Ocean Eyes - Billie Eilish
𓆩♡𓆪
Evie
Quiet.
That's all I've been engulfed in for the past three days.
Because for the last three days I've had the house to myself with the guys traveling down to Connecticut for hockey.
I've had a simple schedule and an even simpler routine since they left.
I'll admit it's been pretty lonely, going from a full house to just myself was a major reality check. And I can't remember a day I've been used to this little noise and not seeing any of them the minute I wake up.
Though, I heard them come back late last night, but they were all asleep when I woke up this morning.
The only volume I've had in my life since then has been Reese's constant questions which have led to even louder, intrusive thoughts. So when Jane asked for a cover today, I gladly accepted.
Money and work. Something to take my mind off a few things for a while.
Only it didn't last that long due to a phone call halfway through my shift. I hesitate answering, knowing if I do it'll likely lead to even more questioning.
Realizing the bookstore is a ghost town though, I stick an earbud in to answer the call. "Hello?"
"Evie..." I can hear Reese's curious tone through the phone.
Stepping into the back closet I answer. "Whatever you're about to ask me Reese, it can wait. I'm at work." I explain, grabbing a box of merchandise and walking to the front.
I take a cautious look around, making sure I'm alone before I kneel down to open the box.
If I remember correctly she should be in art class right now, but they must be doing independent work if she's able to call me.
Her next words don't surprise me. "Okay, okay, I'll be quick. I have to finish this oil painting anyways so I need to focus." There's a slight pause before she continues. "I just wanna know if we're still going to the mall tomorrow."
I can tell by her voice that the question is only to stall and not her true intent of calling me so randomly. "Yes we're still going. Is that all?" I ask knowing it's not.
I take out what I'm supposed to restock, and the only section that needs restocking is none other than the one related to hockey.
I separate the t-shirts from the sweatshirts and crewnecks as Reese goes silent on the other end. "Reese?" I call out.
"Yes," she answers back.
I sigh and start putting the shirts on hangers. "Spit it out."
A few seconds later with a couple shirts on the hangers I wait for her response. Preparing myself for the ridiculous question she's about to ask.
"Is he good in bed?"
My eyes widen, and her rather intrusive question does nothing but make me laugh. I know where she's trying to go with this, and so I decide to play with her a little bit.
"He sleeps like a rock for your information."
I can sense the distaste in her hum as that clearly wasn't the answer she was looking for. Especially not after I told her about the situation I'm in, and who I'm sharing a bed with.
"That's not what I meant." Reese grumbles like a deprived gossiper.
"Well sorry to disappoint then," I'm smiling to myself knowing she's prying for information she won't get, nor exists for that matter. "I'm sorry if I didn't understand the question."
"Liar," she says. "You understand completely."
"Maybe I do, maybe I don't." I tease, hanging the campus merch on the racks.
Looking up as I do, I notice a few people have walked in through the front door, most notably, my boss. Shit. "Okay I have to go Reese, some people just walked in." I tell her.
"Wait!" she pipes up.
I tense up knowing that if my boss sees me, I'm dead. This is my first, unofficial, day here. I should probably follow the small amount of rules we have.
"What?" I hush.
"Halloween is in two weeks, we still need to figure out our costumes!" Reese's sounds partially stressed on the matter, but I could really care less.
"We can talk about it later, bye Reese."
I quickly end the call before I'm caught and return to business as usual. Stocking the shelves I wait for the touring party pass before letting out a breath.
That was kind of a close call.
I finish restocking the shelves a half hour later, ending the rest of my shift with only a few more people walking in. The day was slow, easy, and I'm sure I can get used to this.
Of course I use my favorite app to get home and when I walk in I'm surprised to find it still as silent as when I left.
There's no way these guys are still asleep. It's two o'clock.
But as I hear nothing, I start to think otherwise.
I'd meant it when I said it felt lonely in this house due to the quietness, and it feels all the same even though I know they're here.
Maybe the traveling did wipe them out for the day.
I hang my coat up and carefully make my way back to Alex's room, just to see if I'm right. I crack the door open slowly, and enter, seeing him still under the covers.
The door closes with a click and as I walk in further I find myself holding back a laugh. "Jesus," I whisper to myself. "Must've been one hell of a road trip."
Walking to my side of the bed I plug my phone in and scare myself as I look at Alex, face up, eyes open.
