"I'm so confused." diego says
"Shocking." allison mutters but loud enough for diego to hear and he glares at her
"Well, someone killed our mothers, so we shouldn't exist. But clearly we do exist, and the universe can't handle it, which is the problem." viktor explains
"Big problem." Five agrees and takes a sip of his coffee
"Yah!" stanly does a karate kick
"Stanley! Now is not the time to be doing karate, okay?" diego yells
"Mom said I need practice."
"Yeah, well, she's not wrong. You're very bad."
"Well, I saved your pathetic ass."
"Okay, hold on. Five, so we caused a paradox. What does that mean?" allison asks
"It's hard to say. It's all been theoretical until now, but things have started to disappear." five responds
"What things?" viktor asks
"Right now? Uh, Lobsters."
"And, a shit ton of cows." klaus adds
"But I have a feeling this is just the beginning."
"A feeling? Aren't you retired?" allison asks
"I want nothing more."
"You know, you can't keep dragging us through hell because you have an itch only an apocalypse can scratch and then expect us to deal with the fallout. You're not the boss."
"Fine, I'm the messenger, and I'm telling you something terrible is coming."
"Then let's go attack the Sparrows, get the briefcase, and go home."
"This is our home, Allison. Accept it." stanley knocks over stuff with his karate stick and everyone looks at him
"That's it! I'm telling your mom." diego yells
"Ooh!" stanley says sarcastically
"Wait, where's Lila?" five asks
"Shower. I told her she could stay with us."
"Wait, when did Lila get back?" viktor asks and Five starts walking away
"Wait, Five." you say
"Five, where you going?" diego asks
"Go talk to somebody who only has half her head up her ass. Y/n, stay here, I'll be back."
"Uh, okay." you say
"Don't leave, Five. Don't leave." klaus says
"No, Klaus. I'm leaving." five walks away
"I mean, he has a pretty good track record with this stuff. I feel like we should listen to him" viktor says
"Agreed." you nod
"Sure. Hey, quick question." klaus says and stands up
"Cobra Kai! Yeah!" stanley yells and karate kicks the air
"Do none of you heartless bastards care about our murdered moms?" klaus asks
"Klaus..." you start to say but can't think of anything
"Klaus, the only one that we knew plugged into a wall." diego responds
"Oh yeah? Well, this is my real mother. And she's called Rachel. And I have her eyes. See? Come on! We need to find out who did this! This is the thing! This is the main thing!"
"Is that all you want?" diego yells
"Yeah."
"'Cause it's obviously Dad, all right? He knew where we were born. He hated us in '63. Boom. Murders."
"You think Dad is capable of killing innocent people?" allison laughs at klaus's question
"Absolutely." viktor says
"Hell yeah." you say
"Oh, it's murder city, buddy." diego adds
"Yeah, I guess so." klaus says and then luther comes walking in
"Little late for a meeting, pal."
"I was being held captive. By the Sparrows." luther says
"What?" allison asks
"Wait. Did none of you notice?"
"Of course."
"We're happy you're home."
"We missed you, buddy!"
"So worried."
"Stop lying." allison says
"Oh yeah. Okay. Nice." luther says
"Did they hurt you?" allison asks
"Who? The Sparrows? God, no. Not at all. Excellent hosts. Really, quite charming, actually. Oh, and you should see their gym. Outstanding! I really think we got these guys all wrong."
"Says the guy they kidnapped."
"What did they want?" diego asks
"Oh. Marcus. He's missing. They want him back. Unharmed." luther says
"Which one is Marcus again?" you ask quietly
"We don't have him." viktor responds
"Well, damn. I was hoping we'd solve that one quickly and then move on to problem number two. Disappearing people." after luther says that, stanley knocks over a vase with his karate stick
"Ooh! Uh, it was... it was the wind." stanley says
"Who's the kid?"
~~~~~~~~~~~
You decide to go with Diego to discipline his kid since you are bored and stanley seems fun
"Discipline. That's what you need to learn. Right? When I was your age, I was up at dawn, all right? I was training, honing my skills. The biggest thing, I was becoming a real man." diego says to stanley as you all walk down the hallway
"Right. Is that why you wear those tight pants?" stanley asks and you laugh and the door opens revealing Lila in a towel
"Lila?" diego asks
"Hmm?" she hums
"You need to take this kid with you." Then Five walks out of the washing room "What the hell were you doing in there?"
"Bathing."
"What was that?" you say
"Together?" diego asks
"Oh, okay. Diego, we don't have time for this. Lila and I got important shit to do." five says
"Wait. What's more important than family?"
"End of the world, genius."
