Shravan should have seen it coming miles away...
And he had. He had seen it in the way the new guy had looked at her, the way their eyes had met, and how she had sat there still, just looking at him, the way he had held her hand in an attempt to pull her up from the ground...
And because he had seen it coming, Shravan had intervened, yes, he had. He had pushed the new guy away, had hovered over her himself and had pulled her up, had asked her if she had hurt herself by falling, fusing over her yet he had noticed how her gaze had lingered on the new guy, but he had paid it no mind. After all, even if they hadn't confessed, even if they hadn't said it out loud, they had known how they felt for each other, there was never a moment that they hadn't been aware of what the other person felt for them...
Everyone around them had suspected that he, Shravan Malhotra, and her, Suman Tiwari had been precious to each other since the day they met - when they had been just a few months old - the day Tiwari family had relocated to the hill station Malhotras had been living since past three generations.
The first indication that they were soulmates was the fact that they both were born on the same day and by default, they had celebrated their birthdays together ever since their mothers had found out about that fact. The second indication was that they were neighbors and that meant they were always together. They were each other's first friend, they had said their first words together and to each other. They had taken their first step together and towards each other. They had started preschool together, had fought their first bully together, had made the walkie-talkie from paper glass together and then they had hung it in between their windows which faced each other. They had exchanged their play toys and innocent curiosities with each other. They had been attached to the hip and never had stayed away from each other even during the summer holidays...
They were famous around their neighborhood for being true soulmates and they were told that they would marry each other before they even knew the meaning of the word. And when they had understood what marriage meant, at the age of five staying with each other forever was an absolute necessity. So they did agree that they would marry each other when the time came...
So, what and who could have separated them?
Apparently, puberty could have and it had...
They had started middle school together. And in between somewhere, puberty had hit them, changing their bodies and making them extra conscious, and suddenly they had been insecure and shy around each other yet together no matter what. And that's when it had happened; he had forgotten to block the view of his room with the curtains and she had seen his lanky body when he had just stepped out of the bathroom covered only in a towel. She in all her Sumo strength had screamed in horror as if she had seen a monster and then suddenly started to laugh while looking at him. He had always been thin and his tall frame had only worsened how thin he looked. Those days everyone had felt it necessary to talk about how he was all bones, made fun of him, calling him a khamba and whatnot. Sumo in all her Sumoness had always fought with others for him.
So why she was suddenly laughing in the same manner others laughed at him when they saw him?
That one act of hers had destroyed his fragile confidence and ego, had made him feel humiliated, and whatnot. That day, he had closed his side of the window and pulled together the curtains - something that had never happened before.
And his immature fourteen-year-old self had not cared when the very next day she had attempted to talk to him, had tried to apologize. Even if she had waited by her side of the window for days, weeks even. He hadn't been ready to face her, to talk to her, to tell her that it was okay, that he had been embarrassed and ashamed, had felt humiliated but he knew she wasn't being mean. It was after all Suman's habit to laugh in unexpected situations to reduce stress. It was something he had himself told her after doing detailed research on the matter when she had confessed that her parent's fights and yellings had made her laugh rather than cry. To her brain laughing at inappropriate times was a mechanism to regulate emotion, so he understood why it happened.
And when he had gathered the courage to reach out, she had been too angry at him to even look at his way. Two years had passed by like that, and even though the curtains of their side windows had kept them hidden from each other's eyesight, they still had kept tabs on each other. Suman had known he had made it into the middle school's football team and he had known that she had joined the book club. Then it just happened to be that he had matched his schedule with hers so she wouldn't have to walk home alone, not that she had ever found out, not that he had ever let her know that he had been walking behind her for years to make sure she reached home safe.
And then came high school, a new start, a new chapter of their life. And the season of spring had been right, just right for their reunion...
On the very first day of high school, with the spring in full bloom and with the streets covered in white and pink cherry flowers, Suman had come back into his life screaming her lungs out as she descended rapidly from the hill on her bicycle thanks to brake failure. He hadn't thought twice before jumping in between to break her fall and had wrapped his arms around her before she could have hurt herself even though that move of his had resulted in him having a bandage on his own hand...
