Am I dead?
I had never been scared of death until that very moment. My head felt like it was being hammered rhythmically by the angel of death just waiting to take me wherever I belonged. I tried to open my eyes but the blinding light caught me off guard forcing me to curse out loud. I scolded myself in my head, if I was truly in the presence of an angel I might have automatically booked myself a night in the scalding fires of hell.
I forced my eyes to open but all I could see were white walls and a huge mirror mounted right above me on the ceiling. At that moment I suddenly became aware of my existence. I stood up still maintaining eye contact with the woman in the mirror before I rushed to one wall and started banging it. I could hear voices in my head
"She's not supposed to do that ", I turned around as fast as I could but there was nothing.
" Who's there?", I was almost scared.
"What do you expect her to do when she wakes up in a strange white room with no entrance?", I heard another voice whisper.
I turned to my original position hoping to catch the voices but I must have been too soon for all I saw was a only screen I hadn't noticed when I first opened my eyes.
"Welcome to New Eden ,
I take it you might be experiencing sharp headaches, nausea or excruciating pain on different parts of your body."
The automated faceless voice spoke to me
I watched as a tray with a glass of water and a small petri dish with pills was ejected from the part of the wall right under the screen. I took the water and the pills and gulped them down before I heard somebody whisper the words
"Something isn't right", I was confused further but the computer presentation cut off my thoughts.
"Here take these", I looked down at the empty dish and the glass of water that was now almost empty and looked back at the screen.
"Your name is Aliyah Brown. You were born on the 18th of September 2000. The date today is 25 February 2021 which means you are 20 years old. You are a citizen of New Eden state. You live at house number 18 corner first street and New Heaven. Would you mind answering the following questions without bias."
I nodded.
"What is your name ?"
"Liah Brown", a big red X was projected onto the screen.
"SHIT!" I heard the woman say then the man told him to keep quiet.
"ALIYAH. How old are you?"
"I am 20 years old"
" Where were you born ?"
" I do not know"
"Do you know your parents?"
"No"
"Are you happy?"
"Yes", I almost laughed. I felt overwhelmed rather.
"Where did you go to school?"
"School?", I whispered trying to recall. " I don't know"
The questions went on for what seemed like forever and with each question I got agitated for I didn't know the answers. By the end of the exercise I had been shown all the technology known to mankind I was sure, some things I knew some I didn't all the words seemed familiar but I did not recall learning them. I was shown a slide show to familiarize me with my family. The voice told me how they had tragically died in a carcrash when I was young , I cried because I couldnt remember them but I was told that I suffered from amnesia . They showed me a slideshow of pictures and videos of us together. We were so happy, I wished I knew them now. I was given food through the tray after sometime and I took a long nap right after eating. I woke up feeling nauseated and I was given yet another dose of pills before being questioned and shown yet another slideshow of my family. I slept and this process repeated itself for such a long time I lost track of time.
I never had the answers to the questions I was asked. I was comforted whenever k complained and fed when I was hungry. I was comfortable in that little bubble until the day one side of the wall fell to the ground revealing a light brighter than that I had experienced in the white room. Except this time it was accompanied by a beautiful blue sky ornamented with soft white clouds. I took a deep breath, adjusting to the environment I was in. I turned back to discover I had been confiined in a white box across the street from a white house.
House number 18.
How convenient.
I strode to the house and knocked at the door, I do not know why but deep inside I didn't feel like I was one to belong in an elegant neighborhood let alone a house with a large porch. It took a while for me to feel something under the welcome mat I was stepping on,I lifted it to reveal an envelope with the name my name on it. I flipped the envelope several times before I decided to open it. The first thing I noticed was a small letter that I took out and read. They were documents to prove ownership of the house and a car that was supposed to be parked in the garage. The language in the letter sounded quite formal that I was convinced it was alright to claim the property. My parents must have been loaded I thought to myself. I looked around and not a single person was insight, I was alone but it felt comfortable. It seemed a bit odd basing from the fact that I had been so close to my parents. Maybe I never had any friends. I could hear my own thoughts in this neighborhood, it was so empty but I didn't know anyone so who was I to complain.
I unlocked the house and I was welcomed by the mess I had probably left. It wasn't that bad but it looked like I hadn't been home in days and I'd left my clothes all over the place. I must have left in a hurry.
I decided to tour the house room by room looking for my bedroom. I found my pictures hanged in a room with baby blue walls on the first floor. My room I presumed, so I opened the closet to be met by my clothes and so many sneakers. I made a mental note to change from the hospital clothes I was wearing later. I walked into my ensuite and washed my dirty face before proceeding to look for the main bedroom.
Pictures of me and my family were hanged in the hallway, it made me emotional to think that I was all alone on this Earth. The computer person hadn't mentioned anything about my relatives so I assumed I either wasn't acquainted with them or I had no one. I opened the door to be welcomed by pure white walls, there was a dressing table with cosmetics on it and a stool with leather padding. Unlike other rooms, bright paintings decorated the room. The bed was carefully made and it showed that no one had laid in it for a long time. One painting caught my sight. It was a picture of my father smiling brightly, it looked like he was staring at someone he loved. Mom must have been there with him when this was painted.
