Author's Note: And the story comes to a close! I hope that you enjoyed this story, and find the ending satisfactory! Thank you all so much for being part of this journey! :D
~ Amina Gila
Rey knew the moment was coming, but that didn't prepare her for the moment she feels her bond with Sidious shatter. She stumbles a step with a gasp, leaning against the side of the fighter Poe was showing off to them.
It –
He – he's gone. He just...
Her grandfather is dead. And it's all because of her. She never realized how much she didn't truly believe things would come to this, until right now. He's gone. Gone, and he's never coming back, and this is all because –
Why, why did she ever do that? Why did she...? Well, she knows but that doesn't mean it had to end like this, and she doesn't care about anything at all right now other than that he's gone. And now she never can see him again.
Why –
"Rey?" Finn asks, sounding almost freaked out.
He looks blurry through her tears; she doesn't know when she started crying, but she can't make herself stop, either. She didn't know anything could hurt quite this much, even if the gaping emptiness that this ripped inside of her feels like something she's felt constantly before. It feels like it defined her existence for a long time before. Not that it makes it any easier to feel now.
She feels Finn touch her uncertainly, but nothing could help right now. Poe just seems to be confused and unsure how to handle this to say anything at all.
But then, she feels something shifting, changing in the Force. Ben is... he's in danger. Something's happening to him too. She doesn't know what, but it feels bad. She can feel his panic and desperation, even on the other side of the galaxy and then she feels him reaching for her, with the Force.
She still has no idea what's happening, but she could almost swear that she still senses her grandfather. Which doesn't make any sense if he's dead, but she can definitely feel him, and he's doing something to Ben. Hurting him.
And there's nothing she can do about that, either. Except wait as Ben draws on her strength in the Force too, to fight off whatever's happening. Finally, she feels him pull back, and Sidious' presence recedes too.
Ben's okay, but... he's not. He's gone.
She sinks to the ground next to the fighter, breathing in and out shakily. Who did it? She doesn't want that answer. She'd rather never know if it was Ben, or – or what.
But she hates herself even more for being glad that at least the others are okay, even if that does little to lessen how much this hurts.
"You alright?" Poe asks, awkwardly, finally.
"Give me a minute," she mutters, shakily. It'll be taking a lot more than a minute to calm down, though. She doesn't know that it's possible to feel alright again.
***
Sidious is gone. Ben is relieved about that, but he can't stop wondering if the Sith will find some way to come back, anyway. He did once already, and it's not like his spirit was gone. At the same time, he doesn't exactly think so. If Sidious does return, it isn't something they can control or stop now. They've done everything they could, and now, it's time to keep moving.
Most importantly, he needs to find Rey, to talk to her again and make sure she's okay. He knows she isn't, but he – he can't imagine what it would be like to lose the only family member she knows, even if that meant nothing to Sidious. Rey believed it did, and he can't blame her for that. Sidious is all she had.
Despite what she said, he still can't help wondering if the Sith ever hurt her. He certainly was implying he was going to, during their fight. And for that alone, Ben's just glad he's gone.
Rey's easy enough to find. He could've tracked her down with the misery she's radiating alone, even if he didn't know where to look.
"You're back," Rey says, perking up just a little when he steps into the room of Leia's apartment that she's presently... hiding in. She's curled up in a corner by the window, though it doesn't look like she's really seeing anything outside. Considering what happened, she probably isn't.
"Yeah," he replies, approaching her slowly, but keeping his distance, uncertain if his presence is entirely welcome right now. He did help kill Sidious, after all. "And I'm fine."
"I... sensed something during the fight," she says finally, voice strained, "What... happened?"
Of course, she felt that, and he imagines that probably only made this harder. Not that that wasn't Sidious choice. "I believed he was trying to possess me."
"Possess you?" she squeaks, eyes widening.
"I don't know what else it was he would have been attempting to do," Ben replies, "But either way, he failed." He hesitates, uncertain whether he should admit that it was only their bond that kept him there and present, gave him strength to fight back against the Sith Lord. That strength was not his own. He doesn't even know what it was, or how it's possible. They were both reborn, so does that have something to do with it? Or is it something else entirely?