"It's been a long time, Suman Tiwari," he had muttered while looking into her eyes.
"It's been a really long time, Shravan Malhotra," she had whispered back.
And that had been enough to pick up from where they had left without any awkwardness. Between them, there had been none...
They themselves hadn't realized how smoothly they had once again become part of each other's lives as if they had never left, and they hadn't. They had always been part of each other's lives even though they hadn't muttered a single word to each other in the past two years...
At sixteen, he no longer cared if she had screamed after catching a glimpse of his lanky body because he had been working hard to put on some muscle mass, playing football had helped a lot too. And she had never attempted to bring that up again, not even to apologize even though she had wanted to...
It wasn't smooth at first, things had indeed been a little clumsy between them on the next day of the accident, but having had enough of their separation, Sharavn had taken the first step: the very next day after saving her, with his hand covered in a bandage, he had waited for her, peaking through the bushes between their home and just when she had stepped out of home, he had made his way to out of home too to make sure she would see him and he could offer her a ride.
But even at sixteen he had been a mess, hadn't been able to express what he had wanted and had intended to do. But as always, Suman had seen it, had seen him struggling, and knew what to do. And she had. She had taken the opportunity he had presented to mend things between them.
"My bicycle would take a week to repair, and look, your hand is wounded because of me, so let me," Suman had told him batting away his hands from the handle of his bicycle and had told him to sit behind.
And that's how it had started, from then on, they had traveled together, on his bike and occasionally on buses, and they had started to go and come back from school together. And neither of them had mentioned how her bicycle should have been repaired by then. They had ignored everything else and had picked up their friendship from where they had left...
And without a blink of an eye, they once again had gotten attached to the hip, doing everything together, and even if there had been things they had to do separately, they had been by each other's side. Shravan himself had never been the studious type, yet after football practice, he still had stayed in the library with her until late evenings and had ended up sleeping on the books and uncomfortably cold chairs. And even her nagging hadn't been able to stop him from staying by her side till she was ready to go back home.
"How can I go home knowing you always end up sleeping on the bus? What if you miss the stop and end up going God knows where?" He had whispered one day when she had fallen asleep just after scolding him for not going home early without her.
And that's how the high school had been and with years their friendship somehow had become stronger until it had started to take shape into something more, something that had made his heart beat rapidly whenever she stepped closer, something that had made her smile at him so fondly as if he could do no wrong. Something that had made them not question why he would go on his knees and tie her shoelaces instead of just telling her or why she would scold him for hurting himself while playing as she cried out and winced at his pain. Something that had made him pick up her hairband wherever she would leave it and wear it on his right wrist because otherwise, she kept losing them. Something that had made her cheer for him the loudest during his matches and brag about him to any hearing ear. Something that had made him glare at any boy roaming around her and something that had made her run to him whenever she had needed an escape or had been craving junk food, or ramyeon made by him - her personal chef.
But things had changed at eighteen once again...
It happened in the summer, during the second semester of their last year. And it had happened because of him, Aditya Ahuja, the newly transferred student in their class. The one who had - just within a few weeks - charmed her in ways he - who knew her the best - never had been able to...
Shravan had known the new guy could create trouble the moment he had seen him, and he had tried, in various ways, to keep him away from his Sumo. He had not even realized when that idiot had succeeded in whisking away the most unromantic and oblivious girl in the town with his cheesy lines and stupid wide smiles...
Shravan had pulled him away and stepped in between them countless times, had tried to limit their interactions, and any possible contact, and even showed off the depth of their relationship to that stupid guy. He had jumped in to play a football match with a high fever, just to make sure she wouldn't look at that joker who had been showing off his football skills. But no matter how much he had tried, dizzy and desperate, he had only ended up hurting himself even more and he also had failed to keep her eyes away from that idiot...
