ALEXANDER
I haven't slept for almost thirty-two hours.
My brain is muddled, tangled in a web of fatigue and disorientation, and my insomnia isn't helping the case. Despite my body's desperate plea for rest, sleep remains an elusive dream, resulting I'm late for my first teaching class at Annandale after the break.
I burned out the deal of letting Tristan borrow the car this morning and paid the price by sprinting to Annandale High. Not even a participant in the Olympics could match my pace and they certainly don't race wearing a crumbled button-down and black Converse.
Inhumanly breathless and on the verge of collapsing in exhaustion, surprise bursts through me when I accidentally crash into someone during a left turn in the entrance hallway.
My papers scatter in the air like white confetti and books tumble loudly in collision with the linoleum floor. I printed out the old midterm assignments last night and since they were only held together by one weak-ass paper clip, the hallway looks like a printer has vomited.
"I am so fucking sorry, man–no, I shouldn't be cursing, shit–" I frantically try to clean up my mess all the while making sure the guy is okay from the collision. "What I'm trying to say is I didn't see you there, I'm sorry. The hallway is usually empty after the morning brief."
Empty or not, I still imagine myself bulldozing through the hallway to be on time.
An unfamiliar face of freckles and a friendly smile meets my gaze, somehow easing my nerves. He grins and combs his fingers through his sandy blonde hair. "It's alright man." His voice is as sincere as his face and he adjusts the strap of his sports bag hanging over his shoulders. "Happens for even the best. I once collided with this chick Audrey in the exact same corner. I nearly gave her a concussion."
"Audrey Kingston, huh?" I watch as he uses the palms of his hands to stand up from the floor. "How are you not in a casket and buried at six feet?"
He grins widely. "I ask myself that question every morning, appreciating another day for being alive." He politely offers a hand to help me up from the ground and I accept it gratefully.
With a quick scan of my face, he scratches his chin in question. "You new here? I haven't seen you around before."
"Yes–" I'm still beat up by the intense jog and white spots flash before my eyes. "Well, no, not really. I'm part of an internship program. I've been teaching Senior Advanced Math since January."
"Really?" He looks surprised, almost as if he doesn't believe my words. "No fucking way. Mrs. Harris is gone?"
"Yes–well, not dead of course," I quickly add, feeling the heat crawl up my neck. "She retired and gave me full responsibility for the class. I'm of course under supervision from my counsellor–"
The door to Principal Frederick's office creeks opens, saving me from continuing this horrible embarrassing path of sleep-reduced babbling.
"Alexander!" Frederick's hands clap together excitedly like he expected to see me. "I was just about to show up for your class. How was your Autumn break?"
"Delightful," My tone nowhere meets the level of enthusiasm in his greeting. "Went for a weekend trip to Indonesia with a friend. What can I do for you?"
Phrasing Hayleigh as my friend makes my stomach churn.
"Well, it seems like you've already met," Principal Fredericks squeezes his hand on the guy's shoulder. "You've got a new student in your class. A friendly face, actually. William Blaine was our student before he took his Junior year in Europe."
In an instant, everything freezes like a momentary pause. All external sounds tune out, drowned out by the rhythmic pounding of my own heart and the deafening roar of my alarming thoughts.
I don't even know how I've found my voice to speak. "William?"
"Yes, but you can call me Will, sir," William reaches over to give me a firm handshake. "I'm so pleased to hear you're Mrs. Harris's replacement. I'm looking forward to your class."
My hand reaches up to pull at the tie I realise I'm not even wearing.
I don't understand how I didn't recognise him in the first place. He hasn't aged much in the two years from the picture I saw. If anything, he looks older and more handsome. It's not helping that he's fucking polite and interested in my class. I want to be angry at this guy for breaking Hayleigh's heart but I feel torn by his friendly first impression interactions.
"Shouldn't I walk you to class?" Frederick offers rhetorically because he's already passing through the hallway in his navy blue suit.
All the extra credit I have been working for fits perfectly in one of the bins we pass by. Screw this. I don't need this degree after all. Every alarming nerve in my system screams to do a 180-degree turn and leave.
In stark contrast to my usual expectations, my body twitches with the hope of Hayleigh having one of those days where she has slept through her alarm.
She hasn't.
As we enter the classroom, I'm met with a smile from her that makes my heart swell. Knowing what's about to happen slowly kills me. When I move aside to let William in, I feel the crack in my heart as Hayleigh's happiness dissipates like smoke.
