After finding Alex the perfect wedding dress and spending the rest of the day doing more of her do it yourself crafts I headed to my childhood home to spend the day with the rest of the holidays with her.
My goodbye with Alex was filled with tears like they always had been but soon I would be back in Canada to stand by her side while she married the love of her life, and spend the night drinking wine while watching movies, as Seb went out with his frat boy groomsmen, trying not to think about the worst things they could be doing, even though he wouldn't actually do anything to hurt Alex.
On Christmas morning, it was just my mum and I, like every year after my brother passed, and trying to forget about the horrible thing that happened on this day 6 years ago. As much as I hated Canada, I was glad I could spend this day with her. I resented her for so long, but she was my mom and she needed me.
We then went to one of her friend's families Christmas's that evening, considering her and her sisters don't talk and they spend their Christmas with their husbands' sides of the family. Although this day marks some of the worst days of our lives, that left us traumatized, spending it with the people you care about makes everything a whole lot easier.
The time spent at my childhood home went by quickly and I was soon headed back to London. It was now the 28th of December and I was set to fly back the next day. I was packing my things up, since I needed to be up early to catch the train that would take me to the airport, when I noticed a jewelry box hiding at the bottom of my backpack. I opened the box, only to find what was given to me last Christmas.
It was the necklace Leah gave me last Christmas. The necklace that her initial dangled from. The necklace that I yanked off the day I found out her and Alina had kissed, and hid so I would never have to look at it again. But here I find myself putting it back on, realizing what Seb said was true, there's no reason why I can't fight for her now, everything else can be figured out later on. It was at this moment, I knew what I had to tell my mom, something I have been avoiding for ages.
She was in bed scrolling on her phone when I opened the door to her room. I laid beside her in bed, searching for that comfort you get when you're a little girl cuddling with you mom as she plays with your hair, except this time I was 23 about to tell her I was gay and the only thing that would calm me down in this situation, was her showing her love.
"Mum, I need to tell you something"
My head was on her chest as she was stroking my hair, and I felt the nod of her head as her chin brushed against the top of my head.
"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you this sooner, I think I thought you would be disappointed in me, but I like this girl, well I like girls, but she plays football and her name is Leah"
She didn't say anything, she stopped stroking my hair, the pit in my stomach was only growing larger.
"Is that the mysterious person Alex has been telling me about?"
I knew my mom was helping Alex a bit with the wedding, but I wasn't expecting her to say anything about my dating life.
"Yeah, I guess"
Again, she didn't say anything, maybe she was finding the right words to say.
"You know I don't care who you love, whether it's a girl, or a boy, or someone who's non-binary, you're my daughter, and I love you, unconditionally"
I felt one of her tears fall on the top of my head as I was wiping the ones that started to pour out of my eyes away. She then spoke again.
"I want everything for you in life, but the most important thing is that I want you to be happy, something's changed with you ever since you moved there, you seem a lot happier, and I think Leah has a big part in that, never let that go"
"You and Dad said the exact same thing"
-----
I was now back in my apartment in London. Leah picked me up from the airport and she brought Olly with her so he could be dropped off at the same time as me.
I didn't tell her what I wanted to tell her, I just couldn't at the time. Instead I spent the car journey back to my apartment complaining about how bridezilla Alex was, and she told me about her Christmas with her parents.
She didn't notice that I put back on the necklace she gave me last year, but maybe she was too distracted to even look.
We got back to mine and she brought my suitcase in for me, claiming I needed to rest after being on a plane for so long, I didn't mind though. Leah stayed for a little bit and we caught up some more, before she headed out for the night.
She still didn't notice my necklace.
----
It was now New years eve, the night of Beth's party, the night I planned to tell Leah how I felt.
I started having some doubts about bringing up what I needed to, ever since she didn't notice my necklace, but then again I probably was overthinking everything like I usually did, so I still planned to tell her, bottling up these emotions for any longer would only make things worst.
I spent the morning writing down everything I wanted to say to her. It wasn't something I was going to read off of or anything, that would be weird. It was something to clear my head for the time being, my brain was just too full.
