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chapter one;
bathtubs & haunting lullabies
The moment Amaya was back in Potter Manor, the boys on her track, Ninny began fussing over her with teary eyes. She gently took her to her room, like Amaya was a broken doll, and Amaya let her, her mind vaguely present. Once she got to her room, Ninny led her to the bathroom, where she'd drawn a warm bath for Amaya full of bubbles.
"Miss Maya needs to relax. Ninny puts a calming potion in the bath. Ninny will take care of Miss Maya."
Amaya couldn't smile like she usually did. She only nodded. "Thank you, Ninny."
Ninny left to give her privacy and Amaya was too embarrassed to ask her to stay—the last thing she wanted was to be alone—so she didn't protest. Getting undressed, Amaya lowered herself into the bathtub, letting the warm water take her away to better memories, letting the simmering feeling of the magic enveloping her take away the nightmares of the day.
And it worked. But she must've fallen asleep because the next time she opened her eyes she wasn't in the bathtub but rather she was standing in a dark tight space.
She looked around her, feeling the jackets in her surroundings, and figured she was standing in a closet, only she seemed shorter than she was. Amaya looked down at her hands and found herself looking at children's hands. Her hands. When she was younger. Swallowing a lump in her throat, Amaya peered through the cracks on the door, and her shoulders tensed at the image beyond her.
Her father lay on the ground. His eyes looked up blankly, trails of blood falling from his eyes, nose, ears, and mouth. And she felt herself choke on a scream as she saw his hands. Detached from his body in a clean magical cut, still fuming from the spell an odd color of lavender that clashed with the rosy, bloody color of his flesh. They'd been slashed off—the punishment for thieves.
The doors of the closet burst open and Amaya felt herself falling. Only she didn't fall to the floor, and instead someone yanked her up by her hair, causing her to scream.
The person who grabbed her forced her to look up at them, and her mother smiled cruelly at her, trails of tears on her cheeks, her eyes bloodshot. Just like they were the day her father died.
"My sweet little killer," she sang, tightening her hold on Amaya's hair and causing her to whimper. "Do you know the punishment for a killer?"
"Mami, lo siento, perdóname—"
"Tu corazón, mi hija," she hissed, "That's the punishment for a murderer—"
Amaya screamed as her mother shoved a hand through her chest, tearing through skin and bones, the noise sickening, the smell of blood nauseating. And then Amaya could feel her mother holding her heart, squeezing it painfully.
"Perdóname—" Amaya begged, but her mother only smiled.
"Ya no hay perdón para ti, mi pequeña asesina." And then she twisted her heart, making Amaya cry out just before she ripped it from her chest—
Amaya woke up with a gasp, someone shaking her shoulders.
She was still in the bathtub, the bubbles were scarce now, and the water was cold, freezing really—she was sure her magic had acted out. Blinking up, her bottom lip quivering, Amaya saw Sirius looking worriedly down at her.
"Come on, let's get you out of here," he said gently, helping her to stand and step off the bathtub.
Amaya didn't care that she was naked, she didn't care that Sirius was seeing her like this. He didn't seem to care either, not paying a second of notice to her body as he rushed to grab her a fluffy towel, and wrapped it around her.
He grabbed his wand and pointed it at her. Amaya subconsciously flinched. Sirius's brows furrowed, his eyes swimming with understanding. "I just want to cast a Warming Charm, love, you're freezing. May I?"
Swallowing a lump in her throat, Amaya nodded and soon she felt a wave of heat swarm through her body and Sirius threw his wand aside, just as Ninny popped in the bathroom with a pile of clothes, looking worriedly between them.
She passed Amaya the clothes. "Ninny was washing Miss Maya's pyjamas. Ninny wants Miss Maya well." She turned to Sirius. "Master Siri needs to get out so Miss Maya can dress."
Despite his amusement, Sirius only sent her a questioning look, and when Amaya nodded, he went to leave the room saying over his shoulder, "I'll be right outside, love, you're safe."
Instead of leaving like before, Ninny seemed to pick up on Amaya's unease at staying alone so she merely turned on her feet, and stayed with her back to Amaya as she dressed in the warm clothes Ninny had washed for her—a t-shirt, underwear and some shorts.
Then she left the bathroom in Ninny's wake, her arms wrapped around herself and looking at Sirius sitting on her bed waiting for her. Without a word, she headed for bed, slipping inside the covers.
"Should Miss Maya need anything, Miss Maya must call Ninny," said the house-elf before disappearing.
Sirius looked at her, eyes understanding. "Should I go, too?"
Amaya briskly shook her head, not wanting to admit she was terrified of being alone, but also not wanting him to go. He only smiled and stayed.
A moment of silence passed between them and Amaya couldn't help but ask, "Where's James?"
Sirius' eyes softened. "He's with his parents explaining what happened to the Order. He wanted to stay here, but it's better if it's him going, better than a Black at least."
"Oh." Amaya hugged her pillow. "And the others? Lily was hurt—"
"She's perfectly fine, love," Sirius assured her. "You're a wonderful healer, she says she doesn't feel anything. Remus took the girls home while—"
Amaya frowned when he stopped talking as if regretting mentioning that night. "Just tell me."
He sighed. "He took them home whilst I was trying to get the Order to hurry and oversee the bodies. When James was with you." He gave her a tight smile. "Now, Remus went to check and see if Peter got home safe. And I'm in charge of staying with you. I know I'm not James, and if you ask me I'm better than the arsehole, but if you want I can get him—"
"No. You can't tell him," Amaya said, her voice bordering on terrified. But he couldn't see her like this. She was a wreck. She was pathetic. "Please, Sirius, I don't want to be his burden."
