(Sebastian Sallow x Ominis Gaunt)
The stars tilted and twirled around spark wrapped flames that pitched across the sky in beautiful chaos. Charmed fireworks whistled and fizzed through the black before pounding and popping brilliantly into oblivion leaving the shimmering colors and sparks to gently whisper to the ground.
The quidditch pitch outside of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had been littered with blankets and pillows of all shapes and shades, drug out by excited students and nestled within the grass for optimal viewing of such a show. The snow had been charmed to melt away and leave the brightest green blades fit for a summer's night, the dirt below a comfortable steady warmth as to fight away the nip of winter. A few of the kitchen elves had happily brought along steaming mugs of hot cocoa and baskets of sweets, tucking them under the arms of unsuspecting students who had all smiled widely and nodded their thanks.
Sebastian Sallow had chosen the farthest spot from all the others, nestled under one of the Gryffindor towers draped in brilliant red and gold banners. He'd lugged along his sizable pillow and propped it against the wall, reveling in the cool bite of the wood beneath that hadn't been charmed to heat as the ground had. His shivering body had longed to sink against the grass and roll among the warmth, but he'd refused the comfort as long as possible until his teeth had begun to chatter and the annoying sound had drowned out the booming fireworks. Peeved, he'd pulled the tattered green knit blanket from within his pillowcase and gently wrapped it around his shoulders.
The smell of her pulling tight over his chest.
It had been nearly a year since Anne had passed and time had done little to heal the open wound within his heart. His hands still shook during class, his wand never truly responding as it should. His eyes had been ceaselessly red and puffy for so long now that he was entirely impartial to the idea of them ever returning to 'normal'. His hair had grown far past the length she had liked but he hadn't the strength to let anyone near it with a good pair of sheers.
That had always been her self appointed job.
His confidence had seemed to whisper away too, replaced instead with gnawing, stabbing guilt and crushing fears. One of the most frequent had pressed itself between his ribs all those months ago, suffocating him from the inside.
He was terrified to forget her smell.
Though the idea of longing for the scent of someone sounded incredibly ridiculous out loud, he couldn't help but fear losing that simple part of her too. It was one of the last bits of proof he had left that she had truly existed at all. The world had seemed intent on forgetting her ever since the moment her last breath brushed her lips and that was something surely Sebastian would never allow to happen.
So he kept what little he could of hers tucked in small boxes or locked drawers as if to hold the scent hostage, to lock her existence within each thread for as long as possible.
Tonight, he'd made an exception.
Her blanket had draped over the foot of her bed every night since the pair of them were young and Sebastian had always been jealous of it. Anne had received the handmade gift from the Feldcroft shopkeep for Christmas one year, its thick wool yarn bold and green and beautiful. It was perhaps the first time he'd ever truly found a color to be 'beautiful' at all. This was possibly the reason for his obsession in the first place, though he couldn't be entirely sure. The shopkeep hadn't forgotten a gift for him, but instead of a lustrous throw, he'd received a wand polishing kit he was surely too young to put to use. Anne had treasured the blanket, having partly realized her brother's fascination and using it to her advantage as often as she could, trading Sebastian a night with the blanket for a weeks worth of chores. He would have done anything to own the blanket for himself.
Now that Sebastian did however, he would do anything to give it back.
A few students to his right whooped loudly as a rather bright red firework wizzed in a circle so quickly, the edges had sparked farther than they should have and singed the edge of their blanket.
Sebastian tugged his blanket tighter and eyed the fireworks cautiously. He would sooner burn his skin than allow the dreadful sparks to burn away this part of his sister.
Sebastian hadn't been entirely keen on joining the others out to the pitch anyway but something lonely had pinched his lungs and pulled him outside. Perhaps he had needed the stars tonight.
New Years Eve, or was it perhaps New Years Day already? He wasn't sure.
The students surrounding him had all stayed at the school for the holiday break, having home lives that hadn't condoned for their return. There were the usual witches and wizards whose wealthy families often traveled to exotic places or whose parents held esteemed jobs to which children and holidays were of little importance. There were a handful of students who preferred school to home who spent their break with their noses crammed in books and fingers stained with ink. And then there were the students who had nothing home to return to at all.