Then it was soon time to get ready. I had a few drinks while doing my makeup and hair to calm my nerves. I stared at my closet for a while trying to find the perfect thing to wear, I always had trouble picking outfits to wear, something that will never change. I finally settled on a black mini skirt, with a white corset top, doc martens for shoes, and the letter "L" dangled from my neck. The outfit definitely screamed New years.
After getting dressed, I took an Uber to Beth's. She asked me to head over early so we could catch up on my time spent in Canada before the craziness of everyone else showed up.
I went up to her front door where she greeted me and then poured me a hefty glass of wine, and I told her everything I did while I was in Canada.
"I told my mum"
She looked at me surprised, she knew how scared I was to tell my mum, so this definitely caught her off guard.
"Did you really?"
"Yeah she gave me some good advice"
"Care to share?"
"No, you'll find out soon enough"
I gave her a smug look knowing if everything went according to plan, she'd be figuring out what that advice was when the clock struck midnight.
-----
It was around ten in the evening now. Just like the New year's party last year, Beth's apartment was packed with Arsenal players, their partners, and friends. I found myself stuck to Beth's side most of the night, there was a lot of people I didn't know here, which made me a bit nervous even if I was a bit tipsy. Last year I was stuck to Leah's side, but I couldn't find her yet, so Beth was her replacement for the time being.
I was looking for her as Beth introduced me to so many new people, but I couldn't spot her yet. It wasn't until we were in deep conversation with Katie and her partner Ruesha, that I finally noticed her in the kitchen pouring herself a drink. I quickly politely excused myself and pushed through the people to reach her.
I tapped her on the shoulder as a way to surprise her, and she turned around to look me up and down.
"Wow, Abi, you look gorgeous"
I blushed and complimented her back. We stared into each other's eyes for a bit, and I couldn't bring myself to tell her, what if she didn't feel the same, she still didn't say anything about the necklace. Instead we rejoined the conversation with Beth, Katie, and Ruesha.
---
Time was ticking away. Leah and I went around talking to more people, got ourselves more drinks, and she even came outside with me while I snuck a cigarette in, mostly to tell me how nasty it was to try and convince me to quit. There were so many opportunities and I was yet to take one of them.
We were getting closer and closer to midnight and I knew I needed to take my chance.
What if she didn't feel the same.
But there was no way she couldn't, she's being better for me.
It could be too soon.
I knew I would be so mad at myself if I didn't say anything.
"Leah, can we go outside?"
"You're not sneaking another one are you?"
"Maybe."
She followed me outside, and we sat on the steps. It was cold, but not too cold, due to the alcohol in our systems, and I didn't light a cigarette.
"Why are we outside if thats not what you're doing"
I was silent, even though I wrote down the words earlier, they somehow left my brain.
"I miss you"
"I'm right here"
"Not like that"
She looked at me realizing what I was saying.
"I know we're working on ourselves right now, but why can't we do that together, I think about you every second, every minute, every hour of the day, I can't stop loving you Leah, I never stopped, I want to be us again, I want you to be my girlfriend and meet my parents, come with me to Alex's wedding, and it's not just now, I see the rest of my life with you"
She sat on the front steps of Beth's place, looking at me, she had nothing to say, she just stared at me. Until she leant in, grabbed my face and placed a passionate kiss on my lips.
In a world full of chaos, it was just the two of us, nothing else mattered, my career didn't matter, football didn't matter, the only thing that did was us, me and Leah.
"Nice Necklace"
----
A/N:
-Finally:)
-I start a new semester tomorrow and I'm not excited, but I'm done uni in a year and a half so that's the only thing keeping me going.
-I started this story back in October as a way to think about anything other than my crazy life, I never expected it to grow the way it has and I will forever be thankful for that.
-Now that we're halfway done this story, I would like to announce that I will be writing more after this one and I already have some fun ideas.
-I don't think I've ever mentioned this but i'm studying psychology and biology in uni which is very heavy, this has become such a creative outlet for me, so yeah:)
-As always, thanks for the love<3