♡Clay pov♡
My alarm blared, jolting me awake.
"Will you shut that shit off?" Jasper muttered.
"Sorry." I apologized.
I turned off my alarm and climbed out of bed. I grabbed the green shirt and a pair of baggy jeans and quickly put them on.
"Green isn't your color." Jasper stated.
I'm well aware. You tell me every time I put on my work uniform.
"They don't have it in other colors." I replied, as usual.
He rolled his eyes and laid back down. He sighed and looked at me. He pulled the blanket down a bit.
"You don't have time to fuck me before you leave?" He asked.
"No, I'm already gonna be late because you changed my alarm while I was sleeping." I stated.
"Oh my god, Clay. It's not a big deal." He replied.
"I don't want to lose my job, so yes, it is a big deal." I told him.
He rolled his eyes. I walked over to the bed, buttoning the last button on my work uniform.
"Okay, I'm going now. I love you." I stated, leaning over.
I pecked his lips, and he smiled.
"I love you too." He replied.
I grabbed my bag and left the dorm. I made sure to lock the door behind me.
He's probably gonna be there when I get back.
I went down the stairs and through the front door.
♡15 minutes later♡
I arrived at the coffee shop and went in.
"Clay! You're late. Third time this week." My manager stated.
I went behind the counter.
"I'm sorry. It was Jasper fucking with my alarm again." I told her.
"Girl, oh my god. Break up with him. He's so annoying." She complained, following me into the back.
"But I love him. He just needs help." I replied, putting my bag into a locker.
"Yeah, fucking clearly he needs help. Not from you, though. Put his ass in a psych ward at this point. Didn't he light a bunch of your stuff on fire last week?" She asked.
"Yes, but he promised he wouldn't do it again." I told her.
She placed her hands on my shoulders and forced me to face her. It was pretty funny because I looked down on her.
"Clay, I love you. I'm saying this as your friend, not your manager. Dump that motherfucker. He's crazy. He treats you like shit. His mental illness shouldn't have to be your problem. He's hurting you. I can see it and so can everyone else." She ranted.
"But he's so -"
"Okay, clearly I'm not getting through to you. At this point, I'm gonna start repeatedly hitting you on the head with a wooden spoon. You'll realize it sooner or later. I just hope it's not later." She told me.
"Niki, I'm okay. He can't control it." I replied.
"Um, excuse me? I asked for more vanilla in this."
"Now deal with this soccer mom behind you." She mumbled.
I rolled my eyes and lightly pushed her. She laughed and went to the back. I turned to see the woman.
"Thank god you're making my drink. Most of the guys who work in these coffee shops are gay. It's good to see one who finally has a girlfriend." She ranted.
Niki peeked her head out from the back, and we glanced at each other.
"Hey Niki, will you text my boyfriend and tell him I love him very much, please?" I asked.
"Of course, Clay the gay." She replied.
I turned my attention back to the woman who looked horrified.
"Oh yeah. We all have nicknames here. Don't mind her." I laughed.
She just stared at me blankly.
"You said more vanilla?" I asked.
She slowly nodded.
She looks vanilla as hell.
I almost laughed at my thoughts. I grabbed her drink and put two more pumps of vanilla in it. I stirred it around before giving it back.
"Have a lovely day, ma'am." I stated with a wide smile.
She just walked away. I went into the back and burst out laughing. Niki started laughing as well.
"Holy shit. Did you see her fucking face?" I wheezed.
"Of course she asked for vanilla." Niki laughed.
"Bro! I was thinking the same fucking thing!" I yelled.
We both started laughing even harder.
"Oh my god - I can't - I can't breathe." I gasped through laughs.
Both of us had tears running down our faces and Niki had totally fucked up her makeup.
"Where is he? Where's my boyfriend?" An angry voice asked.
Niki and I both stopped laughing.
"He's already shown up? You've been here for less than five minutes." Niki said.
We walked out of the room. Jasper was currently fuming at the front counter.
"There you are. Why weren't you up here?" He asked.
"Because I was shit talking with Niki in the back." I told him, leaning my elbows on the counter.
I noticed the vanilla lady watching us.
"Kiss me." I demanded.
He immidiantly brought his lips to mine. The lady watched in disgust. My hand went to the back of his neck, deepening the kiss. I slipped my tongue in his mouth.
"Okay, that's enough PDA for today, you freaks." Niki said.
Jasper and I pulled away from each other.
"I just came to say hi. I'm going back to your dorm." He stated.
"I'll see you when I get home." I replied.
He left, and I noticed the vanilla lady still watching me. I smiled and turned my back to her, facing Niki.
"That was nasty." Niki stated.
I grabbed her shoulders.
"I am gonna fuck the shit out of him when I get home." I said.
She pushed me hands off her.
"Ew! That's so gross! Don't tell me that!" She yelled.
"Oh, come on. You hear all of my sexual adventures. You love the gossip. Don't lie." I called her out.
