The next few days were hard. Just getting up and making it through the day was tougher than it should have been. Everybody knew something was up, but nobody dared to ask. It was too awkward to talk with Zoro right now, and it wasn't like anybody else knew what just went down, so I was kind of lost in a daze where I couldn't vent to anyone. I knew it wouldn't be that way with Zoro forever. We would get over the hump that was being friends again. But not having a single soul to vent to made these feelings pretty much torture. I wanted to feel normal again.
And don't get me started about Luffy. I couldn't even look at him. I felt like I cheated on him, even though we weren't even together. Hell, he hadn't even admitted feelings to me. And I haven't admitted it to him either. That being said, he could tell something was up as I was avoiding eye contact way more than usual. I knew it was bugging him. Mainly because he screamed about it to the heavens.
"Damn Misaki. You won't even look at me when I steal your food! Stop it!" Obviously, he said that after I ignored him eating half my plate.
I couldn't help it though. I couldn't even bare to wear the scarlet scarf he gave me.
It wasn't until the 5th night that he finally broke the silence between us. And by that, I mean it was his turn for night shift and when I didn't show up to talk with him, he made it clear we needed to talk.
He burst into the girls' room, receiving a conk from Nami, before grabbing me by the wrist and pulling me up to the deck.
"What did I do?" He said, exasperated.
"You?!"
"Yes, what did I do? Why won't you look at me? Why won't you talk to me? Why aren't you wearing the scarf I gave you?. What did I do!?!?"
"Oh, Luffy, you didn't do anything." I said, shaking my head.
"Then what do I need to do to make it better?"
I pursed my lips. I need to talk but...
"I need you not to get mad at me."
"Oh... ok..." he said, now wary of what may come next.
"Luffy...." I sighed. How do I start this? "What are some of your biggest fears?"
"That's easy. There is only one." He said, frankly. "Losing someone I care about."
"Ok, I have a few. One being that I'm afraid to mess up, and I'm afraid that one mess up would mess everything up."
"Ok.... So then... what did you do?" He said, raising his eyebrows. Now he is intuitive. Great.
"I uhm. I kissed Zoro." I said. There it was. Out in the open. Shit wait "But we stopped it and don't plan to ever again." I added.
Luffy sat back against the railing of the Sunny and looked calmly into the sky, contemplating what he just heard. His eyebrows were raised ever so slightly. He did not expect that as an answer, but Nami had said something about not taking too long - whatever that meant.
"Why would that keep you from looking at me or talking to me?" Luffy finally said, bringing his gaze back to me.
"I just.. felt.. guilty..." I stammered. "I didn't want you to be mad at either of us."
"Hm" he looked back up at the sky. He did feel some type of way about it, but he didn't think mad was the right word.
"Luffy?"
"I don't want you guys to kiss" he said calmly.
"O- ok"
A deep silence washed over us. I didn't know what to think. He was so calm. Yet he had no problem being matter of fact about the subject. And, of course, he wasn't going to go in depth on the 'why' aspect or else he would have to admit to deeper feelings. But still, this was different for sure. And I certainly was not going to press it.
The silence was deafening. I looked down at the ground and clasped my hands together, twiddling my thumbs. He was very clear in his last statement. I can't tell if he is mad or if he just can't think of anything else to say. Just when I thought about excusing myself, Luffy spoke up again.
"Didn't you say you had a few fears?" He asked.
"Oh. Yes. The next one is the same as you. Losing a friend."
"And?"
"The last one is my darkest fear."
"Which is?"
"I am terrified of being alone when I die."
"Dayum Misaki, that is dark."
"Haha, well it's a fear, after all. They aren't going to be sunshine and rainbows."
"Fair."
We chatted for a little longer before I started to get drowsy. I could feel my lids getting heavier as we talked. Luffy reached over and pulled me over to him as I rubbed my face.
"Do you wanna sit with me on the captain's seat?" He asked, referring to the lion head. It was the figurehead to the Sunny, and Luffy's "special seat."
"Sure" I yawned. He then picked me up like a baby doll, and I grasped around the back of his neck, realizing that I needed to hang on.
And with that, he lept into the air and onto the Sunny's figurehead. It was way roomier than I thought it would be up there.
"And here we are." He said, smiling.
"I feel honored." I said softly, still holding him around the neck. He knelt down and sat crisscrossed so he could keep holding me comfortably. I nestled into his chest a little before he took in a breath.
"You gotta look at the stars, Misaki."
"Hm?" I looked up, and looked at the beautiful stars and galaxies in the sky. There was too much light pollution in my reality to enjoy something beautiful like that.
I felt my eyes wander back to Luffy. I watched him gaze up at the sky happily. My eyes drew to his jawline and drifted down his neck and then back up into his eyes. Luffy glanced back at me, our eyes meeting as he realized I wasn't looking up anymore. He chuckled when I quickly glanced away.
He then lifted me up and set me on the Sunny next to him, much to my dismay, but I refused to let go around his neck. He snickered and laid back, pulling me down with him. He put his arm around my shoulders in a way that supported me so I was still comfortable and used the other to prop his own head up.
"You're funny Misaki." he said, grinning.
Maybe I am. But I don't want to let go of this feeling. This feeling sent me on such a high. He nestled into me a little bit, making my heart hammer against my chest. This overwhelming feeling kept trying to spill out, and it had nowhere to go.
I squeezed him tighter, then stretched up and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
I could feel Luffy smiling in response. No words, just a big, brilliant smile. I nestled back into the crook of his neck, my heart absolutely soaring over just one little peck on the cheek.
I now knew what Zoro meant. I liked Zoro... a lot. But it was nothing like how I felt toward Luffy. Because I was absolutely, head over heels, hopelessly in love with him.