!!!TW!!!
Vomiting, SH references
CHAPTER 1
I tried to make my room look like my room at home, but everything was wrong. For starters, it smelt different, so I tried opening the window to help air it out. But that didn't work. Instead, I opted to light some incense.
Suddenly I laughed. Despite everything I've gone through at home, and what that place still reminds me of, I still need my dorm to look the same. What does that say about me?
A knock at the door brings me to my senses. I open it, and notice a very excited group standing there.
'We're doing a dorm competition!' Ashido squeals, pushing past me into my room. I start to panic. This is my space, my personal space, and I don't like anybody in here. It's not right. I feel my hands get clammy. I sit down, and begin tapping my hand against my desk.
You can't rock now. Then they will know that something's wrong with you. You're a freak.
I start zoning out, imagining me anywhere but here. I can't feel anything. I begin to grip on the desk, freezing it slightly.
'Okay, thanks Shoto!' somebody says, and they all leave. As soon as that door slams, I begin to panic.
They touched your things. They've messed everything up. It's all your fault, you shouldn't have let them inside, you're weak.
I try rocking backwards and forwards, trying to calm my thoughts. I don't know why, but this seems to soothe me. I begin to breathe more steadily.
-later-
I come downstairs, into the bustling kitchen. There's so much bloody noise christ. Even with earphones plugged in, it's so dizzying.
And then I smell it. Something awful. I wrinkle up my nose, gagging. Midoriya rests his hand on my shoulder.
'You okay?' I try and nod my head as much as possible, but the motion makes me feel even more sick.
'You don't look so good'. I smile weakly.
'It's all good Midoriya'. The smell hits my nose again; I can feel the saliva pooling around my mouth. I need to leave. NOW.
I run away, running up the stairs two at a time, throwing myself into my room. I run into the bathroom, immediately throwing up.
I hear footsteps behind me. They're so fucking LOUD. This makes me throw up harder.
'Shoto?' I hear footsteps stop behind me.
'Jesus'. I feel hands pulling hair out of my face, holding it back for me. I continue throwing up, a loud ringing penetrating my ears.
'Yo Deku is eve-WHAT THE FUCK?' I hear Kirishima yell.
Look what you're doing. You're making everyone worry about you. You're pathetic. Can't even handle strong smells. How the hell will you even be a hero?
'Get Aizawa!' I hear Midoriya yell. A small herd of footsteps leave the room, the door slamming on the way out.
FUCK. TOO LOUD. I instinctively put my hands to my ears, trying to get rid of the horrible noise.
I retch again, but nothing comes out. I feel Midoriya rubbing circles on my back. Damn. It's like I'm a fucking toddler all over again.
I push myself off the bowl, and Midoriya helps me to my feet. 'You good now?' I nod my head.
I hear footsteps again. The bathroom door opens, revealing a few classmates and Aizawa.
'I'll get you some water' says Midoriya, vanishing into my room. I close the lid, and flush.
Idiot. Now everyone will know.
'You okay Todoroki?' a concerned Aizawa asks. I look towards my classmates, who all look worried.
Worry. Okay. I think about how to answer. Aizawa looks towards my classmates giving them a scathing glance, and they all scurry away. Midoriya hands me a cup of water. I tentatively take a sip.
'Is everything okay?' I see Aizawa's eyes bare into my soul.
'Y-yes. Just ate something funny. That's all.' He huffs. 'Okay, well policy states that you have to be isolated from everyone for at least 48 hours just in case you have a virus or something'.
I nod. 'Okay'.
Midoriya pipes up. 'I'll bring you food and homework'. I see him smile. I copy him. 'Thanks.'
They both nod, then leave me alone in my room. I climb under my weighted blanket.
They'll find out Shoto. Then you'll never be a hero.
I huff. I know.
What are you going to do about it?
I have no idea. I think.
You need more practice.
Shit, forgot. I clamour out of the bed, and over to the mirror.
Happy.
I pull on my best smile, but even then it looks fake.
Sad.
I try a sad face. Shit. Even worse.
Worry.
No. Nope. Awful.
You'll never convince them. Why do you even bother? You're a mistake. A fuck up.
I hear laughing down the corridor. I wonder what they're laughing about.
They're having a better time without you.
I know.
You should do it.
Really. Now?
Yes.
I huff. I climb out of my bed, and head into my bathroom. I go into the closet, finding a pack of razors. I pick one up, admiring it.
There's a soft knock at the door. The noise makes me jump, and I cut open my thumb. How annoying. I grab a piece of loo roll, holding it over my thumb.
I walk over to the door, opening it. Standing there is...Kaminari?
His eyes wander down to my thumb. 'Jesus dude, doesn't that hurt?' Crap.
'It's fine' I say in a monotone voice. 'You sure? It's bleeding pretty bad'. I suck air quickly in-between my teeth. 'Ow, yes, you're right'. I furrow my eyebrows the best I can. Kaminari stares at me, unconvinced.
'Why do I feel like you're lying to me Todoroki?' I huff. 'What do you want Kaminari, I'm supposed to be isolating'.
'Well, It's just..well...' I tilt my head, trying to read his face – nope, never gunna happen. He's shifting his weight, fiddling with his hands. That's an anxious thing, right?
'What's worrying you Kaminari?' I ask, trying my best to sound worried.
'You smelt it too right?' I stare at him dumfounded. 'W-I Don't...what are you talking about?' He smiles. 'I saw you make a face when you came into the common room. Then shortly after, you were sick'.
'So?' I ask. Kaminari smiles. 'Well, I don't know if you know, but I've got ADHD, and I get really sensitive to smells and stuff. I just thought, well...'
I try my best laugh. 'No sorry. I ate something weird, that's all'. He shrugs. 'Okay man. But you can always talk to me.' I nod.
'And get that thumb bandaged up before you bleed out you muppet'. He heads off. I shut my door.
Would that really be so bad?