The interhigh prelims drew nearer and nearer by the day, and the Karasuno volleyball team was training hard to make sure they didn't fall behind. Ren couldn't remember the last time he'd been this exhausted, and he loved it. The soreness of his muscles and the constant practicing, they served as reminders that he was still on the court. Still playing.
But despite all their training, he was still anxious as he stepped off of the bus that'd taken them to the gymnasium where the prelims would take place. And despite the pep talks coach had given them and Kiyoko-san's beautiful banner, he could tell that everyone else was quite nervous as well.
Karasuno entered the building as a clump of black-clad figures. Ren trailed behind Sugawara as they walked in, gripping the strap of his white duffel bag tightly. There were a lot of people hanging around, either waiting for the matches to start or heading into the stands to spectate. Ren had never felt quite comfortable around large crowds. It was bad enough that he had to experience hallucinations. Knowing that if he had one in public, hundreds of others would have to witness him go through it was awful. Even just thinking about it made him queasy.
Ren was snapped out of his thoughts by warm fingers gripping his own, and he looked up to see Sugawara watching him. "I know that look, Hasegawa. Don't be nervous. We're all here as a team, and that means that we're all here for you. Nothing bad is going to happen."
He closed his eyes, nodding slowly and letting out a sigh as an attempt to relax. "I know, I know. Thank you, Suga-san."
The silver-haired male smiled before letting go of Ren's hand, leaving him feeling oddly cold. They continued on their way through the building, and all around them, people were glancing at them, whispering and snickering and occasionally outright laughing. Ren only caught bits and pieces of what they were saying, but most of them were naming them the flightless crows. What was worse was the fact that he caught some people gossiping about him, dubbing him the crow that clipped the others' wings.
It stung, hearing such judgment from all these strangers. It only brought back painful memories of his own family, of his old life, and it made him want to curl up into a ball and simply wither away. He kept his head down as Karasuno walked forward, staring at the heels of Sugawara's shoes. Embarrassment caused his cheeks to flush and he was only glad that with his face pointed towards the floor, none of his friends could see him in this state.
All of a sudden, Sugawara stopped walking, and Ren barely managed to hit the brakes, preventing himself from ramming into the third-year. He looked up, bewildered as to why they'd halted, and by peering over Sugawara's shoulder, he quickly discovered the reason.
It was...a wall. Of bodies. A wall of bodies all wearing white and cyan tracksuits. Date Tech. The Iron Wall.
Ren glanced at Asahi, feeling his tummy turn for the ace. Last year, Asahi had gotten every single one of his spikes shut down by Dateko's Iron Wall, and for the ace, that had been absolutely soul crushing. He'd quit the team over it, and the poor guy had taken a year to recover. From Nishinoya's recounts, Asahi had only rejoined the team because of relentless nagging and dragging from him and the first-years.
And as if things couldn't get any worse, the white-haired middle blocker from Dateko slowly raised his right arm, pointing directly at Asahi. Ren sweatdropped, feeling his own resolve deteriorate. He would have crumbled immediately under that intimidating presence and gesture. How Asahi managed to keep a calm expression was a mystery to him.
Everyone remained still for a moment before a brown-haired player from Dateko lunged forward, desperately trying to pull the white-haired player's arm down. "You must excuse Aone-san. He has a tendency to lock onto the aces of a team. It's how he knows who to target on the court."
In addition to the provoking words, there was a sort of arrogance about the brown-haired boy that made Ren's blood boil. Poor Asahi had his spirit crushed by this team, and they didn't even have the decency to at least act a little ashamed for their player's rather brash behavior. His indignation fueled him more than he thought it would, and all of a sudden, he was pushing his way through the Karasuno team, moving to stand in front of Asahi.
