𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍 || 𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘦
"MR. LOCKE, DID YOU HEAR ME?"
Carter blinked rapidly, looking up at Doctor Campbell, who he had been seeing for around a month or two. The man was kind and blunt in whatever information he had to give to any of his patients. His unapologetic way of doing things and lack of sugarcoating made Carter sign him in the first place.
Swallowing the cement lump in his throat, Carter nodded and rubbed the palm of his hands down his legs in harsh and slow brushes. "Y-Yeah. I heard you, Doc."
Campbell sighed, sitting on the stool beside the table Carter was sitting on. "I know this is a lot. I wish there were a better reason for all of this or a way around it, but there isn't."
Rubbing his hands together, Carter laughed as he glanced at the man. "Life just continues to throw curveballs even when we're at our worst, huh?"
"That could be one way to look at it. But you could see it as a chance to do the things you've always wanted. Be with the ones you love. Travel the world..."
The Doctor's words were drowned out by the beat of Carter's heart that echoed through his head. He wanted to laugh really. It felt like karma was coming back to bite him in the ass after years. Almost as if karma just wanted to get the final word in–tie off loose ends.
"Take these two times a day. When you wake up and before you go to bed. They'll buy you some time." Taking the bottle, Carter stared at the orange-tinted tablets. A shallow feeling erupts in his stomach as he exhales shakily. "I'll reach out if any of our Doctors can find any possible solutions to the problem, Carter. But take my advice. Do something for yourself."
Stuffing the prescribed pills in his pocket, he glanced in the Doctor's direction and nodded. "Thanks, Campbell."
Exiting the Doctor's office, Carter said farewell to the dozen nurses he'd seen the last 2 months. All of their names are known by heart from the repetitive visits he's had. It became one of the only places he could consider familiar.
Getting into his car, Carter pulled out of the parking lot and began to drive. Music faintly bubbled from the speakers with his mind drifting in and out of his thoughts. It was late. Nearly 10 PM, allowing him to zone out from the lack of traffic. Take in the lights that bounced off of puddles and the hood of his car.
It was peaceful.
Be with the ones you love...
Carter blinked rapidly, hoping to wash away the heat radiating from behind his eyes. Clenching his jaw, he turned up the music to drown out his thoughts.
Surprisingly, life outside of Avengers for Carter had been more forthcoming than he would've thought. He lived for himself. He had some sort of ownership over things that he didn't when the team was still together.
When they were still together...
Reaving his hands on the steering wheel, Carter began to punch it. "FUCK! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He yanked and pulled the wheel, screams spilling from between his lips. But they soon morphed into sobs. Tears spilled from his eyes as his head fell against his hands, a loud cry ripping from the pit of his throat, tearing at his vocal cords. "Fuck..."
He didn't miss being an Avenger. He didn't miss having to train every day and be pushed beyond his limit. Doing that had finally taken its toll and he had no plans of going back to it. Or at least in its full capacity.
But he missed the team. He missed Nat, Tony, Steve, Nova, and even Sam. But he missed Wanda most of all.
That's what had him in a chokehold, wasn't it? In no way was he regretting the choices he made because doing that would only worsen the weight. But he wished he had said something to her. Gave her something to bring hope that one day they would be with one another again. Yet, all he left was a ripped piece of paper with mixed feelings of resentment and sorrow. Wanting to stab her deep in the heart with his words but show that through it all, he still loved her nonetheless.
The love he held for her was beyond anything he'd ever felt in his life. Not a day went by when he didn't contemplate the idea of finding a way to reach out to her. Risk it all just to hear her voice and how words beautifully rolled off her tongue. But that just didn't seem like a worthy possibility. With the news, he didn't want to risk her safety based entirely on his desires.
He'd been living his life by his desires and motivations, but for once he just wanted to live. Live a long, simple, and normal life respected by most. And be with the one he loved until he turned old and frail. Yet, it seemed that whatever higher being was writing the story, he was having that taken away from him.
Parking his car along the edge of the street, he sluggishly turned the car off and got out. Slamming the door shut and leaning against it. Running a hand over his face before he reached into his pocket and pulled out the orange bottle. Staring at it for a few moments with his grip tightening around it. Twisting the cap off, he took a tablet out and tossed it back. Shivering at the feeling of the pill sliding down his throat before likely dissolving in his stomach.