"What? Again? You've gotta be kidding me." you say Diego tries to talk to Lila and then Five goes into the elevator and you stand in front of it "So what were you doing in there anyway?"
"Well, me and Lila were trying to kill each other again, but then came to an agreement."
"Okay, wait, what agreement?"
"We're gonna work together to try to save the world and power up this briefcase."
"All right, well, do what you gotta do." you kiss five and he kisses back
"Oh, puke. Not in front of me." lila says walking into the elevator and you pull back and walk back into the hallway and stand next to stanley then diego pulls lila back to talk again
"What do you mean?" diego asks lila
"Look, for you, it's been a couple of days. For me, it has been over a decade. I've moved on. I've slept with many, many people. Many. The only relationship we have left is the one with our child. So you better not screw that up."
"Wait! What am I supposed to do with him, huh? I got important shit going on too!" diego yells
"I doubt that. Figure it out Diego. Be a Dad." the elevator door closes
"How many is "Many people"?" diego asks stanley
"Way more than you, Papi." stanley answers and runs away as diego chases him and you chase after both of them
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diego is standing in front of the hotel with his hands on his hips and stanley does the same thing, then diego crosses his arms and stanley watches and does just that making you chuckle
"What are you doing?" diego asks
"What are you doing?" stanley asks back
"Security assessment. Our enemies can attack us from anywhere."
"That's cool."
"No, that is not cool. But lucky for everyone, I'm on it. The trick is to be prepared. Now, I need you to stay away from the hotel for a few hours, all right? It's not safe. Go buy some donuts."
"I'm allergic to donuts."
"What do you mean you're allergic to donuts? You also hate fun?"
"It's the gluten, asshat."
"Hey, watch your mouth."
"Stop trying to get rid of me. Everyone tries to do that."
"Maybe, just try being less annoying." stanley chuckles
"Oh my God. You're bad at this."
"Just got somewhere, for a few hours, all right? It's a big city. Have fun."
"Mom would never let me walk around a strange city all on my own. She doesn't trust me."
"That's because she's a terrible person. And I'm amazing. Remember that."
"It's eight dollars."
"That's a month's salary for a kid. Get outta here." stanley walks away and diego seems proud of himself "I'm so good at this." he says walking back to the hotel
"Oh yeah, great." you say sarcastically but he doesn't seem to notice you are being sarcastic
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are helping Diego carrying boxes of alcohol and you hear singing very badly
🎵The lady in red
is dancing with me🎵
Then you notice it's Luther, you and diego both go to sit down next to him and he notices you both and stops singing, he notices the bottles of alcohol
"What's with the bottles?" he asks
"Molotov cocktails." diego responds
"What's with the music?" you ask
"None of your biz." luther responds
"Phil Collins. Neil Diamond. Are you making a mixtape?" diego asks and luther's eyes go wide before he blanks and responds
"Shouldn't you be watching your kid?"
"Dude, I've got that parenting thing down. The trick is, you give 'em a little trust, and everything falls into place. Now, I've been working on our defense. Now, let's talk about offense, all right? What's our Sparrow plan of attack? I got the rest of the afternoon."
"Relax. Vanya and Allison handled it."
"It's Viktor."
"What?"
"Vanya's Viktor now." you say
"What else did I miss while I was kidnapped?"
"Jesus, Luther. Not everything is about you, all right? So?" diego asks
"The Sparrows are coming here, all right?"
"For what? Tea? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No! No! It's time for you, me, and y/n to show 'em who's boss. Like the old days, huh? You know, bustin' heads?" Then Diego notices another tape that Luther has "Oh, Jesus, Luther. Lionel Rich-- Are you kidding me?"
"What? Lionel Richie's still cool."
"No."
"What decade are you in, Luther?" you ask
"Look, I met someone, okay? And I thought, you know, maybe she'd like some curated songs that just so happen to explain what's in my heart." luther says
"When did you have time to meet someone? I mean, we've been here for two days, and the only time you--"Diego realizes something "This is a mixtape for the enemy?"
"Hey. Sloane is not the enemy. They are not the enemy. This is all one big misunderstanding. And if our family could just behave ourselves for once, then we could all work together. And then Sloane and I can fall in love, get married, buy a dog, grow old on a porch."
"Ugh. Jesus, Luther. You're pathetic."
"I think it's sweet." you say
"Yeah? That doesn't seem like something Five would want anyway."
"Hey! He can speak for himself about what he wants."
"You're right, sorry." Diego looks back at Luther "Is... Is Sloane the gravity one? Oh shit. You guys had gravity sex."
