This is based on the song Uncomplicated By RØRY might be a good idea to listen to the song as you read this.
_______
Now Its another damn day and another diagnosis. Alex stood in the kitchen of his house, staring at the ceiling. "Fuck!" He yelled, punching a wall.
Zack had just walked into the house, staring at Alex "Lex? What it is?" Zack questioned, giving Alex a little bit of space to calm down.
Alex sighed as his frustration mounted higher and higher. He slammed his foot against the cabinet, sending a crash through the room. Zack jumped back in surprise and his eyes widened as he watched Alex's destructive tirade. He seemed concerned, but Alex pushed himself away from the cabinet before turning to face Zack's gaze.
"I'm sick of hearing how everything I do is wrong," Alex shouted, letting all the built up anger spill out of his mouth, "it's like they're all just searching for some kind of reason to criticize every little thing I do!"
Zack walks over to Alex "Lex" He said sighing. "You have a doctor's appointment in an hour," Zack said sighing.
Alex groaned and rolled his eyes, "not another one! I swear, I spend more time with doctors than I do with normal people. The last three doctors didn't help me at all. What's the point of wasting my time with a new one?"
"This doctor supports people with intermittent Explosive Disorder, and she wants to test you for ADHD" Zack explained.
Alex paused and sighed, "...fine, but I doubt they'll be any different from the last three. What are they gonna do, tell me to meditate more? Get some more fresh air? Maybe go see a psychologist?"
Zack looks at Alex "can I hug you?" He asks.
Alex raised an eyebrow in surprise, but slowly nodded his head, signaling for Zack to come in for the hug. Zack stepped forward and pulled Alex into a tight embrace, holding him close to his body as he let out a deep breath. Zack then patted Alex on the back, offering him some small comfort.
"If the doctor can diagnose you with ADHD she can prescribe you Ritalin," Zack said softly "if you're diagnosed, She can help you navigate around ADHD, ways to make it easier on a day to day bases"
Alex was silent for a few moments, his body relaxed in Zack's arms. He then looked up at his boyfriend with a soft smile on his face.
"I guess it'll be nice to finally know what's wrong with me," Alex said softly, "just don't give me too much hope. I don't need the disappointment of yet another failed diagnosis."
Zack chuckles softly and kissed Alex's nose. "Don't worry I won't give you too much hope" Zack said against Alex's forehead.
Alex laughed softly and nuzzled his head against Zack's chest, "you're such a dork."
Alex then glanced at the clock in the kitchen. He let out a deep breath and relaxed his shoulders, the stress of his day beginning to fade away.
"My appointment is in less than an hour," Alex said softly, "I should probably get ready instead of wasting time out here."
Zack smiles and lets go of Alex "go get ready babe, I'll come to the appointment with you" Zack said softly.
After 40 minutes, Alex returned his hair dripping with water and a hoodie on. "Let's go" Alex said, His manner changing to a slightly cheerful one than what it was earlier that day.
___
You get used to the pain when you get my kind of hopеless. Alex had another appointment, his doctor had results on his diagnosis, and wanted to discuss it with Alex in person.
The walk to the doctor's office felt longer than usual, as if the distance somehow had stretched. Alex was nervous about the results of his diagnosis, hoping that the last doctor had finally gotten it right.
A couple minutes later, he reached the office and entered though the front door. The receptionist smiled at him and greeted him by name, asking if he was here for his appointment with Dr Harper. Alex gave a short nod. "okay she's ready for you, Zack is in there too"
Alex raises an eyebrow but walks into the office, knocking first.
"Hello Alex," the doctor said. "So I have good news," The doctor said
Alex sat beside Zack, holding his hand quietly "Right?" He said
"You are officially diagnosed with ADHD," The doctor said
Alex let out a deep breath, relief washing over him as the doctor confirmed his suspicions. Zack squeezed his hand tightly, offering him support as they both accepted the diagnosis.
"So, Dr. Harper, what's the next step? Are you going to prescribe me medication?" Alex asked, looking up at the doctor with hope in his eyes. He had been looking for years for a solution to his struggles, and it seemed as if there was finally a light at the end of this tunnel.
"well that's what I wanted to talk to you about" she said softly "I can prescribe you Ritalin or Adderall for your ADHD" she explained. "but that would be up to you" She said
Alex remained silent for a few moments, weighing his options carefully. He knew that these were powerful medications and he didn't know how they would affect him.
