I've developed a huge bond with my friends, even if I just met them a year ago, that it's literally impossible to ignore them. So by the end of our last class, na-kidnap na ako ni Anneliese at kinalakadkad (nicely) papuntang sasakyan niya. Her car was parked between Loren's and Marco's. katabi naman ng kay Marco ang kay Denzel.
"I wanna go home," I whined like a kid, trying to piss Anneliese off so she'd let me go. She hates it when I do it.
Instead, she only gave me an eyeroll. "Mag-didinner tayo."
"Ayoko," I declined. "I need to do laundry."
"Really? On a Monday night?"
"Hindi ko rin dala wallet ko," I tried to reason out again.
"Libre ni Denzel."
"I'm -"
"Umiiwas ka," Anneliese deadpanned. "I'm pretty sure it has something. Sasakalin ko 'yon kung hindi niya aayusin. Kaya kung ayaw mong mangyari 'yon, sumama ka na."
Natahimik ako. I think the reason why my friendship with Anneleiese instantly clicked since day 1 is because she can read me. Kahit sa group namin, siya 'yung pinakang-observant. She's frank and upstraight. Only "yes" or "no" exists to her. Walang "maybe".
I was quiet the whole ride. Nauuna 'yung sasakyan ni Denzel.
When we got there, minadali akong bumaba ni Anneliese. She literally held my hand like a kid. Hindi naman ako tatakbo. Aside from the fact that I don't know how to commute, masyado na akong halata pag ganoon.
Only when we were inside the restaurant did Anneliese let go of me. Mabilis akong naupo sa corner seat beside Sandra so Denzel won't be able to sit beside me - not that he will if given the chance.
I was a bit taken a back, though, nang makita ko ang disappointed look sa mukha ni Denzel when he glanced at where I am. He sighed and took the seat in front of me. Now that I think about it, I just made the situation more insufferable because I have to be face to face with him the whole duration of the dinner.
May lumapit agad na waiter to give us the menu and instruct us to press the small buzzer he gave when we're ready to order. I wasn't very much of a fan of eating out kaya hindi agad ako nakapag-decide ng oorderin.
Instinctively, I asked the person beside me. "What's your order, Sands?" Siya kasi usually ang parehas ko ng taste buds.
"Baka chicken teriyaki rice bowl. It's my first time eating here too," Sandra answered, reading the details of the menu thoroughly. "Are you ordering the same?"
I was about to answer nang may epal (na gwapo) na sumingit.
"Masarap 'yung folded cheeseburger nila. You don't like eating rice, right?"
Ah okay. So what if he noticed that I'm not a fan of eating rice every meal? Lahat naman sila for sure. Di siya special. Paasa lang siya (and I'd still hope, thank you very much."
"Oh okay..." I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. "'Yun na lang siguro."
"I'll order sun-dried tomato pasta para pwede tayong magpalit kung di mo magustuhan," he offered. And for what reason?!
"Okay." Eto na naman ako sa name replies ko. "Thanks, friend."
I was serious with calling him friend. I was hoping it'll be a wake up call - either he'd be reminded that we are actually just friends or he will get the sign that he needs to confess something with me ('yung latter sana), but what I said earned laughtet from the table - especially Loren. This guy!
Denzel looked taken aback. Again. May sasabihin sana siya but stopped midway when the waiter arrived. Pinindot na pala ni Marco ang buzzer.
After reciting our orders to make sure he got it right, umalis na ulit ang waiter.
Hindi na ulit nagkaroon ng opportunity si Denzel na kausapin ako because I pretended to use my phone. It's awkward, okay? Especially because our friends are watching. Si Anneliese lang naman kasi talaga ang medyo aware on what's happening.
Our topic revolved around different things the whole dinner. It eventually arrived at our college plans.
Honestly, wala akong masyadong plano. Half of my family - my dad and brother - lives in Australia while my mom and my sister are still in Baguio, undecided kung susunod pa doon. Ako kasi, walang balak.
"Mag-tetake ba kayong USTET?" Anneliese asked. "I think it's the earliest admission test sa mga universities."
"Yes, yes," Sandra answered. "Sabay-sabay na kaya tayo?"
And so we started planning. Go lang naman ako mag-take. My plan is to take as many entrance exams as I can and I'll just chose what I want when the results come out.
"Saan ba talaga kayo mag-cocollege?" Chloe asked.
"Basta, babe, sure ko si Denzel sa Switzerland 'yan," Marco joked. It was followed by an awkward silent na si Denzel lang din ang bumasag.
"The fuck," he cursed. "Ayoko don. I'm planning about SLU."
Please, akala ko tulog ang delusions ko tonight! I couldn't help but think that he's choosing SLU because my home city is Baguio. Hindi malabo, right? I so want to stab the tofu right in front of me. Bakit ba kasi niya ako pinapahirapan ng ganito?!
"Ikaw ba, Yara, san ka?"
WHY IS HE ASKING ME?!
I shrugged - my lame attempt to act nonchalant when I'm literally freaking out inside.
"Di ko sure. I'm torn between OLFU and SLU pa," I answered honestly. "But I'm leaning more on SLU para I can live with my mom and sister again. Plus, I miss the vibes there."
"Wow," Loren commented. "Edi magkasama na kayo doon?"
Minulagatan ko lang siya.
"Saan kayo ni Sandra?" Denzel asked, ignoring Loren's question just like how he ignores the huge elephant in the room (ano ba talaga ako sa kanya?).
"Kung anong pipiliin ni Sandra. Susunod lang ako," Loren answered.
Marco faked a bark. Natawa na lang kami.
