I was sitting in the Eurostar, somewhere between Cologne and Bremen, a little later, phone in my hand and earbuds in my ears. I'd said goodbye to Leah hours ago this morning, after she had once again fulfilled the promise of driving me to the station the way she had driven me to the airport the last time. We'd won one more game since my concussion, through two of my goals and a beauty by Katie, and my spirits had been high for the international break as well. But now I was sitting here and Marik wasn't answering my phone and I was pissed. Magnus was contently purring in his little carrier box, although he usually hated it more than anything. He hated trains too, but I had figured he would hate the United States (or rather, traveling there) even more, so I was loading him off in Hamburg before I boarded another plane to travel overseas.
"Hey", Marik's voice finally came to my ears as his face manifested onto my screen. His expression was blank.
"Finally, why haven't you been answering?", I asked, slightly angry with my brother. I had been calling him for hours and he had not once bothered to answer the call or return it. I felt as though he avoided me on purpose, mostly because there was no way he wasn't on his phone on a Saturday afternoon.
"Didn't have the time. Why are you calling again?", he asked blankly, and I just stared at him. I was used to him not caring, but I wasn't used to his attitude.
"My train is half an hour late. Can you tell the parents to pick me up please?", I sighed, starting to grow frustrated with my brother. I hadn't done anything to upset him, as far as I knew, so I didn't understand why he would let his bad mood out on me.
"They're out. You're gonna have to take the bus", Marik grinned, and I swore to God if you could punch someone through the screen, I would've, without hesitating.
"What do you mean 'out'? Where are they?"
"I don't know. They're out. The bus takes like five minutes, Ellie", Marik shrugged as I looked at him with my mouth open and my brows furrowed.
"Marik, I'm not going to take the bus. Call them", I instructed, but my brother shook his head, claiming that if they didn't answer me, they wouldn't answer him either. I wasn't so sure about that, but when I felt numerous pairs of eyes on me as I yelled through the train in angry German, I hung up on him, huffing. The first reunion of ours in three months would be great.
By the time I finally carried Magnus' box into my childhood home, my mood had settled, despite walking through Hamburg for close to thirty minutes, and so had Marik's. He stuck his fist out to me once I put down my luggage, expecting me to bump it, but I pushed it away quickly, pulling my brother into a hug before he could push me off. He didn't resist as much as he used to, only groaning once or twice and sighing when I finally let go of him.
"Coffee?", he offered, and so we drank coffee and I let him update me on school and what his friends were up to, most of the stories being of drunken incidents and making me seriously question whether they put my brother in danger.
My parents came home around an hour later, apparently having gotten distracted during their Christmas shopping (I didn't mention the fact that Christmas was still more than a month away) and engulfing in our conversation quickly, although my father was paying more attention to the TV, showing the Premier League game of Arsenal against Liverpool.
"You guys are what, second in the table? Figure you'll win the league?", Papa questioned me as I dropped next to him, eyes fixated on the screen in a similar manner. I shrugged.
"I don't know. Maybe."
There was still a lot of time to go, we hadn't even played half a season and I knew that Chelsea surely wasn't going to let us take what they thought to be their trophy easily.
"You can do it. You're good for Arsenal. Top scorer in the league so far."
I cringed. I didn't want to hear it.
My dad could tell.
"What's up with you, so humble?"
"I don't know. What good is being top scorer if we aren't in first?", I asked, looking at him interestedly. My father had an understanding of the sport that I often lacked, although I wouldn't admit that to him.
We were different in a lot of things - while he had started his career at his childhood club, having been a fan forever, he had moved the second he'd gotten an offer at a better team, claiming he wouldn't be successful enough with Hamburg. Seeing as our team had failed to make it back into the Bundesliga last year, I figured he had been right. I didn't care much, though. I would've stayed at Bayern, hadn't it been for Alexander Strauß, for what I thought to be my whole career. I didn't care much about personal achievements. Being the top scorer of the Super League didn't mean much to me. It wouldn't get Arsenal a trophy, as long as we were second.
"You'll get them to the top of the table", Papa promised, although I wasn't sure if I should believe him. Arsenal had missed out on the last league win. We were second now.
"Will you two stop talking about football already? It's all you do", Mama complained as she handed me one of her homemade biscuits, and I nabbed on it quietly, in my own thoughts.
