‼️TRIGGER WARNING: Chapter 63-74 (the end) of this book will include highly sensitive and emotional topics. Viewer discretion is advised‼️
Cleodare's POV:
"This is so cool!"
I could barely believe I was letting Ivy in my house.
"Your house is so cool! I wish my house was like this! I just live Underground."
I scoffed, "Thank you."
Her head craned up at the ceiling as we entered, and she constantly peered up to observe the chandelier in the kitchen.
"Do you want a drink?"
"Oh, sure! That'd be kinda cool. Storing it is really smart!"
She was a bit of a rambler, but it was nice. It filled the silence that had been occupying the walls lately.
"I wish I had a house like this," she repeated.
Footsteps slowly made their way down the stairs. I looked back to see Melanie.
"Mama, who's this?"
"Oh, hi!" Ivy scrambled out of her seat to meet her just as I slid her drink across the sleek marble counter.
"I'm Ivy. Nice to meet you! What's your name?"
To be frank, she was a little awkward, but at least she'd learned how to make an introduction.
"M-Melanie."
"Cool!"
Melanie shot me a look that screamed confusion and concern all in one, although partially amused. I responded with a small smile.
"Oh my God! Can I take you out for coffee? You look like a coffee type of person," Ivy giggled to her.
"Sure? Sure I guess." She shot me another look.
"Cool! We're gonna be besties!"
Melanie was screeching at me with her eyes.
"I'm going to meet my father, I'll be out for a while. You two can go have fun."
I tossed my wallet to Melanie, and clumsily, she caught it. She looked at me again, her mouth agape.
"See if your brother wants to go with you, okay? She's been stuck inside, too," I sighed.
Melanie nodded.
For a moment, things almost felt normal.
When I meant, "meet my father" I didn't. Not really.
Instead, I quickly ran up the stairs as if I'd just forgotten to grab something before I left. But I didn't leave.
I heard the front door latch click shut, and I climbed back into bed, unsure of my plan.
As I lay in bed, tossing and turning, I knew I wouldn't be able to go to sleep. No matter how much time I tried for, my body would never let me fully shut down. If I did, which was a rare occasion, I'd be given nightmares.
I sighed. I needed something. Someone. I needed to feel something other than the pit in my stomach. It was weighing me down and waiting for me to break.
Ivy was out of the house a lot. She had a life, so she wasn't always available to distract me.
But we'd been around each other quite a bit. She'd told me about the degree she had in counseling, about the pet cat she'd had when she was a kid. She'd tell me about a lot of things, and all I had to do was listen. It was refreshing to not feel like I had to take care of her, as well.
Today, my soul felt different, more numbness than anything. It made me greedy.
I sat up, flung my legs over the edge of the bed, and rushed out of the house.
When I arrived, there was a nervous twirl in my stomach, something I wasn't quite sure about.
I was facing their back, they were walking away from my direction.
"Gwenevieve."
They quickly turned to look at me.
"Oh!" they laughed, "I haven't seen you in a while."
"I..." I sighed. "I need help with something,"
Gwenevieve glared at me sternly, "Since when have you ever needed my help?"
I scowled at her and rolled my eyes.
She pulled me in by my shoulders, a smirk spread across her face. "What do you need from me?"
"Jeg kan ikke tro, jeg gør det her," I muttered to myself.
"I have...sexual desires."
It was certain I'd caught her off guard. Her face dropped, but light twinkled in her eyes.
"I thought you'd never ask."
~~~
She ran a hand through her messy hair while panting. "I...I underestimated you."
I barely stopped myself from letting a smile slip out.
Gwenevieve grabbed my hand before I left. The door hung open.
"You're really good."
I sighed. Tired.
"I know that," I grumbled.
"I was so desperate, Cleodare!" She seized my hand, tugging it so I was forced to turn my head to look at her.
"I had to fuck Opius. Do you understand that?"
"I don't want to picture that," I muttered.
Gwenevieve stood up and pulled me in by my neck. "Oh, I know."
Her lips brushed against mine. It was ecstasy. Tearing away wasn't an option, I couldn't. Now I was the one in desperation.
"This isn't a regular thing," I whispered when she finally let go.
"You say that now," she smirked and pushed my hair behind my ear.
"I mean that."
It wasn't stern. I wasn't firm at all. My voice was shaking like there was no tomorrow.
"Whatever you say!"
I watched as her coat slipped over her shoulders and she began to leave the room.
An angry sigh heaved out of me. "Wait."
Another grim smile lit up her face as she turned back to stare at me.
My legs kept pushing me towards her. I couldn't stop.