He narrowed his eyes. "And you're alright with being my burden?"
"No. You're right. You can go—"
"I'm jesting, love. I know what it's like to have nightmares, to flinch at the sight of a wand." He shrugged. "I'll stay as long as you need me."
And before she could even answer he shifted into Padfoot. It was her first time seeing one of them turn Animagus, and seeing Sirius in his big dog form, with his black fur, and puppy eyes, gave her some sort of comfort, he couldn't be further from her father's form. Padfoot settled at the feet of her bed, the heat of his body warming her legs and making sure she was safe.
And then Amaya fell asleep again, and even though the nightmares were still present they weren't heart-wrenching.
The next morning Amaya woke up with the sun. Her limbs felt stiff, her throat was scratchy and she could feel the puffiness in her eyes from crying, but she took a deep breath and went on with her life. There was nothing she could do about what happened. It was done. So all she could do was focus on her task and let her mind punish her with nightmares.
She sat up on the bed and found Sirius, still as Padfoot, sleeping at her feet. Her lips twitched up and she reached a hand to him, scratching him behind the ears and he blinked up at her. "I'm going out for a run, amor. Wanna join me?"
With a whine in agreement, Sirius jumped from the bed and slipped out of her room. And though she felt her heart skip momentarily at the prospect of being alone, Amaya pushed through it and quickly got ready. And just as she finished putting on her shoes, there was a knock at the door and she found Sirius (in human form) ready.
They went down to the kitchen and grabbed something to eat, but not before they found Fleamont and Euphemia in the dining room already awake and talking in grave tones. They went silent at their arrival.
In one second, Euphemia jumped off her chair and rushed over to Amaya, smothering her in a hug that almost made Amaya sob right there in her arms. She'd cried enough already, so she merely hugged the woman back.
"Oh, darling," Euphemia said worried, like a mother would be. "You're such a brave girl, Amaya."
"My sweet little killer—" Amaya pushed her own mother's voice away, and pulled away from the woman hugging her, a frown on her face. "You're not mad?"
"Mad?" It was Fleamont who spoke, standing up as he came to where they were. "Amaya, you saved those girls, you did what you had to do—"
Amaya's lip trembled and she felt Sirius' hand land on her shoulder. "I killed them—"
"You survived, darling," Euphemia said gently. "They were after you—"
"But we can talk about it later," Fleamont said with a kind smile, and Euphemia nodded with a sniff. "If you need anything let us know, Amaya."
She nodded shakily and she and Sirius slipped out of the house. Their run was quiet. Amaya could feel the turmoil within Sirius as well as hers, so they just ran in silence, letting their bodies grow exhausted, running from their problems and wishing them all away as they breathed in the crisp air of the morning, even with the slight rain.
Sirius only smiled when she stopped by the tree house and climbed on top and they sat there for what felt like hours. Not exactly talking but letting the whispers of rain wash away their unease. Though at some point, Sirius did conjure a couple of cigarettes and passed her one. Amaya lit hers with a blink and took a long drag, before breathing it out.
"How did you find this place?" asked Sirius.
"I just did, I guess."
"We tried to build this tree house the summer after Second Year at Hogwarts. Never finished it."
"Was it not supposed to be just a platform?"
Sirius snorted. "It started as a replica of Hogwarts actually."
"What happened then?"
"Not enough magic. We did this the muggle way, you know?"
"Believe me. You can tell." She smiled for what felt like the first time when Sirius let out a laugh. "It's one of my favorite places," she admitted quietly and they fell silent again.
By the time they went back, James and Remus were already awake. Because of the attack at the flat, Fleamont and Euphemia had insisted they stay with them at the Manor, that way they could be safe, and they didn't refuse (not that they were allowed to, the flat was still under Order surveillance).
The moment they got home her eyes had met James', it wasn't hard to find him really, especially when she wanted to. But the moment she met his eyes, she saw something in them that scared her away, and whatever it was she saw, he was better off away from her. So she'd tightly smiled before disappearing into her room to shower.
And then when she was done, she locked herself up in the library, ignoring the knocks, and burying herself in her research, thankful for Ninny who barely left her side as she pretended to be cleaning every single book in the library and making sure to keep her fed.
By the end of the day she'd gone to bed, after wishing Euphemia and Fleamont goodnight and restraining herself from asking where the boys were, but before she could walk to her room she saw James leaving his, and when he saw her he took a step forward, as if he wanted to hug her but stopped in his tracks.
"I thought we were in this together," he whispered as he stood in the hallway, his eyes worried. "I could've helped with the research, Maya—"
"It's fine. I can do it on my own—"
"But you don't have to—"
"Good night, James," she cut him off and he sighed.
Running a hand through his hair with a frustrated breath he nodded. "Alright. Whatever you'd like. But if you need me—"
"I know."
He clenched his jaw, his shoulders slumping. "Good night, Maya."
And she'd slipped into her room. That night the nightmares rushed back as soon as she fell asleep, and she woke up in the middle of the night crying, surprised to see Padfoot nudging her hand with his snout as he stood next to her bed.
"I'm sorry," Amaya whispered and he merely tilted his head before jumping on top of the bed and laying down at her feet again.
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author's note:
(quick question pls answer, I need to decide something)
should I take off the 'mature' on this story and just let the warnings I wrote in the intro? or both? I feel like when the story is 'mature' people think of smut and that's not what the story is...