THIRTY THREE
[33]
song: planet talex by radiohead
Rafe found Cassie again after about a half hour, she was sat on a couch petting who she assumed was the Jackman's yellow lab. It sat in front of her, it's chin propped up on her legs as she scratched it's ears.
He held his hand out like he was suggesting he'd help her stand from the couch. But she stood on her own, brushing the dog hair off her dress.
"Sorry." He dug his knuckles into his eyes as he huffed out the exhaustion from that conversation. "Colleague's of my dad's." He didn't look very pleased to have been talking to them either.
If Cassie was here under any other circumstance besides keeping him distracted, she would've been pissed he'd left her alone for that long. But she shrugged it off in hopes that it'd continue. She hadn't heard anything from Sarah yet.
"We can go." Rafe adds.
Cassie's eyebrows raised. "Already?"
He looks around and shrugs. "Is this fun for you?"
Cassie couldn't even pretend to lie. Given the fact that the only words she'd spoken in the last thirty minutes were to a dog. "Well," she looked around in hopes of finding something else to do. "No, but I don't want to leave yet."
Rafe eyed her suspiciously. "Why didn't you just ask Sarah to come with you?"
She noticed he had a different glass of alcohol than he'd had when he started that conversation. This one was empty too. She shrugged. "I don't know."
Rafe wasn't convinced, but he nodded anyway. "Let's go upstairs."
She felt like a lost puppy following Rafe through the crowd, mumbling a polite 'excuse me' every time she got separated and had to shove her way back to him.
Rafe seemed to know exactly where he was going as they got to the top of the steps. He weaved his way through, now, people their own age, until he knocked on one of the many doors lining the hallway.
And this was so much worse. Walking into a large marble bathroom full of her own peers. There was a difference in their stares and hushed comments than the ones she received downstairs. These were personal, and not based off assumption.
It was mostly dark, except for the glow of purple neon lights from the bedroom the bathroom was connected to, and a few candles that burned to try and rid the room of the heavy smell of weed.
And somehow it was louder in here, music echoed off the bathroom walls in a way that made her shocked she didn't hear it from downstairs.
People almost cheered as Rafe walked in, two guys getting up off the counters they sat on to greet him excitedly. Cassie looking around awkwardly as they spoke. Three girls sat in the large white bathtub like it was a couch, passing a blunt between themselves as they propped their legs up against it.
She recognized one of them from earlier with Sarah, Hannah. She thought it would be means enough to exchange polite smiles. But apparently not, the girl kept her same bewildered expression as her eyes darted from Rafe, then back to Cassie.
"This your girl?"
Cassie realized Rafe's conversation had been opened up to her, and she returns her attention back to it. The two new guys Cassie didn't recognize were staring at her. Not as confused as the girls in the tub, but more like they were trying to adjust their eyes in the darkness to try and recognize her.
Cassie responded before Rafe got a chance to. "Oh, no. No." She shook her head.
Rafe didn't seem fazed. Or at least, he was good at hiding it. He glanced down at her, and leaned down to her ear so she could hear him over the loud music. "Let's just go."
She turned and looked at him, the stench of alcohol coming off of him was enough to make her nose curl. But it was now when she realized that Rafe wasn't enjoying this much at all either. And all of these lingering stares weren't only directed at her, but him too. And though these onlookers put on a good show, greeting Rafe as they normally would at a party, they whispered, too.
They wondered what he was doing here. Where had his family disappeared to? Why had Sarah practically fallen off the face of the earth? Why was the son of an assumedly suicidal murderer at a party like nothing had happened? Especially after being MIA for months now?
It made Cassie feel even worse for urging him to stay. And there was still no word from Sarah. She didn't even know if they were there yet. There were other ways to keep Rafe occupied, sure, but he was drunk, and with his friends, and she didn't want to risk anything.
"I'm fine, Rafe." Cassie responded, leaning into his ear this time as they moved closer to the speaker.