Why? Why hadn't the cheeseball stayed away from his Sumo even though he had known something was going on between them? Everyone in their small hill station recounted the story of soulmates aka Shravan and Suman to every new face they saw. Everyone had been ready to marry them off for years, so why had that stupid boy taken breaking them off as a challenge? Shravan had seen that idiot eye her hairband on his wrist and how natural they were in their interactions, how they moved in sync and on their own rhythm. He had seen that cunning joker analyzing their interactions, and he must have found the only thing that had been lacking between them and had attacked the only time he had left her alone.
It hadn't been deliberate on his part. He hadn't left her by choice. His fever had only increased after the stunts he had pulled by playing football when his body was burning away. Illness had rendered him unable to go to school with her. But that hadn't meant he hadn't been worried for her when the heavy rain started pouring outside his room. That had made him realize that with him sick, she would have to walk home alone in the heavy rain and that thought had made him run to school with a high fever.
"Why don't you leave Shravan's bicycle here and walk home with me?"
He had heard Aditya ask her as soon as he had reached school. Yet despite being there, he hadn't been able to interfere, he had wanted to know her reaction. And that had been his biggest mistake, letting them go alone, because from then on, he had seen that happening, again and again, yet had been unable to do anything apart from seeing them from afar, unable to step in between them, unable to keep that idiot Aditya away from her...
A strange fear had inflicted his heart and in the desperation to not lose her, he had decided to confess, breaking the unsaid deal between them to wait until college. Yet to no avail, because she had not wanted to hear it...
"I want to tell you something, Sumo. No, I must tell you something. Meet me at the park tonight," he had told her in a hurry, a nervous wreck, struck with the fear of losing her.
'I can't come, sorry,' had been her message to him after he had waited for her in the park for hours. And when he had run back to her, he had seen her standing there, with Aditya.
And then the next Monday, in the morning, he had found her with her bicycle, waiting just to tell him that everything had changed between them once again...
"They fixed it, said it works fine now," Suman had told him before walking away.
"Why didn't you call or text me during the weekend?" He had yelled at her in anger and had grabbed her elbow to stop her from walking away.
"You hadn't either," she had reminded him.
And that's how they had known, that yes, things had changed between them. And not for the better...
"So, do you want to go separately from now on?" He had asked her.
"There is no need to go on the same bicycle anymore," she had told him.
"That's not what I am asking, Sumo, and you know it," he had yelled out loud, no longer content with the unsaid relationship between them.
"Why do you think we didn't call or text each other the whole weekend, Shravan?" She had asked him, making it clear that yes, something between them had broken.
"I couldn't give you the answer you wanted to your question, and you knew your question would go in vain," she had whispered.
"So what now?" He had asked her, fearful.
"Let's stop ignoring the truth," she had muttered.
"Are you saying that you actually like that idiot?" He had asked in anger that had been only a cover to hide away his pain.
"Stop it, Shravan. Don't treat me as if I cheated on you," she had pleaded.
"If we are just friends then why are you feeling like you cheated on me?" He had yelled at her, heartbroken by her sudden refusal to acknowledge what they had had between them.
"I don't know. I don't know, okay?" she had yelled right back at him.
And then he had not been able to see beyond his pain and confusion. His anger and heartbreak.
Why?
When?
So like the masochist that he was, he had asked her;
"Since when was it?"
"Ever since I first met him. I kept lying to myself that I had no feelings for him but I couldn't help it. I really can't help it," she had whispered while crying.
And her confession had broken him, years and years of friendship, love, and togetherness had not been enough to hold her back from falling for a guy she had known only for a few weeks. Just how? Why? Unable to hold back his tears, he had cried then, with his back to her, he had held back sobs, harshly wiping his unstoppable tears and had somehow found enough strength in him to walk away and not give into his heartbreak and fall on the ground and cry like an inconsolable child like he had wanted to...
And that had been it, the end of whatever that had been between them. Something that had been nothing to her and everything to him...
It had taken him a few months, but Shravan had understood that what had happened had been for the better. She had taken the right decision, if Aditya had been able to sway her heart, and had made her fall for him then that meant Shravan had been the only one involved and the only one who had been invested in their silent relationship...
