Client: iammimi_22
Reviewer: Lady-of-ink
"Yemisi's Dilemma: Unmasking the Class Bully's Demise" is an interesting thriller that tells the story of Yemisi, who finds herself entangled in the murder case of her bully.
I think the title is very suitable for this story. I like the cover, although I've noticed that on it there isn't the whole title nor the author's name. I like the blurb, and I think it's very interesting. However, in the first paragraph, it is implied that Yemisi and her classmates have been bullied by Alessia for years, when Yemisi is new to the school. I realized after reading that the author meant that the classmates have been bullied for years, not Yemisi, but I think the author should change that part a bit. It makes things confusing.
The story is quite original. I don't think I've ever read something like this, but honestly, I haven't read a lot of thrillers. I like the idea and the action.
The pacing doesn't feel rushed at the beginning. However, the author decided to jump over Yemisi's main conflicts with Alessia. I would have preferred to read them instead of being told by Yemisi. We also haven't seen Yemisi apologising to Alessia when her mother made her. Learning that Alessia had died in the fifth chapter felt rushed.
Yemisi seems to be an interesting character, although I haven't been able to learn too much about her. Even after reading five chapters, Yemisi didn't make an impression on me. I think it's because her emotions aren't described by the author. While I can tell a few things from her actions, there is nothing that makes me know what she is feeling. Even though I can see the potential of the main character, I can acknowledge she can be interesting, and the lack of description of her emotions makes me unable to care about Yemisi.
I saw a couple of problems with the grammar. The author doesn't use a comma after ending what a character has to say ("Hello," she said.), and they also don't use a dot at the end of paragraphs, which are also rather short. There were moments I couldn't understand what the characters were saying. I've also seen other mistakes. I suggest the author reread the chapters and edit them at some point. After all, most want to read books that are correctly written.
In conclusion, I think the story is interesting and has a lot of potential, although the things mentioned earlier could be improved.