"And you're... fine after that?" she asks again, eyeing him.
"Like I said, he didn't get far," Ben assures. And now, he needs to address how she's feeling, but he doesn't know where to start. "What about you? I know you..."
"I don't want to talk about it," Rey supplies, which is fair. He wishes there was a way out, but there wasn't, and he certainly doesn't regret killing Sidious. It hurt Rey, though. He's not sure what that says about him.
"Have you thought about what you'll do now?" That's probably the most important concern right now, anyway.
"I don't know. I don't know how to decide that." She sounds frustrated and lost at once. Probably, this is the first time she's been allowed to make such a choice, aside from when she ran on Ossus.
"I thought you would say that." And he did, but he doesn't really know what to tell her. This has to be Rey's choice. Sidious had made all her choices for her for long enough, and she deserves to make one of her own for the first time.
She seems to consider that in silence for a while. "I... couldn't go back to Ossus, could I?"
He won't deny that his hope flares instantly at that. He wants her to come back, but he'd rather her feel comfortable about doing so first. "Of course, you can. If that's what you want."
For a few moments, she just stares at him. "You would let me?"
"Rey." He's still uncertain of her present mental state, but that caution isn't enough to stop him from reaching out to touch her shoulder. "Whatever he told you to do, you didn't do it. You don't have anywhere else to go. You never have. We're Jedi. We help people. That's what we're supposed to do."
She looks more than a little overwhelmed at the words. "I – I want to know what it's like to be a real Jedi," she says, finally, "But I don't know if I can do that. I..."
"You were raised using the Dark Side, I imagine," he replies, and she nods, "It might be harder for you to let it go, but if you really want to do it, I believe that you can. For the life you had, you're still light, Rey. Lighter than I think anyone else would be in that situation."
Rey stares at him again, almost disbelieving. "I... I'm not light, Ben. You don't know what he was gonna have me do." He doesn't miss the slight tremor in her voice, as she looks away.
"It doesn't matter," he replies firmly, even if he's suddenly desperately curious. It'll probably be better if he never knows, though, just like she never needs to know he's the one who killed Sidious. "You didn't do it, and you won't. What you do now is... up to you." And hopefully, she'll be able to start actually recovering.
There is only one thing that he's fairly certain they do need to do, though. Luke had noticed their... connection, whatever precisely it is, and they should tell him about it.
***
Luke, Leia, and Ahsoka end up here for the conversation Ben insisted they needed to have. Not that Rey disagrees; she wanted to talk to Ahsoka about it anyway, but she didn't even know how to start. She has no idea if rebirth is a common thing, or if she and Ben are just weird.
"You were asking about our connection?" Ben begins, finally.
"Yes?" Luke prompts, almost cautiously.
"Our bond is unusual. I can reach Rey like she's physically with me sometimes, even when we're far apart. I appeared to her once. I don't know why, but I think it... might have something to do with past lives."
"Past lives?" Ahsoka repeats, dubiously.
"Why do you believe that has something to do with it?" Leia asks.
Rey expected them to laugh it off, but... she probably needs to stop expecting everyone to react negatively all the time. "We have dreams sometimes. Of... a past life, where we knew each other," she explains, practically squirming.
"I've never heard of something like this before," Luke says slowly, sounding totally mind-blown, "But I see no reason it couldn't be possible." Then he frowns. "Does that have anything to do with some of what Sidious was saying to you when we confronted him?"
"What?" Rey asks, frowning, because she really wants to know what that means, even if she can't bring herself to think about him much at all right now.
"He... knew who I was," Ben replies, "I don't know how. He wasn't happy about it."
Probably, because he saw in her mind. Not that she could tell him that. She doesn't even know how. It felt normal even if it really didn't, and she'd rather not talk about it at all, anyway.
"How would he know?" Leia asks, "Unless he... knew who you used to be?"
