Typical of him to start a conversation that way.
Unsurprised, Xie Lian repressed the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose and exhaled slowly, taking care to nudge at Hua Cheng's leg with his feet to stop the ghost from doing or saying anything harmful. Then, he shook his head: «I wanted to come visit. Is that so unbelievable for you?».
Of course it was, and Qi Rong didn't hesitate before saying it! Especially because his cousin happened to visit in the exact same time frame that Lang QianQiu chose.
«It's too suspicious», he grumbled, crossing his arms. «Lang QianQiu comes back with GuZi, and you show up so conveniently? You want something from me, don't you? Or did you just want to make sure I wouldn't kill that annoying excuse of a god?».
Xie Lian had to take a deep breath again. He had no idea how Qi Rong managed to frustrate him so quickly and with much efficiency, but it was starting to get on his nerves.
However, he had to give that suspicion to him. He did show up at time that made it look like he planned to visit in order to check on the situation. Xie Lian didn't think about that, and it was is mistake. So, the Crown Prince simply decided to be honest with his cousin: «Listen, I came here now because I was informed that Lang QianQiu was here, but it's not for the reason you imagine», he said, trying to keep his words as calm and clear as possible. «I just wanted to see how's it going».
But he also became a bit more serious, and added: «Qi Rong, you have to understand that I do also worry about QianQiu. He used to be my disciple, and I want to try and mend our relationship if possible».
It was nice to see them get along, even in their own litigious way. It was good for the both of them, because they could overcome their seeping hatred, and for GuZi, because the kid could really benefit from having a good familial relationship.
Xie Lian frowned at his own thought. Were they...?
No-
«Qi Rong, are you and Lang QianQiu...».
«Fuck, no!?», the ghost interrupted him, smelling the question coming from miles away. «Ehw, cousin Crown Prince, have you smoked something bad?».
How could he even imply that he and that... that subpar god were in a relationship?! What a joke.
«Be serious with me. I can send San Lang away if you don't want him to hear».
Qi Rong stared at him, disbelieving, for a good while. Did they really look like-
«We're not together, and we're not getting together», he stated, emphasizing his words with gestures. «I don't know if we're... friends – the word rolled on his tongue like a particularly disgusting piece of rotting meat – but we just get along because of GuZi. That kid likes having a family».
And he deserved one.
Unfortunately for the ghost, Lang QianQiu was an incredible father figure when he wanted to, just stricter and less fun compared to him.
«Why do you even want to fix things between him and you?», Qi Rong then asked, curious. «It's not like he needs a teacher anymore, and his family wanted to slaughter our people».
«And whose fault was that?».
«San Lang, no», the god reprimanded his husband, raising a hand to politely silence him. «That king... he only needed an excuse to show his real colors».
While Qi Rong – and his allies – had been the main reason why the king went back on his word and ordered to kill anyone of XianLe origins, he wasn't really the one at fault in general. If Lang QianQiu's family was really the supportive and merciful rulers they claimed to be, not even the Gilded Banquet should have had caused the king to slaughter innocent people just for their origins.
Yong'An still had hatred for XianLe.
A buried hatred, one that was too dangerous for the common folk. Had the Gilded banquet never happened, the king would have probably found another way to fault the people of XianLe and have them killed.
«It was only a matter of time», Xie Lian admitted, giving a bitter laugh. «I'm mad that it had to happen like that, because you set things in motion and caused pain to everyone involved, but QianQiu's family had never really been on XianLe's side».
Xie Lian had changed his mind many times on the issue before reaching that final statement, but there wasn't really a way to keep circling around it.
Surprised, but not shocked, Qi Rong tilted his head: «So you're saying you would have killed QianQiu's family anyway», he said, raising an eyebrow.
«I'm saying – Xie Lian reiterated – that something like that would have happened at some point. Maybe with a different catalyst, but it would have happened».
The god was somewhat glad that Qi Rong and his despicable ally took care of the majority of the killing, on the Gilded Banquet. The thought used to disturb him, but Xie Lian had reached a point of understanding where he could see himself forced to wipe out what was left of those who opposed XianLe and its survivors.
Maybe living his past trauma once again awoke something in him that had been dormant all that time.