"Pardon me, but don't powerhouse teams have better things to do than try and pick on others? I thought your skill was supposed to be able to speak for itself. Unless, of course, you're not a powerhouse team and attempting to unnerve your opponents is the only way for you to actually achieve victory." Ren tilted his head, smoothly shifting his gaze so that he looked back at his teammates with a sneer. "Perhaps the so-called 'targeting' is really just a hint at their own weakness. Trying to spotlight the toughest players on a team so that your pathetic blockers know who to be cautious of."
The brown-haired player sputtered, lips opening and closing in shock. "Pathetic? Don't you know who we are? Dateko is an Iron Wall. A fortress that you couldn't possibly dream of penetrating!"
He wasn't quite sure where this confidence was coming from, but Ren couldn't seem to stop himself from laughing. His subconscious was aware of the eeriness of his chuckle, and as the other team seemed to flinch away from his gaze, he knew that his expression was depicting the psycho that he'd spent so many hours learning to repress.
"Big words from a weakling. I hate to break this to you, but I'm going to break you down until all that remains is dust. We'll see just how strong your 'iron wall' is when I destroy it."
With an air of finality, Ren spun around, giving his teammates a pointed look. It took them all a moment, but they got the hint and started walking, the entire Karasuno team moving in the opposite direction, away from Dateko. Once they were out of Dateko's field of vision, Ren's facade collapsed, and he squatted down, covering his face with his hands.
"H-Hasegawa-san! Are you okay?" Kageyama was the first to notice that he'd dropped to the ground, and his question caused the rest of the team to turn around as well.
"Yes...I just can't believe I did that. I mean, making such a bold claim? Who am I to say something so ballsy like that?" He hadn't intended to make enemies so quickly, and being rude and abrasive like he had...oh goodness.
"Our all-rounder. That's who. You were right to say that, you know? You're really good, Hasegawa-san!" Ren looked up, letting his hands drop from his head. Kageyama was kneeling in front of him, kind eyes staring into his own. He felt his breath escape his lungs as he marveled at the statuesque visual that was before him.
"He's right. We all know that you're fully capable of backing up your claims. So you better show 'em what you got, okay, Hasegawa?" Daichi smiled encouragingly, even reaching out a hand to help Ren up.
Ren leveled his gaze with Daichi, staring at him to deliver his unspoken question. Would he even be playing today? Would he be given another chance to stand on the court? Would they trust him enough to let him run free? Free enough to be able to be as strong as he'd promised Dateko he'd be. But he couldn't possibly ask any of that out loud. He was already dragging his team down by dumping the issue of his hallucinations on them. He couldn't dim their morale too. So he just smiled, accepting Daichi's hand and pulling himself to his feet.
"I will, captain. You can count on it."
+++++
Tokonami High School was already warming up by the time that Karasuno arrived at their designated court, and Ren hurried to shake off his jacket to join his teammates in stretching. They would have to wait until the opposite team was done with their warmups before starting their own, so he passed the time by doing the splits on the court beside Kageyama.
They stretched in silence for a few moments before the first-year's voice broke through, and Ren turned his head to look at his stretching partner. "Hasegawa-san, how did you become an all-rounder?"
"What do you mean?"
Kageyama shifted out of the splits, moving himself so that he was sitting with his legs in the butterfly position, staring directly at Ren. "It's just that it seems like it's very hard for you to focus on the court, and you have to be benched a lot, so with all that, how did you end up becoming such a skilled all-rounder?"
Ren blinked. The oddly personal question had rendered him speechless. He hadn't been expecting this from the generally immature first-year, and it was taking him some time to formulate a response.
"A while back, my condition was even worse than it is today. My episodes were frequent and spontaneous and it became very difficult for me to even live. But when I started playing volleyball, I-I found that my hallucinations weren't as...malicious? Crushing? Debilitating? They simply wiped away everything else on the court, and it made me feel as though I was the only one playing. When that happened, I could see everything so clearly. I knew when I made a mistake and I knew what to improve, so I learned how to better my playing based off of those incidents." Ren smiled at the memory. It was odd, knowing that his psychosis had actually helped him become a better volleyball player, but at the same time, it was a double-edged sword, being the weapon that was destroying his team.
