love me harder | ariana grande, the weeknd
❝ cause if you want to keep me
you gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta
got to love me harder ❞
I KNEW SOMETHING was off the second I sat down and Mom's infamous cat-eye sunglasses were neatly folded on the table, right by her empty plate.
I only could guess how bad the 'it' was when I met the eyes of my evil sister who probably skins bunny rabbits for a living, and there was no malice in her gaze like usual.
Dad looked the same, but nothing could rattle him. Even though he's always been the chill parent and therefore everyone assumes the most emotional in comparison to Mom, he's rather in tune with his emotions and so they don't exploit him.
I know he cries in his bedroom though, or at least I've always assumed he must do that.
"What's wrong with your blazer, Sage? Don't tell me Caleb forgot to send you out with it." Ivy snorts.
Oh, never mind. Still malice ingested that one.
I zone in on the action of her crimson-red nails as they tear at the tissues provided by the restaurant. It's a habit of hers she's never been able to drop no matter how many scoldings from mom and dad.
"Ivy," Mom warns, shooting my sister a hard glare that could probably straighten up those kids who 'Supernanny' can't fix.
"What?" Ivy snaps, "You know it's true," she shrugs, throwing her dark-blonde hair over her shoulder with a smug grin.
"Ignore your sister, she's currently sporting a broken heart," Mom waves off.
"Sorry for your loss," I mutter.
"My loss?" Ivy's dark eyes meet mine. "Cedar isn't dead, he's just stupid."
"Yeah your loss, considering this was the first and last relationship you'll have." I don't know what drugs she was force-feeding Cedar to willingly make him go out with her but I think I might need to be on some of it.
"Mom!" She whines snapping her head to the side.
"Sagey," Mom sighs as she pinches her nosebridge. "Come on now. You know that's not nice."
"Not nice? He's not seven Mom." She scoffs. "Dad, you get him in trouble!" She huffs out as she leans back in her seat to look at Dad.
Dad's eyes have been fixated on the menu this entire time. He's got a crease between his brows. "Do you think their gnocchi is fresh?" He asks me, a smile twitching on his lips.
"Oh, I am so done with this family. You're all weirdos and I'm out." Ivy pushes back in her seat.
"Ivy Rose Evanders you will sit down right this instant," Mom commands, grabbing at Ivy's wrist that's suffocating with the amount of silver Cartier bracelets she's got on.
Ivy shrugs out of Mom's grip and grabs her black YSL handbag. "No, all you do is defend him."
"I'm sorry, I thought we were just joking. Have a seat Ivysauras," Dad tries, much softer than Mom had been.
"Dad," Ivy seethes as her cheeks flush with pink. "I told you that you're banned from calling me that name in public."
Mom rolls her eyes and fixes the sleeves of her long light-blue Valentino dress that's got a tie neck. "Just sit down Ivy, today isn't about you."
"You are so inconsiderate, Mom." The blonde-girl huffs out. She storms away from the table a second later. Her black, white and gold Chanel tweed skirt moves stiffly as she scurries out.
"I'll go grab her." Dad sighs, dropping the Lancaster menu on the table as he stands up.
Ivy's always gotten along with Dad. Her and Mom's relationship is somehow always on the rocks. It's been like that since Ivy first attended Sterling Academy and simultaneously started puberty.
Gigi always said that girls and moms went through some crazy rearranging of their souls when the younger girls went through puberty.
It took up until I was fourteen for me to realise it was all metaphorical.
Mom's gaze flickers over to me. She straightens up in her seat and rolls out her shoulders to release the tension. It's a stretch her masseuse is always recommending her to do.
"Do you want to order whilst they're gone?" She asks.
I don't think she understands how daunting that question really is.
I shrug and pick up the menu that's in front of me. I don't know when it occurred but sometime over the past few weeks, I woke up with an epiphany that's led to the suffocating feeling that's engrained its way into my lifestyle to slowly dissipate.
Lo was such a fucking idiot and he's been living in my head for the better part of a few months.