"You all did," Ben says, bluntly. "I used to be Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Rey feels the flare of muted shock. "And I was... Anakin Skywalker."
Everyone's staring at her now, and she tries not to squirm.
"You do mean it," Ahsoka realizes finally, almost faintly, "You... remember?"
"Some. I remember you a little," Rey replies. It hurts suddenly, that she's not the person Ahsoka knew anymore. The others are moving away to give them privacy, and she approaches the Togruta. "But I know I'm not really who you knew anymore."
"That's... alright," she answers, sounding more than a little overwhelmed, "You're – you're alive. Here. That's what matters."
"I missed you," she admits, "Even if I didn't really remember you. I know I trained you, and you left. I think we ran into each other after, but I don't really know. But I know I always wanted you to be with me." Probably, there's things Ahsoka wants to say about that, but Rey doesn't know if she remembers enough to answer anything for sure.
Ahsoka smiles, something pained in her gaze. "I missed you too. And it's alright. What happened with Vader was long ago now. You're someone else, but I'm glad to have met you again."
Maybe talking about this aspect of things isn't what they need to do right now. Rey moves forwards impulsively, wrapping her arms tightly around the Togruta. She returns it just as fiercely.
"You're tiny," Ahsoka observes suddenly, patting her head.
Rey pulls back enough to frown up at her, even if she's suddenly trying not to laugh. "Hey," she protests. Why does she feel like there was some joke about that. "You're the one who was always tiny. I'm much taller than you were at this age."
"And now, you're permanently shorter," she replies smugly. "You won't be growing anymore."
Ret huffs out a laugh. "I don't think that's too fair to compare."
"Isn't it?" Ahsoka asks, about as snippily as an adult could, "Maybe we should compare something that is. I wonder if you're still as good with your 'saber."
"Wanna try it?" she asks. "Grandf – I was told I'm still good at it." (Will everything ever stop leading back to that? Will it ever stop hurting?)
Ahsoka thankfully doesn't mention it, even if from the twitch in her expression Rey's certain she knows what she was going to say. "Why don't we go see?"
***
As it turns out, Ahsoka does manage to defeat her, not that Rey has any reason to be embarrassed about that. Even if it was apparently very rare in her past life. And if she had actually been defeated by Ahsoka in her past life, she thinks she would just have been overwhelmingly proud of her.
She would've liked to spend longer with her, but Luke and Leia come to talk to her then. She can imagine they must have a lot of feelings about this.
"We never knew each other well before, did we?" she asks. She doesn't remember Leia at all, except feelings of affection and a strange amount of guilt.
"Only briefly," Luke replies, "Vader was... chasing me, and he told me who he was. We didn't meet again in person until I... tried to turn him back to the Light Side, and he was... lost there. But I can see why you felt so familiar now."
"Yeah," she offers, "I... can see that too now."
"We haven't spent much time together," he says, after a moment, "But if you're alright with it, I would like that to change. I know you're not him but that doesn't matter."
"You're still family," Leia interjects.
Her gaze snaps to her, eyes widening. She just called her family. That – She has no idea how to feel, except instant guilt, remembering the mission she was given to kill Luke.
"I... am?" Rey asks finally, faintly.
"You would be anyway. Ben is close to you," Leia points out.
An unnamed emotion tightens in her. "I think I hurt you before, but I don't remember. I –"
"You don't need to apologize for something you don't even remember doing," Leia interjects.
"Still, I... am."
"I know," she assures, even if there's something a little more weighted in her eyes now, "And I know that when he did, he didn't know who I was."
Oh.
That... doesn't really make it better but it helps a little. And she doesn't know why they're all being so forgiving. It feels like that wasn't true before, but it makes her feel better, even if it doesn't feel like she deserves it.
"I didn't want to," Rey says, because she knows that much, "I didn't want to do any of what I did when I was... Vader, but I –" She didn't feel like she had a way out any more than she did this time around with Sidious. "I know that's not an excuse."