A dark cloud of gloom was forming over my soul. It made me sad to think that two people so in love with each other were robbed of their time so cruelly, I could tell they would have grown old together. After a long period of contemplating why I hadn't changed anything in the room, I finally felt satisfied by the assumption that I was preserving love. The room was clean and warm colours were placed ever so carefully on each part of the room but it felt emptier than any other place. I felt sadness for the first time and it stung my heart. The happiness I'd felt prior to coming home had been lessened. It hurt to realize that I couldn't remember them, I couldn't think back to our time together to make myself happy. We had been perfect in the pictures, no hint of sadness in their eyes that I felt like I did not fit in with them.
I rushed out of the room and slammed the door. I leaned on the door outside and breathed out loudly before walking to my room.
I took a warm shower before changing into grey coloured joggers and a vest. I wore a pair of socks and walked out of my room to go figure out what to have for supper. I found some numbers pasted beside the telephone in the living room. I found the number for a pizza place and I called to place my order, I was told that my food would be here in twenty five minutes. I found a record player on a wooden stand and a stack of records on the shelf. I picked one at random since I did not know any of them and I played it.
I found myself humming to the beat, the house felt lively for the first time. I ended up dancing on my own. I was happy in my own little world for a moment before the doorbell rang and brought me back to the world I was in. I opened the door to find my pizza on the doorstep but nobody there to deliver it. From what I gathered from the small note there were to charge my bill to my house. I picked up my meal from the ground and stood up to scan my surroundings. I could feel someone else's presence but I couldn't see a thing. However when I was about to close the door someone stopped me by placing her hand firmly against it. I jumped but she started apologizing and introducing herself almost instantly.
" I am so sorry to startle you, I'm your nurse. I realized you were about to close the door and I rushed to stop you because I was afraid you'd wouldn't hear me if you turn on the music again. I ...."
"Stop, it's alright. How can I help you?", I asked the woman scanning her from top to bottom. She looked way older than I was, I could see some grey hairs emerging from her scalp. She had fair skin and her posture eminated confidence. She was so easy to trust so I let her in when she told me she was supposed to check up on me the night after my release.
I offered her pizza which she refused but in turn she questioned how I was able to remember how to order it and use most of the things in the house. Of course I did not know. She asked me to describe a take away place or a restaurant I last remember visiting but in my head I didn't know any place. She talked about some tutorials I had been given which I do not remember receiving. I could tell she felt uncomfortable around me, it's as if she expected me to have no recollection of how to survive. I didn't know much about amnesia and I didn't feel the lack of anything until I saw it. I did not remember how to use anything until I did and I told her all this. Her confidence seemed to lessen with each minute but she remained collected, it's almost as if she was trying to keep a secret from me but I knew better than to ask a stranger deep questions.
Her visit became the worst part of my day. I could not wait for her to leave and I made a silent prayer that she wouldn't come back tomorrow but from the way she was relaxed I could tell she was going to stay for a while longer.
" Miss Brown, I need you to understand that we are working hard to restore your memory. For the sake of progress you need to be honest with me when I ask you any questions. Now I'm asking you how you remembered how to do your daily activities but you are holding back information." Her voice became softer with each word, she could tell I was frustrated for I did so little to hide it. I was tired of hearing her voice and agitated because she kept demanding answers I did not have.
" I don't know Ms, what's your name again?" She hadn't even bothered to introduce herself. "It's late and you come in here acting like it's so wrong that I know how to survive. Yes I can walk, talk and think. I was bored and I played some music, I was hungry and I ordered some food. How? I don't know maybe I only lost my memories with people and not how to do things for myself. I was lucky to get out of that accident that you showed me able-bodied. Let me live ok."
" Please calm down", all the confidence she had when she came in had flown out of the window
" What? You come into my home, offend me and expect me to remain calm? This is preposterous. You may leave if this is harder for you than it is for me. I'm tired of your judgement."
I felt a bit guilty, maybe she really was just trying to help me by not remembering anything was frustrating me more than her questions.
" I'm so sorry Aliyah, I do understand your pain."
"No, I doubt you do. You could tell me something yourself. Why am I the only person in this neighborhood?"
"Aliyah", she either didn't have the answer or she was holding it back.
" Thank you for stopping by nurse, you could leave now."
At this point both of us were frustrated, so I stood up and started walking towards the door to conclude the meeting. She straighted her uniform when she got up and and walked towards me before scavenging for her card in her big handbag then handing it to me . She looked at me pitifully one last time before leaving. I banged the door behind her and rushed to lay on a couch by the window so I could watch her car leave.
When the lights had faded into the night I found myself drifting off. It had been a long day and I hadn't given myself time to feel the effects of the pills I had been dosed with in the morning.
I allowed myself to fall into a trance.