I didn't even know the guy but he still fucked me up. How could I let that happen? He said one thing and it got me good. I haven't gone out of my way to stalk him but I may have dropped his first and last name a few...hundred times in front of my PI.
Cornelius only got the hint after name drop 279.
Took him long enough.
Apparently, Lo's gone the route of homeschooling because his reputation has been spoiled ever since he got hospitalized. Every school assumes he's a bad boy delinquent who'll ruin their reputation so he's been 'kindly declined upon the basis of it being too close to graduation,' from everyone.
I eye the pasta section of the menu and smile once I see that they have carbonara. "I'll probably get my usual." I murmur.
"With a mocktail and those chunky fries on the side?" Mom asks, knowing my go-to order since I've been twelve. Although, the mocktail is a lie.
I've been tipping back her wines since I can remember.
I shake my head, "Just the pasta." I haven't gone back to how I was but I'm making progress. Who knows, by the end of the re-run of the Barbie movies I've been watching I might even indulge in red velvet cake.
"I'll get a caesar salad for myself and I'll order a steak for your Dad and Ivy. Those two and their shared meals, you'd think she came out of him and not me."
My brows dip at that. "Mom, you can't order that. Ivy's vegetarian."
"What?" Mom looks up at my from the menu. "Since when?"
Is Mom being serious?
"Since last year," I answer. "She kicked up a whole fuss about it and how we're killing the animals for our own selfish desires." How does Mom not know this? Even I do and I avoid that girl like the plague.
"Oh right I remember that," Mom hums but there's a crease in her brows that tells me the opposite of what she's saying. "It must've slipped my mind."
"Yeah, must've." I tentatively agree.
An awkward silence fills the air until Mom calls over the waitress. Now, I'm not too sure about child labour laws but the girl with the notepad looks twelve years old. Mom must think it too because her brown-eyes meet mine and widen.
It doesn't take long after the food has come out for Ivy and Dad to enter back into the restaurant. Ivy's got reddened cheeks and pursed lips whilst Dad lingers behind her with a serenity that I've always envied.
Nothing rattles him. Never has and never will. That's why his marriage to Mom works, no matter how loud or upset she can get he's always managed to reign her back in.
He does the same with Ivy.
Mom and Ivy might go at it time and time again but they're a mirror of each other. It's so easy to tell that they're mother and daughter.
Mom stops talking about the gossip she was letting me know about. Something about Principal Leightons' divorce from his wife and how their ridiculous amount of children — seven or something like that — are in the mix of it.
Ivy eyes her plate with confusion once she takes her seat again. "Really, Mom?" She picks up a fork and pokes around the greens and the rest of the vegetables with disgust. "Are you trying to send me a message or something?"
"For Goodness's sake Ivy! Everything I do is not good enough for you, I ordered a salad because you're vegetarian not because I think anything." She huffs out.
"I'm not feeling that there's good vibes right now," I murmur more so to myself than anyone.
"Someone grab a camera we've got Einstein on our hands," Ivy's sarcasm is thick as she eyes me.
"You're not funny." I scoff, taking a bite of the pasta.
She raises a perfectly threaded brow. "And you are?"
"Some would say so."
"Who's some? The boy that's been babying you since you were like four? The one who's always frowning and getting into shit he shouldn't? Ooh-ooh is it the one whose house you hide out at to avoid me?"
"It's actually the plethora of girls who suck my c—"
"Ew, ew, ew," Ivy gags as she drops her fork and sticks her fingers in her ears like she's a little kid. "You are so disgusting and I'm bleaching out my ears after hearing that."
"How is Brigitte by the way?" I ask, mentioning Ivy's blonde best friend. Brigitte was the first girl I ever had a crush on.
She's also the girl I embarrassingly lost my virginity to in eighth grade.
"Oh, absolutely not." Ivy retches, dropping her hands beside her plate on the table."You are not going there."
I don't think Ivy knows just what Brigitte and I got up to. She does however know about the tiny crush I harbored.
