Estella's Pov
" Estella come here " Mrs Norman beckon me with her fingers
I know she's angry and it'll mean punishment , but if I disobey her she'll hurt me more
I move towards her slowly and stand in front of her
" open your palms girls " She raise her voice making me flinch
But I comply with her and forward my palms towards her
SMACK
The stinging pain of ruler is immediate on my palms and my eyes fill with tears
" you know you're not supposed to play with Sophie's toys right ?"
I nod
She's mad because I played with Sophie's toys ? But she's my sister and I was playing with her
SMACK
" you're starting to become so disrespectful and ungrateful no wonder your family abandoned you "
I sob
Wasn't she my mom? I used to have mom and dad too but after Sophie's was born they told me to call them Mr and Mrs Norman. They loved me right ? I am being a bad girl that's why they are angry
" I wouldn't do it again mom " I apologize, because our teacher said if we apologize to others their anger reduces
SMACK
" What did I say about calling me anything other than Mrs Norman? You dumb stupid girl " She shouts
SMACK
" I am sorry " I apologize again . No wonder she's angry I'm stupid
SMACK
SMACK
SMACK
I can't hear her anymore . I can only feel the pain in my palms.
I can't breathe
It's hurting too much
I'll di--
I jolt awake from my nightmare.
I look around the room and realize I am in my biological family house.
I bring my knees closer and rest my chin on it.
I am soaked in my sweat
I try to control my rapid breathing
Breathe in
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
Breathe out
1
2
3
4
5
I repeat the process and slowly feel myself relaxing back .
I learned how to control my panic attacks when I had one of them and of the volunteers at the foster home noticed it
She helped me understand that I was not dying and to perform breathing techniques to prevent it
Her name was Rosa. She was very pretty and nice. One of the few people I wished stayed in my longer . But she had only come there to visit her extended family over holidays and returned back for her college. And she never came again to visit the city
I look through the window in my room and notice it's dawn
The loom outside is too beautiful to ignore and I walk outside on the balcony and sit on the swing present there
The look is breathtaking
It's a beautiful harmony of night and morning
The reminder that after darkness comes the light and the new beginning of everything
Isn't it funny we as humans dislike the darkness but keep our internal dysphoria locked inside us and present the world our bright selves?
How we all have our own sadness but there's this unsaid race to overcome it quickly to prove our strength?
We can't be sad because others have worse than us ?
Do others truly have the right to judge for our emotions?
Do they know everything?
The counselor in my school said I should look on the positive side of the things?
But whats there to look when I have NOTHING ?
when I truly am no one without any identity or family ?
Why do others think I'm unworthy or useless because I didn't have a family ?
Is that why Rhysand didn't like me ? Because he knew I am unworthy because I've grown up without a family?
Do they truly want me or are they doing it out of obligation?
Will they even accept me if they knew about my pregnancy?
Will they welcome me if they knew how I am a pathetic weakness girl ? Who couldn't protect herself?
When I prided myself to be enough for myself?
I shake my head and try not to let these negative thoughts ruin my day
Because at the end of the day what's supposed to happen will happen right ?
I notice the time and realize it's 6 am
I decide to get ready for the day. I grab my clean hoodie from the backpack and because I don't think my biological family will appreciate repetition of clothes because they all were dressed in clothes that screamed luxury
I hum a to boulevard of broken dreams in my head and get ready
When I've finished dressing up I lift my hoodie to look at my stomach
There's no significant difference there, it's still mostly flat
I've always been pretty skinny just like other foster kids so I don't think I'll my baby bump will show anytime soon
I think I'll have enough time to gather my emotions and tell my family about the pregnancy
Because I don't think they'll accept any attempt to keep the baby's father hidden or kept secret from them
So I'll probably would've to come clear to them about everything
Even though I'm not too sure about their intentions , I think revealing my pregnancy to them just after few days of meeting them is not a good idea
I'm startled when there's a knock on the door . I fix my clothes and after making sure I'm dressed fine I open the door to find a grinning Liam there
" Goodmorning princess Ella. I'm here to escort you to dining hall " me speak in an awful British accept and even fake bow
I couldn't help but chuckle at his antics
" Hello to you too Mr . Liam " I do a fake courtesy and he laughs.
" well c'mon everyone must be waiting for you " he says followed by another bow and motioningbtowards the hallway
I laugh and follow him
When we reach the dining room everyone wish me goodmorning I reply them politely
And I settled down on the seat I sat last night
I notice the absence of rhysand but don't question it
Well guests don't question their hosts now do they? Am I a guest or should I behave like a family member? And if so then how?
Ugh it's so frustrating
We will settle on it sometime later
While I focus on eating my breakfast which consists of waffles , fruits , bacon , and juice. And notice the significant increase on my diet
I never ate this much proportion and even when I've finished my first serving I'm still hungry. Well you can easily blame it on good because It tastes delicious and the fact I'm basically eating for two
And while I'm still debating if I'm allowed to ear more another waffle is put on my plate I look up to find Cyrus filling up my plate once again
" you should eat more. You're in your growing age " cryrus says after filling my plate and keeping it in front of me
" thankyou " I muttered and resume my eating
" Ella the twins will take you shopping today and you can buy everything you need but if you're still tired from jet lag you can order stuff I online " Robert speak
I don't need them to get me anything. I have money saved up from my part time jobs.
I start to refuse his offer " I don't need anyt-" ..
"I know you have your stuff but I want my daughter to be comfortable and have everything . It doesn't hurt to have some extra stuff " Robert cut me off and speaks
Daughter
And when he puts it like that I dont argue and simply agree to him
And it's true I'll need some extra clothes considering preganancy and all
After finishing up our dinner the twins and I go to living room to get the shopping done online
Because I am already feeling tired and I don't want to add up any more exhaustion
" So estella which brands do you think you'll like ?" Liam gimrins at me
Well looks like shopping is gonna be fun !