He pulled away and nodded. In a way that read as 'okay, sure, you look miserable, but it's up to you.' And then he put his hand on her back again, in the same way he had downstairs just to lead her through the crowd, but this was different.
She didn't think it was intentional. Rafe had done that several times before, it was instinct, probably. Something he'd do to keep someone close as they moved through a crowded space. It'd be weirder if he grabbed her hand, right? But here, in front of all of his friends, where they both knew very well that their every move was being watched, it felt more intimate than before.
They moved into the bedroom, where more people crowded around. In one corner, two people were making out, and Cassie wondered if they even noticed that there were other people in here.
About six people sat on the bed, all on their phones, zoned out from the rest of the chaos. But most people stood in their own groups and talked amongst themselves. Every once in a while, someone came back upstairs from making their composed, polite appearance to their parents and the other important people downstairs.
Beer dripped from a tipped over red solo cup on the top of a dresser, and Cassie sat it up right as Rafe came around to pour himself another drink.
He picked up a fancy, glass bottle that looked like it was sat out for decoration rather than recreational use. And instead of pouring it into one of the glasses beside it, he just took the bottle.
She looked around awkwardly, and then back to him. "You should probably slow down."
He took a swig, and then looked at her confusedly, shrugging. "Why?"
"Because I know you're not doing this for a good time, you're doing it because you're upset." Cassie whispered.
He almost rolled his eyes at her. "Relax."
He was much better at hiding the fact that he was wasted than she was. Cassie, at this point, would've been passed out on a bathroom floor by now. But Rafe still seemed fairly sober, except for the ever so often faint slur to his words, or the subtle stumble as he walked. But she wasn't stupid. He was a lot more far gone than he showed.
The door to the bedroom opened and Kelce came back in, holding up two small baggies of cocaine, and earning a few cheers from those who were paying attention.
"Got it off one of the caterers." Cassie heard him say.
She inhaled sharply and crossed her arms, focusing her gaze back into the bathroom. A bad decision, as she'd caught one of the girl's from earlier waving her in.
"Is Sarah not coming?" Hannah yelled over the music.
Cassie glanced at Rafe, then back to the girl, shaking her head. "No, uh— she couldn't make it." And she felt his eyes still on her, but she didn't look up to meet his.
It was then she decided to walk back into the bathroom as the girls gestured for her to join them, leaving Rafe.
"My cousin went to rehab." A black haired girl said, wearing a silver dress and silver heels, her legs crossed over the other as she sat in the tub.
And Cassie immediately regretted her decision, knowing the only thing any of these people knew about her was that she was a past drug addict, or that she was a missing person for a month. Meaning these were topics she couldn't avoid.
"She ate like tons and tons of food and then disappeared into the bathroom every time and puked it all back up." The girl continued. "So my aunt shipped her off to New Zealand, or some shit. I don't know."
Cassie sat on the edge of the tub and glanced back to the bedroom, Rafe now preoccupied in conversation with Kelce. She was desperate for her phone to start buzzing with a call from Sarah.
"So is Sarah not even living at Tannyhill anymore? She's just a full Pogue now, living on the streets?" Hannah spoke the word 'Pogue' in a hushed voice, like it was something she shouldn't be seeing.
Cassie pursed her lips together. "I don't know." Not wanting to get into it. "You could ask her instead."
She wasn't sure where she got the sudden confidence from. Or if the subtle jab was even intentional or not. Maybe it was fueled by the girls' not-so-subtle examination of Cassie's appearance. Looking at her wounded arm, and poorly covered up bruise. Her dress, even, that was not on the same level of formal as their own. The way they sat in front of her and stared like she was at a job interview.
"Yeah." Hannah responded snarkily, sending the black haired girl a knowing glance.
Cassie's eyes found Rafe again in the other room. How he so easily transformed into a different person depending on his environment. It was all the same scary as it was charming, and Cassie was envious of it. Confidence radiated off of him, and drew people in. Which he assumedly, got from his father. And probably why the whole island was still wrapped around a dead man's finger.