"I know you aren't using it as an excuse," Leia replies, "I know there were many Imperials who felt they couldn't leave, and Vader worked under the Emperor himself, directly." Even if Leia already accepted that, Rey thinks that talking about it is making it easier for... whatever happened to her. She doesn't really want to know. It's hard enough looking at Luke knowing that she could have gone through with her orders. And if she had –
She doesn't want to think about it. It's not something she thinks she could ever have let go of.
Rey just nods in response, though. She doesn't think she could ever give voice to the sheer helplessness of how trapped she felt. Doesn't really want to, either.
"I never did ask if you're alright, after what... happened," Leia comments.
"I... will be." Or so she can hope. It certainly hasn't stopped hurting. And there's a part of her that wants to be angry at them for it, even if that's not fair and it's not really something anyone could have helped. Is it?
She obviously doesn't feel anything towards Luke and Leia the way she used to, but she still wants to know them, too. With Leia, it's already easier. It's probably weird that she... sees her as something of a mother. At least, she thinks she does. Rey doesn't really know what that word means, but she can imagine it. (She vaguely remembers Shmi and what that felt like.)
For Luke, it's... more complicated, mostly because of how they met in this life, but she still wants to know him, too.
Most of all, she can only be glad she has the chance at all. She was so lonely most of her life, and... she thinks that was true before, too. Now, it's overwhelming to have so many people who even want to be around for some reason. (Even if that doesn't chase away the pain of what she's already lost. She's just trying not to think about it right now.)
***
"You're leaving already?" Poe asks, obviously disappointed.
"Ben's going back to Ossus. I'm going with him," she replies, even if she's disappointed too. She never had friends or anyone really – except Sidious – before leaving and now she has multiple. And she doesn't want to be away from any of them, even if they aren't all her family. "But I can come back to visit."
"Or I can drop by to visit you," Poe agrees, "I'll be busy away from here flying soon, either way."
"Could I come with you?" Finn asks.
She blinks in surprise. "With me? To the Jedi?" He wants to go with her?
"Could I?" he queries, hopefully. "Can't you become a Jedi if you want to be?"
"I –" She wants Finn to come with her, Rey realizes suddenly. He's one of the only friends she's ever had, and that means a lot to her. She wants to keep that, and him. Doesn't want them to go. "Yeah. I did. You could, too."
She'd sensed Finn was Force sensitive not long after they met. His presence was bright in a way that she's only seen on Force users, and she was overjoyed to realize that. Finn was happy about it, too.
"I want to," he insists.
"I don't think Luke would mind." If he doesn't mind her there, he definitely wouldn't mind Finn, who's done nothing against the Order.
"I'll stop by to see you both," Poe promises.
They'll be leaving shortly, so she's glad that Kix finds her before she has to go looking for him. "I see you're... doing better," he comments, eyeing her.
Is she? She doesn't know that she'd say that, but now that she's no longer torn between two sides, it's easier. That doesn't mean she doesn't feel awful for even thinking that. That doesn't mean that – that she doesn't wish her grandfather was still here. She doesn't think the true reality of him being gone has even caught up with her. She got used to the distant ache and knowledge that he was far away, and it keeps hitting full force that now that feeling is forever. "I... Maybe a little."
There's no reason to make Kix worry about it, anyway.
He nods. "We owe you this. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't warned us about the Empire."
Rey looks away. "I should thank you. If not for you, I... don't know what I would've done."
"I can't believe you wouldn't have made the right choice," he replies, with far more conviction than she certainly feels. Because she almost didn't, and it makes her feel guilty for considering otherwise. Even if she doesn't know that anything Sidious told her could've made her actually turn on Ben like that. But... She'd rather not know what would've happened, if she'd made any other choice.
"Still, thank you," she repeats, again.
"Any time," Kix assures, "If you ever need anything, you can ask."
"I... can tell you the same."
He's just turning to go when Han approaches.
Rey suddenly feels inexplicably shy again. Maybe because the thought of him knowing what she was really here for is a bit harder to face, for some reason. Maybe because he was so goofy before. "You heading back to the Jedi, kid?"
