Ishan had an inkling he wouldn't get to play the second T20. He was prepared. Both Shubman and him tried to not think too much about everything that happened (including Shubman getting out for a duck) by going out on a casual shopping expedition.
Being spotted was no fun but worse were the comments. He was being held responsible for Shubman's form as well. Wow.
Fans could be extremely narrow minded. He thought of how Anushka bhabhi had to suffer trolling just because she was dating Virat bhai. The worst part was the trolling continued even after they were married. He didn't quite get it? How exactly was the partner responsible for the form of a perfectly good player?? Also, should he be happy that Ishan is being considered Shubman's partner? He couldn't help but laugh at that.
He saw an edit of him and Shubman that read "He was there when no one else was". The song in the background was "tu hi meri dil ki raza hai, tere bina dil hai khafa" the same lines Shubman had told him while gazing into his eyes. He liked it without a second thought. They've been there for each other since a very long time. What people say about them didn't really bother him because he knew his heart and he knew Shubman's.
Other things weren't as simple though. He was getting extremely frustrated. He hadn't gotten an opportunity to play even once. He was here on this tour and he hadn't played a single match yet. He hopes he gets to play the last one but something in him tells him that won't happen either. This wasn't negative thinking but just something he had gathered from being around the team for a while now.
He was starting to suspect he wouldn't get an opportunity to play the test matches either. Even though he was selected for the tests he wouldn't be in the playing eleven. Somehow the very thought of him hanging around unable to play even once made him very angsty. This wasn't what he had signed up for.
He can be a very positive person but he could feel his reserve of positivity running out. There have been way too many times when he had played well and hadn't gotten an opportunity again. He felt that he was there to make sure other players play well. Like a threat to them, if you don't play well you'll be replaced by Ishan is probably what they're made to feel? He didn't want to be that person in the squad. He just wanted a fair chance. He didn't even care for a permanent place at this point.
"Ishan?" Shubman had woken up and was trying to cuddle him. Ishan smiled rolling into his arms. Well, at least he was happy in his personal life. Though having his personal life so thoroughly interlinked with his professional life could always have its disadvantages.
Like he had been contemplating leaving before the tests ever since he got unofficial confirmation that he won't be in the playing eleven. He had tried not to think about it hoping to make a mark in the T20s. That would mean he had to leave his boy and go. He didn't want to, but he also felt it was for the best.
He would discuss it with his managing team and then talk to Shubman about it. Shubman had fallen asleep again and he was back to scrolling. He stopped at an edit of them, they were adorable together he smiled. "Tu Tu hai wahi ., dil ne jise apna kaha.. tu hai jaha mein hoon waha.. ab tho ye jeena tere bin hai saza" The lyrics hit home like no other. He really hated to be parted from his love and he was sure Shubman would hate it as much as well. But if he had to play for the country for a long time he needed to get his head straight. He doubted he could keep up his enthusiasm for the game with the sort of mentality he currently held.
He saw a few edits of his matches and match winning performances. Yeah. He missed those. He really needed a break.
++
He nearly rolled his eyes when he found out he was not playing the final T20 match. Why exactly was he here? As a prop? He didn't have the mental capacity to even give a proper reaction. He needed to call his team. He needed to tell his family after that. He wasn't going to be the water boy in the tests. He doesn't need a paid vacation. He'll pay for his own vacations. Thank you.
He worried about Shubman but he hoped with Virat bhaiyya and Rohit bhaiyya back he'd manage. He had to. Ishan really needed to get back into the headspace of being in competitive sports. He was also very sure he needed a break. After Shubman got out to a bad umpiring decision and not taking a DRS because he made a wrong call in the earlier T20 match, he zoned out of the match. Shubman just sat near him without questioning his mood. He had an inkling something was up, he guessed. Anyway, they'd talk later in the privacy of their room.
After the match, Ishan called up his team seeking advice on whether it was okay if he pulled out of the tests. When he mentioned how exhausted he felt without actively playing in games while traveling nonstop they agreed to his plan without much hesitation. After all, his mental health was top priority. They advised him to speak to the selectors. He ended up waiting a while but managed to get his point across. He wasn't sure how well or badly it was received but he had the permission to leave. Phew!
He had to inform his family which could wait and the team but most importantly, Shubman. It suddenly occurred to him that he had not discussed it with Shubman. Damn! Initially it was to avoid Shubman from getting distracted while playing but now it felt strange that he hadn't actually talked to him before deciding. Even when they were only friends he had never made decisions without talking to Shubman .. why did he hurry into this one. Like the team's psychologist mentioned he must be really mentally fatigued.
He messaged Shubman to come over ASAP. He had sounded almost breathless. He had burst in asking "kya hua Ishh" (What happened Ishh)
How much he hated the idea of leaving this lovely boy and going. He was such a sucker for the boy that he might actually have stayed back and worsened his mental health. This was definitely better. "Idhar aa mere pass. Tujhse kuch serious baat karni hai"
(Come here. I've something serious to discuss with you)
"Kya hua"
(What happened)
"Baith na" (sit) Ishan was sitting on the bed with his back to the bed rest and patting the space next to him. Shubman scrambled on the bed and stuck himself close to Ishan pulling him by the side. How would he even live without this, Ishan thought idly.
"Batha kya hua"
(Tell me what happened)
"Bohot serious baat hai par promise kar tu meri poori baat sunega"
(It's serious, but promise me you'll hear me out)
"Haan sunoonga. Par baat kya hai, baby"
(Of course I'll listen. But what's the matter, baby)
"Tho mein test matches nahi khel raha. Wapas jaa raha hoon"
(I'm not playing the test matches. I'm going back)
"Kya?" (what) Shubman sounded so confused and thrown that he sounded like a little boy. Ishan explained his situation not leaving out any bit of it to ensure Shubman is aware of what he really felt and also because he didn't want Shubman to be kept in the dark either.
