"So how long is she gonna stay with us?" I asked Max as I got into my bed in our shared room after she brought Caroline Channing, our new waitress friend home.
"Just until she gets back on her feet. She has nowhere else to go El, just trust me." She said.
"I'm sorry, I just can't sleep knowing that there is a complete stranger right outside that door." I said.
"But she's not just any stranger, she's Martin Channing's daughter." Max said.
"MARTIN CHANNING?!" I yelled.
"Shhh! Keep your voice down!" She said.
"Max I'm not gonna keep my voice down when there's a complete stranger crashing on my couch! Not unless it's after a one night stand." I said.
Max gagged.
"Please tell me you don't give your one nighters the sheets I gave Caroline." Max said.
"I do. Sometimes I skip the bed and just do it right on those sheets." I said.
She threw her pillow at my head.
"You're disgusting!" She Said before we both laughed.
____________________________________
"Oleg, stop taking pictures of your pebble and get me two burgers with fries, and two Dr.Peppers please." I said.
"No." He said.
"Do it, or I tell people what you really do with the meatloaf." I said.
His face dropped.
"You wouldn't." He said.
"I would. Hurry up." I said.
He rolled his eyes.
"Is he always like that?" Caroline asked me.
I leaned up and nodded.
"Yeah, but whenever you've worked here as long as I have, you just learn to live with it." I said.
"Oh." She said.
"But don't worry about Oleg, his penis is as small as Han." I said.
"Hey!" Oleg said causing Max and Caroline to giggle.
"What's that's supposed to mean?" Han asked.
"Oh hey shorty." I said. He sent me a glare once he realized what I meant.
"Quinn, what should I do?" Caroline asked me.
"Go clean off the empty tables, I'll cover the tables." I said.
She nodded.
Max came in as I went to the back of the restaurant.
When I came back to the kitchen, Max followed me to the freezer and started punching the cheesecakes.
"I'm kicking Caroline out." She said.
"What? Why? What happened?" I asked.
"She tried getting with Robby after I dropped her off at home this morning after our morning shift." She said.
"How do you know that?" I asked.
"She just told me herself. I feel so betrayed." She said.
I dropped my things and headed outside.
"Wait, Quinn where are you going?" She asked.
"Talk it out with Caroline, I'm gonna talk to Robby." I said before I left the diner.
*at the apartment*
I throw my bag on the couch and grabbed my big pink taser.
I then kicked open the one bedroom door to see Robby laying in Max's bed.
"Hey Rob. Can we talk for a sec?" I asked.
He got up.
"Sure." He said. I grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him close.
He smirked.
"I like where this is going." He said.
"Oh yeah? Maybe you'll like this." I said before I kneeled his groin.
"That's for my pleasure." I said as he groaned in pain.
I pushed him into Max's dresser and kicked his balls.
"That's for messing with Caroline." I said.
"And this is for my girl Max, who you don't deserve fyi." I said before making him take a taser to the balls.
He screamed in pain, which brought me pleasure.
*1 hour later*
I dragged Robby's limp body out of the bedroom and dragged him outside behind the apartment in a dumpster filled with rats and raccoons.
Don't worry, he's not dead. Max would kill me if I killed him before she got to have her major breakup moment.
I walk inside with pride before I got ready for work.
"What did you do?" Max asked as I entered the diner.
"I'd rather not talk about it right now, but you'll find out soon." I said.
She grabbed my arm and dragged me to the freezer.
"Eliza Quinn Jackson, what did you do?" She asked.
"I may or may not have tased his balls. And kneeled them and kicked them several times. And gave him two black eyes, a bloody lip, broken nose, and a broken tooth. Oh and did I mention he has a bald spot now? Because he does. And he possibly has a concussion, but I knocked his ass out so it was too soon to tell. I rambled.
"What did you knock him out with?" She asked.
"A frying pan." I said. She laughed.
"So you mean to tell me you beat up a 6'7 26 year old grown man and left him in our apartment?" She asked.