"But of course, in an actual game, that doesn't work out quite as well. In simpler terms, I guess you could say that I became an all-rounder with the help of my psychosis. But it's the same psychosis that makes it hard for me to play. Does that make sense?"
Kageyama stared at him a little longer, as if he was processing the information. But there wasn't any sort of judgment on his face, and that fact eased the tightness in Ren's chest.
"Do you know why they call me the King?"
Ren tilted his head. That was unexpected. He'd heard Tsukishima teasing Kageyama with the nickname before, but he'd never really given it much thought. "No. Why?"
"In junior high, I was a dictator. I...I'd push my teammates too hard and sometimes, all I could see was the ball. I couldn't see my teammates' exhaustion, their positioning, and many times I'd set the ball to empty space, and no one would be there to spike it." Kageyama sighed, as if the memory was hard to recall.
"It's in my nature to see things this way. To set quickly and accurately, but when I do that, I can't always seem to recognize where the other players are on court. It felt lonely. And I knew that my play style was tearing apart my team."
Ren inhaled sharply. "Like me."
"Like you." Kageyama's voice was barely a whisper, but to Ren, it sounded as loud as a megaphone. Here was this boy. This very normal boy. He was the most normalest of boys and yet he understood. Maybe he hadn't faced the same problems that Ren had, but he understood.
"That must have been hard for you, Kags."
Kageyama's ears turned red at the nickname, but his expression remained composed. "I'm sure it was even more challenging for you, Hasegawa-san."
The ghost of a laugh passed through Ren's lips. "After all that, I think it'd be more suitable if you called me Ren."
The redness of Kageyama's ears spread to his cheeks after that comment, and he stammered out a response. "T-Then please call me Tobio. Okay, Ren?"
"Okay, Tobio."
+++++
The match began with Ren benched. This time, he was prepared for starting out on the sidelines, and he was actually quite grateful for it. He was still a little nervous about playing again after what happened with Nekoma. Being a substitute player allowed him to breathe a little sigh of relief.
Tokonami wasn't a particularly strong school, so the more that Ren watched the game play out, the more at ease he felt. He could mess up on court without jeopardizing his team. That's not to say that they were weak, but Karasuno maintained a decent point gap through the entire first set.
Ren didn't play during the entirety of set one, but as the end of set two drew closer, Coach Ukai subbed him in for Hinata. He jogged onto the court, still a little on edge and anxious, but way more relaxed than how he was at the Nekoma match.
"Hasegawa! Welcome!" Tanaka ran over like an excited child and slapped Ren on the back so hard that he tumbled forward, falling into Tsukishima.
"Aish-Tanaka! Don't do that! I'm sorry, Tsukishima." Ren gave the blondie an apologetic smile, detangling himself from the long arms that had caught him.
"No worries. It's Tanaka's fault, no? His eccentricity is to blame, not you."
"Hey! Don't insult my electricity!"
"...Tanaka, it is truly a miracle how you have not flunked out."
"What?! You oughta show some respect to your upperclassman, you scrawny beanpole!"
Ren watched their spout, bemused. Watching the energetic Tanaka and the mild-mannered Tsukishima butt heads was more interesting than his Netflix shows. But they had a volleyball game to play and unfortunately, the referee blew his whistle, putting an end to their dispute so that the match could continue.
The other team served a regular overhand serve, which Nishinoya easily received. The ball soared upwards into Kageyama's hands, and Ren pulled back, getting ready to hit. "Tobio!"
"Ren-san!"
The ball flew gracefully towards Ren, and he smiled at the perfection of the set. His steps were few but his stride was long, and when he leaped, he soared. His palm fit perfectly around the ball, and it hurtled over the net, smashing against the ground in front of the Tokonami libero.
Ren landed delicately, his eyes gleaming, his heart pounding. He lifted his hand to peer at the reddening flesh, adrenaline coursing through his veins.
As long as he was lucid, he'd use this power to crush that arrogant iron wall into rubble.