He still regretted that it had to happen with Lang QianQiu in the picture. Xie Lian really did care about him as his disciple, it wasn't just smoke in the wind.
Hearing that, something he never quite imagined possible from his cousin, the ghost was left perplexed. Xie Lian seemed a lot different, compared to the last time he saw him. The light in his eyes seemed colder, in an unnoticeable but still unsettling way.
He was baffled no one had noticed.
Well, he wasn't no one, he was his fucking cousin.
«Xie Lian», he called him, dropping his annoying behavior. «What happened to you?».
«W-what do you mean?».
Qi Rong squinted one eye at him, ignoring the glare Hua Cheng sent his direction: «You're not the same. Something is different, what happened to you?», he repeated his question, more slowly.
He wasn't one who particularly cared for other people. Unless it was GuZi, the ghost simply didn't want to be bothered with someone else's problems. And Xie Lian's problems? Tsk, laughable. At least for the Qi Rong who had grown to loathe his cousin, to the pint of commissioning kneeling statues of him and using those same statues as a footrest.
But now, their present wasn't like their past.
GuZi had also considerably sped up the process of Qi Rong getting out of his hate and jealousy, giving him a much clearer judgment when it came to certain things. He wasn't the mad cannibalistic ghost who yelled profanities at everybody's faces, not anymore. Sure, Qi Rong still retained those character traits, they weren't going to simply disappear like rain in a stream, but he resembled the prince he should have been a lot more.
He had better manners when needed, though he still enjoyed the feeling of warm blood on his hands and lips, and knew how to talk and act in certain situation that required a bit more thinking. He also refined his keen mind and his quick thinking, something that gave him many allies to take advantage of.
He was the same, but he was also different.
And he had sharper eyes too, now that he wasn't all focused in getting some sort of hateful revenge on his cousin by being an insufferable nuisance.
Xie Lian didn't expect that question, and neither did Hua Cheng, judging by how silent the Ghost King kept. Normally, he would have already been up in his face, ready to beat him up with words or fists, following such an impertinent behavior.
He was as stunned as the god was, just staring at Qi Rong with disbelief in his eye.
«What if I don't want to tell you?», Xie Lian replied, a whisper more than anything.
«Then fucking don't», Qi Rong shrugged. «I've never seen you like this. Cousin Crown Prince, you've always been direct and tactless, but never this cold. It's not normal».
A breathy laugh escaped Xie Lian upon hearing that comment. He squeezed Hua Cheng's hand under the table, and shook his head: «Just because you've never seen it, doesn't mean it never happened», he said, a special kind of bitterness underlining his tone. «If a tree falls in a forest and but can't hear it, it doesn't mean it didn't fall. It fell, and you didn't know it».
Qi Rong was the one that interacted with Xie Lian the most, after he resurfaced and met Hua Cheng. He was also the one who interacted the most with him back in XianLe, despite Mu Qing and Feng Xin being a lot closer to him compared to normal attendants. He should have seen it coming.
His eyes were wide open even if many thought them closed.
«Bai WuXiang found a way to still haunt me, that's it», the god ended up saying, not seeing the point in just keeping quite. Qi Rong had trusted him with the reason behind his head, Xie Lian felt it hypocritical to ignore his question now. «I had to relive something he did to me in the past. I guess I didn't exactly come out of that unscathed».
The fact that Mu Qing and Feng Xin didn't point out something amiss with his behavior lulled Xie Lian in a false sense of security. He himself didn't see much damage being left, after the long time he needed to recover.
Apparently, Qi Rong was a bit better at recognizing something wasn't right.
But after all, Xie Lian and Hua Cheng weren't exactly the best people in the world at recognizing their own issues.
«What did he do to you?.
The tone he had used painted a horrible picture in Qi Rong's mind. One that made him sick. He wouldn't wish that fate on his worst enemy, having been through that while alive and imprisoned, torture was better.
Xie Lian caught onto Qi Rong's thoughts, and rapidly shook his head: «Not that. Fuck, I... don't even let me think about that», he added, suddenly disgusted. The lone thought of Bai WuXiang putting his hands on him in that way made Xie Lian want to vomit, and he was one that stopped feeling physically ill many moons prior.
