A/N: heavy chapter alert. Trigger warning for description of attempted suicide. Please don't read if this makes you uncomfortable. I love all of you so much, I'm proud of you for making it to today, and you deserve to be here. It will get better ♡︎
~T~
09.25.23
"That was fun," Travis said, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between us as we drove through the streets of the city. The party had gone well into the night, and now, it was about two in the morning as Travis was driving me back to my apartment.
"It was," I agreed. "Even if I don't get to see your so-called dance skills until you come to a show."
Travis grinned. "Everything good is worth the wait."
"If that helps you sleep at night," I remarked, staring out the window and taking in the city at night. I hadn't been in Kansas City long enough to explore every bit of the city, and the new scenery of the city gave it a sort of magical feel, especially so late at night, when the streets were no longer crowded with traffic.
We started across a smaller road with an overlook of the river, stopping at the crossing before the bridge for a red light. In the distance, I could make out a figure standing by the edge of the bridge, and as the car passed, I recognized it to be a young blonde girl, who was probably somewhere in her teenage years.
"Travis," I said to my boyfriend. "Pull the car onto a side street and stop."
"Why?" Travis asked. "Did you lose something on the street?"
I shook my head. "Did you see that girl on the bridge?"
Travis shook his head but tilted his head to look in the mirrors on the car so he could see what I was talking about. I could tell when he had seen her, because his entire facial expression shifted. "Holy fuck."
"Yeah." I nodded, a heaviness filling the air between us. "We've got to do something. What are the chances someone else will see and do something?"
Travis nodded solemnly, pulling onto the first side street he could find and parking the car against the curb. Wordlessly, we got out of the car and began walking at a brisk pace back towards the bridge.
"Here," Travis said, shrugging off his jacket and wrapping it over my shoulders. "I don't know how long we're gonna be out here, but I don't want you to get cold."
I smiled, reaching for his hand. "Thanks, Trav."
We hurried over to the bridge where the blonde girl was standing far too close to the edge for any reason other than the worst. Travis squeezed my hand and nodded for me to go forward, his silent way of telling me that he would hang back. I understood why he was doing it almost instantly; if I was a teenage girl at that dark of a point in her life, I would be even more terrified to be approached by a man in the middle of the night.
I prayed that I wouldn't startle her as I approached her, still maintaining some distance to make her hopefully feel more comfortable. "Hey," I said gently, just loud enough for her to be able to make out my voice over the sound of the rushing water.
The girl turned around, her hand gripping tightly onto one of the poles of the bridge. As soon as I saw her face, I felt my stomach twist into knots. "Vallie?"
She bit her lip, probably trying to stop herself from crying. "Taylor?"
I nodded. "I'm here, honey."
"Taylor..." Vallie said again, her voice catching in her throat. She turned away from the edge of the bridge, sitting down on the concrete sidewalk and curling up into a ball, her body shaking with cries. It was the sort of crying that almost guaranteed the fact that she was in pain. Tears streamed down her cheeks in consistent streaks as she let out wails of pain, as if some part of her was physically hurting.
"Can I give you a hug?" I asked gently, taking no more than two steps closer to her. Vallie nodded, wiping the tears away from her eyes.
I didn't need any more confirmation before I practically ran to her, taking off Travis' jacket and using it as padding between my knees and the concrete as I kneeled down, pulling Vallie into a tight hug. "I'm here, baby. I'm here. You're not alone."
Vallie clung to me, her thin frame shaking with every sob. Her hot tears fell on the bare skin of my shoulder. The moment almost brought me to tears, but I held them back, reminding myself that I needed to be there for Vallie. She needed someone now more than ever, and right now, I was that someone for her.
"I don't want to do it, Taylor," she said, her voice cracking as she spoke. Even though she didn't directly say it, I could tell what she wanted to say from the look in her eyes. I don't want to die. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I just—"
"Hey, hey, none of that," I said, running my fingers through her hair as I held her. "I'm not mad at you, baby. I'm not angry with you. You don't have to apologize for anything."