That's exactly where Sebastian belonged.
Alone.
Since Solomon's death and Anne's shortly after, Sebastian had lived between the walls of solitude and depression, bones crushed and hollowed by the pressure.
Even Ominis Gaunt, his usual shadow, had ripped the seams and threads of their relationship and tore himself from Sebastian. He only ever found him now lingering in the places they used to roam together.
Of course, he deserved it though didn't he? The pain. Sebastian often thought this on the worst of nights, fingers fisted in his sweat stained bedsheets after a particularly brutal nightmare. He had killed his uncle, he had failed to find a cure for Anne, he hadn't even been with her when-
A young brown haired Ravenclaw girl grumbled loudly a few paces away.
"Oi! Douse that light mate! We can't see-" The last word died on her tongue, the girl immediately uttering quieter apologies as the subject of her original disdain pressed forward, only pausing just ahead of him.
Sebastian didn't need to look down from the stars to know it was Ominis.
He could tell by the way his skin prickled gently.
"Would it trouble you to keep me company?" Ominis' words drifted delicately down to Sebastian's ears, the dulcet timbre of his voice wrapping just behind his neck.
Of course not.
"Suppose not?"
Sebastian's heart thumped tiredly below his ribs, a desperate plea for a life it had once known but far too mutilated to beat properly.
Ominis paused where he stood, boots stiff to the earth as if it had still been frozen.
Perhaps he hadn't heard him clearly. Sebastian dragged his eyes down from the flashes of the scintillating fireworks and focused on his breathing as it threatened to thieve away all the air in his lungs.
The sight of Ominis however, did exactly that anyway.
The boy had combed his hair back neatly as he so routinely did and was fitted perfectly within a button down shirt, an emerald green sweater with a single silver stripe stitched along the neckline, checkered black trousers, a long black coat and the thickest green striped scarf wound twice around his neck. The light from his wand kissed his cheek bones and brushed over his eyelashes, tangling in the pale eyes beneath. His nose and lips had always been lovely but more so tonight it seemed. Even his pale eyes glinted gently in the starlight.
Ominis Gaunt had always been a sort of intrigue for Sebastian.
Growing up, he had been entirely jealous of the ease at which his friend could put himself together and the perfectness of his entire temperament. He had always eyed the intricate details embroidered within his uniform and pined after the way his clothes always appeared perfectly pressed against his figure. There were times as a child where Sebastian would 'borrow' a particular sweater from Ominis' trunk and wear it around to classes, running covetous fingers along the knitted wool between lessons. On more than one occasion, Ominis would notice something was missing and ask Sebastian if he had seen it. The brown haired thief would simply respond with a quick thought lie about the house elves taking extra long to wash a few articles of his own clothing and would slip the sweater in question back within the trunk later that night.
Sebastian would always return Ominis' things.
Except for the one time he didn't.
Though Sebastian would never tell anyone about the sweater still folded neatly in the dresser aside his school bed.
That was his secret to keep.
Ominis now wore a similar sweater and for a moment, Sebastian's heart stopped, worrying his secret had been stolen back. His sweater however, didn't have the simple silver stripe and Sebastian let out a quiet breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
The blonde boy remained standing.
"As much as I love the light of your eyes Ominis, I'd much rather look at that of the fireworks behind your head."
He couldn't help it, the teasing was easy with him. It always had been.
And somehow still was.
Sebastian could have sworn he saw a subtle flush across Ominis' nose but without the illumination of the sky above, it was nearly impossible to tell for sure.
"I- er..." Ominis shifted his weight, placing his wand into his opposite hand and dousing the light before stretching his now empty fingers towards Sebastian.
Sebastian needed little more to realize what was being asked of him, for how many times had he slipped his calloused fingers against the smooth palm of his friend's to lead him to the nearest chair in class or help him gracefully to the floor during their Undercroft study sessions. He'd always let their skin linger a little longer together, excusing the touch for extra certainty that his friend had found his balance. Of course his skin would be perfect too.