The pressure on the hand that was within Hua Cheng's grasp increased as well, a sign that the ghost was feeling the exact same thing. To calm him down, Xie Lian turned to look at this husband and tugged at his hand, gently, grounding him with his presence. "It never happened", he talked in their array, comforting him in his own distress. "You know it didn't. You were my first".
Knowing Hua Cheng, there were probably thousands of scenarios flying through his mind right then. He definitely also started thinking if he missed something, if it happened while he wasn't with him, after the ghost fire and before WuMing.
Xie Lian didn't blame him for that. Bai WuXiang was a traumatic memory for both of them, and it was always difficult to discern between what was real and what was fiction when it came to him and his influence. Terrifying to think about.
«What did he do, then?».
«You tell gege he doesn't have to answer, and now you're insisting?», Hua Cheng snarled at him, going from worried to angry in half a second. «Goddamn hypocrite».
Hypocrite?
Look who's talking!
«I think I have rights to ask questions, you fucking piece of rotten blood», Qi Rong spat back at him, forgetting for a moment that Hua Cheng could quite literally wipe the floor with him even if they were both Devastation now. «I'm not forcing, I'm asking. Do you not know the fucking difference? You're a shit husband if you don't».
Hua Cheng stood up abruptly at that insult: «You dare speak to me like that?!», he damn near yelled at him, outraged. «What are you insinuating!?».
Oh, fuck no.
«San Lang, sit back down», the god stood up himself to push his husband back on the chair, putting himself between him and his cousin. «Come on, listen to me».
Murder still written on his face, Hua Cheng slowly complied and sat back down at the table. Only when Xie Lian judged the situation with him to be stable enough did he turn to face Qi Rong, with the angriest frown he had ever had on his brow: «And you – he pointed his finger at him – moderate your words. Don't you dare say something like that ever again».
Telling Hua Cheng he didn't know the difference between asking and forcing... that, Xie Lian wasn't going to forget anytime soon.
There it was again.
It wasn't the first time Qi Rong ended up being threatened by Xie Lian – the memory of him pointing E-Ming at his throat more than vivid still – but it looked different.
He looked different.
«You're more aggressive», Qi Rong said, pressing his lips into a thin line. «That look on your face... it's not the same you had the last time you got angry at me». It was vicious. The light in those eyes he once used to describe as the most perfect and beautiful amber had dulled for a second, leaving Xie Lian with void in his gaze.
Brief, but terrifying. And worrying.
«Getting stabbed by a hundred swords does that to a person».
A long silence followed that bitter statement. Xie Lian took his time to sit back down, hiding his shaky hands beneath the table.
No one of the three dared utter a single word for what seemed like hours. It was so silent in that room that Qi Rong could hear Lan QianQiu moving around outside, probably doing something productive after growing bored of watching over a sleeping child.
The ghost knew Bai WuXiang was a depraved, vile being. He had the misfortune of experiencing his heinous crimes himself during the war between XianLe and Yong'An, the memory of the Human Face Disease was disgustingly lucid. But why do something like that to Xie Lian? It wasn't like he did something specifically against Bai WuXiang, he was trying to fight for his kingdom!
Or... did he?
Qi Rong hadn't been around Xie Lian during the war. He had no idea what exactly he could have done, save for the heavenly feats everybody knew. For all he knew, Xie Lian might have slapped Bai WuXiang in the face with a raw fish, a scene that was more amusing that anyone could ever admit.
«Have you-».
Xie Lian clicked his tongue: «Not intentionally», he said, imagining the question Qi Rong was going to ask him. «I never wanted to do something to enrage him, before he decided to target me. It was an accident, and I only discovered the reason very recently».
To think that, if it wasn't for Mei NianQing suddenly reappearing, Xie Lian would have never learned the real reason behind Bai WuXiang's reason to torment him...
«It all happened because Bai WuXiang took to heart something I never meant to be so significantly important», the god added with a sigh. «Still, that monster did what he did just because of his own motives. He chose to interpret what I said and what I am as he wanted, and you saw the results».
A fallen kingdom, a dead population, a wounded god, and a harsh turn in history. Xie Lian made a face: «Bai WuXiang saw himself in me, he wanted me to become him. He tried to hurt me, torture me to the point of creating enough distrust in the common people for me to become the White Clothed Calamity alongside him».