Shubman was suitably devastated. However, he tried to be a good boyfriend and understand everything he said. "Ishan tu itna sab feel kar raha tha.. aur mujhe Patah bhi nahi tha"
(Ishan.. You were feeling all this and I didn't even know)
"Aise nahi hai.. tu jantha tha ki mein khush nahi hoon"
(It's not like that.. You knew I wasn't happy)
Shubman nodded. They were completely transparent about how they felt about Ishan not playing. Maybe the others wouldn't know as much but it was no surprise to him.
"Mujhe khud patah nahi tha..ki mein kaisa feel kar raha tha. Ab bas.. bohot hogaya. Just humari ek line hoti hai.. woh cross hogaya. Mere se hoga nahi aise lagne laga. Aur mein bilkul nahi chahta ye feeling rahe. Bas fresh hoke wapas aana chahta hoon"
(I didn't know either..how I was feeling, But now it's a bit much. A line has been crossed and I've started feeling I can't go on like this. I don't want to feel this way. I just want to be back all better)
Shubman hugged him. He wanted to say he couldn't live without him but that would be wrong so he just snuggled into him.
"Mein bhi" (me too)
Shubman looked up. "Tu bhi kya" (Me too, what?)
"Nahi reh sakta tere bina. Par karna padega"
(Can't live without you. But have to)
"Meine kab kaha mein nahi reh sakta" (When did I say I can't live without you?) Shubman asked raising an eyebrow. Ishan punched him in the arm playfully.
"Reh sakte ho?" (Can you?)
Suddenly, Shubman went very quiet. He didn't want to burden Ishan. He wanted, no, needed, Ishan to take his time with the recovery. He didn't want Ishan to think about him of all people and be distressed. He would give his best and be his normal self until Ishan returned.
"Haan. Bilkul" (yes, definitely)
"Ouch. Mera zaalim boyfriend mujhe miss nahi karega"
(ouch. My heartless boyfriend won't miss me?)
Ishan had placed his hand on his heart, dramatically.
"Ishan. Bohot Miss karoonga tujhe. Par tu apna khayal rakh. Aur jaldi se teek ho ke wapas aaja"
(Ishan. I'll miss you a lot. But you take care of yourself. Get better soon and be back)
"Yaar itna dukhi kyun ho raha hai tu. Mein teek hi hoon."
(Hey Why're you so sad? I'm alright)
"Tu baar baar ye bolna band kar ki tu teek hai. Poori tarah teek nahi hai tabhi tho jaa raha hai"
(Stop saying you're alright. You're not fully okay that's why you're leaving)
"Acha baba. Nahi boloonga.. aise dukhi muh banana band kar"
(Ok dear. Won't say it. Don't make a sad face now)
Shubman took Ishan into his arms slowly kissing him on his forehead then gently pressed his head to his heart. Ishan wrapped his arms around Shubman.
"I'll miss you so much my gilly boy"
"I'll miss you too mera kishmish"
"Tu itna sweet kyun hai?" (Why're you so sweet)
Shubman laughed.
"Kuch bhi ho mujhse share karega na"
(What ever it is, you'll share with me..right?)
"Tujhe nahi karoonga tho phir kya Rohit bhai ko raat ke 3 baje uttake update doonga?"
(If not you, am I going to wake up Rohit bhau at 3 and update him?)
"Haan ye Karlena.. jab unki gaali miss kare tho"
(yeah do it, if you miss him cursing at you)
"Aur tujhe miss kare tho" (And if i miss you?)
Shubman hugged him tight.
"Tu family ke saat hoga, doston ke saat hoga. Mujhe miss nahi karega"
(You'll be with family and friends. You won't miss me)
"Aur tu khel raha hoga. Sabke saat hoga. Mujhe miss nahi karega?"
(When you're playing with all. Won't you miss me?)
They looked at each other with Shubman cupping his face.
"Nahi karoonga miss ok? Tu bas teek ho ja "
(I won't miss you ok, you get better)
Ishan had teared up a little on seeing tears in Shubman's eyes.
"Mujhe patah hai tu strong hai aur tu jald hi wapas aayega."
(I know you're strong and you'll be back soon)
"I love you, meri jaan"
Shubman's heart-melting smile was back just as Ishan hoped it would. He traced the dimples as if memorizing them for the time apart. Shubman leaned into it.
"I love you toooo baby" he placed a gentle kiss smack on Ishan's lips. They smiled at each other.
"Koi yakeen nahi karega ki hum itne cheesy hai."
((Nobody will believe we are this cheesy)
Ishan laughed at the comment. It was true. They had such a reputation for being a pair of troublemakers. They were considered naughty, hardworking, party loving, fun loving, dramatic and many other things. Nobody would accuse them of being cheesy. Well, here they were a couple of saps SO in love.
"Haan agar kisiko lage ki hum saat hai. Tho bhi yehi sochenge ki tu bolega tshirt utarke paseena chatega"
(Even if someone feels we are together, they'll think we are the - would you like to take off my Tshirt and kick the sweat- kind)
Shubman laughed out loud. "Aur tu bolega pagal wagal hai kya "
(And you'll say are you crazy)
They giggled at their own stupid comments, it helped keep the impending separation out of their minds. They'll be back soon, for nothing could keep them apart, not with a love like theirs.