"Oh! Ew! Gross! I don't want to hear about Luther's sex life!" you say but the guys ignore you
"Come on. You know I can't talk about that." luther says and chuckles
"Luther, I'm your brother. We got no secrets." diego says
"Okay, well, uh, you might say, we were, uh, "Dancing on the ceiling."
"Oh come on!" you sigh and almost gag
"Oh! That one's going in!" diego sighs and walks away with you and while walking you see Stanley who had been listening
"The hell are you doing? I told you not to be here." diego says to Stanley
"What's a molotov cocktail?" Stanley asks and Diego continues walking with Stanley and you follow after him "Is it a drink?"
"No."
"Can I try one?"
"No."
"I've had beer, you know."
"It's not a drink." you say
"It's a homemade bomb, okay?" diego says
"Sweet. I can help. Ever made a pipe bomb? 'Cause I have. I've blown up tons of mailboxes. There are secrets in the mix." stanley says sounding proud of himself
"Mm-hmm?"
"So what's my job here, and how much are you paying?" diego opens the elevator and walks with stanley inside
"Your job is to study the inside of this elevator, okay?"
"All right." he says smiling
"Until I get back." Diego presses all the elevator buttons.
"Wait. Hey, come back."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diego walks around the hotel and soon after, Luther joins with you guys 'cause he finished the mixtape
"Hey." luther says
"Yeah?" diego asks
"This whole, uh, Viktor thing."
"Yeah?"
"Well, it's a pretty big deal, right?"
"I guess, for him. It's whatever."
"Well, should we say something? You know? I mean, make a formal gesture? Welcome him as brothers."
"God, no. Just roll with it, man. Don't say anything, and don't be weird."
"Yeah, Luther. Be cool." you say
"Okay. But not saying something feels weird, right? I mean... Shouldn't we, I don't know... mark the occasion somehow?" luther asks
"You just wanna throw a party." diego says
"With tiny sandwiches." you add
"Why do you hate tiny sandwiches?" luther asks and then Viktor comes up to your three
"Hey, what's up?" viktor asks
"Luther wants to throw you a big, stupid party so you feel loved."
"Oh." viktor smiles
"Do you feel loved?"
"Yeah, I... I do."
"Good. You are. Can we all get back to saving the world now?" diego asks before walking away and you follow after him
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I don't get it. Did I miss it? How did you win again?" luther asks diego as you all play scrabble
"I bet he's cheating, there's no way he can beat me at this, you, yeah, he can definitely beat you, but I'm amazing at scrabble!" you say
"You're just a sore loser." Diego says and then looks at Allison and Viktor coming "Oh, look at those two jabronis getting along, being all sibly."
"So?" luther asks
"So that never goes well for us."
"That's true." you say before viktor and allison sit with you three
"Hey." viktor says
"So, what's the plan? What do we do when the Sparrows get here?" luther asks
"Follow our lead." allison says
"Uh-uh. Nice try. We don't take orders from you." diego says
"Uh-uh." Luther agrees with Diego "Oh shit. They're early." you all stand up and stand in front of them as they walk through the doors
"Well, thanks for coming." viktor says
"Oh yeah, super glad to be here." jamie says sarcastically
"Where are the rest of you?" ben asks
"What? Are you taking attendance? They'll be here." diego says
"Where's the briefcase?" allison asks
"Where's our brother?" ben asks back
"Maybe we should try this again before I lose my temper."
"Allison--"
"I got this. Hand over the briefcase or no deal."
"Yeah, tiny problem. Deal's off." ben says and then stanley runs into the room with a molotov cocktail
"Molotov this, bitches!"
"Stanley! Not now." diego says and stanley drops the molotov cocktail and sets the banner on fire
"Oh shit." stanley mutters
"This could not get any worse." you say
"Power up." Ben says and the Sparrows all power up, Diego puts Stanley behind the counter where he is safe "Now, Chris." then chris does something that makes them all feel pain in their head and all fall to the ground feeling like a big bowling ball is getting dropped on our heads every second
"I was wrong." you say and groan from the pain "It could get worse!"
"I heard... I heard a rumor.." allison tries saying
"That you're about to die?"ben asks while smiling "Kill 'em." Jayme and alphonso walks towards the Umbrella's but then a random man comes up and sends out and energy wave that melts jamie and alphonso's faces off
"Jayme! Alphonso!" fei screams
"Pull back!" ben yells and him, fei, and chris run out of the hotel
"Sloane. Sloane, are you okay?" luther asks but sloane won't wake up
"Whoa." stanley says standing up from the counter
"What... What the hell just happened?" you asks while standing up
"Oh my God." Viktor says looking at the man "Harlan? Is that you?"
DAILY DOSE OF AIDAN