"So are you guys dating?"
Cassie whipped her head back around and raised her eyebrows at the girls. "What?"
"You and Rafe Cameron." The black haired girl, whose name she came to realize was Sutton, spoke.
"No. We're just friends." Cassie shook it off with an awkward laugh, to try and make the conversation more casual.
But Sutton didn't get the memo. "Yeah, but you slept together, right?"
Cassie looked around at each of the girls, as if they would have an explanation as to why Sutton thought this. But they were just as eager for Cassie's answer as she was. "No?" She lied.
"Oh." Sutton shrugged. "I just thought I heard someone say you guys fucked at a party once."
Cassie's eyes widened. Now that wasn't the truth. "What? From who?"
"I don't know." Sutton was thrown off by Cassie's sudden urgency. Taking the blunt back from the third girl, who hadn't spoken yet.
"Oh, wait— yeah." Hannah snapped her fingers, like she'd just remembered something. "At that bonfire party? I remember someone saying they saw you guys making out."
Cassie shook her head. "That's not what happened—"
"So something did happen?" Sutton interrupts her, then starts waving her hands frantically when she processed Cassie's expression. "No, oh my god. I'm not judging or anything I just wanted to know 'cause you don't seem like his type."
Now Cassie couldn't even attempt to hide the offense on her face. Sutton waved her hands again and laughed. "No, god, not like that—" she starts. "I just mean he used to get so pissed when like— Pogues showed up at our parties. And like— it's not really a secret he hates all your friends."
"Can't say I'm a huge fan of his friends, either." Cassie responded with a pursed-lip smile.
Sutton blinked, and then let out an awkward laugh, not understanding. "What?"
"What about that one girl?" The third girl spoke to Sutton, taking the blunt back. "The bartender?"
"Oh, shit, yeah." Hannah closed her eyes and tried to think. "What was her name?"
"Sofia!" Sutton said after a moment.
"What?" Cassie got out. "Sofia who?"
"I don't know." Sutton shrugged. "Short brown hair? They always used to sneak off together at parties. And she's a Pogue, I guess. So maybe that is his type."
The third girl hummed out a laugh, peeling the blunt from her lips and blowing out smoke. "He likes a charity case."
Sutton and Hannah tried their best to act offended on Cassie's behalf. "Katie!" Hannah spoke loudly. But the corners of their lips twisted into smiles, eventually turning into laughter.
Cassie felt like her chest had caved in, like she was standing in front of a pack of hyenas as they mocked her. She stood from the edge of the bath to leave. And in the process, tipped over a beer-filled red plastic cup that had been balancing on the edge beside her. The girls erupted in shriek screams as they all struggled to get out at once.
But Cassie was out the door, pushing through the crowd in the bedroom quickly as she fished through her purse for her phone. She'd had enough.
The hallway was harsh and bright as she practically fell out of the doorway. One hand dialed Sarah's number while the other frantically tried every door for an unoccupied room until she found one, and slipped in.
She plopped on the edge of the bed, hunched over with the phone pinned to her ear, listening to it ring. Her face was flushed red from anger and embarrassment, and she'd never wanted to just disappear so badly in her life. The thought of having to slip back out into that hallway to leave, running into more and more Kooks on the way, was making her sick.
"Please pick up." Cassie whispered into the phone, biting her fingernails anxiously.
The door swung open suddenly, "Ca—" Rafe stopped when he realized he'd found her. "What are you doing?"
Cassie quickly shoved the phone back in her purse and stood. "Nothing. You can go back, I was just checking on my grandma."
But Rafe wasn't stupid. He shut the door behind him and stepped inside. He eyed her confusedly, shaking his head. "What's up? What's wrong?" He asked.
She shrugged it off, beginning to move past him back toward the door. "Nothing. It's fine. Let's—"
"Cas," Rafe had latched onto her arm and turned her back toward him. "Did they say something to you?"
Cassie stood there, with his hand around her arm, looking up at him for a long time before she responded. "Just— the usual."