I can literally see the walls clash around her.
"Yes!" Jake nearly knocks over his chair as he stands, excitedly wrapping his arms around William. Several other students stand excitedly, engulfing the blond boy like he's back from war. I assume most of them are from his old soccer team from the weird handshake they're making.
I fade into the background as Frederick gives a short introduction, talking about William's return and the upcoming midterms. I stand composed and nod occasionally but my mind is somewhere else.
I can't tear my gaze away from Hayleigh. All the colour has been drained from her face and she chews the inside of her cheek intensely while looking down at the ground. It takes all my willpower not to strike through the room and wrap my arms around her.
"There's an available spot next to Timothy." I don't even recognise my own voice as I look at William, pointing towards the seat next to the windows.
"Sure," William smiles, walking past the rows of tables like he never left in the first place. As he passes by Hayleigh, who still focuses on the floor, he brushes his hand on her shoulder.
There's a silence in the class that matches the thick tension between them. Everyone is watching the interaction, even Frederick seems to have noticed. As he exits the classroom, the sound of the door closing brings me back to reality.
"Okay," I brush my lips together in a tight line. "The mathematics midterm is up soon. I've prepared the mathematic equations you might stumble upon in the test..."
For the next thirty minutes, my gaze shifts between explaining the questions and watching Hayleigh with her face buried in her hands like she wants to disappear. As I announce a small break, she is out of the classroom before I even get the chance to finish my sentence.
William is right in her heels.
Don't do it.
I drop the papers to the desk, combing my fingers through my hair in mild exasperation. I know I shouldn't be interfering, whatever happened between them is something they need to solve together.
But as I meet Matty's gaze and he nods at the door, my legs move before my mind tells me to stop. As I enter the hallway, William is only a few meters away from her, desperately reaching out for her arm.
"Haybear, come on. Please talk to me."
"Talk to you?" Hayleigh spins around so fast that William nearly stumbles into her. "How about those seven weeks of sitting alone staring at my miserable reflection waiting for you to answer the FaceTime phone call you clarified we needed to have every Sunday?"
Ouch. Looking over the leaves of the golden palm, I watch as William's face hardens and his tone changes. "Come on, give me a chance. You know that I was slowly adjusting and getting to know my roommates."
"Getting to know them?" She forces two fingers in the air, poking them harshly in his chest. "You ignored my messages for two fucking months, William Blaine."
"I saw every notification," He clarifies, rubbing the back of his neck. "I just never got the chance to answer."
"You know last time I checked the dictionary, that is exactly how you ignore somebody!"
Despite the harshness of her words, Hayleigh remains incredibly calm. Her cheeks are flushed, and her lips are folded into a thin line as she watches him press his back against one of the navy lockers, pinning him to the spot.
"Haybear," He rubs her upper arms, a pout framing his lips. "I think we both know what you're thinking."
"And that is?" Hayleigh asks quietly.
He inches closer to her, releasing his back from the lockers. "Your heart begs you to kiss me, but your mind tells you to walk away."
Hayleigh smiles, but it's an unpleasant one. She swats his arms away, scrunching her nose. "How adorable. Until you can return the time I wasted on you, Will, I don't want anything to do with you."
William rolls his eyes to the back of his head. "See, Hayleigh?" He grabs her cheeks, forcing her to look at him. "This is exactly why I left without saying goodbye. You always overanalyse my intentions for the worse when I literally saved us from having a heartbreaking conversation at the airport."
The amount of gaslighting clouding the air is slowly suffocating me, to the point where all I wanna do is smack him against the locker for a wake-up call.
Hayleigh tries wiggling out of his touch. "Will, let go of me."
"Not until you fucking admit that–"
"William?" I announce my presence before he finishes his sentence, stepping aside from my hiding spot. I can't stand listening to more of their conversation and when I meet Hayleigh's hazel eyes, she looks relieved.
William's face softens and he instantly lets go of Hayleigh's cheeks as if he's been burned by her skin. "Hey Reid, we were just–"
"Mr. Reid," I correct, as I approach them. "I understand there is some sort of history between you but untangling it here isn't the right place."
"Of course." William agrees, taking a step away from her. I don't know if he agrees because it's true or if he feels threatened by my face. I try to act as composed as possible but it's difficult when he's touching her like that.
"Would you mind returning to the classroom? I need to have a word with Hayleigh."