This time was no different.
As Ominis lowered the last of his bones into place aside him, Sebastian tried not to pay any mind to the way his own hands had started shaking and quickly fumbled them back into his lap.
"Why are you here Ominis?"
Sebastian regretted the question as soon as he had let it out, having intended it as a lighthearted inquiry as to why he was attending a very visual celebration at all when he'd never liked them before, but it had instead dug deep at the edge of his tongue and scraped up far deeper connotations.
He could tell Ominis felt them too by the way his lips pulled tight.
These were the first words the two had exchanged in months and Sebastian's tongue felt oddly numb as he spoke. A muscle memory nearly lost to the chill of dormancy. Sebastian cursed his stupid mouth and its disconnect from his brain, terrified his ragged words would snip the smallest shred of their friendship that may still be left within Ominis.
A rather large explosion jolted the two boys, the boom reverberating through their chests as flitting purple sparks twirled dangerously close to their heads. Sebastian pulled the blanket from his shoulders and wound it into a ball beneath his arms, shielding it from the flames.
"Suppose I was hoping to spend new year with an old friend."
Sebastian didn't let his mind dwell on whether Ominis was referring to this specific day as "new year" or perhaps truly meant the entire new year, though he desperately hoped for the latter.
He missed Ominis.
The two sat silently among the chaos and the stars, un-whispered words dancing behind their lips. The chill of the air began to settle in further as the night dipped deeper, the nip of the breeze biting into his bones and numbing his fingertips.
Somehow still, the fireworks boomed on and the students below snuggled deeper under their blankets. A quiet chattering from Sebastian's right edged between the cracks and explosions, daring him to look over past the imaginary wall he'd tossed up towards his blonde companion.
Ominis was curled in on himself, shivering beneath his coat that he'd pulled tight around his body, arms wrapped over his knees. His scarf had been tugged higher against his neck and now pressed up the bottom half of his face, hugging his lips and leaving a rather red nose exposed to the stars. The tips of Ominis' ears had also turned a bright shade of scarlet, the color cresting at the tips, dipping down the edges and disappearing below the scarf.
Sebastian traced the color with his eyes, following it across the top of his cheekbone and beneath the moles and freckles he knew too well.
When they were younger, Sebastian and Ominis had often shared the floor in front of the Sallow home fireplace on nights Ominis would sleep over. Ominis had always been especially adept at sleeping anywhere and would almost always fall asleep first, leaving Sebastian's eyes to wander over the peace of his friend's features. Even mussed with sleep, Ominis' hair appeared imperfectly perfect, his eyebrows arched just so, his eyelashes long and curled against his skin. And perhaps Sebastian's favorite of all were the moles on his left cheek that often reminded him of a constellation. He could vividly remember the urge to lift a finger and trace the lines between each, to let the warmth of his skin drag gently over Ominis' porcelain cheek.
But he'd always stopped himself, feeling incredibly guilty and odd.
One night, the urge had been so strong he'd eventually pulled himself from the blankets and padded over to his school bag. If he couldn't touch Ominis, he would settle for a good bit of fun. He carefully penned ink between each mole, the cheek below turning a slight shade of pink as he worked. Once he had connected the last star, he added a swirling mustache for good measure and had fallen asleep feeling particularly clever and a bit tingly. He'd woken to a whirlwind of a sister who found the entire thing less than humorous. Ominis had seemed impartial.
A gentle tilt of his lips upward brought an entire wave of emotions through his ribs and his nose began to burn.
How was it that this boy could bring such brightened thoughts to his darkened mind without so much as a single uttered word?
Ominis had always been good at that.
"What are you staring at?"
Ominis had also always been dreadfully good at catching Sebastian's gaze. In more ways than one.
Sebastian's head snapped back center, eyes on a patch of grass ahead rather than the sky above.
"You're bloody loud when you're cold. Insufferable honestly."
Ominis tilted his nose in Sebastian's direction.
"Oh do pardon the sound of my suffering."
Sebastian's lips tilted higher.
He had missed this easy banter between the two of them.