And then to free her from the guilt and the burden of his heartbreak, to free her from the pain and confusion that he had seen in her eyes, during the career day - their only and last interaction - with his gaze fixed on the dry autumn leaves, he had told her:
"It doesn't matter what others think or want from you. Don't make your choices based on other people. If you don't like something, no matter how hard you try, you won't be able to do it. You can hold back, and keep doing it for a few years but not for the rest of your life."
It had not been just career advice, both of them had known that. After all, they had communicated in that way for years, always unable to acknowledge what had been between them. Before everything that had happened, he had thought that was because both of them had been waiting to go to college before confessing, but clearly not. There had never been anything from her side since the start. Maybe it had been the whole soulmate story of theirs that had made her feel obligated to go with the flow. And because he knew her the best, he knew she was capable of that: to do things because of others' expectations and assumptions. She has always felt obligated to do things to please others.
"Will you ever look at me?" she had asked him, had asked him if the silence between them would last forever.
"I hate the sight of you," he had muttered heartlessly before walking away.
And he had kept on with that attitude for months, until that cold winter night when he had gotten to know that she had succeeded in getting admission to the business management university that she had wanted to and would be leaving within a few hours. He hadn't been able to stop himself from seeing her for one last time.
Reaching the train station before her, he had been standing there as it snowed, had waited for her before walking up to her and forcing himself to smile at her.
"It's been a long time, Suman Tiwari," he had told her as he had at their last reunion.
"It's been a really long time, Shravan Malhotra," she had whispered back her usual answer.
"You had been ignoring me for months, so how did you know I was leaving today?" She had asked.
"It was hard not to know," he had muttered with a helpless smile.
It had been hard, so hard to not keep tabs on her, to not care for her wellbeing, to act indifferent and to not melt away at the sight of her pleading eyes, to look away every time he had seen her struggle with something.
"How have you been?" She had asked him.
"Not so good. I have been ignoring you, how could I have been doing well?"
And hearing that, tears had slipped her eyes and her trembling lips had given away the apology she had been forcing herself to mutter out loud. And he had seen that, he had always understood what she had left unsaid, always had known how to read her eyes. And before she had even sought it, he had forgiven her yet knew he had to ask for forgiveness too:
"I am sorry. All this while I had been asking myself, 'How should I face you? What should I say? What should I do and what not? I just had no idea, but I thought I should at least say goodbye."
"Goodbye, Suman Tiwari," he had told her and she had nodded while crying, understanding what he had left unsaid...
Yet it had not been enough...
'You know I hate it when the movies end on a kiss,'
'Why? A kiss is a perfect ending,'
'No, a kiss seems like a definite goodbye while a hug is more heartwarming and leaves you with the hope of a next meeting, of a continuation of the story as if their story hasn't ended yet,'
That's what she had told him during one of their movie nights, and that day, he had decided that the perfect way to tell her goodbye had to be that...
"A tight hug for an ending to warm your heart," he had told her after hugging her tightly while silent tears slipped through their eyes...
* * *
2020
"Welcome to the team, Shravan," Mr Jaidev Mathur, the head coach of the national team smiled at him.
After signing the contract and the needed documents, Mr Mathur told him to wait in his office to meet his personal manager before walking away and leaving him just with his thoughts. And while he sat there, he couldn't help but wish he had a way to share this news with her. He wished he had tried to keep in touch and had not waited for fate to bring her back into his life like it had the last time. Because the moment he was living, the news of his selection, he wanted to share it with her before anyone else. Only she had believed in him enough to not laugh at him for having a dream so big: to become a part of the Indian national football team. His own parents had not taken him seriously yet she had been there, had gone with him to every regional team selection apart from those two years when they hadn't been talking. It had taken ten years, ten long years without her but now that his dream was his reality, she wasn't with him to share it with her...
So lost he had been in his thought that he had not heard someone walking in and sitting on the chair in front of him and only when he had looked up he had found the one he had been thinking about...
There she was, in her full glory, beaming at him with pride in her eyes.
"Mr Malhotra, this is your personal manager, Miss Suman Tiwari," Mr Mathur introduced her, making him gasp with his eyes wide open.