"You two stop bickering." Dad interrupts. "Sagey," he stabs his fork into the steak, medium-done like always. "Your mother and I did not come out here to hear about your sex life. Although..." He takes a bite of his steak, "I do hope you're being safe."
"Of course," It doesn't help that I haven't touched a woman in about seven years. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration but I can't remember the last hook-up I had.
"Your father and I also didn't come out here just to eat."
I nod over to Ivy's presence. "Yeah, I kind of gathered that." Mom and Dad wouldn't have brought her along for something as simple as a meal.
That is unless...Caleb mentioned the whole eating thing. He wouldn't though, would he? Oh for fuck sake he so would. Oh shit. Mom...is going to kill me for not telling her sooner and Dad...He isn't going to understand it all.
And Ivy? Dread seeps its way into my stomach. She can't know. She'll hold it over my head forever.
Oh no. Oh fuck. Oh shit.
"What is it?" I ask, trying my best to keep my voice nonchalant.
A somber look crosses Dad's usually serene features. His usually bright eyes dim with an emotion I'm unable to decipher. The dread grows so fast it's probably blossoming.
Oh no, another thought suddenly strikes me. Don't tell me grandma's dead.
I never got to beat her and her old ass friends at Thursday bingo.
I mean I'll also miss her and stuff, but I never got to beat her and her concerningly younger lover Tony.
"Sagey, before we tell you this I just want to let you know that—" his eyes flicker from mine to his plate, "We never meant to keep this a secret and we love you very much."
Dad and Mom's voices sound like they're underwater as they begin to speak. Their mouths move but it's static that translates into my ears. Mom picks up a napkin at one point and begins to dab at her eyes as she says 'sorry,' 'so sorry, Sage,' 'secret' and 'anguish.'
Ivy doesn't look at all phased by the news that's being delivered and I suddenly think back to all the times she'd said it as a joke and had slick satisfaction with knowing it was the truth.
Dad's pleading now, I don't know what for. I stare into his eyes and can't help but feel foolish for ever having thought they were the same as mine. That and his curly hair, sure it's way curlier than mine but between that and Mom's straight hair I thought I was...I thought I was a perfect mix.
My eyes flicker over to Ivy who's the real mix.
What the fuck!...What the fuck?
I look down to the food in front of me but it all turns to ash in my vision. Mom and Dad are still speaking but I'm barely concentrating as I try and think over what I'm going to tell to the boys.
Caleb knows everything, does he know this? No. He couldn't, he would've told me. Atlas will probably be shocked and he'll say some shit like "Nah, all's good this doesn't change shit."
Luca?
Fuck, what's Luca going to say? It's not that I think he's going to judge me, but it's just that Luca is so shit at emotions he'll probably shut me out in fear that I'll cry.
"Amber?" I cut in, zoning back in at the name that Mom has just said.
"After the whole," Mom swallows as she makes a bitter face, "thing with Gigi, I went ahead and had all the cameras checked. There was a clip of Amber in the house alone. She'd entered your bedroom and when she left, well..."
"There was a letter sticking out of her bag that wasn't there before. We think it was the one your birth mother wrote to you, Sage."
"But she didn't release it?" I ask.
I chuck the whole 'birth mother writing me a letter' at the back of my mind for now. I'll revisit it when I'm freaking out over everything in my dorm.
Dad's thick brows draw together. "That is exactly what your mother and I were stumped on. We don't know why she did that."
"Maybe she's just waiting for a moment until she strikes?" Ivy murmurs around the straw of her 'mocktail.'
"No, she isn't like that." I'm quick to defend.
My sister's laughter has me sinking into my seat, "Oh please don't tell me you think she's trying to protect you or something."
"I never said that, dumbass. Maybe if you open up your dumbo sized ears a bit more you'd listen."
Ivy's jaw goes slack, "Go fuck yourself, Sage!" She screeches, shooting her hands up to her ears and petting them as if she's trying to console them.
"Yeah," I stand up from the table and push back in my chair. "I just might."
Mom goes to speak, but I watch Dad place a reassuring hand on her her lap.