Glancing down the street, staring for a long moment until he pushed himself off of the car and entered his apartment building. Greeted by the repetitive staircase leading from the bottom floor to the seventh. Its spiralling formation became more and more common over the last month he had moved in. Constantly having to leave to see Doctor Campbell or give Brutus a walk.
Making it to his floor, he didn't have a moment to breathe before Margeret, his next-door neighbour, peeked her head out from her door. A wrinkly smile formed on her lips as she stepped out. Her smile matched his own as she greeted him, "Deary."
Carter, for the first time that night, smiled genuinely. "M." He hugged the old woman, firm but gently.
The lady had provided some company on the days Carter was alone. It seemed like the woman could sense it because when he stared out into the open space in his kitchen, he always heard a knock at his door to find Margeret with leftover food from her last night's dinner. Offering the man to come over so they could share it and play some card games. She was an angel during the days the sun seemed dimmer than usual to Carter.
The clicking of nails hitting the floor came from the source of Brutus who stepped out with a bark. Carter smiled. "Hey, big guy. How you doin'?" Crouching down in front of the dog and brushing his hand over the Mastiff's head, scratching behind the dog's ear briefly before standing to his feet. "How was he? Did he try and eat your plants again?"
Margeret let out a scoff as she looked down at the giant dog. "If you're asking me, that'd be doing him some favours." She patted Brutus's thick sides. "This big boy needs to lose some weight."
Carter laughed. "Yeah, try and get between him and his morning steak is dangerous as it is."
She looked up at him, frowning slightly as her wrinkling hands cupped his face. But the touch was warm and comforting for the man who closed his eyes for a moment. "Are you doing alright, sweetheart? You look down," she pointed out softly. Her Scottish accent was thicker than it was before. "You can talk to me."
A soft smile formed on the man's lips as he gently held her wrists. "Nothing I can't handle, M."
"Well, okay. But you tell me if anything is the matter, yeah? I'm more than glad to help in any way I can," she offered.
"I know, and thank you for watching this beast."
"Of course, sweetheart. It was my pleasure." As she began to walk inside, she stopped short at the threshold of her apartment and turned, saying, "Oh, by the way. There was this beautiful young lady who came by not too long ago asking about you."
Carter snapped his head up to the woman with his eyebrows knitting together. Arms visibly tensing as his back straightened. "Oh? Did she leave you a name?"
"No, but she sounded American. But I told her I hadn't heard of anyone by your name. I would've called you and asked, but I knew you were at the Doctor's and didn't want to disturb you."
A soft sigh fell from Carter's lips. "Thank you, M." He smiled, walking to his apartment door with Brutus by his side.
Once he had heard the click of Margeret's door shutting, Carter fished into his pocket and pulled out his keys. Manifesting his pistol and slowly unlocked the door and pushed it open with his gun leveled as he stepped inside.
The lack of light inside the tiny apartment made it hard for him to spot anything out of the irregular. His eyes were sharp with Brutus staring at him in confusion. Checking his room, nothing stood out as moved or disturbed. The same followed for the bathroom. Until he made it to the kitchen and felt the strength in his arms falter. Aim lowering until the gun disappeared from his grasp, stepping further into the room.
Although the kitchen light wasn't on, the moon pierced through the balcony doors and shone enough for Carter to breathe shakily. Wanda was seated at his poorly built round wooden table with one of his jackets draped over herself, knees pressed to her chest as she slept soundly. A gentle smile on her lips as she dreamed of whatever was on her mind.
She was here.
Stepping further inside, he carefully seated himself on the other chair across from her. But perhaps Brutus's nails clicking on the ground had been what woke her from her slumber. Her eyes pinched open as she looked at the dog that panted at her side, head tilted in curiosity about her presence and who she was. And then her eyes snapped to Carter who sat across from her, lips pursed.
"Is he here?" Was the first thing to come from his lips. A moment of greeting didn't seem fit for how sudden this was.
Wanda shifted in her seat, keeping the jacket wrapped around her. "He went to the store. Thought we'd need some extra food than a few steaks and noodle packets."