Vallie buried her face in my shoulder again, her grip on me never weakening. Her tears kept falling, and I gently reached up to wipe them from her cheeks, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. "You're going to be okay," I said to her.
Vallie shook her head. "I... I can't. I can't do it. I can't keep doing life."
"You can," I replied, my tone remaining as gentle and even as humanly possible. "I promise you, I'm gonna help you."
"But..." Vallie started. "My mom... if she finds out about this..."
It was evident that she was trying to say something but couldn't get out the words. I rubbed her back, hoping that the physical contact would give her something to think about so she wasn't consistently thinking about struggling to breathe. The last thing she needed was to have a panic attack right here, right now.
"My mom would kill me," Vallie said. "She... she drinks. All the time. She hates me. She tells me that a lot. If I hadn't ever been born, and it had just... just been my brother, her life would be easier. If I go back to her, especially now... I'll get hurt. And I just... I didn't want her to be the last one to hurt me."
She cried out in pain again, and I rubbed her back, wishing that there was some way to take the pain away. But even though it may have been presenting itself as a physical thing, I knew it came from her mental struggles. And that wasn't something that I could give her an ice pack to fix.
"Do you want to come home with me tonight?" I asked. "I promise you, I will keep you safe. I will not hurt you. And in the morning, we can talk more about next steps. Is that okay?"
Vallie looked up at me, her blue eyes bloodshot from the amount of crying she was doing. "I don't want to burden you any more than I already have. I should just..." She trailed off, her gaze traveling back to the end of the bridge.
She didn't need to say anything for me to be able to understand what she meant. I immediately pulled her into another hug, feeling her body relax into my hold. "You're not going to be a burden," I said. "I promise. Right now, my priority is to make sure that you're safe. I want to help you, okay?"
Vallie nodded, looking down at the ground to avoid making eye contact. I rubbed her back, turning to look at Travis and giving him a small nod, tilting my head in Vallie's direction.
"My boyfriend, Travis, is going to drive us back to my apartment," I said to Vallie. "Is that okay with you."
She nodded, resting her head on my shoulder. It didn't take more than a second look at her to notice the dark circles under her eyes. They had been much more well-hidden earlier under all of the makeup that she had been wearing. Looking at her now, I could only infer that she had barely been sleeping.
"Do you think you can walk to the car?" I asked.
Vallie nodded again, pulling away from the hug to use her hands to stabilize herself on the ground so she could stand up. I stood up next to her, wrapping Travis' coat around her shoulders as I put my arm around her. "Here," I said. "I don't want you to be cold."
Vallie just nodded, leaning into my side as we walked to where Travis was waiting for us. "This is Vallie, she's gonna come home with me for the night," I told him, giving him a look that told him not to ask questions, that we would talk about this at a later date. "Vallie, this is Travis, my boyfriend."
Travis smiled at her. "Nice to meet you, Vallie," he said. If he seemed to recognize her at all from the football game, he didn't show it.
The three of us walked slowly back to Travis' car, which was still parked over by a side street. When he unlocked the car, I pulled open the door to the back seat. "I'm gonna sit with her," I whispered to Travis, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He seemed to understand the logic behind my decision and nodded, getting into the driver's seat and starting the car.
The car ride was silent, the only sound being Vallie's occasional hiccuping. I looked over at her and noticed that she had started crying again, but this time, it was drastically different from the way she had been crying before. There was no sound, this time, just tears falling down her cheeks, as if she was too helpless to make a sound.
I reached for her hand, holding it in my own. It was all I could do, due to the fact that our seatbelts were keeping us separated on opposite sides of the backseat. She watched as the city flew by us, occasionally reaching up to swipe the tears away from her face. I was worried that her nails would leave marks under her eyes, but I figured that was something I could take care of once we got back to my apartment.
"The back entrance, Tay?" Travis asked as the apartment building grew closer.