"It's been a long time, Shravan Malhotra," this time around it was her who took the initiative, whispering the words he had muttered every time they had met again after separation.
"It's been a really long time, Suman Tiwari," he whispered back with a smile while looking at her tenderly.
It indeed has been a long time, and maybe this time around, it was their season. He looked outside the window, and yes, spring once again was in full bloom, just the right season for their reunion...
And once again, slowly but surely they had slipped back into their old habits, picking up from where they had left, and even a decade-long separation had seemed meaningless once they had started to talk again. During one of their usual meetings in the evening after practice, she had told him the reason why she had not heard his confession:
"I had been so stupid and so afraid to hurt you like my father was hurting my mother. That night after knowing that he was cheating on her, I as always ran towards you and you were there, in the park as you told me you would be, even after hours of waiting. But that had made me think what if I was taking you for granted as my father has taken my mother for granted for years? What if I hurt you in the same way he was hurting her? I was after all a child of his. For as long as I remember, I have been told I am just like my father. and I had been proud of it, but after knowing his real face, that pride had changed into self-hatred."
"And that had made me feel like it was just a matter of time - that one day I too would hurt you, ruin our marriage, cheat and lie to you, make you go through hell. And even the possibility of that ever happening was too much of a risk for me to continue letting you love me. So I did what I thought would make you hate me."
"I was a stupid immature eighteen years old who ended up hurting you anyway. I should have come to you, sought refuge in you like I always did, let you console me and make ramyeon for me. I should have told you everything that had happened, everything that I had been hiding away from you. I should have told you," she told him while holding a cup of coffee in between her hands and a decade-long regret, pain, and struggle visible on her face.
"Will you let me tell my side of the story, Shravan?" She then asked him, to which he nodded and heard her side of the story with patience, wiping her tears and pulling her in his arms, shielding her away and hoping that the warmth of his embrace would shan away her demons.
During an evening of early summer, while walking in the shades of pine trees with her by his side, Shravan promised himself that this time around, he would not let anyone come in between them, this time around he would be more confident, he would learn to read her eyes better, and would not let any insecurity come in between them. This time around he would assure her that she wasn't her father and that she had been the only one for him since forever. This time around, he wouldn't let the words go unsaid, this time around, he would hold her close to his heart and if her heart swayed with cheesy words and over-the-top declarations of love, he would do it...
This time around, it would be him who would sway her heart, capture her attention, and make her his...
But when she suddenly held his hand in hers while smiling up at him so softly, so lovingly, he felt maybe she already was...
And time proved that claim to be right: she always had been his as he was hers....
A few days after that evening, she confessed her undying love for him and therefore it was him who was getting cheesy words and over-the-top declarations of love...
After just a few months, when she proposed to him before he could, he just slid the engagement ring toward her with a beaming smile and her giggles warmed his heart even in the cold winter. They were truly in sync...
At their wedding, everyone from their hometown was seen bragging about how they had seen it coming from miles away...
* * *
Originally written for EDKV anniversary year 2020
Writing prompt: write a ShraMan OS based on any movie/show/novel of choice
Edited, re-written, and re-published in 2024
* * *
The original A/N:- I hope you liked my attempt at OS, I have never written OS, I always end up writing more and I have not written anything like this either, I didn't think I could be inspired by anything to write ShraMan other than ShraMan themselves, but this drama called "If we were a season" was so heartbreakingly beautiful and maybe - despite being on my list for years - I had not watched it before because me watching it recently and writing this OS on it was meant to be...
I highly recommend you guys watch it because I feel like anyone who loves ShraMan is going to love this drama too. It's only an hour and a few minutes long, and it's more complex, layered, beautiful and I don't think I was able to capture the beauty of their relationship in this OS because there are so many beautiful, heartwarming and heartbreaking moments that I couldn't write about...
VMs to tempt and lure you guys into watching the drama:-
***
It's truly worth watching so please do watch it. It's in Korean with English subtitles but don't let that stop you from watching this heartbreakingly beautiful drama, you can easily find it on YouTube. And if you do end up watching it, you are more than welcome to gush about it with me anytime... :)
Thank you for reading... :)
****