Dispatched
"How's Odasaku?" Dazai remembers you asking. Your mood had changed so quickly from joking around to serious and worried. "Is he hurt badly?"
Dazai's face fell on the man asleep in the hospital bed. He took a chair next to his bed.
"No, I'm sure he'll be fine." Dazai said with complete certainty, waving it off.
Sadness lingers in his gaze as he thought of what he'd told you. Oda hadn't regained consciousness and had been out since he was found poisoned last night. They couldn't be sure if he'd make it.
Dazai sighed, basking in the rays of the afternoon sun that streamed through the silent room. Their warmth touching his cheeks and bringing him a sense of peace. The only sound he could hear was the clock that quietly ticked away for hours.
———
Your mind was racing again as you followed your partner to prepare for your mission, coat in hand.
"How can I fix this?"
You picked at your fingertips nervously as you walked. "I heard Chuuya tell Akutagawa that I was similar to Dazai. Is that true? I don't want to hurt people the way he does."
You and your partner climbed into a car that would take you to the Art Museum. Your hands rested in your lap. Your fingers were intertwined and you squeezed your hands together tight. Akutagawa glanced at you out of curiosity.
"Hey, Akutagawa?" You quietly asked. "You love art museums don't you?"
Akutagawa stayed quiet for a moment, choosing his words carefully.
"Yes. I quite enjoy looking at art." That's all he said. Quick and straight to the point. You nodded, turning your attention to the passing buildings through the windows.
"Why does it concern you?" He asked. You couldn't read his tone to tell if he was annoyed or genuinely curious. You turned to him and shrugged.
"Just thought I remembered you saying so once." You said blandly.
He nodded curtly and the two of you stayed quiet for a while.
"You look tired." He commented.
"Didn't sleep much last night." You admitted.
"Listen, l/n. I don't want your sympathy. You weren't supposed to see any of that."
You scrunched up your nose in confusion.
"The day I need someone as weak as you to worry about me is the day I leave the Port Maffia." He said coldly as he climbed out of the car and closed the door. You sat there for a moment in surprise before getting out.
"Well sorry then." You spat. His words hurt you and you felt your cheeks warm up with irritation.
You slammed your car door. "I was just trying to-"
"What? Make me feel better? As if." He walked off. You narrowed your eyes.
"There you go again, picking a fight and running away."
He spun on his heel.
"I am not running away from you." He said harshly before turning back around.
"Coward." Your anger took hold of you, making it difficult not to say something you'd regret.
"Weakling." He shot back as he continued to walk. "Good for nothing."
"Useless." You yelled as you started following him.
"Insignificant little pest." Poison laced his words. You felt your control on your thoughts slip.
"Worthless." You pushed past him, walking to meet up with the other members of the PM to start surveillance.
Akutagawa lowered his head. Flashes of Dazai's words to him ricocheted through his mind. All the times Dazai had called him worthless, stabbing at his heart. He knew you were just angry but your words hurt. He didn't know how to cope since no one other than Dazai had ever touched his heart that way.
The cold weather blew past your face as you walked. Winter was approaching quickly.
Your eyes stung from the sudden exposure as you left the parking garage.
You took a deep breath, sinking into your warm, chestnut coat. The soft faux fur on the collar brushed against your cheeks as you sighed.The air smelled clean and clear. Traces of the salty port water flowed through each breath. You tried to calm down.
You felt a tug on your wrist. You pulled your wrist away and stopped without turning back.
"What, Akutagawa?" Your voice cracked.
"Stop acting like a child, l/n. We have a mission to take care of." He grabbed your shoulder and tried to force you to face him.
"What is your issue?" You smacked his hand away. You were hurt and angry and you weren't totally sure why. Sure his words were cruel but did they really warrant this reaction? You froze, shrinking into yourself. "I shouldn't have gotten so angry. I still have trouble identifying how I'm feeling and controlling how I express it. I messed up."
"I'm sorry." Guilt hit you as you once again thought of how Chuuya compared you to Dazai. You had treated him just as terribly. You knew that Chuuya's comparison was only in how quick witted the two of you were and how you had the same sense of humor, but you knew that you could be manipulative at times. It stemmed from your upbringing. You grew up on the streets, fending for yourself after your mother kicked you out.
She was a narcissist that manipulated you and gaslit you constantly. You developed an unhealthy coping mechanism, "emotional distancing" from living with her for so long. You would emotionally distance yourself from situations that made you unhappy or that hurt you. You would distract yourself and numb out what was happening around you to protect yourself. That's what led to you being so far gone when you joined up with the Maffia. You truly were an empty shell, and it wasn't until Oda showed you what it felt like to truly be loved that you were able to begin healing.
The healing process has left you with confusion and difficulty expressing yourself or your emotions, opinions and feelings. You couldn't always identify what you were feeling and what exactly it was that made you feel that way. It was hard to know when you crossed a line until you had already passed it because you were used to the waves of emotion. You kept it locked away for so long that it felt like everything was amplified. It was like the emotion you kept bottled up was seeping out with every word.
You offered your hand, waiting for him to give you his.
"Did I hurt you?" You asked as you looked over his hand.
"No of course not. You really think you could hurt me?" He pulled his hand away, stuffing it in his coat pocket. It was obvious he was hurt. Maybe not from the slap but definitely from your words.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things." You bit your fingernails.
Akutagawa scoffs and continues forward.
"Are you coming or are you planning on standing there all day and freezing?"