"Whatever questions you have, Sage, we'll answer all of them." Dad promises.
I stare at him, Mom and Ivy and suddenly why they all chose to sit on one side whilst leaving me by myself on the other. "Yeah, sure."
I'm still sporting bewilderment as I get in my Jeep Wrangler. I sit in the drivers seat and listen to the rhythmic beating of my heart to calm myself down from whatever the fuck that just was.
I'm still in a daze when I drive up to the school and park my car in the student allocated parking lot.
After a while of weirdly staring directly into the eyes of some unknown species I hop out of the car and spot a familiar girl in the distance.
Saamiya Daler.
Just wait until she gets a load of this. Nothing is beating the craziness that I'm about to unleash on her.
🃁 🃁 🃁
Never mind. Fucking Valé has me beat with her whole sex scandal.
Can't that girl just let me have one thing?
I mean, I just find out my parents have been lying to me for nearly eighteen years and she has to pull up with the fact that her and Reid Cathans have slept together.
Fuck me, what's it going to take to be the number one fuck up around here?
I'm aimlessly kicking at the rocks around one of the trees, waiting for the first period to end when I feel a presence draw closer to me.
"A shame what's happening to Caleb's girl, no?" Christopher D'Arc mutters beside me.
I shoot him a wary look. Uh, can he not see that I'm currently wallowing right now? "Not his girl," I murmur once I process his words.
He rounds the rest of the tree and leans agaisnt the girdled trunk. I go to warn him about the hundreds of splinters before I realise that the quicker he gets hurt the sooner I'm subjected to the removal of him.
"Your loyalty to your friend is cute."
Cute? Nothing about me is cute.
"And you'd know about loyalty?" I scoff. Does he think I don't know about his and Amber's little rendezvous? The little fucker probably came her just to brag about it.
I might be hot but I'm not dumb. I know how rats move.
And he's the biggest rat known to man. Peter Pettigrew is probably in fear of him. Fucking hell, the rats in New York probably have nothing to say when being compared to Christopher.
He crosses his arms over his well-fitted school blazer. "What'd you mean by that?"
I match his stance but deplete a little when I realise we're the same height. Fucker. "You know exactly what I mean."
He tips his head forward at that which has lighter-coloured hair fall in front of his eyes. "Look Sage, Amber is hot and weirdly funny. I know she fucked up your life and I'm really sorry for that but I owe you nothing. And unlike you, I don't have secrets that'll ruin my life, so I guess I'm pretty safe with her."
"Is this some kind of petty revenge?" I ask. Because if it is, he's got a leg up on me and I'm not a fan of it.
"What?"
"Because of Luca and Maxi?" Christopher's jaw locks but I don't shut up. "If it is, Amber isn't the type of girl you bounce back with. She isn't a rebound that lasts for a week, Christopher."
"Yeah, what is she then?" He asks. "Cause I know she isn't yours."
I tilt my head to the side and search his face for remnants of whatever drug he's obviously taken. "Are you trying to start with me?"
He lets out a breathy exhale, "Nah, like I said you're a good kid Sage." There's a smile at his lips that his eyes aren't quite reaching.
"I'm not a kid."
He grins. "Woah, big guy huh?"
I shrug, he isn't entirely wrong there. "Suck me off and you'll find out."
Christopher huffs out a breath of amusement. "You're a weird kid."
"Don't make me threaten you with my épée."
"What?" He laughs, his brows raising. "Are you trying to like protect her honour or something with...fencing?" He's so fucking irritating, "Cause that's a bit ironic."
"Why? Beause she fucked me over?" The jokes are getting old, especially now more than ever.
"No," he shakes his head, "Because, don't you like her friend?"
I halt at that. How the hell does he even know that? Unless...no, he couldn't have been hacking into my phone. Could he? I search his creepily-similar-to-my-own-eyes, to see whether or not he looks like a hacker.
I get stuck up however when a sick feeling washes over me. His central heterochromia of light blue and grey eyes is a sickening replica of my own.