"Do you think you'll beat the States?", Papa asked not long after, making Mama throw her hands up in frustration. I thought about the fact that I'd miss the first game, due to my red card recently, shortly.
"I don't know. We might", I shrugged again. "I feel like we can."
"You smashed it against France. As long as you don't pull a dirty tackle like that again."
"Well, I won't in the first match."
I'd ended up talking to Papa for far longer than what was effective, only falling asleep somewhere around midnight and being woken up no less than six hours later, my parents shooing me out of the house quickly in order to get me to the airport. The goodbye wasn't difficult, because we all knew I would be back in ten days to pick up Magnus, who seemed not at all affected by my departure, having snuggled up to my mother the second she had walked through the door.
I had enough time in the airport to buy a coffee and find my gate with ease. The flight was uneventful as well, as I slept for most of the time the way we had been instructed to, in order to help with the jet lag, and ate a nice little lunch (or was it breakfast?) before I landed in Miami, worn out completely by the amount of miles I'd made in the last two days. It was six in the evening in Germany, and one in Miami.
As I saw Syd and my other teammates in the airport lounge we'd agreed to meet in, I quickly realized I wasn't the only one, as my best friend was sprawled across the leather seats, hands folded underneath her cheek to act as a pillow. It didn't seem very comfortable, but I was still incredibly jealous of her.
"Hey", I yawned as I stood next to Klara, taking her into a short hug. She reciprocated the greeting, but both of us seemed too tired to start a conversation, so we simply waited for the last of us to arrive before finally marching out into Miami.
I hadn't been to the US before, as we had only versed them in friendlies in our own country, but as we sat on the bus, with Laura next to me pointing to all the big cars on the highway, astonished by her surroundings, I couldn't quite follow her enthusiasm as I let my head drop onto her shoulder, falling asleep the instant that my eyes were closed.
By the time we arrived in our hotel, I seemed to be even less awake than I had been before, and so I snatched the room card from Sydney the second we had been dismissed until dinner, and quickly made my way towards the elevator, falling into the bed exhaustedly.
I slept the whole afternoon, even though we were supposed to stay awake and wait until dinner before we even laid down in our beds. Luckily, the next room check wasn't until the next morning, which I certainly thought shielded my little nap. But I slept through dinner too, with Syd not having the heart to wake me (as she later told me), and only woke up at three in the morning. I huffed as I took in the time the clock showed me, and reached for my phone quickly.
Leah had texted me, I realized with a smile, asking if I'd arrived in the US already. I replied to her with an instant, half expecting her to be on her phone right now as it was around eight in the morning where she was. I didn't understand why England was playing Japan in Spain, but I didn't question it.
Her notification startled me.
Leah: Why are you awake already?
Ellie: I can't sleep
Leah: You need sleep. You have a game in five days
Ellie: I'm aware. I've slept for twelve hours now, I think that's a new record for me
Leah: Maybe you shouldn't have fallen asleep at three in the afternoon
Ellie: Yeah, maybe
We texted back and forth for a while until Leah excused herself as their breakfast was done and she needed to get ready for a training session. It was only then that I realized it had been close to two hours, and with Syd still sleeping soundly beside me, I decided to pass the time playing Sudoku on my phone, and attempting to fall back asleep a couple of times, none of them successful.
Sydney was woken up by her alarm clock by the time I'd made around fifty levels of progress, which I told her proudly. She groaned in response as I got ready for breakfast, unpacking a few of my things.
I spent breakfast with Alex, Laura, Lina and Syd, chewing lazily on a bagel with cream cheese. Although I didn't believe it was the healthiest choice, Poppi was adamant I get my carbs in, and I didn't complain as we ate contently, excited for the day of training ahead.
I flew through the exercises with ease, sprinting every repetition to the end, rounding the pitch and winning one on one's with far more energy than I'd had in weeks, despite the fact that I wouldn't be playing the first of our two games. Maybe it was because I wasn't playing. Maybe I was once again overcompensating. Maybe it was simply the ridiculous amount of sleep I'd gotten yesterday.
Either way, I felt content as Martina clapped my back after dismissing us to the changing rooms.
"Good training today, Ellie", she smiled, but stopped walking, pulling my elbow to an abrupt stop as I had gone to follow my teammates.
I couldn't decipher the look on her face as she analyzed my face intensely, her hand still resting on my elbow. I felt my skin begin to burn at her touch and shifted uncomfortably, to which she pulled back immediately.