Your face brightened up slightly and you jogged to catch up. You didn't know much about your partner but one thing you knew for sure is he is quick to forgive. It's a blessing and a curse because that's what made it so hard for him to break the loop with Dazai. He would easily forgive his superior and when he realized that it didn't stop the hurt, he would blame himself, thinking there's something wrong with him. But right now, you were thankful for his grace. It made your heart feel slightly lighter.
—-
Hours had passed. The sun began to slowly set, bringing a chill to the salty air. You could smell the water from the port as you walked in a tall, dark building. Akutagawa went in first and you watched his back.
The room you entered was grand. The grey tile floor was smooth under your feet. The ceilings were tall and the walls spurting them were decked with beautiful, dark oak accents and pillars. The architecture of the museum entryway was gorgeous, the rays of the setting sun streamed through the glass ceiling, making it absolutely breathtaking.
It would've been a nice moment if the sounds of gunfire hadn't tainted it.
Four men stood in your way. You charged two of them, taking them out with ice daggers you quickly conjured up.
"Guns are the weapons of fools." Your partner scoffed as he used Rashomon to protect the two of you from heavy gunfire. He quickly took out the other two men, making the path clear.
"Not even worth our time." You snickered.
"So you're the ones they speak of? The gifted one in black and the girl with cat-like agility?" A clocked man speaks up, catching your attention.
"And who are you?" You retort.
The man jumps down and takes his hood off revealing long, white hair that has been loosely tied over his shoulder.
"You may call me Gide. I am the leader of Mimic."
Akutagawa scoffs.
"How annoying." He states blankly before using Rashomon to charge the man. You flip out of the way just in time.
"What the heck, Akutagawa! We're on the same side you know." You pout as you follow his lead and also charge the man. He jumps back and draws two pistols, countering each or your moves as well as Rashomon's onslaught.
"What the ****?" Your partner grumbles. "Is this your ability? Are you able to see what we'll do next?"
The man aims for you next, keeping one pistol trained on your partner. You create a wall of ice to shield yourself from the shot but the bullets crack the ice effortlessly. You flip and throw shards of ice at the man, retreating as he points a pistol at your leg. You dodge and land gracefully on the tile.
He tires again, this time with both his pistols. You create a water shield that catches the bullets. You use the momentum to throw them back at the man using the water. One of the bullets grazed the man's cheek, his eyes wide in surprise.
The surprise fades as Rashomon once again attacks in his moment of distraction. He heads straight for your partner, firing off several shots from one pistol which Akutagawa barely manages to catch with Rashomon. You charge, climbing onto the man's back, holding a knife to his throat and stabbing another into his shoulder. Before you can react, Gide spins one of his pistols around, keeping the other trained on Akutagawa, and jabs it into your side.
"He's fast. I don't have time to react."
A shot rings out. You fall to the ground, clutching your side. You scream in agony as you try to pick yourself up. Gide beats you to it, kneeling behind you and grabbing you by your hair. He puts his gun to your head. Akutagawa watches as blood pours out of your wound, coating the floors with crimson.
"I guess the two of you don't live up to your reputation." He says dryly.
You grimace as he moves you to stand up. A tear rolls down your cheek. You grab his wrist that's holding the gun and pull with all your might. You boil the sweat on your hands, leaving his wrists with burns of your handprints. You stumble away as he quickly recovers. He smirks as he watches.
"Our fight is finished." He says in a monotone voice.
Your partner glances at you. You were pale and could barely stand. It was obvious you had lost a lot of blood. You collapse, coughing blood between your hands as you prop yourself up on the cold tile.
Akutagawa's eyes fix themselves back on his opponent as he once again tries to take him down quickly so he can aid you. Gide fires his gun again and Rashomon struggles to hold the bullets that seemingly cut through abilities. He comes in close firing three more shots, two at Akutagawa's head and one into his unprotected leg. He falls to the floor.
You hear your partner grunt as Gide places his gun to Akutagawa's head.
"In enough time you may become powerful enough to grant our wish, but unfortunately for us, we have no time to give." Gide's tone darkens.
You begin to feel lightheaded. You cough again, trying to pick yourself up. You manage to stand and take a few steps before you fall again.
Gide cocks the gun.
"No!"
You try to stand again but only barely make it off your knees before stumbling again.
"Kill me. Defeat means the same as death. My only regret is I let my partner down and let her get hurt."
"No... Aku.. please." You cry weakly. You crawl across the floor desperately trying to reach him.
"Farewell."
Gide suddenly jumps back in alarm. You hear two gunshots and watch as his pistols are knocked out of his hands. You try to lift your head and see what happened but your body felt heavy. Waves of nausea hit you as the room starts to spin.
"Are you able to walk?" You hear a familiar voice call to your partner. Akutagawa hesitates, not wanting to answer. Oda picks him up, placing him over his shoulder gently.
"Hey!" Akutagawa grumbles, "What do you think you're doing? Put me down! Let me go!" He protests. "L/n's hurt she won't make it if we don't get her help." He tries to hide the desperation in his voice but fails. Oda sets Akutagawa on the floor next to you, handing him his gun.
"Keep it on him." He says sternly as he assesses your injury. You wince as Oda takes off your coat and ties it tight around your wound. He holds your hand as he does so.
"I know it hurts." He picks you up off the floor and helps Akutagawa stand by wrapping an arm around his torso. Akutagawa keeps the gun pointed at Gide as the three of you escape.
Akutagawa stumbles before the three of you can get far. Oda helps him sit before laying you on the concrete.
"I heard about you from Dazai. You're one of our lower ranking members aren't you?" Akutagawa asked through gritted teeth. "He told me I'd never be able to beat you in a million years." He paused.
"Why doesn't he acknowledge me?"