Something along the lines of sly realisation lodges itself down my throat. I swallow it down.
"No." I don't.
I had a lapse in judgment. One I'll be sure not to have again.
"Then let me offer you some words of advice Sage, because I'm not trying to fight you 'mr I don't know what drugs you're taking to delude yourself into thinking you get to act all macho for a girl you've thrown to the sid—"
"I haven't thrown her—"
"Uh uh," the other boy raises a finger, "I'm speaking," he uses the same ton as his mother. "If you like this girl don't look at her friend in a weird manner, don't fuck around with her friend and don't make her doubt your feelings for her."
"Hit close to home?" Everyone knows about his fucked up relationship with Maxi and Rain.
I think he'll swing on me, but he doesn't. "Yeah, and I think it might for Amber too." At that, Christopher pushes off from the tree, he doesn't invade my space, instead, he starts to walk away.
"Don't go on another date with her," I call out to his turned back.
He looks over his shoulder but the blaring bell which announces we've got approximately five minutes to make it to second period rings out for a harrowing thirty seconds.
The both of us cringe at the shrilling sound.
"Why?" He asks over the depleting sound.
"I told you I'd bring out the épée."
"To what? Duel me?" His shoulders shake as he smiles. "You're fucking weird, Sage."
I don't break out into a grin. "I've been fencing since I was six."
"I'm not going to duel you, you dumb fuck."
"Don't call me that." I frown.
"Well," Christopher shrugs, "what should I call you?"
"Lord and saviour has a nice ring to it."
"You aren't my Lord nor are you my saviour," he scoffs with an eye roll. "Also, I don't think you have one fight bone in your body."
"Yeah?"
He rises to the challenge, "Yeah."
"Go next to Amber again and you'll find out."
"Maybe I will," He drops his shoulders, "After all, she is right there." He nods his head over to some direction.
Because I can't let the opportunity pass me by if she really is there, my eyes stray off of him and onto the entrance of the library.
Amber, in all her glory, has exited out of the double doors with a small entourage of girls who almost trip over themselves as they attempt to catch up with her unmatched strides.
Her black hair is curled today, it's also grown and now falls past her shoulders. She looks beautiful...obviously. She wears her skirt longer than she used to at Sterling, but it isn't that noticeable so I don't know why I take note to it.
Her cheeks are lightly dusted with a blush which adds even more liveliness to her blemish-free skin. She isn't smiling, what she is though, is so achingly gorgeous that it hurts.
"You're making a mistake, letting her go." I put it out there, just to let him know because good karma and all. Who knows what else will happen If I dupe him?
I might find out that Caleb really has been getting with Valé.
Actually, I take that back. I don't even want to risk putting that into the universe.
I catch sight of Christopher shrugging in my peripheral vision. "This weird kid is telling me he'll fight me if I go near her."
My eyes are still on Amber as she crosses the courtyard. Despite the cortège of girls that linger around her like headless chickens she's her own entity.
I don't know if she notices it, but nearly everyone spends half a minute just gazing at her. She's entrancing like that.
"You should still fight for her," I murmur. Hell knows I would. I've just been too out of sorts the past couple of months to realise everything.
"Nah, I think you're in desperate need."
I raise a finger at him but don't lose my train of gaze. "I still don't trust you." He can be weirdly nice but that's never stopped anyone before.
"I don't care, Sage," Christopher says with a shake of his head when I finally turn back around to him.
"Don't look at her weird," I warn.
"Don't lose her again."
"Oh trust me, there's no way that's happening."
Whatever he says next goes unheard because I'm sprinting down the open courtyard, barely missing busy bodies as they try and navigate their way to their classes.
I register only smacking into one kid who goes tumbling down like a house of cards, I help him up and offer to let Spencer take his exams before making my way to the middle of the courtyard.
"Hey, Amber!" I call out, ignoring the onlookers whose gazes stop to linger on me.
The suddenness of my presence catches her off guard because she halts from her perfectly timed strides that belong on a runway rather than a school's courtyard.