He rolled his tongue over his bottom row of teeth, and then straightened his back, eventually letting out a scoff, and she smelled the alcohol on his breath. "I told you we should've just left."
"I can decide when to leave myself." She said calmly, but didn't realize how snarky it sounded out loud.
Rafe looked at her, eyes narrowing slightly as he studied her. Trying to read her, like it was in her eyes she'd give him every answer to every question he had. "What are you doing here?"
"I thought it'd be fun." Cassie shrugged him off, realizing he was still holding her arm. When he wouldn't take his eyes off of her, Cassie got out another awkward laugh and shook her head confusedly. "What?"
And then he kissed her, like someone would when they thought it'd be the last time they'd ever get the chance. And it very well could have been.
Cassie felt his hands on either side of her face, and pushed them down, pulling away quickly in the process. "You're drunk." She said immediately, wiping the taste off her lips.
He rubbed his eyes lazily as he stumbled back. "Not that drunk."
She let out a sharp exhale, in shock. "Why did you do that?!"
Rafe groans, then responds. "Why are you lying to me?" He says, as he pulls his fingers from his eyes.
"Lying to you? About what?"
"Cassie, do you think I'm an idiot?" Rafe held his hands out towards her with a frustrated laugh, as if he was begging her for an answer. "You think I don't know exactly—" he paused, a wave of anger taking over him for a second, and he let it simmer down before he continued. "Exactly what you're doing?"
Her blood ran cold, and just as she was about to respond, the phone in her purse began to buzz.
Rafe started to pace, and gestured towards her. "Just answer it."
There was no point in trying to feed Rafe excuses, or keep upholding some lie. Cassie knew she was caught. And that there was no way out of this. She reached into her purse, pulled out her phone and held it to her ear.
"Hello?" She spoke, watching Rafe cautiously. Too afraid to even move.
"Cassie, hey." Sarah was whispering. "Is now a good time?"
Rafe cracked his knuckles, and Cassie tensed. "Yeah." She responded.
"The cross— it wasn't in there. Maybe we grabbed the wrong one, or— I don't know. It was a fake, I mean, it was full of junk." Sarah was still whispering. "I think he lied to you."
Cassie's mouth gapped open. She knew she'd messed up on this end, but she didn't realize how bad. "Okay." She said. "I'll um— I'll talk to you later."
Sarah had said something else, but Cassie was already in the process of hanging up before she heard it. Had he known this whole time? All day? From the moment she came to get her car, had he already had this all planned out?
"You tricked me?" Cassie got out, eyebrows upturned in a mix of confusion, anger, and worry.
"I tricked you?" Rafe stepped forward, towards her. "What are we— what are we doing here, right now?"
"That cross does not belong to you, Rafe!" Cassie spoke frustratedly, desperate for him to understand.
"I don't give a fuck, Cassie!" He raised his voice. "I really, really don't. Because it's mine now. I found it." He then started to quickly gesture in between himself and Cassie. "We. We found it."
Cassie felt as if someone had just come and broken a puzzle she'd been working on for days. Right in front of her eyes. "Rafe, please don't—"
"Stop."
"Don't you have enough money?!" She scoffed loudly.
"This isn't about money!" He shouts. "This is—" he was pacing again, "this is for me. This is my thing. Our thing."
She shook her head quickly, realizing this held more meaning than she thought. "Do you have it?"
Rafe pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a deep breath. "Do I have it? The cross?"
"Yes. The cross."
Rafe nodded.
"Where is it?"
He looked at her. "Do you want to see it?"
She eyed him suspiciously, not getting a chance to answer as he started making his way past her and toward the door.
"Come on." He spoke, like he was suddenly now in a rush.
Cassie was left dumbfounded in the room, the door swung open now for everyone in the hallway to peak inside and wonder what just happened. She quickly followed after him.
"What are you doing!?" Cassie couldn't keep up with him as he charged down the stairs.
"Have someone bring my car around." She heard him say as she got to the bottom of the stairs, dropping his keys on Aubri's tray of food as she passed by.
