Freaks by Surf Curse
I thought the shower would perform some kind of restorative cure, but it didn't work as well as I hoped. I feel clean, which is worth something, but I still feel bad. Like physically bad. My shoulders still feel heavy with this weight that won't move. I think I need to get a better handle of my emotions, but- I don't know.
I think I've gone a little bit delirious.
Or jet lagged.
Or both.
I'm so exhausted you'd think I would've fallen asleep the second my head hit the pillow, but no such luck. I have no idea what time it is, and having no windows whatsoever has fucked up my body clock. I literally don't know if it's day or night. I must've spent hours already, just letting my mind go down a rabbit hole as I throw my balled-up socks at the wall. I let my thoughts spiral.
What could possibly be so interesting about me?
Is there an actual reason as to why I am here?
If so, what's wrong with me?
The only thing I could think of is just that I have different coloured eyes and red hair. I personally wouldn't call it a problem, but everyone else I've met throughout my life has viewed it as such. I vaguely remember no one wanting to be my friend in primary school because I 'looked different'. Even my own mother would often mutter about my looks when she had her back turned to me. I felt so ashamed to exist. I soon realised that I physically can't change who I am, so my options were to either never wake up... or get over it. And I'm too scared of death. The very thought of what happens after you die terrifies me. So I learnt to not care about other people's opinions.
My mother would often bring up the fact that I banged my head against the crib when I was little. It freaked her out. But after a while, she just assumed it was normal for 'my type'.
Maybe it's something that's going on inside my head that they're interested about. Whether it's psychological, like how my brain works, or physical like my athleticism. But even then, I have no clue. The possibilities baffle me. Out of all the people on this rotting earth, why me?
My mind starts to drift in and out, the strings of thoughts cloud over, and my brain feels like it's turned to mush. I hate overthinking. It just tires me out even more. I eventually fall into a state where I'm inbetween awake and asleep. Where my brain is peaceful for once.
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I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to face the day. I wish I could just rot in this bed forever. As I turn my head, the muscles in my neck feel so stiff and sore. Last night, I slept sitting up in the corner of the bed, leaning against the wall. I felt too vulnerable falling asleep under the covers. And I don't care how cold I get.
I manage to drag my feet outisde the room, the same sinking feeling in my stomach that hasn't left me for the past two days.
And then it hits me like a ton of bricks: I could die today.
Or tomorrow.
There's no real way of knowing. All I know is that my life is in the hands of a psychopath.
A little bit dies inside of me when I see him come out of his office.
"Ah! How'd you sleep, Leibling?" His voice is so full of enthusiasm it scares me.
"Fan-fucking-tastic." I say flatly.
His eyebrows fly up his head as he locks his door.
"Well aren't you spirited?" He shakes his head as he walks into the opposite room across the hallway, where he bandaged up my ankle. I'm left in the hallway for a brief moment.
I start picking at my fingers, when someone whispers in my ear. I turn around, but to my surprise no one is there.
The fuck?
I swallow the nervous lump in my throat.
As soon as it happened, I begin to doubt myself. I'm stressed. I'm tired. It's probably my mind playing tricks...
More whispering floods my ears.
Definitely not imagining it.
Definitely, definitely not.
But no one is around.
I try covering my ears but it's in my head.
It doesn't make a difference and the whispering is still there.
I can feel my heart beating faster to match the speed of my thoughts-
"Are you alright, Leibling?" He asks, and for the first time, I might actually see a hint of genuine concern on his face.
"Do you hear that?"
His face drops.
The air is suddenly filled with an unsettling atmosphere.
"The whispering..." I hate how frightened my voice comes out. But my brain feels overcrowded, and I'm struggling to think straight.
"Whispering?" His face is painted with confusion which then turns to worry.
The voices which won't go away makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I hate how the whispering is still there if I put my hands over my ears. It's constant and it won't stop- make it stop-
"Leibling, it's okay, calm down. We'll get that sorted out..."