It's a bit funny how quick the other girls stop walking as well. I recognise about four of them, the other five are a complete mystery.
You could tell me they spawned at this school this morning and I'd probably believe you.
Despite our lack of introduction or general knowledge of each other, they have no shame in eyeing me judgmentally.
All the girls around her look at me as I've just approached them with handcuffs or something. If they're into that I'll gladly lead them to Caleb and Atlas's collection of fucked up toys.
"Amber?" I call out again, not because she can't hear me. It's near impossible for that to happen, but because she's...ignoring me.
"Am I allowed to walk with the princess?" I ask the least intimidating-looking girl in the group.
She, like the rest of the stormtroopers, is pretty tall. The blonde girls's face squishes up like a bad pear. "No."
"No?" I not only repeat to her but to the bunch of other beady eyes that stare back at me, expectantly. They all shuffle in front of Amber as if she's their queen bee. I instantly raise my hands in defence not knowing what else to do. "I'm not a predator if that's what you're thinking. Hardly got the stomach to even watch horror movies."
"We know you aren't a predator Sage," A brunette-haired girl interjects, coming out from the actual shadows.
"Olivia?" I question, eyeing the girl who's just spoken up.
"Sage, hey," She greets, sinking back into the group at my recognition.
Olivia and I used to go way back, we also used to go deep but that was ages ago. I honestly thought she moved to Khazakstan or something.
"Um, I'm just going to—" I squeeze past them all only to find out that Amber's gone. I look around and spot her in the distance. Was she really trying to escape me?
I smile a little to myself, before making a run for it. For what it's worth she doesn't look back so at least I've got the element of surprise on my side.
"Hey," I jog up to her, taking full advantage of the shock that's playing across her pretty features.
"Hello?" She shoots back.
"Don't be so confused Ambs," I begin with a friendly smile. It's dubbed the 'Sage Evanders' for a reason. Mom says I could sell rocks with it.
Amber's eyes drift off to the distance but the stoic look on her face remains.
"So...what's with the new change in friends?" I ask, falling in step with her.
"Not friends." Amber's quick to defend, though she looks over her shoulder as if to search them out. At least I think it's them she's looking for.
"Followers?" I supply, she's already got a lot of those online.
"Not that either," is her curt response. "Wannabees," she supplies, after a lengthy pause. "Wannabee models that is. They're all trying to have Mother sign them up to her agency."
"Oh, uh..." That ticks off why I felt like I was in a height-off. "Will they be signed?" I ask, ignoring the second glances we're blatantly receiving.
"No."
"Oh, nice." Is it? I'm not too sure. Amber's sureness on the whole matter should probably be unsettling but I've always been fond of her honesty.
"It's a good thing, trust me." Her head turns and I think she's going to look over at me but her eyes don't stop on me, they look askance. "They're saving thousands off of therapy."
I try to follow her wandering gaze but it leads to a bunch of dead ends. "I don't think the money really matters to uh, them." Considering everyone's worth at least a few millions.
"Well, let's just hope their mental health does."
I can't really argue with that.
"What are we looking for?" I finally ask, after the third time of looking over our respective shoulders.
"Where are your friends? You know I assumed after this whole Valé fiasco that you guys would at least calm down. I mean, Caleb out of everyone wouldn't be in the mood to attack me, but you—" Her words get stuck in her throat, and I silently watch as she battles whether to speak or not. "So," she starts again, "Where are you friends, Sage? And why'd you think embarrassing me like this is anything short of cruel?"
"Uh what do you mean Cal— Wait, you think I'm pranking you by talking to you?" I sputter out. Has she gone insane?
Amber's swift footsteps come to a halt and it's only then I realise she's led us away from everyone else. We aren't in the main courtyard like we once started, instead she's taken us refuge by the corner of the science building.
"Well, what else is it?" She shrugs.
"I'm not allowed to talk to you?"
"Sage, Valè is having a full blown panic because the whole school thinks she's fucking a random person in the same set she fucked Reid Cathans in. You really think I have tim—"
"So why aren't you there?" I cut her off.
