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Remy had always considered himself a weird man. One that was a different breed and wired differently from most of the general public. He had grown up falling in love with his computer, never developing feelings or crush for a girl or now as an adult, a woman. He had instead enjoyed the complicated and intriguing world of Artificial Intelligence and Software development, he had fallen in love with giving commands to his computer by writing codes in different programming languages. He never had time for love and he never craved such feelings and emotions.
He was okay like that. He didn't see the need for it when his life revolved around his work. He loved to help people, he loved creating solutions and he knew that was his calling so he had dedicated over thirty years of his life doing that. And it was easier for him. It was easier for him to indulge in his passions and talents rather than chasing after the uncertainty love revolves around.
Most of his few friends he has, have at one point experienced heartbreak. And the intensity varied. He remembered vividly how one of his friends had spent five years mourning his lost relationship and he also remembered how another one had bounced back into a new relationship the following month after breakup. It was then he knew that love was complex and it differs with people.
So why bother wasting time on something that would make him go through what was a huge contrast to his balanced lifestyle. He loved the privacy. He loved the aloneness. He just loved that he knew what he wanted and went for it without hesitation, without debate - and that had made me not be able to experience just how a heartbreak feels.
Because if he does, he would be able to understand more of Ione's pain. He would be able to help her more because then he would know exactly where to focus on. But he didn't, he didn't know just how it felt.
"-that Remy, is my story. My past." Has Ione finished talking, the tears she's been fighting hard for the past minute not to roll down her cheeks did. They came out so fast that she had to close her eyes in an attempt to stop them. Her words got stuck in her throat but that didn't hinder a silent wail to break out. And she fell forward into Remy's arms.
Arms he instinctively opened seeing how her figure came falling towards him. Her cheeks pressed against his chest, just right on the side where his heart resides. And he couldn't control just how wild his heart was thumping.
And also throbbing with pain. A pain he associated with seeing the woman he is beginning to fall for, cry. Although he had never experienced a heartbreak, that fact didn't stop him from feeling her ache as she cried hard against his chest.
"Ione, you did so well." He rubbed her back, gaining a stance in his fumbled mind, coming out of his head to focus on the woman breaking afore him. "It was so good you said it all out. Your pains." He rasped softly above her head. "You freed yourself away from the hold your past has on you." He tells her with so much firmness in his voice. "You are already ahead of what's been holding you back. You are already defeating it and very soon, you'll be completely free." He continues rubbing her back in a soothing manner.
It was never in his plans to fall for anyone, he knew it was something he'll never be ready for or something he could handle with the way he lives his life. But what he was currently experiencing was certainly an act of falling in love. He knows that too much by watching his friends fall in and out of love with women. And he felt like life was playing a joke on him.
Ione was a different woman. One of a kind if he dared to say that. She wasn't the everyday woman one encounters and probably that's why he has never been able to fall in love because no one was her. Her uniqueness was obvious, maybe not to her but definitely to any man who has encountered her.
There's a certain way she carries herself regardless of her demons. It was a way that can make another woman feel less of themselves, of course, her actions are unintentional so she couldn't be blamed. Even in her current health condition, her kind nature never swayed, he could see her becoming a great doctor. She tended to other patients like her with so much care and patience. She answers questions in a very easy-to-understand way. She helps them feel calm during a moment of anxiety or agitation. Whether old or young, everyone in the facility has come to like her.
They even call her Doctor Ione sometimes which makes him smile especially when he sees the blush creeping up her face.
Her words were wise yet simple. Her nature was inviting and friendly. Her beauty was unique and divine and he knew there is no way to fight this. There is no way he could bury these feelings.
Although, he's promised not to act on them. The last thing Ione needed was a man chasing after her heart, a man clinging to her because he's falling for her. No, she didn't need that. What she needs is a good friend, a support system she can always and ever count on. Not someone that will remind her of her past.
Remind her of the demons she was still fighting. She needed strength, level headedness, stability, hope and motivation. And those are the things he plans to support with, the things he wants to help her gain. He wants to help her get back on her feet.
If he achieves that - that will be enough. Enough to quench his thirst for her. Enough to make him happy because she will be happy.
Kim Ione has to be happy.
"So don't stop until you feel light. I'm here with you." He kept on comforting her, wanting her to feel just how much he already cherishes her as a person in his life, he wants to feel that he is only after her betterment, her healing, her recovery. "By yourself, you will become the director of your own life. The architect that will rebuild the broken parts of such a treasure that you are. You will be able to mend the wreckage once you gain back the reins of your life. Because only you should have the control of your life, only you should be the sailor that sails you towards a stronger version of Ione. And I totally believe you can achieve all of this as long as you are ready to let go. Let it all go." He keeps on talking softly, the deepness of his voice did not interfere with the gentleness and care his words carry.