I nodded. "Yeah, that would be great."
He nodded in response, pulling the car down a back road and stopping it outside of the back entrance to my apartment building. I reached over to give him a quick kiss goodnight, promising him that I would call him in the morning, before I got out of the car and helped Vallie to do the same. I kept a protective arm wrapped around her at all times, hoping that it would help to make her feel better, but also hoping that it would protect her from running off spontaneously. Travis waited outside the building as I unlocked the back door and Vallie and I headed inside and into the elevator.
Once we got to my apartment, I let us in and then led Vallie down a hallway towards the area where the bedrooms were. "I'm gonna grab you something to change into, okay?" I said, leading her into a room that I had been using for storage. "What size clothing do you wear?"
"Small," Vallie replied, her voice sounding timid. She didn't let go of my hand as I reached into a cardboard box, pulling out a T-shirt and sweatpants from the Eras Tour, some of what was left over from the Kansas City merch trucks from the summer.
"Here you go," I said, handing her the clothes as I led her down to the master suite. "You can change in my bathroom."
Vallie nodded, walking into the space and taking the clothes with, shutting the door behind her. I decided to make the most of the time and quickly changed into a pair of pajamas for myself, sitting down on the bed to wait for her as I sent a quick text to Travis.
Taylor
So far, as good as you'd expect. She's changing right now. I'm gonna have her sleep with me tonight so I can keep an eye on her. I'll call you in the morning once there's another update. I love you ❤️
Travis
Do what you need to do for the both of you. Give her some time, too, and let me know how she adjusts. I love you too.
Vallie came out of the bathroom a minute later, holding her other clothes tucked under the crook of her arm. "Should I put these somewhere?" she asked.
"You can put them over on that chair," I said, pointing across the room. She did so and then glanced around the room, reaching to wipe the tears around her eyes again.
"Do you want to sleep in here tonight?" I asked. "It might make you feel better to not be alone."
Vallie nodded, but looked surprised. "You'd let me do that?"
"Of course, honey," I said. "I want you to be safe, and I want you to feel comfortable. If that's what you feel best doing, then that's what we'll do, alright?"
Vallie nodded wordlessly, and I patted the space on the bed next to me, gesturing for her to climb up. She did, curling onto her side as she carefully examined my expression, as if she was trying to figure out what I was going to say or do next.
"Can I get you anything?" I asked, resting my hand on her arm.
Vallie shook her head. "I just... I..."
She shook her head, as if she was trying to get herself to stop talking. "Take your time, honey," I said. "You can say whatever's on your mind. I won't be mad."
"I can't go home," Vallie said after a beat. "I'll just... I'll end up feeling like that again."
I paused. "Vallie, has your mother... has she ever hurt you?"
"All the time," Vallie said, her voice quiet. "Whenever she's drunk, she gets mad. And when she's mad, it's taken out on me. I... um..."
She trailed off, shook her head again, and then lifted up the back of her shirt, her back facing me. My jaw dropped when I saw that her pale skin was covered in small cuts. And it wasn't in a location where she would have been able to reach it and do it to herself. My only thoughts turned to the worst. "Vallie, did your mom do this to you?"
She nodded solemnly. "She threw a beer bottle at me."
"Jesus Christ," I muttered. "When was this?"
"Two days ago," Vallie replied. "I was gonna do it then. But I... I wanted to go to the game. For the band. And then I just... I couldn't do it any more. And it didn't feel like there was anything to look forward to in the future. Like, what good can come of life if you're living to be abused?"
Her eyes began to water again and I opened my arms, letting her know that if she wanted a hug, I was there.
"Can you hold me?" Vallie asked, laying her head on my shoulder. "I just... I feel so broken."
"Of course, baby," I said, letting her crawl into my arms. She laid her head on my chest, and I wrapped my arms protectively around her, running my fingers through her hair. "You're safe now. I know it might not feel like it yet, but you're going to be okay."