"You are even worse than you were in high school." She stated, walking into the back.
"You still love me. I don't wanna hear it." I said.
I saw her flip me off.
♡George pov♡
My best friend Karl suggested this coffee shop right outside of the campus. It was small and cute, and I'm extremely hungover. I opened the door and went inside. It was relatively quiet beside some playful banter between a tall blonde and a short pink haired girl.
Fuck. My head hurts.
I walked up to the front counter thing. The blonde turned around.
"What can I get for you?" He asked.
Motherfucker. I look like this when there's a hot guy here. Fuck.
"Can I just get an iced caramel macchiato, please?" I asked.
"Mhm. Anything else?" He questioned.
Your number.
I shook my head.
"Five thirty-three is your total." He stated.
I got out my card and saw his eyes widen a bit.
It's an expensive card so people know not to fuck with me.
I handed it to him. He swiped it.
"Can I leave a tip?" I asked.
"Sure. For how much?" He replied.
"Tweny five." I stated.
His eyes met mine. He looked confused.
"You said twenty-five?" He asked.
I nodded.
"I can't take that. It's too much for such a simple order." He told me, clearly confused and almost seeming worried.
I leaned against the side of the counter.
"Guess I'll just stay right here until you take it." I stated.
"But I-"
"I don't think you really have a choice here -"
I looked at his name tag.
"Clay." I mumbled, meeting his eyes again.
He took a deep breath before sighing.
"Fine, stranger." He stated.
"Stranger?" I asked, as he accepted the tip in the computer.
"Yep. I don't know your name." He replied.
I didn't reply.
"Well? Are you gonna tell me?" He asked.
"Nope." I stated.
♡Clay pov♡
I rolled my eyes and began making his drink.
"Yknow, this is my first time here." He told me.
"Really? Do you go to college here?" I asked.
He nodded.
"I guess the only time I really go out is to party. I don't usually go to places like this." He said.
"I don't go out much either. Except for when my friends drag me somewhere or work. Maybe when my boyfriend wants to go do something." I told him.
"Boyfriend?" He asked.
I nodded.
"Hm. So, are you gay or bi?" He asked.
"Gay." I replied.
He nodded.
"Same." He stated.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" I asked.
He laughed.
"Absolutely not. I don't date. It's a waste of time." He said.
"Oh." I mumbled.
"I mean, for me, at least. I can't say the same for other people." He said.
"I don't think it's a waste of time. I think me and him are gonna last. Get married or something." I told him.
"That's cute. What's his name?" He asked.
"Jasper." I replied.
He nodded, and I finished his drink. I handed it to him.
"Thank you." He said.
"Yeah. Have a nice day." I replied.
He walked out of the coffee shop.
"He was cuteeee." Niki cooed, nudging my ribcage.
"Not my type." I told her.
She scoffed, and I turned to face her.
"He totally is. He's a lot shorter than you. He has dark hair. He was also clearly flirting with you." She told me.
"Jaspers blonde. I like blondes." I stated.
"Okay, just because he's blonde doesn't mean you have to strictly like blondes." She said.
"I love him, Niki. I'm not just gonna drop him for some other guy, especially when Jasper isn't doing well." I told her.
♡George pov♡
God, I would hate to live on campus. I'm so happy I have my own house with Karl.
I opened the front door and went in.
"George!?" He called out.
"Yeah!?" I yelled back.
"Come here!" He shouted.
I walked into the living room. He was on the couch. He jumped up and shoved his phone into my hands.
"You're first fucking place right now." He stated.
I looked down at the phone.
1. XxGeorgexX
2. Princess_Kay
"You beat her." He said excitedly.
I smiled and gave the phone back. I hugged him, and he returned it.
Karl, being my best friend and manager, was the only person who knew about this secret life I had.
"I'm gonna do a special video tonight then. As a thanks." I told him.
"That's an amazing idea." He replied.
"Lemme go get ready. I'll be right back." I stated.
I ran up the stairs and down the hall to my room.
♡Clay pov♡
"Fuck you!" Jasper yelled.
He chucked a book at me.
"I know you're fucking cheating on me! Let me see your phone!" He screamed.
"Calm down, baby. They're gonna call the cops again." I said softly.
"Calm down!? You want me to fucking Calm down!?" He yelled.
I reached for his arm, but he slapped me hard across the face. I stumbled back away from him, my eyes wide with shock.
"Y-You just - did you just hit me?" I stuttered.
"I'm leaving." He muttered.
He walked past me and out the door, slamming it shut behind him. I looked around at my now destroyed dorm room. I slowly lowered myself to the ground, leaning against my bed. I curled my legs to my chest and buried my head in my knees, letting myself cry.
Why does he treat me like this? Can't he see I'm trying my best to help? I don't understand.
My phone began ringing. I pulled my head out of my knees. I grabbed it and answered without looking at who it was.