"Yeah."
"If you want some time away first, my offer still stands," he replies.
"It... does?" she squeaks, eyes widening. She never really thought about it either, but she shouldn't be so surprised.
"You're still good with ships," Han responds flippantly, though she doubts he feels that casually about it. He's just not bringing it up, and she's glad of that. She's tired of talking about it.
"I might think about it." She can't help smiling back. "But I think I'll... go back first. For now." She wants to be with Ben again, this time when she's not hiding her true intentions.
Han nods. "See you around, kid."
She offers him a wave, before heading back for the ship where Finn is already waiting.
"I've been thinking," he comments, as she sits down near him.
"What?"
"There's still so many stormtroopers out there, like me. I want to find them."
How did she not consider how many more are probably still out there? "We have to," she agrees, "I'll ask the others if that can be the next mission we go on."
Finn nods. He looks strangely happy. She's glad for him, but she can't help feeling like she's the only one who's not. "You're okay with tearing down everything about the Empire?"
He turns to look at her, an odd intensity in his gaze. "When I met you, you looked at me a way no one else had. I was ashamed of what I was. I'm done with the Empire. I'm never going back."
She doesn't know what to say to that, or how to feel that it was because of her, apparently, that he was able to break away from the life he'd been forced to live, but she's glad he made the choice he did.
"What about you?" Finn asks, more subdued.
"I don't know," she admits, "I... I know what was going to happen was wrong, but everything I heard about the New Republic isn't wrong either. And I – I miss him." She doesn't need to specify who the him is.
He touches her arm, almost uncertainly. "We were never allowed to get close to each other," he tells her, "But I know it wouldn't be easy." He's never been allowed to be close to anyone before? That's –
"I'm glad we can help the others like you," Rey asserts, and she is. They all more than deserve it, after what happened to them.
She and Finn leave it at that.
***
It's strange being on Ossus again, as though nothing changed at all. Rey can still feel the echoes in her room, of... many of her emotions from the last moments that she was here. There's a part of her that hoped she'd be able to sense traces of her grandfather, but he was shielding too much. It's probably for the best, though. She doesn't know how well she'd be able to handle it, sensing him again and knowing that it's going to fade away forever in time.
It's night now, but she doesn't really want to be alone. It's leaving her alone to her spiraling thoughts, which she really doesn't want to dwell on right now.
Quietly, Rey slips out of bed, tiptoeing out into the hall – passing Finn's room which is near hers – on the way for Ben's. He didn't mind before, and she doubts he will now, either.
He's already sleeping when she creeps inside, and she's planning to just lay on the floor next to his bed for the night, but then he promptly stirs.
"Didn't mean to wake you up," she whispers, wincing.
"It's alright," he assures, but sits up anyway. "Nightmares again?"
She shakes her head. "I just didn't want to be alone."
"What would you say to watching more of Vader tonight?" he suggests.
Rey considers that for a moment. "I don't know about tonight, unless you really want to." She doesn't want to get lost in thinking about the past right now. She'd rather focus on... the future. It's marginally less terrifying to think about than it always has been, even if she still feels lost without what she's spent her whole life working towards.
"Fine," Ben agrees, "If you're not ready to sleep, we could go outside for a bit."
"Sure." She wouldn't mind a walk first.
They slip into the hall together, heading out of the Temple to darkened forest surrounding them. Artoo rolls up behind them beeping, as they sit down in the grass.
"Just a midnight excursion. Nothing to worry about," Rey assures, lightly patting his dome.
Artoo whistles, settling next to them.
She looks up at the stars, what she can see between the treetops.
She always liked doing that before, and it leaves her feeling oddly peaceful. She reaches over, taking Ben's hand. He squeezes it back, and they... just stay there together. It says more than words could.
Despite how hard it was to reach this point, she could never regret that they did. There's nowhere else she'd rather be, and at least now for the first time, she has something to look forward to. She didn't know she was missing it. She's home.
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