«And it didn't work».
The – slight – mocking tone behind Qi Rong's voice didn't go unnoticed to Xie Lian, and that time he didn't blame Qi Rong for it. After all the shows he put up to help and protect the common people, both genuinely and while he was still in the process of healing his mind, Xie Lian couldn't get mad at his cousin for making fun of that.
He grinned, eyes filled with resentment and melancholy all at once: «It almost did».
Hearing that, Qi Rong's face dropped, suddenly paler than it normally was. Xie Lian gave the umpteenth bitter laugh of his life, lowering his gaze to a very interesting spot on the table: «I became the White Clothed Calamity for a while. I don't remember clearly for how long I wore the mask and the funeral robes, but I did. I also killed, and ordered to kill, and I called to me all the souls of the soldiers of XianLe to unleash the Human Face Disease on Yong'An».
For every line of explanation, Xie Lian's voice became weaker and weaker. He didn't know why he was telling all that to Qi Rong. There was nothing telling him he could trust his cousin with something so important, not with their history, but another side of him knew Qi Rong wouldn't take that matter lightly.
Some things, he learned, were too serious even for his destructive ghostly cousin.
«I was saved quite literally at the very last moment», the god admitted, the corners of his lips curled up in a bittersweet smile. «If that merchant hadn't given his hat to me, I would have officially unleashed the disease over Yong'An and became a Calamity through and through. It's difficult to trust the common people when all they do is stab you until you can't cry because your throat has been cut open and your lungs are filled with blood».
There was another moment of silence after that.
Despite himself, Qi Rong couldn't come up with anything less than serious following that unexpected confession about his cousin's past.
He hated Bai WuXiang too, after all, and what he did to Xie Lian greatly surpassed what Qi Rong would have ever done to him even in the moments he loathed his cousin the most.
It was simply horrifying to imagine the same people who once worshipped Xie Lian as their god circle around him just to stab his body to the point of him screaming in pain. Maybe, in the past, Qi Rong wouldn't have cared all that much. Hell, maybe he would have even laughed, or joked about it despite the horror, but things were different.
The present wasn't the past, and Qi Rong was now embracing the growth he refused to accept for centuries.
«Why, though?», he ended up asking, unable to understand why a bunch of common people would do something so hideous. «Why did they stab you?».
Xie Lian wasn't able to speak further on the matter. Instead, he tugged at Hua Cheng's hand under the table, and the ghost caught the hint.
So, even if he would have preferred anything else to talk with Qi Rong, of all people, Hua Cheng looked at him with a frown: «Bai WuXiang gave them an incentive», he explained, pulling Xie Lian closer to him so he could hug him with one arm. «He tricked a group of around a hundred to converge to an abandoned temple gege went to, and then started spreading the Human Face Disease among the mortals».
The horror on Qi Rong's face was one Hua Cheng never saw on those features. That ghost was an annoying brat he liked to wipe his shoes on, but he could agree with him on that. Reluctantly, but he could.
«He told them the only cure was manslaughter, and... well, mortals are not exactly known for their willingness to die. They also knew who gege was, so being aware of him being their fallen Flower Crown Martial God, they were encouraged. They needed to murder, he couldn't die».
The perfect combo.
Qi Rong didn't miss the pain underlining each of Hua Cheng's statements. On a normal occasion, he would have gagged at him being so lost over Xie Lian, but something made him squint in perplexity. He talked as if he was there with him, seeing the whole scene.
Not that Xie Lian couldn't have told him every little bit he could, but still...
«Were you there, too?».
«I don't think it's any of your business».
«Oh, fuck off», Qi Rong cursed, annoyed. «I'm trying to understand something about you, you fucking asshole. What, you think I'll use it against you?».
Oh, he was going to pay for speaking like that to Hua Cheng, one way or another. But honestly? Qi Rong stopped caring the moment Xie Lian brought him being stabbed in the picture. It was like him dying all alone and unjustly all over again.
«Xie Lian said he ordered to kill while he was the White Clothed Calamity, so I assume it was you who followed. I doubt any other ghost would have followed him, not so close to XianLe».