And Ione couldn't help but tighten her arms around him, the timbre of his voice reverberated through his chest, causing a different feel of comfort for her aside his words.
"Forget them because they don't deserve your emotions or feelings. They don't deserve you still being affected by them. They don't deserve you not getting better because right now, that's all that matters. And the journey to that point is steep and rough so you need to be rid of them to keep progressing. They are holding you back from focusing on yourself. They are pulling you back as you keep pushing yourself forward. And I know it's hard to break free from them but guess what, Ione? You are already breaking free." And Remy was right.
He was right because talking about them before now felt wrong, like a taboo that shouldn't be mentioned. Their names were like that of Voldemort that should not be called or mentioned. But as she was able to spill out her past, her pain, her ache through words, she felt so light, so free. Their memories were like a heavy thick metallic chain, bounding her against a fat oak tree so finally expressing herself and going through her memories, she felt like she was breaking free from her bondages even though it had not felt that way while she was talking about it.
Ione felt like she took a long dump after having tummy troubles for days, now finally feeling light and okay. No more discomfort, no more uneasiness. Ione was feeling free.
"From now on, there will only be sunny days ahead. No more dullness, no more cloudiness, no more grays, just a happy day that makes one smile and feel rejuvenated to keep treading forward." Remy tells her, hearing she was beginning to calm down from her final breakdown. He wants to believe so. He wants to believe that she is finally ready to let go of her past and focus on her present and prepare for her future.
He wants to see her achieving her dreams, being on the side and cheering her on.
Ione sniffled, pulling gently away from his hold as she released her arms around him. Those arms around her made her feel safe and trustable. Those were the only reasons she could have expressed her past fully and breakdown without much shame or embarrassment.
"Thank you, Doctor." She squeezed his large but soft hands. "Thank you, Remy." She smiled. "I really do feel lighter. I didn't know I could talk about them without passing out. You are amazing and great. I really appreciate you." She said with genuity.
"No need to thank me, Ione. I really just want to see you all good and better. No one should make you go through that. You shouldn't be so affected because of others' mistakes and stupidity." Because underneath his care was anger, beneath his tenderness was harshness. He was really mad at the seven men who made her go through that great amount of pain. The men who didn't appreciate her for who she is. A woman of uniqueness, one who was kind and sweet. One that should be treated with utmost respect because she was one to give respect as well.
As they say, there's always two sides to every story but this wasn't one of those story, fuck that theory. This was just a painful experience. An intentional action. And maybe he was being biased but with what she's going through, anyone would be.
She was the one suffering. Not them.
And he already had an idea who the men were from the brief explanation Alexa, the old patient, gave him.
"I shouldn't be." Ione nodded slowly to his words. There was a new feeling settling in her and it felt like strength but she couldn't be sure yet. "I did hate how much they were still affecting me even after moving very far away from them. It sucked so much." She expressed.
"But not anymore. They would no longer have power and control over you." Remy said firmly and she nodded.
"Aren't you curious about who they could be and how do you feel about polyamory?" Ione asked out of curiosity although there was a bigger curiosity she still needs to satisfy. One only Prisha can douse. Later.
"I am not here to know who they are, I am here to make you no longer fear their memories as it is still hurting you. And I've witnessed few poly relationships although not as big as yours but I don't see it as weird. Everyone's preference is different." Remy answered her swiftly. He was never one to judge anybody's decision and he knew sometimes, it was best to make mistakes and learn from them rather than being advised not to do it. Because most of the time, that advice will fall on deaf ears.
"You sounded like a Doctor just now." Ione chuckled, that's how free she feels already just from pouring out the heaviness weighing down her wholeness. "And what's your preference, Doctor Remy?" She then asked, in order to tease him. Her pain is already feeling so mild and all she wants is to keep looking forward like Remy had told her.
Like everyone had told her.
She was just too deaf to listen.
"Are you trying to tease me right now?" Remy quirked his brows at her. Their sitting position was a bit awkward but they didn't find it uncomfortable, both kneeling before each other. "No. It's just a curious question." Ione shook her head No but grinning with a mischievous glint in her eyes.