Cassie looked mortified. "Rafe." She spoke sternly, partly in complete shock at his behavior. She felt sudden eyes on her, the sudden chaos earning a few people's attention.
"Fuck you?" Aubri spoke back suddenly with a laugh, shoving Rafe's keys back into his chest.
This gathered a few gasps, and with it, more people turned to watch.
"I'm so sorry—" Cassie took the keys from Aubri when Rafe wouldn't himself, already leaving towards the door. She followed after him, glancing around at everyone's stares.
He took another abandoned drink off the table he passed, pouring it back in one swig as he passed through the open door. It was too late for Cassie to say or do anything before he purposefully let it drop from his hands, and shatter to the ground.
"Mr. Cameron!" Someone yelled from the on-looking crowd, but Cassie had shoved him out the front door before he was lectured.
He stumbled out onto the concrete, and Cassie was practically pushing him to the front gate. "You're such a dick." She spoke, through gritted teeth. "Jesus. Go!" She shoved him forward again when he stopped moving.
"Get over yourself." Rafe spoke, readjusting his suit jacket that her shove had disheveled.
The gates creaked open. And though he'd caused less of a scene outside, they still had eyes on them as Cassie dragged him out onto the sidewalk.
"Give me my keys." Rafe turned suddenly and Cassie about collided into him.
She swiped her hands back and held them out of his reach. "You can barely walk."
Rafe clenched his jaw, unamused. "Cassie. Give me my keys."
"No." She shook her head, scoffing. He lunged for them in her hands, and Cassie coiled into herself as his large stature about consumed her to snake them from her grip. "Rafe!" She protested.
"It's my car." Rafe held onto her wrist tightly to try and pry them from her fingers.
"Rafe, stop!" She raised her voice, and then shoved him off of her with a loud huff.
He stumbled back again, his lip twitching with anger. He glanced to the front yard, to where everybody was watching now. Even the band. Even the people who were previously inside.
Cassie usually would've been humiliated. But she was so numb to it now it didn't even faze her. If anything, she was afraid for Rafe. Even though he didn't deserve it.
He wiped his nose, trying to play it off like he didn't care. Before he started to walk in the other direction, back down the dark street.
She quickly smoothed over her hair, and then her dress. If he wasn't so drunk she would've thrown his keys at him and told him to never speak to her again. But she wasn't going to let him get behind the wheel right now.
It was a completely quiet walk down the street to his car. And he got in the passenger seat long before Cassie even caught up to him.
As she climbed inside, she took a deep breath, and let things simmer down for just a moment longer, taking in the silence of a turned-off car, before she spoke again. "Where am I going?"
"Barry's."
She snapped her head at him. "What?"
Rafe turned and looked at her. As if he knew that would get a reaction. Finding amusement in it. He raised his eyebrows, a way of urging her to get going without speaking.
"Barry Padilla?"
"Take a left at the end of this street." He spoke, relaxing into the passenger seat like nothing was happening.
She shook her head. "No, I—"
Barry Padilla almost killed her.
Rafe looked at her again, trying to play it off like this wasn't something she'd done to herself. "What? You can't?"
"Rafe." Now she felt like she was pleading with him.
"Then I'll go myself." He still wanted his keys.
Cassie trembled with rage. And embarrassment. And complete and utter disappointment. This couldn't be the same boy who held her as she slept only last night. Not the same boy who used to kiss her so gently. This was the same boy who left her for dead. And she couldn't believe herself for never accepting the fact that she couldn't have one, without the other.
This was just who Rafe was. Selfish, and crude, and vindictive.
She reluctantly turned back to the wheel, and twisted the keys in the ignition. Giving him more grace than he could have ever deserved from her, and started driving.
But it was clear he wasn't enjoying the silence. He kept looking at her as she kept her eyes focused ahead on the road. "You have to understand where I'm coming from—" he said after a moment of hesitation.
She shook her head immediately. "Don't."