"Hello?" I asked, sniffling a bit.
"Clay? Hi. Are you okay? You sound upset." Nikis soft voice came through the phone.
I broke down sobbing.
Damn it. I hate when people hear or see me cry. I never show emotions like this.
"Hey, I'm literally right outside your dorm building. I was coming to ask if you wanted to hang out. I'll be up in just a second." She told me.
"O-Okay." I stuttered through sobs.
She hung up, and I soon heard the door being unlocked.
Oh yeah. She has a spare.
The door opened, and she sat next to me. She pulled me into a hug, and I clung to her tightly.
"Can you tell me what happened hun?" She asked.
"I-I got in an argument with Jasper, and he got really mad. He hit me. He's never done that before. Usually he just yells and throws stuff but he fucking hit me." I sobbed.
"What happened after that?" She asked.
"He just left me here. I don't know what I did wrong." I cried.
"What was the argument about?" She asked.
"He wanted to look through my phone, and I said no. He thinks I'm cheating on him. I'm not. I love him so much. I could never do that to him." I sobbed.
"Clay, you need to break up with him. He hit you. That's not okay at all. It doesn't matter how angry he was. He never should've put his hands on you." She explained.
"I just don't understand why. I've been trying to help him get better. I'm supportive and good to him. Am I not trying hard enough? What am I doing wrong?" I asked.
"You aren't doing anything wrong. He's fucked up in the head." She stated.
♡George pov♡
"Take off the mask?" I read.
I scoffed.
"Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen." I replied.
I kept getting donations asking for me to touch myself or do something.
"Hmmm. How about if I get up to five hundred dollars this stream, I'll use this." I suggested, grabbing a dildo.
The chat started flying, and donations kept coming in.
We were already close to 500, but I'm really horny.
I was already shirtless.
"Should I take it off?" I asked, hooking my fingers into the short shorts.
Obviously, people were saying yes.
I leaned back and slowly slid them down.
●His body is so perfect
I smiled and laid down on my back. I turned on my side to face the camera.
"Ugh. I haven't gotten actual dick in so long." I complained.
People began volunteering, which made me laugh. I looked at the donations.
455
"Five more dollars, and I'll ride it." I stated, placing the dildo on the floor.
God, hurry up.
●$5 donation. No hands?
I smiled.
"Hm. Good idea." I replied.
I grabbed the lube and squirted some on the dildo. I rubbed it along it so it wouldn't hurt.
●Already stretched yourself?
"Of course I did." I replied.
I placed my knees on either side of the dildo and slowly sat down on it.
"Mmm fuck." I mumbled.
♡Clay pov♡
I wish Jasper was here. I feel so alone. I grabbed my phone and went to his contact.
●me: Baby, are you still mad at me?
●Jasper: wtf do u think?
●me: You can look through my phone if you want. I just want you back. Please. I feel so alone. I miss you.
●Jasper: That's honestly pathetic, Clay. I'll come see u at work tomorrow. I can't see u tn. I'm busy.
●me: Okay, I'm sorry for bothering you and making you upset. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I love you so much.
●Jasper: k
I sighed and set my phone down. I grabbed my pillow and hugged it against my chest, trying to stop the horrible urges I now felt.
I'm so useless. I made Jasper upset. I ruined Nikis' plans. Jasper doesn't even want to see me right now because I made him so upset. I didn't mean to. I'm not good enough for him. I'm not a good boyfriend. I should've just let him look through my phone.
I threw the pillow off my bed, letting out a groan of frustration. I got up and went to the bathroom. I slammed the door shut behind me.
I've been clean for three years. Three fucking years and I haven't had urges since then.
It's because this is the first night I've spent alone in the past 3 years. I can't be alone.
I leaned my elbows on the sink counter and put my head in my hands.
I can't do this. I shouldn't.
But you need to. You aren't good for anything. You're a bad son. A bad boyfriend. A bad student. A bad friend.
I rolled up my sleeves.
Jasper always told me that I was weak for struggling with self-harm. He told me it was pathetic and a waste of time.
Well, I have time to waste right now.
I opened my drawer and grabbed my blade. I slowly lowered myself onto the bathroom floor.
Worthless. Weak. Pathetic. Terrible. Useless.
Before I could even think about what I was actually doing, I was already cutting into my arms. The pain was welcomed, the nostalgic feeling from high school coming back to me.
The only people who knew about my self harm was Niki, Sapnap, Jasper, and my sister.
I realized what I had just done as I stared down at my arm in horror. I threw the blare across the bathroom, hearing it bounce off multiple things. I let out a choked sob, burying my face in my hands.
"Oh god. Oh god. What did I just do? What did I just fucking do?" I mumbled.
Three years of progress down the drain. I'm surely gonna spiral again. Next, I'll start starving myself. I'll self harm everyday. I'll let my thoughts take control. My grades are gonna drop.
That's how it was in high school.