Remy's blood pumped happily in and out of his heart, seeing Ione in such a free and happy state, no sight of sadness hiding in her orbs. He tried to think back if there was ever a time he'd seen her genuinely and freely happy like now but there was no record of such in his brain. Her smile made him feel good, like they already made a huge progress regarding her mental health.
All she needed to do was actually accept her current reality which is that - they are no longer with her. She needed to pour out her emotions, go through the five stages of grief then she would be able to get better.
She had at first gone through the denial stage, when she didn't want to believe things were changing while she was still at the hospital in Korea.
Then anger came but not in a fiery way when she realised it was really changing and things were no longer as it used to be. Her boyfriends were changing.
The bargaining stage mixed with the depression stage. They intertwined and stayed with her for a very long time. It was why she couldn't let go of the pain. She felt the need to hold on to those pain so the anger could keep brewing and she could maybe one day, get back at them. She also held onto the memories because she actually cherishes them, but they were only a reminder of what could be that never came to be - her dreams were crushed.
But now, she's finally at the last stage. The stage where she can finally let go and focus on the most important person in her life - herself. Acceptance was hard. Because somewhere in her brain, something keeps telling her that she should not let go of both her pains and the memories of them. That part of her brain was coming up with reasons why her pains were important for her to hold on to. And she listened to it.
She listened but now she's breaking free from the clutches of the past, breaking away from all the hurt and aches and now slowly becoming stronger from the look of things. And he hopes it only keeps getting better from now on.
"I'm not telling." He answered her, but the playful pout on her lips made him almost give in. Shaking his head, he changed his position and sat on the floor with his legs crossed, looking at her with an amusing smile.
"Yet, I cried ugly in front of you and poured out my pain to you and still, you don't want to tell me about your preference." Ione sat down as well, her expression fell.
"We are not trying to make you get better only so you can become crafty, Miss Ione." Remy chuckled, loving this side of her. Was it that easy for her to already start feeling better? It felt like something switched in her in that moment of breakdown and calming down.
And he hoped it wasn't a façade to hide her hurt. He hoped it was truly progress she was making. It will take awhile for all the wounds to heal but it will eventually and surely happen.
"Crafty?" Ione scoffed, resting back into the sofa, her eyes were puffy and red but somehow, the beauty her face carried was still prominent. "I am not. I just wanted to get to know a bit about you, you know." It was after she uttered it that Remy saw that she wanted to move away from the negative thoughts and focus on things that will make her laugh. The positives. The fun stuff.
"Hey," Remy rushed to grab her hands with a soft but squeeze, "Don't be sad about that, I'll tell you so much about me soon. Anything you want to know about me, I can tell you. But right now, I just want us to focus on you and finish this session. Is that okay with you?" He asked her.
"Yes." Ione answered in a small voice. True, she was curious but what really plunged her to ask was because she felt so bare before him. Like he's gotten to see both the ugly and fine side of her life and she barely knows much about him. It was a little information she sought an answer to but to her, it would have made her feel less naked.
"Good." He smiled at her. "And about your question," He paused, seeing as she perked up to hear him, "-I don't have a preference nor do I have standards." He chuckled seeing the disbelief settling in her expression, "But I think I'm beginning to build a standard, you will know about it once it solidifies." He finished and she smiled.
"You're different." Ione commented, now patting her eyes for any sign of tears left on her face. "You're different too." Remy smiled.
"Nope, I must be looking like one of those rare swollen fish on Nat Geo Wild." Ione waved at him. "I need to wash my face."
"You will but we really have to finish what we started, mmmn?" Ione nodded to his words.
"So what are the names of the men who hurt you?" He asked her and he could see take a sharp inhale of breath, shutting her eyes and fisting her hands into a bump beside her.
"Do- do I need to say them?" She asked. "Yes, Ione. You need to finally accept everything that it is now. You need to be able to say their names without feeling like crashing from within. You need to be able to withstand when they cross your mind randomly without becoming sad or too affected given that it's a bad memory but with time, it shouldn't affect you greatly anymore. And this is the start." Remy explains.
Ione nodded, agreeing with his reason but saying their names created a bitter taste at the tip of her tongue and at the back of her throat but she knew she had to cross this line. It was going to be the beginning of many.
She gulped and readied her mind to say the names of the men she used to love and now hate.
"Kim Namjoon." His image flashed across her mind, one where he was smiling at her with his dimples displayed. That was good. Easy.
"Jeon Jungkook." His image crossed her mind, one where he had hovered her on the bed, smiling brightly at her. Easy. She thought. Her heart was still beating at a normal pace.