"Here."
Ever so careful, Sebastian unrolled the blanket once more from beneath his arms and curled it around his friend's shoulder, letting his fingers brush over his arm as he brought his frozen hand back to his lap.
Ominis immediately settled in but his eyebrows furrowed.
"What about you?"
"Eh?"
"Are you not chilled?"
A shiver spread down his spine as if to answer for him.
"I've got another blanket."
Ominis frowned. "You're a dreadful liar Sebastian."
He scoffed. "And you're a dreadful blind man. Are you sure you can't see?" He waved a hand in front of his friend's face for show, wildly enough that the air would brush over his face.
Ominis' lips curved up ever so quietly and Sebastian's heart frisked softly.
The feeling in his chest only intensified as Ominis shuffled closer and lifted his left arm to pull the blanket around them both.
"There." He hummed. "Better?"
Sebastian most definitely wasn't cold anymore.
Words seemed impossible. "Mmhm."
Firework after firework danced across the sky, a ballet of fizzing, scorching colors, but even the hottest of sparks was nothing in comparison to the way Sebastian's skin burned beneath the blanket. The show above little more than background noise to the chaos within.
His lonely heart galloped in his chest, pounding at his ribs and Sebastian worried Ominis would be able to hear it. A familiar comfort seated warm in his gut and for the first time in a long time, Sebastian began to imagine what the future might look like.
If he managed not to frighten Ominis off tonight, maybe a small part of him would be able to forgive the terrible things he had done, though Merlin knew he didn't deserve it. Perhaps in some small way, Sebastian would be able to make it up to him. To show him how truly and deeply their souls had always been connected and how his had cracked right along with his heart when he realized the extent of the damage done.
He'd always been driven by love and a desperate desire to hold in the terror of a life less kind so that it couldn't touch others as it had touched him.
He had always believed in brighter days if only he could learn to command the dark.
That was, until he'd lost Anne.
Twice.
And then he went and ruined the only other family he had left in partiality for isolation and the cold knife of depression through his chest.
He never truly saw his heart healing from that.
But perhaps it didn't need to heal completely, maybe it just needed to be held together by steady hands.
It felt unfair to hope for that from Ominis. He'd been with him through everything and Sebastian had taken him for granted, tossed aside and torn apart by the good he thought he was doing and the bad that slept in its place.
"Sebastian."
Ominis' cool voice sent another shiver down his spine though his skin still felt hot... and hotter still at his hands.
Ominis' fingers were rested over his own,
his brows pulled together and the familiar crease in the center of his forehead peeking from beneath a loose strand of hair.
"You're shaking."
Sebastian could feel the tremble of his bottom lip now, the desperate shake of his body and he gasped for the air to tell Ominis that he was alright.
But he wasn't.
And he couldn't breathe
and he couldn't speak
and damn it all, he especially couldn't do either of those things with Ominis' hands on his.
Sebastian pinched his eyes shut tight, desperately trying to focus on his breathing as he often did when similar bouts like these would send him spiraling. Those though, had all been within the shadows of his bed at night or had given him enough of a warning to dart into a broom closet where no one near could see him.
Granted, no one near could see him now either.
He almost laughed at the terrible thought but that too caught in his throat, the sound coming out garbled and hollow.
"What can I do?" Ominis pleaded, his voice strained as the smooth skin of his thumb began to drag back and forth across Sebastian's wrist.
Sebastian hummed involuntarily but immediately cursed his traitorous mouth.
Ominis listened, pressing his thumb a little harder against his skin and continuing the motions.
And the two stayed just like that, letting Sebastian's lungs slowly fill with air until finally his chest loosened enough for a shaky deep breath in
and out
and in
and out
and in
and out.
Sebastian couldn't be sure how long that lasted, but he knew it had been long enough to settle back into his body and the shaking to stop.
And yet, Ominis still held his hand, brushing his thumb back and forth
back and forth
back and forth.
Sebastian's nose burned again and a prickle tapped the edges of his eyes as he watched the boy he didn't deserve care for him despite it all.