"I'm open to trying Ritalin," Alex said softly, "I feel like I've reached a dead end and I'm willing to try anything that might help. What are the side effects?"
"Like most medication, the common side effects are headache, feeling aggressive, irritable, depressed, anxious or tense, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite which can lead to weight loss or poor weight gain, stomach ache
dry mouth, feeling or being sick" The doctor explained
Alex took a deep breath, absorbing all this information. "And you said there's two medications you can prescribe me, right? Are there any differences between those two?" he asked, taking mental notes as the doctor spoke.
"Unfortunately Both medications work in similar ways in the brain and have similar side effects. The primary difference is that Ritalin works quickly and reaches peak performance earlier than Adderall, which stays in the system longer"
Alex was silent for a few moments, pondering these two options. "Both have similar side effects..." he said, rubbing his forehead in frustration "That's not fun to hear. Is there an option to not take either medication if these are my choices?" he asked, hoping for an alternative.
"There is a choice that you don't take medication at all for ADHD, there's some natural stimulants that can help you feel a little bit more focused"
Alex perked up, a small smile spreading across his face. "Natural stimulants?" he asked, "what options are there for a natural stimulant that can keep me focused? I'd be interested in trying that instead of going straight to medication.
"so it's been proven that caffeine such as coffee and energy drinks can help stimulate the brain to help you focus"
Alex's expression brightened even further. "So all I have to do is drink a cup of coffee and that will help me focus?" he asked, clearly elated at this prospect.
Dr. Harper chuckled softly. "Well, it's a bit more complicated than that, but essentially yes, consuming caffeine can act as a stimulant and help you focus. However it's important to note that there can be negative consequences if you consume too much caffeine, so you still have to be careful," she explained.
Dr. Harper nodded her head. "It's certainly possible to only take your medication on days when you need to focus more, or when you're more overwhelmed. We can work out a plan that'll help you manage your ADHD without the need to take medication every day," she said.
Alex's face lit up at the prospect of only taking medication on specific days. "Really? That would be amazing!" he exclaimed excitedly, squeezing Zack's hand tightly.
"I should ask, are you on any medication for your anger issues, Alex? If so what are they?"
Alex paused for a moment, thinking back to the past few months and the combination of medications he's been prescribed. "I'm currently on a combination of antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications. But they haven't helped much with my anger issues," he said bluntly.
___
You drown in the weight of it all When you're down and there's nowhere to fall
Alex had been on Ritalin for a couple of weeks now, and it was helping a lot, he was a lot calmer, and he wasn't as impulsive.
Alex was feeling more and more like himself, no longer plagued by the constant struggle of dealing with his ADHD. He was able to focus, he felt less irritable and impatient, and he hadn't even had a single meltdown in the past few weeks.
It felt like a weight was being lifted off his shoulders, and he finally felt like he was getting the help he needed.
Zack had his head in the crook of Alex's neck nipping at it softly leaving soft trails along his neck before pulling away. "Have you given therapy any thought?" Zack asks
Alex let out a soft sigh, his body relaxing as Zack's lips grazed his neck. He closed his eyes and leaned against his boyfriend's body, letting his neck and shoulders relax from the tension of the past few years.
"I've thought about it," he said softly, opening his eyes and looking up at Zack. "But honestly, with the way things have been going this past month, do you think I need it?" he asked, "I mean, the medication is already doing wonders for me."
Zack leaned into Alex softly and kissed his lips "I understand that Lex" he said playing with Alex's hair softly, before laying down so his head was in Alex's hair. "What about writing your feelings into a song, I know you're extremely creative"
Alex let out a soft laugh, wrapping his arms around Zack's body and pulling him in for a kiss. As they kissed, he could feel Zack's hands running through his hair, sending an incredible sensation of peace through his body.
"You know, writing might not be a bad idea," he whispered, "I've always found writing to be so cathartic, being able to put my thoughts down on paper and release all the stress that's been pent up inside. I think that might just be what I need."
___
Alex was in the living room tapping his foot and humming softly as he sang the chorus of the newest song he'd wrote
"Now it's another damn day
And another diagnosis
You get used to the pain
When you get my kind of hopеless
You drown in the weight of it all
When you're down and there's nowhere to fall
And now Avril's on the radio
Takes me back to 15 years ago
Just a small-town kid with no regrets
'Cause I ain't dropped out of uni yet
And my brother is still in my life
Ain't lost nobody to suicide
Take me back I fuckin' hate it
Those days were uncomplicated"