"Min Yoongi." Her heart clenched. The image on her mind was one where his back was turned to her, he was distant. And that increased the pace of her heart.
"Jung Hoseok." It was the image from her bad dream that flashed through her mind and it made her heart sink but she stayed strong and kept going.
"Kim Seokjin." He was doting on her but that image was old, it was not the man that abandoned her. He changed and left her to battle her tribulations by herself.
"Park Jimin." Her best friend in the relationship but he barely showed his face to her before she left and maybe that's why it's so hard for her mind to conjure any image of him. Good or Bad.
"Kim Taehyung." She expected herself to feel that same feeling when she spoke about what he did moments ago but nothing happened. What she saw made her feel unsettled - he was smiling sweetly at her. It was a memory she remembered clearly. That night she had a threesome with him and Jungkook. When he wished she was pregnant and teased her.
And it was then she realised her greatest enemy is her mind. Because why in the world was it reminding her of that memory.
But she waved it off. She felt stronger. She looked up and faced Remy, "Bangtan Sonyeondan are the men who hurt me." She finished boldly. Ready to defeat her mind.
It was no longer going to control her anymore.
"Good job, Ione. That was amazing." Ione smiled slightly, "Now what's the name of the disease that turned your life upside down?"
"Cancer. Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia." She answered boldly.
"So what is your plan to mend your broken heart?"
"Leave the past in the past. Forget about what and who broke my heart and focus on myself. My healing." She answered.
"And how do you plan to heal?"
"I'm going to REFOCUS." She said firmly, adjusting to sit upright, facing Remy. "I'm going to indulge in activities that only strengthen my mind. I'm going to start meditating, exercise and no longer be scared of my past. If they come at me, I will challenge and crush them. I will no longer let them control me anymore because my life is mine and I should be the one in charge of it." The words rushed out of her leaving her almost panting. "I'm going to face my fears." She breathed.
"Good." Remy could see the fire building in her eyes, the strength taking over her system, the courage she was embracing. It gladdened him.
"What about your cancer? Do you think you can defeat it?"
"Fuck YES!" She cheered, smiling. Loving the feeling of being sure of something for the first time in a while. Loving the feeling of hope beckoning her to embrace it. She could feel it. The beginning of the next chapter of her life. The beginning of a new Ione.
"And what are your dreams?"
"At this moment, just one." She answered.
"And what is that?"
"I want to become a haematologist. I want to walk in your footsteps. I want to take impossible cases. I want to become a great woman of pride and honour. All infused into one. Too grand? I don't give a fuck. That is what I dream to become." She stated with pride puffing from her.
Remy smiled, proud, "And do you think you can achieve that dream?"
"Abso-fucking-lutely." She grinned. "I believe I can and I will." She added.
"Are you ready?" Remy asked and she nodded with so much energy, still grinning.
"Use your words, Ione. Are you fucking ready to take over?!" He exclaimed and she squealed out a "YES!" Getting on her feet immediately. Also amused to hear Remy using a cuss word.
Remy got on his feet as well, his huge figure towering her but in that moment, Ione felt like they were of the same height, "Are you ready to take over Kim Ione's life?" He asked her asked.
"I am so so ready to take over, Remy!" She responded brightly, "Will you help me?" She questioned with a smile.
"Take my hand." Remy stretched forth his right hand, opening his palm. Ione looked at his opened palm then to his eyes and all she saw was all she needed to grab his hand. Wrapping her small hand around his large one.
"I will help you, Ione. I will be here for you. As your doctor and your friend. Please know that you've become dear to me so I'm going to do all in my power to help you get better." He tells her and she couldn't help but crash into his chest and hug him. Catching him off guard but he didn't waste time to hug her back.
Silence took over the room, only their breaths were heard to both pairs of ears.
About a minute later, Ione broke the silence with "This deserves a champagne toast."
Remy pulled away fast and frowned at her, "No alcohol." And she couldn't help but giggle at his reaction. "You look like a grumpy doctor." She laughed more when she sees the realisation dawning on him that she was pulling his legs.
"Food will suffice. Please when will it be ready? I'm famished." She whined.
"It should be ready or almost. Let me call them." Remy told her and for the next hour or so, the two received the scrumptious meal and ate together in his mini dining room. They had random chats whilst eating and Ione expressed her appreciation to Remy for taking that step to getting her to do what she did because she felt refreshed and renewed.
Ready for the future. One she hopes is bright. She can't go through that kind of pain twice in a lifetime. She may not survive it.