"My father is trying to—"
"I really don't care."
He sat back in his seat again with a loud huff. "I'm not doing this to make him proud. I know that's what you think I'm—"
"Rafe."
He ignored her attempts to get him to be quiet. "I'm done with that shit. I'm done bending over backwards for him. He doesn't—" he scoffs, "he doesn't appreciate me. Or anything I do for our family. This is all for Sarah. It's always for Sarah."
She was done giving him her pity. "Turn here?"
Rafe looked at her, at the way she drove on like nothing was happening. He nodded, then rubbed his forehead. "Yeah."
And though she'd been around weed, and alcohol, and party drugs all night, it wasn't until she pulled off the road to Barry's trailer that she really started to freak out.
It happened on a night just like this one, too. Stopping by after a party to spend some money she got from working at a soap shop during the day.
"Is he even here?" Cassie spoke, as the headlights shined forward onto the metal piece of junk Barry called a home.
Rafe leaned over to her side and honked the horn several times, before getting out of the car.
"Country Club!"
The trailer door opened and out came Barry, his gold-tooth glimmering against the headlights. Rafe shut the door behind him and Cassie jumped at the sound, staying in the car.
She watched the now muffled conversation go on, Rafe gesturing to the back of the trailer, Barry chuckling at his drunken-state.
And all at once, Cassie felt like she was that girl again. Passed out on this front lawn, half-dead when the ambulance showed up.
Barry gestured toward the jeep, and now Rafe was approaching her, opening up the door. "Are you coming?"
She looked at him. "Rafe I really don't want to be here right now."
And it was in the way she said it, so quiet, and desperate for him to understand that she was scared, that Rafe realized he'd taken this too far.
He took a moment, then nodded understandingly. "Okay. Give me a sec." And then he shut the door again.
Cassie about melted back into the seat, slapping her palm over her mouth to try and stifle what felt like a cry trying to break its way through her.
Barry Padilla sold her laced drugs that she was told were from the same people he always bought from. And when they almost killed her, Barry, and everyone else who was at his place at the time, ran and hid so they wouldn't be blamed. Leaving her to die.
It was JJ who had found her, tracked her through her phone after they'd gotten into it at the party Cassie left from. JJ saw her get in a car drunk, and wanted to make sure she got home safely.
But he found her here instead, with purple lips, choking on air. And he sat in the grass with her for half an hour, trying to keep her breathing until the ambulance arrived.
Barry should be in prison. Not only for selling drugs to a minor, but for distribution of fentanyl. But there wasn't sufficient evidence to connect Barry himself. The police told JJ it could've been anyone who gave her those drugs.
Rafe eventually came back from around the trailer, but with a backpack swung around his shoulder. And when Barry followed, Cassie sunk back into her seat, like the shadows would hide her.
He opened the car door, placed the backpack in his seat, but he didn't get inside.
"What are you doing?" She asked, then looked up as she cautiously watched Barry head back inside his trailer.
He shook his head. "Go home. I'll get my car in the morning."
She was confused, glancing at the backpack, then back to Rafe. "What is that?"
"It's nothing. Just open it when you get home. Alright?"
"Rafe, what—"
"Please."
"What the fuck? Rafe, if it's—"
"Just trust me. Go home."
And she did. The heavy backpack over her shoulders as she climbed back up to her window, and slid it open.
Her empty, quiet room brought her immediate relief. She should've listened to her grandma. She should've stayed in and watched shitty TV with her all night. That way she wouldn't feel so awful right now.
She dropped the backpack quietly, and then sat down on the floor with it, leaning against her bed.
Inside of the backpack, were ten big pieces of gold.
And it was when she held them in her hands that she realized that Rafe didn't just have the cross. He melted the cross. He destroyed it.
a/n
i realized i don't think i ever shared this but i have a pinterest board for this book 👯♀️ [ https://pin.it/3tKuGuCc7 ] it just has some ~vibes~ and pics that i use for setting/character inspo if u want to check it out ! i have them for all of my books 🤭