Carter scoffed, looking away with a shake of his head. His tongue pressed to the inside of his cheek as he sighed. "I guess I should've expected him to come with you," he huffed. "And the steaks are for the dog."
Standing up, he moved to the fridge and pulled out a beer bottle. "But I also suspect it doesn't matter since I'm now pulled into all of this, right?" He popped the cap off of the edge of the counter and walked over, placing the bottle in front of her. "Strength in numbers, right? That sounds like something Steve would say. But I guess his outlook on things rubbed off on me before both he and Tony tore the Avengers apart. Made the world watch our downfall with most of us being looked at as criminals."
Grabbing himself a beer, he let out a laugh as he took the cap off. "I will say, the last day I was with all of you, one thing stuck out to me." Collapsing in the seat, he took a swig and sighed. "People found us convenient for a while. Sought us out when governments around the world had their thumbs up their asses. But despite everything we've done for them, they eventually hated us. And it came from the ones above the common man. Ones in power."
Shrugging, the man hummed. "Perhaps this was how it was always going to go, huh? Us. Divided by the predicaments forced upon us," he scoffed, shaking his head. "Wasn't how I expected a happy ending to go, but then again, when do we ever get those, right? This is life, and this is death."
Wanda twirled the drink between her delicate fingertips, staring at the contents tinted by the brown glass. "Is that why you left? Because of the lack of a happy ending?"
Exhaling in exasperation, Carter slumped in his chair slightly. "That and what I'd told you all a year ago." He let out a short laugh. "I also wasn't going to take orders from that old fuck face."
She nodded, pursing her lips. "Did you ever regret it?" She asked, looking up at him to see his movements halt for a moment. Staring at his shoes for a long moment with his lips parting. But when nothing came out, he clamped them shut with a groan. Clearing his throat and tasting the metal that he swallowed back down, sitting up in his chair.
"For a while, I thought that I was the problem. That my friendship with Vis was what drove you away. And I hated myself for even letting someone in because I knew how much I meant to you, as much as you do to me. Until Vision told me why..."
His eyes flickered at her, shock swimming within those golden orbs that she hadn't been able to escape even in her sleep. The shame drowned them as he looked away. "Do you think I didn't deserve to know about the cancer? Did you even think about how I'd feel about it?" Wanda stressed, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I had a right to know."
Lifting his gaze to the ceiling, Carter stayed like that for a few moments. Inhaling deeply with an equally heavier exhale as he shook his head. Honestly, he hadn't wanted her to wake up. It'd been better when he had rested and gotten enough rest to tackle whatever came next for them. He hadn't even wanted to start the conversation the way he did, but maybe it was just his way of trying to push her back. Give her a chance to be with someone that didn't have their life ticking away. Maybe even find happiness with what was guaranteed.
And life for Carter wasn't guaranteed. He could feel it slipping away from his grasp every day. Everything he worked toward to find the love of his life and have her once again was slipping and he didn't want her to be put in a situation of watching him wither away.
Swallowing thickly, he tilted his head. "Were there moments when I regretted my decision?" He asked aloud, pursing his lips as he ran a hand through his locks. Nodding to himself, he exhaled shakily. "Did I want to break the law and call you and tell you myself? Did I want to burn the world to be with you for whatever time I had left, Wanda? Of course, I did."
Leaning back in his chair, his eyes flickered shut with a shaky sigh slipping from between his lips. "But so much time has passed that I knew I didn't want to tell you what was going on with me–what I was suffering from. I didn't want you to force yourself to be with me."
Looking down at his hands, he shook his head. "My body is dying, Maxi. I'm dying and no one is capable of stopping it." He looked up at her and let out a choked laugh. "Would you have wanted to be with someone with the knowledge they'd be gone within a few months?"
"I do."
Carter stared at her, shifting in his seat as he exhaled heavily. A soft noise came from him as he swallowed thickly. Tears brimming in his eyes as he whispered, "You do?"
Wanda smiled, reaching over to grasp his hand. Squeezing it gently, she said, "Why wouldn't I? I'm here."
He nodded, choking a sob, smiling as he placed his hand over hers. "You're here."