𝙜𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙡,
𝙜𝙤 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚.
—
THE LIGHT SHINES through the shutters which flutter from the air vent beneath it, shining directly toward me.
I am both happy and angry to be woken by the morning light.
Because of the events of yesterday, I couldn't sleep that well. Too many thoughts were running through my mind at a pace I couldn't handle, thinking about my future and my past and just what the hell I am to be kept secret all these years.
All I know about my being is that it is valuable. They have not told me exactly why I am valuable, just that I merely am.
I groan, and rub my overtired eyes. I think I might have cried a little in my sleep, considering my puffy eyes and slightly damp pillowcase.
I had that dream again.
Almost like on a system, every month I have the same dream.
I see a distant figure ahead of me, illuminated by the bioluminescent lights all around us in the forests of Pandora, however her face is blurred.
Her eyes are smudged, her features covered by something I think is in my eyes so I rub them, but it is not my eyesight.
I'm sure her features are beautiful when not covered by this unknown source.
Then, she runs.
And I chase her.
I can feel it in my bones that she is the answer to all my questions; she is the key to figuring out my being and my difference.
And every single time, she outruns me. She stands as I fall to my knees from exhaustion, which is why I think I was crying—just from how utterly exhausted I was.
She taunts me with a laugh that haunts my soul.
Why, you ask?
That laugh is my own.
—
I gasp awake once more. I think I fell back asleep.
I had a dream again. Not the dream, but a dream. I dreamed of flying.
I dreamed of flying on an Ikran, whipping through the landscape of Pandora and the Hallelujah Mountains without a care in the world.
That's all I want. All I crave for, is to be free.
But sometimes, even the biggest dreams cannot be achieved. I will never fly on an Ikran, I will never make a bond with any animal or any other being.
Spider is my brother. Max and Norm are my friends, and I appreciate them with all my heart, however I wish for more.
I know that I cannot get more, but it can't hurt wanting it, right?
Sometimes I think about how different my life would be if I were a Na'vi, or even a human on my own planet.
On Pandora, I am an alien.
But on Earth? I have no idea what I would be on earth. Maybe just.. a normal person?
Would I have friends?
No. I don't think I'd ever be normal.
Maybe in another universe, but it sure as hell isn't this one.
"Esme!" A voice calls from outside my room, "will you come out here?"
I sigh, sitting up and brushing my hair out of my face. I yawn, stretching my arms up as the morning light hit my skin and instantly made me feel warm.
"Esmeray!" I recognize the voice to be Norm, "get out here!"
I groan, pushing my blanket off of my body. "I'm coming! Just chill out."
Pulling my feet out of the sheets, I jump off the bed, groggily making my way toward the door. I open it, looking to my feet before I run into something hard.
Someone hard.
I look up to see no other than Jake Sully.