When we're all finished with our foods, nagsitayuan na rin kami. Denzel and I didn't really have that many interaction - not that I'm expecting anything (pero kasi, why did Anneliese made it seem like he's going to make a move!
When I looked at Anneliese, expecting her to give me a ride home, she was sending glares on Denzel's directions, seemingly unsatisfied with what happened today - baka naman kasi they were really just assuming that Denzel likes me.
Before I can say a word, Anneliese help her phone to her hears. 'It's mommy,' she mouthed as she walks farther from us.
5 minutes later, bumalik siya.
"Sorry, guys," Anneliese pouted. "I have to go home immediately. Family matters." She looked at me apologetically but there was something else in her eyes. "Denzel will take you home na lang."
Before I can protest, nagtatakbo na si Anneliese sa sasakyan niya. I've hung out with her enough times with her to know that this is just one of jet schemes.
Nagpaalam na rin 'yung iba since it's a school day. Awkwardly, I turned to Denzel. It was just us and a bunch of teenagers left on the parking lot.
"Tara na," he calmly said, gesturing for me to follow his car.
Ganoon pa rin 'yung amoy. Amoy baby ko - joke. I mentally hit myself. Bakit ba gusto ko 'yung mga situation na kailangan kong i-question lahat?
"Ice cream muna tayo?" Denzel asked as he started driving. "Ang unti nung kinain mo kanina."
I blinked. Why does he sound so concern? Pwede bang clarity muna kung ano kami bago ganyan?! Just so I would know if I'll take is as a friendly concern or more than that.
I thought about it for a while. If mag-iice cream, there'd be more time for us to talk - and this time, kami lang talagang dalawa so there's more possibility that he'd actually be more open with me - if there's something to open up about.
Finally, I agreed. "Sige."
He drove for another three minutes before pulling over a small ice cream parlor. It has a cute, pastel exterior. Dahil glass wall ang gamit, I could see the interior from here. Cute rin and ambiance. It would've been a perfect place to take a soft launch photo kung aamin lang 'yung kasama ko.
Denzel opened the door for me and walked with me to the entrance. Siya na rin ang um-order ng ice cream, without asking what flavor I want, and just told me to secure us a table. I chose a corner one, just in case he'd actually want to talk.
"Strawberry with peanut butter," Denzel said as he placed the cup in front of me.
"Thanks," I mumbled. How he managed to get my order right, I don't know. I don't know a lot of things lately.
Akala ko we'd be quiet the whole time. I even tried rushing myself to finish the ice cream kahit hindi ako sanay na mabilis kumain. But to my surprise, he actually started a conversation. Akala ko buong gabi siya iiwas.
"So bakit ka nakipagpalit ng upuan kanina?" he asked. "Di ka rin sabay samin kumain ng lunch."
I didn't know what to say so I shrugged. Walang excuse para doon aside from the truth - and the truth will definitely reveal my feelings for him. Ayoko.
"'Yung totoo?" he urged.
"Wala nga," I tried to brush it off again. Akala ko naman iba ang pag-uusapan. I should really stop being delulu.
"Ikaw naman tina-target ni Harry ngayon, 'no?" he asked. Was it just me o parang may dark aura around him? "'Yung gago'ng 'yon talaga," he joked.
I didn't say a thing. I know Harry made it clear kanina na I'm not his type but a part of me wanted Denzel to think that way. Baka lang naman kasi ma-threaten siya and actually man up.
"I don't like him naman," sabi ko na lang. "Ikaw ba-" I stopped myself mid-sentence. Hindi naman mystery sa'kin si Zera. She gets mentioned around me from time to time. For sure, alam na rin ni Denzel na aware ako about her existence but for some reason, she was never mentioned between the two of us. Hindi ko alam kung sino sa amin ang mas takot na banggitin siya.
"Anong ako? Straight aka, Yara."
WHY DID HE SOUND SO SERIOUS AND MANLY WHEN HE SAID THAT? Was he doing it on purpose? Bagsak na bagsak na nga ako oh. I don't even think I can get up anymore -- unless itatayo niya ako.
I rolled my eyes and focused on my ice cream. "Bahala ka jan. I should've watch Gilmore Girls na lang instead of joining you for ice cream," I jokingly said.
"Okay, Mary," he retorted.
My eyes widened. How did he get that reference? And out of all the references there are to the show, he chose the one my favorite male lead calls Rory.
"You know the show?" I gushed. 'Yung tampo ko kay Denzel, long forgotten na.
Tumango siya. Cooly. Lahat naman ng ginagawa niya, cool e. "You talked about it all the time. Nag-try akong panoorin iyong season 1."
'Please marry me,' I wanted to say.
When we both finished our ice cream, hinatid na niya ako ng tuluyan sa apartment ko. It was a quick drive lang, considering that it was a 10-minute walk from the parlor.
He walked me to the door again. Nang nasa harap na kami, we both stood still. Medyo de javu from Chloe's birthday.
I sighed, accepting my defeat. Even with Anneliese's effort (gosh, I love my best friend to death), the whole night pased without anything happening. Baka wala talagang mangyayari. Baka wala talagang kailangang linawin.
After this night, I have to really make effort to move on. I was right from the very beginning. My crush on Denzel was not supposed to last. It couldn't. Not when there was Zera. Not when there's still Zera.
Angst lang 'to na pwede kong isulat.
"Uh, I'll get inside na," I finally managed to say. "Drive safely."
I opened the door and got inside. Pero bago ko isara, Denzel stopped me.
"Teka." He ran his fingers over his hair, appearing to be stressed. "I like you, Yara. Baka nalilito ka na so I'm making it clear. I like you."
Anong sinasabi ko kanina? I suddenly don't rember.