Once they finished their meal, Ione had washed her face in his bathroom then told Remy she wanted to know all that was going on so she would be able to fully close that chapter of her life and move on to the next. She readied her mind as the line was ringing and Remy sat beside her, telling her she is not alone.
Words and action she appreciated.
"My love!" Prisha sighed into the phone, "I was so worried. You must be feeling better to be calling now?"
"Yes, Pree. I am so much better. And it all thanks to Doctor Remy. We had a therapy session together and what felt so hard and impossible now feels achievable. Although it might be too early to say they will no longer affect me but I know it can't make me breakdown anymore." She explained with a smile.
"I'm so happy to hear that, baby. It's high time. You need to be free of them. And I believe in you."
"Thanks love." Ione said to her. "Can you tell me what is going on now?"
"Sure baby. Tell me to stop if it gets too much." Pree advised and she nodded, knowing Remy was by her side. "Okay."
At her response, Prisha started from the moment they came to look for her in the hospital and how they were worried but reminded them that they could have been there all the while. So their worry was invalid.
She moved on to explaining how she felt so angry at them but mostly at Hana who was sprouting wrongful things. She told Ione her little plan with her school partner in crime and how they dealt with Hana. It made Ione smile so much and that made Remy a tad bit curious.
Ione could see it in his eyes and decided to put the phone on loudspeaker, informing Prisha who had no problem with it.
Prisha began to explain the recent happenings, the scandal and the video Soft sent to her. She explained in vivid details what went on the video which made Ione angry. Realising Hana wasn't just a bad woman but evil at that. Prisha then told her about the plans she and Soft were cooking.
One that was to go into action the next day.
"So Soft has everything set. She's the one in charge." Prisha finished.
Ione sighed, feeling immensely grateful that she gained an amazing friend like Prisha, one who was helping her fight her battles. "I'm so grateful to you and Soft, who by the way, I'll love to greet. But I also feel guilty that you are both going through this whole thing because of me. It's my fight."
"Baby, your fight is also mine. Your sadness and happiness are also mine. So this is nothing. And Soft absolutely hates bullies, she can't stand people like Hana plus she's also going to be uncovering that drug kingpin so it works for all goals. Don't feel guilty. You are precious to me and as I'm much as Bangtan messed up, no one deserves to be controlled by that evil snake." Prisha tells her, making her smile to the eyes.
Remy was witnessing something he had never experienced. A true friendship. The two ladies conversing made him smile. It was a rare thing for him. The way they joked, call themselves endearing names and care deeply for each other was beautiful.
"That makes me feel less guilty. And you're right, Hana needs to be gone. What happened could serve as a little punishment to the seven, a quick karma and maybe wishes do come true because I had mentioned that I didn't wish them well in my goodbye message-"
"Ione!" Remy scolded.
"It's the truth. There was no way I could but now that I'm about to move forward, I'm letting both the pain and hate go. I no longer want to have anything to do with them or their problems and I'm grateful to you girls. But now is the time to say I WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN. It's completely over now." She states firmly.
"Good. Just leave the rest to us and once it's over. Paris, here I come!" Prisha cheered, making her laugh.
"I can't wait to see you. Thank you for everything and my regards to Soft. Once it's over, call me so I can talk to her too. She's already loved." Ione smiled.
"Absolutely, my darling Queen." Prisha's comment made her giggle. "Take care of my love, Doctor Remy."
"Sure." Remy answered.
They ended the call with more well wishes and Ione looked forward to tomorrow. To the next day after tomorrow. To the second day after tomorrow. To a week later. A month later. A year later and many more to come.
Because that chapter with Bangtan has sealed and she's about to open the next one.
The one filled with hope and strength. Her new beginning. Her fresh start. Her rise from the ashes. Her healing.
Her...
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[Word Count: 5043]
A/N: I'm not HER. But even I feel refreshed. And Remy is a big daddy and he's all mine.
I took the first claim, y'all. Get in line if you also want him.
I'm loving the friendship blossoming between the two even though Remy is gonna struggle to keep his feelings at bay.
Let me know your thoughts on this chapter? And we're back to Seoul in the chapter, I'm sooooo readdyyyyy 💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
Don't forget to vote ★ and I'll see you adorables in the next chapter.
Dura loves you.
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PS: Chapter banner was done by svnbtluvs it's simple but I love it. Thanks babe. It suits the chapter. Ione has become the glow in the dark. And she's gonna shine pretty soon. And this amazing lady writes wonderful BTS FF. I'm currently obsessed with "Their Ace" ooooof! Check out her page.
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