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He's put me in what looks like an interogation room. On the way here, with every step I took, the whispering seemed to get louder and more clearer. Although I still can't understand what they're saying. Plus, the silence only makes it seem louder. Vlad has left the room, but I'm sure he's watching me from the suspiciously large mirror on the wall facing me. And who knows how many eyes are behind the mirror. I can feel them bore into me, watching me, analysing me as I sit there with my hands over my ears. It's all starting to give me a headache.
And it's cold as fuck.
The door swings open and Vlad walks in, placing a clipboard on the table. He takes the chair infront of me, placing a pen on the table too.
"I just have to ask a few questions before we get this sorted out, okay?" He speaks in a soft, sympathetic tone that makes me want to bawl my eyes out.
I nod, just wanting this to be over.
"What are you hearing? Just try to describe it."
I sigh, trying to compose myself.
"Whispering. And it's gotten louder since being in this room."
He frowns and starts writing on his clipboard.
"And what does it sound like?"
I think for a second, struggling to find the words. My brain feels like mud and the constant noise only in my ears isn't helping.
"Two other voices. It sounds like me, but I'm not the one saying it."
I sound insane. I think I might actually be going insane.
He continues writing.
"I think we're going to give you a tablet and see if it will stop the voices. But we just have to check if it can also be mixed with your... anxiety medication. How does that sound?" He explains as he picks up his clipboard and stands up.
The headache is getting worse. I close my eyes to see if it helps, but shock horror, it doesn't.
He re-enters the room after a few minutes, and places a tiny paper cup in front of me. Inside it, a small white tablet.
"The pill should give you some peace. Take it and wait a couple of minutes."
I stare at the tablet. My heart is saying fuck no. Who knows what the tablet contains. But my brain is screaming at me, begging for some quiet.
Fuck it.
I tip the cup into my mouth and swallow, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. I sit there, praying that it works. The minutes seem like hours of pure torture. My ears long for silence and for the voices to stop...
Everything starts to slowly go quiet, like someone's turning down the volume button. The whispering fades away and I feel my body relax. I take my hands away from my ears.
Thank fuck.
I exhale loudly, a sudden wave of fatigue enveloping me like a heavy blanket.
I look up to see Vlad looking me up and down, his face full of worry.
"Is it gone? Do you feel better?"
"Better."
"That's good. Perfect." He seems to relax slightly too, as though he's just dodged a bullet. It sets me on the edge though. There's something about the way he first reacted to the situation earlier. He seemed too... accustomed to it. Too comfortable about the fact that I was hearing freaky shit. As though he knew the reason.
Maybe he knows the reason.
"Why? Why was I hearing voices?"
He suddenly straightens up, and hesitates to answer.
"You know what that was? A little trick that our bodies play on us to make us stay alert... Some parts of the body react too intensely and this causes our brains to produce a bit too many signals. The effect is like hearing voices. Don't worry, it happens sometimes and it's completely natural."
His tone is as condescending as it can get, and it pisses me off royally. None of that shit was natural. It was supernatural, if anything. I'm not buying a single word he said. And apparently my face says so, because he tries to convince me futher.
"Just don't worry, okay? The tablet will last a long time. You really shouldn't worry about the little things." He says, with a smirk. He makes me want to bang my head against the wall. That bullshit is not the real reason, and we both know it.
He starts gathering up the things on the table.
I've only been here two days and this place drives me mental.
Two days.
Two days?
The very familiar words suddenly ring a bell...
The night Vlad and the Sponsor were talking- they mentioned two days. My mind starts to bounce off the walls and I come to the realisation that the date circled on Vlad's calendar is today.
"Did you know this was going to happen?! Did you plan this shit?" The words fall out of my mouth before I can stop them.
Just as he's opening the door, he stops and slowly turns around.
"I'm sorry?"
"You knew this was going to happen. When you were talking the other night... and the date on your calendar."
He looks shocked for a second, before becoming stern.
"I will not carry this conversation any further." He adds, more softly, "You ask too many questions." He slams the door behind him.
AN
440 veiws is craaaazy honestly thank you so much <333
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