"Oh fuck." I curse at myself. "You're up."
Creep. Who fucking sleeps with their eyes open?
Silence is given to me in return and the more I stare, the more I realize something's not right.
"Alex?" My curiosity gets the best of me as I walk around the end of the bed. "Hellooo, earth to Alex?" I wave my hand but get no sort of movement.
I get to his side and see that his eyes, though open, are glossed over and teary. "Alex?" My curiosity quickly turns to concern as I look at his stilled body. "Alex, hey."
I hesitate reaching for the comforter. I don't know what's happening to him, he hasn't given me a sign that he's anywhere close to being responsive, and it's just making me worry.
I backtrack to the door to see if I hear any of the other guys, hoping someone woke up. But who am I kidding, when an athlete's asleep, they're not waking up.
I shut the door again and rushed back to his side once more.
Tears well in his eyes and I start to get scared because I don't know what to do.
I can't help him.
"Ok...uhm, shit." My thoughts start to voice out loud. I look around like I'm supposed to find something when there's absolutely nothing to find. "Can you hear me?"
My ask is hushed but his eyes do dart to the side, giving me a sliver of hope.
Sitting down on the edge of the mattress, I trail my eyes to where he's staring off to although it's nothing but the wall.
"Alex?" I call his name once more but his eyes stay locked on the wall, focusing on something else.
Watching a tear slip from his eye, he doesn't move to wipe it, and I'm beginning to understand that he just can't.
And so I grab his hand above the comforter, limp and a little cold, and take it into my own.
Just hoping he's okay.
• • • • •
Alexander
I should be used to feeling like this.
Prepared for this moment, and yet every single time I'm not.
My eyes are stuck on the ceiling and everything around me is dulled by a ringing in my ears. It's not blaring, but it's loud enough to muffle any sound around me.
And so all I can do is watch.
Watch Evie walk in, watch her realize what's happening to me, watch her go through the process of trying to figure out what to do.
Truth is there isn't much she can do. And if it were up to me I'd rather her not be here right now.
I try my best to keep up with my status: being the captain of one of the best hockey teams in the league. I have to play with a chip on my shoulder at all times, walk around campus just the same.
The persona I let everyone see can be a little douchey, so what? It's better than this. Better than being stuck.
Because as much as I can't help it, I'm insecure about it.
I think being paralyzed like this is embarrassing.
Usually it doesn't screw with my normal life too much and I've been able to keep it under wraps my whole life.
In fact, the only people who know about it are my family, an old teammate from highschool, and Matt.
And it's because I've been they've all had the unfortune of finding me in this exact state.
That is, until now.
"You can't have her."
The words are so faint I barely pick up on them. Looking over to where I heard them I start to think I'm going crazy.
Because although I know for a fact that I'm laying in my bed, I'm looking at my younger self, maybe six or seven, as he stands against the wall.
"What?" I ask him.
"You can't have her." His voice goes in and out.
My follow up is kind of dumb, but I don't really care knowing the state I'm in. "Have who?"
My younger self's eyes stray to the woman above me.
Evie?
I question him. "Why not?" He doesn't answer. He just looks at her from where he's standing and doesn't answer me. "Why not?" I ask again, this time a little more aggravated.
"Because..." My mirrored self pushes off the wall and walks towards the two of us. Tilting his head at her, still silent. "Look at her Alex," And I do. "There's someone else."
Why my heart plummets I don't know. It's not like Evie and I have a relationship past being whatever we are, but that doesn't mean I don't want it to stay that way forever.
"And he's had her heart way longer than you have." The child-well, myself-chimes back in.
I know he could be lying, he's a fucking hallucination for God's sake. But even for the age I'm seeing myself at, I sound way too serious, way too trustworthy.
I want to ask more even if I feel I'm going insane doing it, but before I can, things take a turn. And it's not a pretty one.
"Alex..." This time his voice is softer, but the look on his face is more concerning as he slides an arm to his back. "My back, it hurts."
His words are uttered and that's when I start to feel the pinching along my spine, creeping higher and higher, until the pain starts to set in.
"It hurts Alex!" My younger self has this terrified look painted across his young face. The juvenile voice sets me on edge as things start to get darker. "Make it stop!" he yells again.
I'm trying, buddy. I'm trying.
