
"You and I both have the luxury of not understanding what Sam's experiencing." I say lowly. "We need to be respectful of his feelings on the matter."
"Yeah.." he replies, understandingly. "Steve and I.. we never.. I knew his plans for the shield but we never thought.."
"And that's okay." I assure him. "Now you know why Sam did what he did. Knowledge is power. And the more you know about how each other feel, the stronger you will be together. But only if you communicate. And communicate well. You can't let anger lead your responses. You need to listen, you need to hear, and share. You guys did good. We can broach this again, later."
He looks at me and nods.
I smile at him for a moment, until I'm overcome by a yawn.
"Get some rest." Bucky says.
I lean my head back into the netting on the wall behind me and tilt my head to face Bucky.
"I'm so happy to see you, Buck.. I've been so worried all week." I admit quietly.
He turns his head to look at me. "You don't need to worry, Audrey. Super soldier, remember?"
"Super or not, I care about what happens to you." I look up at him with serious eyes, before they soften. "You know, I do often forget your super soldier-ness." I add. "To me, you're just Bucky."
He smiles warmly at me and I feel like melting into a puddle.
I shuffle closer, pressing my side to his as I rest my head on his shoulder.
Slowly but surely, his head leans upon mine while my eyes drift closed.
☾
I wake to the sound of Bucky's voice.
Sam's, too.
I open my eyes, my face now on the seat instead of Bucky's shoulder, and sit up, brushing my hair up out of my face.
"When Steve told me what he was planning.. I don't think either of us really understood what it felt like for a black man to be handed the shield." I hear Bucky say. "How could we?"
I look towards the sound of his voice, coming from the other end of the cargo bay, but I don't spot them. They must be behind some of the cargo.
"I owe you an apology." Bucky adds. "I'm sorry."
"Thank you." Sam says.
"That shield was the closest thing I had left to a family. So when you retired it, it made me feel like I had nothing left. Made me question everything. You. Steve. Me."
I stand up and have a quick stretch.
"You know," Bucky continues. "..I've got his book and I just figured, if it worked for him then it'd work for me."
"I understand, man, but Steve is gone." Sam says. "And this might be a surprise, but it doesn't matter what Steve thought."
I make my way to them, walking around the cargo crates.
"You gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are." Sam says.
Bucky turns his head and sees me.
"Gotta figure out who James Bucky Barnes is these days." he says, looking at me with a soft smile.
"Exactly." Sam replies. He looks at Bucky for a moment, before he follows his line of sight and spots me.
"Hi." I greet them with a smile.
"Hey, sleeping beauty." Sam says, in a lighter tone.
"Good talk?" I ask, looking between them both.
"Yeah." Bucky nods and looks at Sam. "Yeah, good talk."
Sam nods in agreement.
"Good." I smile at them.
"We were just about to wake you." Bucky says. "We'll be landing soon."
If anyone had told me yesterday morning, that today I'd be in Germany with the Falcon and the Winter Soldier, I would've written them a prescription.
A/N
references: this chapter contains dialogue adapted from episode 2 (The Star-Spangled Man) and episode 5 (Truth) of The Falcon and The Winter Soldier.
- K