"What?" Her lips press firm.
"If you're really worried about Valé and you don't have time to talk to me because of it, why aren't you with her?" I repeat, searching her blank stare for something. It has to be there. It's always been there.
"She's got Nadia, she'd just be overwhelmed with my presence."
"Well don't sell yourself short, she looked like she could use all the support she could get earlier." Fuck, if her tears were anything to go by I don't even think Ivy's secret stash of tissues — because God forbid anyone see her cry — would be able to help Valé sort through all that's happened. "The usually untouched girl resembled a little depressed bunny rabbit," I frown at that. "It was really unsettling to see."
"You've seen her?"
"Who? Mastermind? Yeah," I nod. "A poor little mess that one."
I might not feel the greatest things for Valé, but no one deserves to get their half nudes leaked. Or at least I think it was half nudes, I'm still unsure of the full sitiuation since I came about thirty seconds too late.
Not that I would've wanted to see anything anyway. Not because she's ugly or anything but because it's wrong and I'm not...I'm just going stop here.
"Who else was she with? Where was she?"
"Uh, Scout and Saamiya. Although, I don't think Saamiya was much help." That's putting it nicely. Truthfully, I have no idea what she was doing there.
Amber makes an agreeing sound at the back of her throat. "I don't doubt it."
"Hey, don't be mean."
"I'm allowed to voice my opin— Wait. What are you even doing here?"
"Have you hit your head recently?" I ask, analysing her head to see if there are any visible wounds.
Amber scoffs, shooting daggers my way. "My head is great." She snaps.
I do my best to conceal my growing grin. Oh I bet it is.
She raises an accusatory finger. "Get that thought out of your head,"
I suppress my smile, "What thought? Don't tell me you're being naughty again, Amber."
"I am not being...get back on track, Sage. What are you doing here, If you aren't here to terrorise me?"
"Oh right," I swallow, trying my best to press down the giddy I feel at the newfound information. "You know I'm adopted."
Her pretty lips part at that, the swatched with a rosy-red gloss form the perfect 'o' as she looks at me. She shakes herself out of the daze and straightens up, "What did you just say?" She whispers.
I have the urge to remind her no one is around us so she doesn't really have to do that.
"My mom and dad told me everything...well, they speculate that you know but by your reaction alone I'm guessing you did."
I want to run a finger over the crease between her brows and smooth it out. The concern really doesn't belong.
"So?" she shrugs, hiking up her cream Birkin higher upon her shoulder. Amber isn't the only girl to wear a Birkin to school, but she is the girl who does it the best.
"So?" I begin, bewildered. I can't believe she's acting like this isn't a big deal. I can't believe she doesn't think it is.
"Ambs this is everything!"
She shakes her head. "Don't call me that." She whispers as she begins to walk.
"Sorry," I swiftly apologise, following her. "Actually, no." I frown, "Why didn't you tell me you were keeping this from me, Ambs? I wouldn't have— Fuck, I wouldn't have done a lot of things. We could've continued on. I would've forgiven you so easily."
Her pace picks up, but it's useless if she's trying to outwalk me. My legs are far longer than her gorgeous ones.
"I'm not selfish Sage, and plus it's useless now."
"It's not useless to me!" I persist, turning my head to the side to gauge her reaction. She remains passive. "I thought you betrayed me. I thought you were fucking with Gigi because you knew it'd get to me. I didn't—" I meet her wandering eyes, "I didn't know you were protecting me, Amber!" I lowly admit.
"Someone is going to see us," is her clipped response.
They already have. Roaming gazes everywhere fall onto us and there isn't anything we can do except ignore them. I've always thought I was good at it, not paying mind to those who obviously stare but Amber's on a different level entirely.
"I don't care." I shrug.
"Silvers is probably going to write about this."
I raise my hand and place it on her shoulder to stabilize her, she swiftly draws back as if my touch burns.
I make my way infront of her and stop walking so she's forced to. "Amber," I begin, "I really don't fucking care."