"Sure," He nods, giving Hayleigh a half-apologetic smile as he wanders back to the classroom. It's not until the door is closed that she exhales so deeply I can feel her pain in my bones.
"Alex?" She whispers and I nod slowly, checking the hallway for possible listeners.
"Every inch of my body is telling me to scream and all I want right now is a hug from you."
Fuck me.
"I know," My arms are pinned to my sides to prevent myself from tucking her hair behind her ears and pulling her close. Nobody can hear our conversation but Lee stands at the water fountain, having a conversation with a Sophomore.
"I'm sorry I can't." My stomach churns as she blinks away tears.
"Did you know?"
"I had no idea," I say honestly, stepping closer and shoving my hands in my pockets to keep from brushing her cheek where he grabbed her harshly. My blood turns to ice at the image.
"But if he touches you like that again, you tell me okay?"
She nods slowly, brushing a slipping tear away.
"I don't care if I lose my job," I say quietly, watching Lee disappear into her office. "If he does anything to hurt you again, I can't promise I won't break all bones in his hands."
A tiny smile breaks in contrast to the tearful hazel eyes and somehow, I feel like I can breathe properly again.
──
"Her ex-boyfriend, huh?" Tristan glances up from doing his reps on the lat pulldown, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead. "That's fucking rough, man."
"Tell me about it," The back of my head meets one of the machines behind me, defeat and frustration scattered across my weary visage.
I barely got the chance to put my car in neutral before Asher questioned why I looked like someone who had just been run over by not one, but ten trucks. Tristan agreed, watching me from the passenger seat with a concerned glance.
As tempting as it was to cancel tonight's workout, I wouldn't have gotten the chance to skip if Tristan figured out the reason. Being the son of a shrink, he firmly believes in resolving issues through communication when something bothers you.
Being bothered can't cover the depth of my feelings.
"You afraid he wants her back?" Asher doesn't break his gaze from counting Tristan's reps.
His question makes me snicker. "I know he wants her back." Only a fool wouldn't recognise William's intentions. They flicker as obvious as a neon sign with power fluctuations.
"You should have seen the way he approached her in the hallway. My hands tingled with the need of wanting to fucking shove his face into the lockers."
They share the same grin, looking at each other amused. I rub the back of my neck, feeling the skin itch with heat. "What?"
Asher sends a dimpled smile in my direction but remains silent. Tristan, on the other hand, reaches out for a towel and rubs his forehead. "It's just admirable that the softie in the group has turned into this possessive caveman."
I arch a brow. "I thought Marco was the softie of the group?"
"He's an ex for a reason," Asher elegantly skips over my question and switches places with Tristan, adding another thirty pounds to the scale. "If Hayleigh is anything like you describe her, she doesn't sound like someone who takes back what hurt her in the past."
"Sound argument," Tristan agrees, his gaze stuck on a certain brunette walking on the Stairmaster. Not a beat of sweat is visible on her despite doing intense cardio for the past twenty minutes and despite Tristan's efforts of trying to hide his stares, it's obvious for the blind.
A teasing smile finally breaks on my face, a nice contrast to my sulking frown. "You know, it might be less creepy talking to her instead of stalking her in the corner of your eye like a creep."
"I'm not stalking her," Tristan defends, but his chocolate brown eyes continue to gaze at her like she's an intricate painting at an art gallery.
"And, she won't talk to him unless it's academic-marketing-related," Asher adds with a smug smirk. The statement causes Tristan to break his stare, quickly looking back at us with a blush.
"Ouch, Tris." I pout. "Is Natalie Marcelo the first girl on campus to not acknowledge your presence?"
Asher grins. "Well, he did accuse her of stealing his hoodie–"
"Since when was this conversation about me and Marcelo?" Tristan interrupts, shooting us a sharp glare. "We're talking about Reid and beanbag. Stop using me as your remote control to change the topic of our conversation."
Asher and I share a glance of merriment at the 'I'm definitely not caring but certainly am fucking caring' outburst. It's out of Tristan's character to be so rattled out. She's gotten way beneath his skin and she isn't even aware.
Or she knows and takes full advantage of it.
"As said, he's an ex for a reason." The dense mass of emotion laces back in the pit of my stomach when Tristan drags the attention back to my dilemma. "If she's not interested in getting back together with him, what's the issue?"
The knot churns in a combination of discomfort and unease, as if every ounce of sadness and frustration coalesces in my gut. I fiddle with the hem of black polyester, suddenly feeling smaller than I am.