My hand starts to tingle and when I look, Evie's holding it in her own.
"Alex!" He's right next to me, tears staining his face. "Make it stop!" The screech rings into my eardrums, finally snapping me out of this trance.
But as uneasy as I feel, knowing Evie's right there to witness this, I turn away from her partially embarrassed.
It's not something I usually am. I mean, no one ever sees me like this, so when someone happens to be there, I don't know what to do, much rather how to feel.
"Alex," I hear her voice over my shoulder. "Hey, Alex." Her hand draws up my arm, and as soothing as the action is, I can't really answer her.
Groaning as the pressure relieves off my back, it doesn't last long when I turn back over. The second I do my vision goes completely blurry, and a few blinks later I can feel the rare tears produced by my eyes fall down my face.
I surprise myself. I don't cry.
And you don't cry when you've gone through what I have.
Disappointment after disappointment you just learn that it's not worth it.
So to make this less awkward for myself I try laughing it off. "Sorry," I start sitting up despite the shooting pain up my spine. "This doesn't really happen that often." I don't know why I find myself lying, but it's not like I exactly want to tell the truth.
"Don't apologize," She's still sitting by my side, hand on my arm, finger wiping the tear off my cheek. "Are you okay?" Evie asks in a low whisper.
"Yeah, I'm good." I play it off and stray my attention elsewhere. The wall seems like a good place.
We're silent for a moment, though, it doesn't last long.
"Alex?" I turn my eyes to look at her. "What hurts?"
I don't immediately respond to her question but if I had to be honest, I'd say everything.
"Because you don't get to roll over in pain and pretend everything's okay." she tells me. "Plus, it looks like someone got you pretty good over the weekend."
Her hand simultaneously runs over the bruise on my shoulder, clarifying her observations.
I feel it when her hand touches the black and blue, my shoulder stiff from resting all this time.
"I'll live." I tell her.
Silence passes once again. "Okay." She speaks lightly and nods.
But it's when she starts to get up that I have the strongest urge to not let her go, no matter how out of character it looks.
"Don't...go. Please." It sounds desperate but the last thing I can do right now is care.
She pauses again and I quickly wonder if I came on too strong. Sitting back down she takes a long, silent, look at me. Eyes narrowing slightly. Questioning.
I don't follow up with more word vomit and instead give her the opportunity to respond. "I was only going to get you some ice." she tells me, her eyes taking on a sincere look. "But if you want me to stay I will. I can only spare an hour though, class later."
I nod at her as her hand still sits in mine, giving me a sign that she actually means it. "Do you need a ride?" I offer up.
Evie shakes her head. "No, Reese is coming to pick me up."
"Here?" I question her.
She nods back. The surprise on my face isn't hidden and I can clearly tell she knows I'm about to ask about it.
"Yes, Reese knows all about this." Evie admits with a smile on her face. "It was us and a bottle of wine a few nights back, she would've known sober or not."
I laugh at the image created in my head of them mindlessly getting drunk off an entire bottle.
Evie slips out of the room to grab some ice shortly after. I realize we were able to drift off topic pretty easily but I still find myself wondering one thing.
So when she reenters the room and presses the bag of ice to my shoulder, I ask her. "Are you not gonna ask me what happened? From earlier?"
Her eyes bore into mine as if she's looking for something, searching for something to help her answer. But as her hand holding the ice pulls her closer to me, I realize she already had an answer, and was just taking the time to look.
"Do you want me to ask?"
It's a heavily lined comeback, weighing a bit more than I expected.
And my failure to tell her anything solidifies her assumption.
"Exactly. So I won't ask." Her voice, soft and calming, floats into my ear and as I look at her, I know I'm in trouble.
And it's that very big, 'I am so fucked for the next two weeks', kind of trouble.
I promised myself I wouldn't get distracted for the start of the season. But I also didn't expect my coach to throw his too good looking, too stubborn, yet too caring, niece into my bed.
So as distracting as she might be for the time being, I don't think I can stop myself.
Even if I could, I'm not so sure I'd want to.
𓆩♡𓆪
She's got him all the way fucked up and I'm loving it😍
We all know he cares for people but I think it's worth mentioning he doesn't really get the same attention back. So when she sits here and cares for him, he doesn't know what to do.
Does that make sense?
Anyhoo, thoughts??
And also, anything you guys want to see with them next??