I pinned her against the wall and shoved my lips back onto hers. A moan escaped her mouth as she kissed me back.
I couldn't have been more disappointed in myself.
Tears slipped out of my eyes as I continued to kiss her.
I knew how wrong it was. But just feeling wanted by somebody so intimately again made sparks light me up. Gwenevieve's touch was undeniably abrasive. For some reason, it just caused me to want more.
Our lips wouldn't stop merging together. My hands were up their shirt again, our kisses began to get sloppy. Their fingers were treading through my hair. But they tasted so good, I couldn't stop. Their lips were so incredibly desirable.
I was a mess.
"Did I walk in on something?" a voice scoffed.
I quickly tore away from her, trying to catch my breath.
"Oh, fuck off, Opius," Gwenevieve snarled.
My eyes shot over to look at him.
"You're not even supposed to be in here," I muttered.
"Neither are you and here you are. You ruined your reputation a long time ago, Cleodare."
He stared at me for a moment. "You look terrible," he scoffed.
Gwenevieve snorted as my hands shot up to wipe my tears.
"I heard Gwen moaning. I didn't know she also swung that way."
"You didn't know? Have you seen them?" I rolled my eyes.
Opius just waved a hand at me and walked away.
I sighed and left her on the wall, picking up my jacket from the bed. The sheets were so clearly demolished, soaked. I pulled the comforter up to the pillow.
Gwenevieve came over to me before I stopped them in their tracks.
"We will never be anything more than this," I told them quietly.
"You said something similar before we started making out again."
I huffed and sped out of the room.
"Oh, Cleodare," she whined, before laughing, "come back!"
She grabbed onto my arm again, "If you come back we can help you," she whispered, tugging on my arm.
"Help? I'm not coming back. Ever. I will not stay here," I told her sternly.
"Don't you want me? Someone who will actually be with you forever?"
"I will never want you. Do you hear me?" I whispered lowly, "I will never want you."
"You wanted me today. It's only a matter of time before you're back for more. Soon you'll stay," she leaned in closer.
"I have nothing here."
My tears were beginning to catch up to me again. I couldn't stay here.
"Give it time, Cleodare."
Time.
I scowled at her as she kissed me again before letting go. I couldn't lie and say her lips weren't the best thing I'd felt in forever.
"Cleodare?"
I pushed her back, and she shot a devious smile before walking away.
"Ivy," I said, turning around and taking in a breath.
"Wow."
That was all she said, and I was fine with that.
"Have you finished already?" I muttered.
"Yep!" she nodded. I suppose the timing made sense. "I guess...you're not meeting your father, are you?"
I shook my head, exhaling a sigh.
We left. And I prayed I wouldn't be back. My emotions couldn't take me over like this ever again.
But the next day, I was craving somebody, anybody's lips. Again, I wanted to be held and kissed, even fucked until the sun came up.
Nobody would ever replace the feelings Marine had given me. Nothing was worth it.
~~~
"Ivy?"
She was downstairs watching the television. It was ten o'clock at night, and I was standing at the top of the stairs like a little kid.
I could hear her stand up and she went to the bottom of the staircase, looking up at me with a warm smile.
"What's wrong?"
"I...can't sleep."
I was turning soft for her. She was like my mother, or, rather, the blessed version of her.
"Aw, okay. I'm coming."
Ivy made her way up the stairs and directed me into bed.
"D-do you want me to tuck you in...or?"
"Will you lay with me?"
She stopped, staring straight into my eyes.
"I-I...I mean yeah, yeah. Of course."
We climbed into bed, and she was soon cradling me like a newborn.
"Is it the nightmares?" she asked softly.
"I can hear it," I whispered. "Is it true? That it goes away with time?"
"I...well, it's more like, it gets easier to forget."
"I don't think I want to forget, Ivy."
"Not her memory, Cleodare, of course not. The nightmares, they'll go away eventually...I promise. At least, stop coming so frequently."
"I'm sorry I've been so...clingy," I told her with a sigh. That last word had scraped itself off my tongue like filth.
"That's okay! I...don't really have any friends, so."
"That's idiotic. More people should get to know you." I said.
"Thanks." There was a simple smile in her voice.
"People are imbeciles. As soon as you get over them, it gets easier to find friends."
"People admire you, Cleodare. Well...did, I guess," she murmured. "I don't know. It's just different for you."
"I suppose it is. But you should show them you're not a pushover."
"I guess so. Maybe someday."
"Don't say I never tried to help you."
I closed my eyes, and I didn't hear her next words, because I finally let myself rest.