"That's not very smart of you, Sage. You should start using that brain of yours. It does nothing good for itself, entrapped in your pretty head." She isn't even looking at me, instead the entirety of her gaze is focused on the trimmed grass beneath us.
I don't even try to battle the grin that pulls at my lips. "You think I'm pretty?"
Her frown deepens, I didn't even know that was humanly possible. "No."
"Oh come on Ambs. Surely, you want all of this to work out or something?" Her lack of excitement has taken a toll on my mood.
Maybe this was wrong of me to do? I'd been so drunk on excitement as to why she kept the secret that I didn't think everything through.
What if me being adopted changed her mind on me?
"Of course that's what I want! But you've shown me that you don't care about me like that Sage, so why would I entertain the idea?"
"Amber," I sigh, I do care. Of course I care! "You should've told me." I say instead.
"That what? You were adopted. God, even I'm not that selfish." She repeats the last part which adds to my confusion.
"Selfish?" How could she be selfish?
"Outing something about yourself you clearly didn't know to save face? Yeah, that would've been selfish."
Distantly, the school bell rings announcing that we should be in our next classes. Neither of us make plans to move.
"So you double-protected me?"
"Sage don't—" She sighs, "You're just happy that I've done something for you, you don't care about me."
"Absolute blasphemy. I will not stand for this." She arches a brow. "Amber, I'm just..." I sigh, "I'm happy, I'm grateful, yes. You don't know how grateful I am. But I'm also relieved."
"Relieved?" She dares to show emotion in the infliction of the word.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
"Yes, because it's been so confusing. You don't even know, have you ever liked someone who's quote-un-quote betrayed you to the world? Like really fucked you over? And not even just me, but your close friends? Your bffs forever."
"Bff already has a forever."
"Huh?" I hum, too lost in her deep eyes to really process more than one thing at a time.
Amber's perfect brows draw up. "You said 'bffs forever' but bff stands for best friend forever. Ergo, there's already a forever in there." She slowly explains.
"Exactly!" I sound as if I've landed on an epiphany and not just been corrected. But honestly, I have. "See that? Who'll correct me when I make grammatical errors?" I ask.
"You've got Caleb for that."
"But Caleb isn't as pretty as you."
"Sage," she sighs, "I just don't believe it. And I know that you aren't cruel so I've given you the benefit of the doubt for that already. But really, you're just happy that I didn't expose you for something of a grander scale and you're getting that mixed up with desire."
No, I'm really fucking not. I know what I want, and I've been so dumb to not have made her aware of that.
How could I ever have made her doubt that she's all I wanted?
What a fucking fool I've been.
"Let me prove it to you then," I speak before I think, but once what I've said registers I can't believe what a genius I am.
Her brows draw together. "Prove what?"
"That I mean this," I begin, "That I mean more than you think and this isn't a ruse or some shit like that."
"No." Amber's quick to shut down.
"No?" My shoulders slump.
I won't push if she doesn't want me. I understand how I've probably made her feel. Years of being second to Caleb, Atlas and Luca has left a bitter taste in my mouth.
"But also, not no."
"Not no?" I perk up like a dog.
"It isn't a yes." She's quick to cut in, though the original somber look she had going on brightens up just a smidge.
"Yeah," I can work with that. I can sure as fuck work with that.
I lean down and press a chaste kiss to her cheek, "Just wait to get woahed Amber."
Her cheeks turn a flush shade that not even the light foundation she's got on can hide.
"Sage," she breathes out once I pull away.
"Hm?"
Her dark-eyes hold mine. "No funny business, okay?"
I grin at that. "Okay."
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a/n
guys please just harass me. you're too nice, be mean and i'll write. i am giving you full permission to attack me on my message board.
ps: was listening to 'sweet nothing' by tswift the entire time editing this and, "to you, i can admit that i'm just too soft for all of it," is sooo amber and sage coded it's not even funny.
also shoutout to everyone who votes because i totally forgot that existed but you guys hold it down #loveyouall