"Why?" The word came out a cracked whisper but Sebastian didn't wish to take it back. Instead, he willed his heart hesitantly forward but forward all the same.
He wasn't sure the answer he exactly wished to hear, nor was he sure entirely what he was asking, only that some small (or perhaps rather large) part of him hoped Ominis might also feel the tug in his chest.
Ominis' thumb reversed to small circles now against Sebastian's palm, only hesitating a moment as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and took a shaky breath in through his nose before speaking.
"I- I'm... fond of you."
Sebastian's brows tugged inward. "You're fond of me?"
"Yes."
Sebastian's heart dropped to his stomach. Whatever hope he'd been wishing for crumbling in his gut. Surely 'fond' was as platonic a word as they came, no tug within to pull at something deeper. Whatever that may be.
Sebastian willed his stupid brain to countermand his double-crossing heart and hold tight to what little friendship Ominis seemed to be offering at all.
"Oh."
"Oh?"
"Yes, oh."
Ominis frowned to the ground. "Should I not be fond of you?"
Sebastian traced his thumb along the ridges in the blanket that had wiggled its way into his other hand. "I suppose I ought to prefer that over nothing."
"...But you don't?"
"Don't what?"
Ominis grumbled. "Prefer I be fond of you Sebastian."
Sebastian tugged at the collar of his shirt, suddenly finding it much too tight.
"I haven't much of a preference at all truthfully."
Ominis scoffed. "You? Sebastian bloody Sallow, have positively no preference on something." Another sniffed laugh. "That would be the day."
Sebastian wanted to quip back but he bit his tongue, worried it too might betray him.
Ominis' jaw clenched, his thumb paused, his nostrils flared once and the crease between his eyebrows deepened.
"What do you want me to say Sebastian?" His voice a whisper.
Sebastian held his breath, terrified to say the wrong thing and shatter the fine line they were walking on.
He couldn't lose this boy.
Not again.
Not ever again.
Ominis had given him a chance by finding him tonight and Sebastian wouldn't let his crippled heart ruin that in its entirety.
He would have Ominis Gaunt as a friend or nothing at all.
And surely not having him at all would kill him.
"Well?"
Sebastian shook his head, blinking rapidly as the world billowed behind watery eyes.
Ominis' chest lifted quickly but he still spoke in hushed tones.
"Damn you Sebastian." His lip curled into a snarl and Sebastian noticed for the first time the extra glister in his pale eyes as a single tear streaked across his cheek. "Damn you for making me- for making me feel like this even when I wanted to hate you. Even when I did hate you!"
The burn dripped down the back of his throat and his own tears spilled over.
Ominis lifted his hands suddenly from Sebastian's and began to stand, the cold air piling swiftly into the space as the blanket tumbled from their shoulders.
"Wait."
"Piss off."
"Wait, Ominis-" Sebastian caught his wrists and tugged him back down, his heart thumping in his ears. "-making you what?"
"For making me love you!"
And somehow within the moments of those five little words, the stars and fireworks had abandoned their spot in the sky and instead now sparked across his skin.
Ominis' face was so close to his now, his breathe chasing the freckles over his nose and dipping below his neck.
"FIVE!"
The students behind them cheered, but neither boy dared move, their chests heaving and hearts spilling years of pain and passioned poison between them.
"FOUR!"
The cacophony of fireworks somehow louder than they had been all night, pounding like drums against their ribs though Sebastian's heartbeat rivaled it all.
"THREE!"
Ominis' bottom lip trembled and Sebastian regarded it with anguished eyes.
"TWO!"
Sebastian's lips crashed firmly to Ominis'.
"ONE!"
Two souls bound by one heart at last.
"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
Anne's blanket lay peacefully against the warm earth - bold and green and beautiful, framing the two broken hearts held together by the shape of each other.
Ominis' pale eyes blinked lazily as the two broke for air but their lips still brushed, their hearts still pounding and each of their arms wound around the other.
Sebastian's right palm pressed gently against Ominis' left cheek, finally touching the stars and constellation on his skin.
Perhaps it truly was the stars he needed that night and all the nights to come.