"That I'm not good enough for her."
They share the same look of disbelief.
"What? Reid, are you kidding me?" Asher tilts his head to face me, stopping his reps, which says a lot. He's punctual and thorough when it comes to his workouts, even the deepest muscle pain wouldn't stop him from continuing until he's finished.
Tristan nods in agreement after taking a swig of water from his power jug. "You're seriously not comparing yourself to a 17-year-old narcissist."
I chew the inside of my cheek until the taste of cobber explores my mouth. "Maybe it's not comparing myself to him, it's just my perspective in general. I mean it, Hayleigh has travelled abroad, she has seen everything. What can I possibly give her? I'm nothing else but a boring upcoming teacher with nothing extraordinary in the baggage. I'm constantly falling short, stuck in this cycle of self-doubt, convinced that no matter what I do, I'll never measure up."
"Is that how you see yourself?" A flash of hurt spreads across Tristan's face as if I've insulted him. But I understand his reaction stems from feeling hurt by my self-deprecating remarks. "Alex, for fuck sake..."
I'm always way too hard on myself and Tristan always wants to prove I shouldn't be.
"You're at the top of your class on a full scholarship with paid tuition. You were selected specifically for an internship in a top-five group out of fifty, which, by the way, is freaking paid. You've said this yourself. It isn't just about being a teacher. It's about being a mentor, guiding students through challenges, celebrating their successes and installing their confidence for their future selves. Leaving—"
"a lasting impact that extends far beyond the confines of a syllabus."
Tristan smirks in contentment when I finish his sentence, noticing the sudden shift in my demeanour. My shoulders relax and the tension drains from my face.
Those are my words. Every letter. But even though they help me grasp the fact there's nothing wrong with becoming a teacher, there are other aspects of my dilemma.
"I don't know," My fingers move from fiddling with the hem of my shirt to touching my knuckles. My brain feels like burned oatmeal in a non-stick pan.
"Or, I do know. The whole situation is complicated. Hayleigh should be with someone who can offer her everything. I can't even offer her a simple hug in the middle of the hallway when she needs it the most because I fear getting caught. She needs someone who doesn't have to hide his feelings back or–"
White cloudly looking spots distort my vision, my rant has been distracting me from the signals of my rapid heartbeat and I haven't realised Asher has stopped his reps to stand behind me in case of fainting.
"Reid," They share a glance of deep concern. "You need to breathe."
My heart still feels like it's pounding in my eardrum but my vision slowly recovers to normal, the gym's dark grey scale of colours slowly coming back into view.
"Your situation is only temporary." Asher gives me a comforting pad on the shoulder. "Your love for her is still there when everything is over. You've got what, around five months left of your internship?"
"Around five, yeah," I nod.
"Then suck it up and trust the process. Stay lowkey when you're at work, treat her like you would treat everyone else and wait it out. If she truly likes you, she'll also be there when the internship is over. You can't tell me the only reason she's drawn to you is because you teach math. It's because she likes you, not her teacher."
"You're probably right," I shrug, reaching for my water. The emotional chaos has left my throat dry.
"I'm always right," Asher smiles and Tristan nods in agreement.
I'm suddenly very grateful for showing up and I couldn't have expected less from my best friends. The rest of the workout goes with smooth talk and jokes, bringing my mood to another level.
The brisk gush of wind feels refreshing compared to the thickness of sweat when we enter the parking lot. I'm just about to unlock the car when my phone vibrates.
MESSENGER
HAYLEIGH BLAKELY
Wanna walk a marathon and drink cheap iced tea from Ollie's?
HAYLEIGH BLAKELY
I just really need you right now.
HAYLEIGH BLAKELY
and a fucking hug
HAYLEIGH BLAKELY
many freaking hugs
ALEXANDER REID
I'm already on campus. Meet me in ten.
HAYLEIGH BLAKELY
Remember the required campus outfit. Maybe a
matching lanyard and a cap this time?
ALEXANDER REID
You know, you can borrow my entire outfit and I'll walk naked.
HAYLEIGH BLAKELY
I wouldn't complain.
Butterflies erupt in my stomach, fluttering with wild abandon and a smile tugs at the corners of my lips.
"You know, you can just take the car," I throw the keys in Tristan's direction the second he glances over his shoulder. "I have to meet up with someone."
He catches them with ease, arching an eyebrow. A question lingers on his lips, but when he realises what I'm hinting at, a smile breaks on his face.