"I missed you at dinner, last night", she breathed, and my face fell shortly before I was able to pull myself together again. I had missed dinner. Shit.
I should've been aware that it wouldn't go unnoticed, but I had simply figured, as Syd hadn't mentioned anyone asking about my whereabouts, that my coach either hadn't noticed or hadn't cared. Before I was able to explain myself, Martina opened her mouth once more.
"I know that you're not in a nice position with sitting this game out, but you're going to be on the pitch for the second game, Ellie. Don't stress yourself too much, okay? We need to work on that", she smiled encouragingly as I lost my voice, simply nodding at her statement.
"Yes, of course", I stuttered before she gently pushed my back, nodding at me as I found my way towards the changing room.
The energy remained high for the rest of the camp, as we listened to the playlists Laura had made and chose which one we liked best, sang along to our favorite songs and danced to Cotton Eyed Joe. I attempted to join the team but more often than not I found myself lacking the energy, instead enjoying moments for myself, disappearing from crowds silently.
The only thing cheering me up now and then were Leah's calls. Pushing my chair back, I held my phone to my ear closely.
"Hey", I breathed, escaping my nosy teammates' eyes as they played their FIFA 22 tournament.
"Hey, how're you?", Leah asked, her voice soft.
"I'm good, yeah. What about you?"
"Me too. Not really coping with the climate here", she huffed, and I chuckled at her statement.
"You're too used to England. You need to get out of there some time", I suggested, but she didn't respond anymore. I knew that Leah bled England. She'd never leave her home country. Not the way I had, at least.
"How's Miami?", she asked instead.
"It's good, yeah. Just a bit frustrating", I sighed, thinking about the match tomorrow. I'd be watching from the bench, although I wouldn't be wearing the team's clothes. I was merely a bystander.
Leah was silent on the other line, struggling for words. I didn't blame her. There was nothing she could really say to cheer me up. The only way I was able to keep it together was reminding myself of the match next week.
Going up against the number one in the world surely wouldn't be easy. We were very aware of it. Although no one except Syd had said it aloud, I feared some of my teammates thought it would be even harder without me.
I didn't know if I agreed.
"Are you gonna play in New York?", Leah asked and I nodded, although I couldn't see her.
"Yeah", I breathed, a small smile on my lips. Despite the difficult match ahead of us, I was excited to go to New York.
The first match was far more difficult than I'd expected it to be. I signed Jerseys and took pictures with the few German fans present, before slipping into the changing room without a real mission. There was nothing for me to do there except hold Syd's phone here or her clothes there. I tidied her spot as she walked over to Klara and Lea, folding her clothes neatly and placing them in her bag. If I was going to mope around in the changing room, I might as well make myself useful.
Martina's talk was difficult to listen to, mostly because I knew it wasn't directed at me. Still, I yelled with the team before they went out to warmup, and sat on the bench with the media people, even getting to take over the filming now and then.
The energy was high as ever, with music echoing through the full stadium, the fans cheering on the opposing team, and I found myself longing to be on the pitch every second of it. I stood with the rest of the bench for the national anthem, as Syd came beside me. Martina had wanted to give the newer players a chance during the first match, promising Syd she'd come on in the sixtieth minute. And she did, but it was too late already.
Our team had taken the lead early, with Jule securing our goal. However, the match slipped away with every second that went on, and there was nothing for Syd to do except watch as the USA scored two, fetching our win easily.
I groaned in frustration as Alex Morgan a second time, and when the final whistle went, disappointment was visible in every one's faces. It wasn't as bad as it had been the last time we'd lost, but still, we all knew that this match could've very well been ours.
"You did well", I promised Syd as she walked over to me, handing her a bottle of water.
"You too", I added as I hugged Laura shortly. She'd taken my spot in this match, and she'd certainly had her own chances. The problems were very much in our defensive line, with Giulia missing.
"Thanks", Laura breathed, and I handed her one of the jackets left on the bench.
Maybe, one day, I would be a supervisor. I seemed to blossom in my new role, although it was frustrating me more than anything.
And while the team's energy was deflating as we stepped onto the plane to New York City, mine was only growing. I couldn't wait to be back on the pitch. The next match couldn't come quicker.
vivien speaks!
honestly i'm back on my grind but i do dislike this chapter A LOT!!
defo let me know your opinions in the comments and remember to vote if you enjoyed the chapter :)
lots more to come x