The next morning, i wanted to go to the hospital but mama insisted i get some sleep because I didn't sleep at all
I was still adamant but gave up when umma personally called me and asked me to stay home, rest, then come later
"Tace he's much better, so get some rest. By 12 seh mu fita." I nodded and smiled at mama before walking into my room.
I knew i wasn't going to be able to sleep so i took another shower and dressed in a casual flay atampa before laying down on the bed
The duvet swallowed me whole and as usual, my thoughts drifted to sa'ad
If i was feeling like this, i wonder how his family are coping
I turned on my phone and dialed fatima's number
"Hello arwa."
Her voice was still hoarse, meaning she probably didn't stop crying
"Fati ya kike?"
"Im fine arwa, what of you?"
"Im good. How is he feeling?"
"Umma and ya amira chased me home to rest, but they said he's better."
I love saad so much, but i cant compare myself to how she's feeling
She's his blood sister
"Try not to overthink fati. He'll get better in shaa Allah."
"Ameen. Im also supposed to be calming you down. I know you're very worried."
"Its fine. Take of yourself. Zamu hadu when i come later."
"You too, Allah ya kaimu."
"Ameen, bye."
I sighed and snuggled myself more
Im sure almost two hours passed before i heard a knock on my door
I shouted a 'come in' and the door opened but no one said anything
I peeped my head out of the duvet just to see adnan standing outside the door
"Assalamualaikum." He walked inside and closed the door behind him
I cleared my throat and answered his salam
He squatted by the edge of the bed where I could clearly see him while i didn't move from my position
I was fully dressed, i just didn't have the energy of changing positions
I was beginning to zone out when he spoke with a small smile
"Ya kike?"
"Miserable."
I didn't know why i decided to be honest with him after lying to everyone that i was fine
"I also dont expect you to be fine. You're human, and you have a heart, its normal."
I didn't know what to respond to him, thankfully he continued speaking
"The hard part is accepting whatever happens and being patient. Leave everything a hannun Allah."
I had a feeling he had more to say but he kept quiet
"I am being patient. I know Allah will take care of everything."
He gave me a pitiful smile
"Kiyi hakuri arwa."
I don't know why at that moment my heart fell to my stomach, and my heartbeat increased
I didn't want to ask him anything and he wasn't saying anything too
But i want him to be brutally honest with me, i don't need any tricks
"Ina saad?"
"Saad ya rasu."
He didn't hesitate to tell me the truth, and i appreciated that but then it felt like the world stilled
I honestly didnt know what to think at the moment
My mind was blank
Sa'ad
I looked at him waiting for him to say something
To tell me it was a joke, but deep down i knew he wasn't joking
"Ya rasu an hour ago. No one wanted to face you and tell you."
Is that it?
Thats the end of saad's life
Yesterday was the last time i am ever going to speak to him?
That was our goodbye?
"Im not going to stop you from crying. You need it."
He probably saw how dry my eyes were
I wasn't crying. I myself didnt know why. All i knew was i wanted to see sa'ad
I ignored him and stood up, picked up the folded hijab that was placed on the prayer mat next to him
I handed him the hijab and he understood what i meant
I couldn't wear it without help because of my hand
"Take me to the hospital."
"They're at home. Mama is waiting for you downstairs."
I turned to leave when he held me back
I knew he was going to ask me how i was feeling or if i was okay?
I wasnt
I answered him before he could speak
"Im not okay."
He sighed and led me out
Mama, khairat, hauwa, were all looking at me with tears in their eyes as i walked downstairs
From there everything was a blur until i was standing in front of the house
Dagaske sa'ad is dead
Everywhere was choked up, there was no space, cars and people were everywhere
Someone held my hand and helped me inside
There was wailing from different angles
We walked into the main living room as they greeted the people there
I couldn't say anything to anyone until i saw fatima
She hugged me releasing all her weight on me making us stumble down
She was crying so much that i didn't even know what to say to her
I hugged her back and kept patting her until someone helped us up, and walked us to their dad's living room
I held unto fatima's hand as we entered the room
Sa'ad
He was laid on the floor covered in white cloth leaving only his face open
No tubes, just cotton wool in his nose
Sa'ad
My gaze was fixed on him only when someone helped me down
I turned to see umma looking at me with bloodshot eyes
Her only son
She held my hand with tears and i squeezed it back before i turned back to him
He was looking like the old saad, very healthy. And i could swear there was a small smile on his face
It looked as if he'll open his eyes when i call his name
I turned to see ya bilkisu walking in, she looked at him for some moments before she lost consciousness.
Ya amira and ya hafsat held unto each other crying, fatima and ya khadija doing the same
Then abba who was seated near saad's head on a stool
"Kuyi hakuri. And keep praying for him. Thats what he needs most. We have to take him now."
His words just made the cries louder
Umma, whose hands were in mine turned to her husband in tears
"Just five more minutes, dan Allah."
"The fixed time is running out, yau friday, its already zuhr. And everyone is here already. Kiyi hakuri."
She turned and placed her head on my shoulders letting the tears fall freely
"Kuzo, lets pray for him."
Different prayers were said before they started covered his face completely
Shikenan sa'ad?
He was lifted and placed in the makara, before some men carried him out
Some people kept saying some prayers for him
"Allah ya jikan ka Muhammad saad. Allah ya sa ka huta. Allah ya sa can ya fi nan. Yalinka na gari ya bika."