Hua Cheng glared at him, left eye lighting up with ghostly energy and E-Ming vibrating at his side: «How dare you?».
The older ghost rolled his eyes: «Dare, dare, dare! It's all this you can fucking say!», he smashed both hands on the table. «Can you at least think about what I said, or are you so fucking blinded by your sweet love that you can't see the truth? Xie Lian wasn't loved anymore in XianLe, not a single ghost coming from the battlefield would have listened to his orders. One thing is to take advantage of the souls, another is to give them orders. It's obvious you were the one helping him».
Not that he would have gotten to that conclusion without having some previous information. Qi Rong only got there because Xie Lian mentioned him giving orders, and it came by itself that it would be a ghost. No one alive would have been capable to keep up with a Calamity, unless they were a god. Highly unlikely situation, given the circumstances.
Impossible, even.
«Were you there or not?».
«Does it make a difference for you to learn that?», Hua Cheng asked, not a single hint of mercy in his stone-cold voice. «You used gege's statues as a footrest. I should be smashing you to a pulp rather than talk».
«I know how it feels to die while believing everyone around you has betrayed you or left».
Surprisingly, Hua Cheng changed face upon hearing such a thing coming from Qi Rong, who scoffed: «I didn't magically turn into a ghost, you fucking idiot. If you were there and didn't help-».
Xie Lian hit the table with a fist, cracking it with the force of the blow: «Enough!». His voice, imbued with spiritual energy, roared in the small building with the same intensity of a strong, billowing wave of wind, so much so that their seats shook under them. «I don't want to talk about that anymore. Shut up, both of you. I'm done with Bai WuXiang and what he did, and I'm done with you two arguing».
He understood where Qi Rong was coming from; he never showed any care towards Xie Lian after dying and he didn't know how to make an attempt in doing so now, but it was doing more harm than anything. And the same went for Hua Cheng, he never had an actual, civil interaction with Qi Rong without something else keeping their spirits reined in, and it was showing.
«Yes, San Lang was there. No, he was unable to help me, but he managed to stop those mortals in the end. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go outside for a breath of fresh air».
And with that, Xie Lian got up and left without adding anything else. He felt guilty for lashing out like that, especially because he got angry at Hua Cheng too, but he was too tired of remembering his past.
Talking about it with Mu Qing and Feng Xin had already been more than enough; Qi Rong asking about it with such a short time in between was too much for Xie Lian's mind to handle. He was going to apologize to his husband as soon as he calmed down.
For now, he waved at Lang QianQiu when he saw him, and then headed out in a different direction, following one of the ruined paths snaking around collapsed buildings.
If only things could have been different... Xie Lian would have loved for Yong'An and XianLe to stop the animosity between them. After the war, only the victims had been left behind. Innocent people who had no hand in the death of Yong'An people and soldiers, those who simply wanted to live their life and instead got thrown into a conflict that became one of bloodshed and slaughter.
The Royal Capital and its people had their faults, Xie Lian was now perfectly able to see and recognize them, but many of those who fled to Yong'An just wanted to find a safe place to live. They had nothing against the newly formed kingdom, otherwise why even go there?
Prisoners of war were one thing, refugees trying to flee from the horrors of that terrible conflict plagued by illness was completely different.
Xie Lian couldn't blame anyone.
He wanted to, but he couldn't. Everyone was at fault, and everyone was in the right, there was no morality to be found and used against one another. In the end, they all lost. Whether they lost quickly or slowly, a loss was still a loss. Nobody won that bloodied war.
If anything, the only one who won was Bai WuXiang himself, who had succeeded in destroying XianLe from the inside out, and even that was only half a victory, a hollow success shadowed by a much bigger failure.
Xie Lian took a deep breath and stopped in his tracks, weariness falling over his shoulders. He recognized the buildings around him, knew them by heart; they were the places where the royal family would spend most of their time, and when he himself would teach Lang QianQiu various lessons from scrolls and books. One pavilion, especially, was Lang QianQiu's favorite when he was still a child. Big, decorated with fragrant flowers and surrounded by a quiet stream of water, it was the perfect place to have lessons over otherwise boring topics. Xie Lian liked it too, and he found himself looking with longing in his eyes at the now collapsed structure.