"Well, I didn't exactly leave him in the apartment, more like the dumpster behind it." I said.
"With the rats and raccoons with RABIES?!" She asked. I nodded.
We stood in silence.
"You know, in a weird way, knowing that you did all of that for me turns me on a little." She said.
"Max, you know I'd do anything for you." I said.
She smiled.
"No seriously, that was so hot. I don't think I've ever been this attracted to someone ever. Part of me wants to have your babies even tho I have the penis in this relationship. I am so wet in this freezer I could have hot kitchen sex with you right now if Oleg wasn't spying on us right now." She said.
I look over to see Oleg looking at us through the window.
"Leave it to Oleg to crush my dreams." I said with a wink.
She blushed.
"And the hot gets hotter." She said sheepishly as she grabbed another cheesecake.
"So, have you talked to Caroline?" She asked.
"Yep, and I'm not going to forgive her." She said.
"Well, if your not going to forgive her, then you have to work something out if we are gonna continue to work with her." I said.
She groaned.
"Why do you always have to be right all the time? It's so annoying. But kinda hot." She said.
"You think everything I do is hot." I said.
She nodded.
"Yes I do." She said with a proud smile.
"Go and talk to her. Because if you don't, then I'm not gonna make your favorite dinner tonight." I said.
She gasped.
"But you promised!" She said.
"Max if you don't talk things out with Caroline and don't come to some kind of understanding then I won't make dinner for the rest of the week. Okay?" I ordered.
She sighed.
"Fine! I'll talk to her." She grumbled like a little kid.
"Good girl." I said.
"Okay first of all, when you use the words "good girl", you know that turns me on and that's unfair in the work environment." She said.
I sighed.
"And second of all, If you don't cook dinner for the rest of the week I will die from a ramen overdose. Or crack." She said.
"Probably both." I said. She laughed.
Caroline walked into the freezer.
"You two talk it out, I'll get the tables." I said.
I walked out and gathered the plates for tables 10,11,9,8,7, and 5
I then set them on a cart and pushed them through the diner.
"Sorry for the wait, there's some staff difficulties but our other waitresses will be out soon." I said to every table as I passed out food.
"You are so pretty, have you ever thought about modeling?" I business lady asked me.
"I used to be a teen model for Abercrombie when I was 17, then I came out as bisexual and they dropped me." I said.
She smiled awkwardly.
"Well, here's my card, call me if you ever decide to take it up again." She said as she handed me a card.
As I was finishing up my last table, Max stormed out.
"Max wait!" Caroline said before Max slammed the door.
"Woah woah what happened?" I asked.
"I told her what happened between me and Robbie and now she doesn't believe me. Where do you think she's going?" Caroline asked.
"Home. Just stay here, I'll talk to her." I said as I grabbed my bag, wallet, and keys before walking out the door.
I noticed Max a few blocks away.
"Max? You okay?" I asked as I caught up to her.
"I can't believe you have the nerve to ask that after what you did- oh, sorry El I thought you were Caroline." She said once she noticed me.
"So I'm guessing the conversation didn't go well." I said.
"It was horrible. She is the worst person I've ever met. You're the only real friend I have." She said.
I smiled and put my arm around her.
"It'll be okay Max. Everything will turn out fine eventually." I said.
*later*
Max and I walk through the door of our apartment to hear the sounds of sex coming from our room.
It was clearly Robbie and some girl from his band.
"Oh yeah, that feels so good. Put your tambourine around it." Robbie said. We then heard a tambourine shake.
Max slammed the door.
"HI HONEY IM HOME!" She said angrily.
Robbie came out of the room with a blanket around his waist.
"I want you gone by the time I get back." She said as she pointed in his face.
"Babe! Babe, I can explain." He said making Max turn around.
"You weren't supposed to be home." He said.
"El slap him." Max said.
I smacked the shit out of him leaving a giant red handprint on his already bruised face.
"People say I deserve better than you." Max said as we walked out of the door. I held it open for her before stepping through.
"That blonde girl? She doesn't know what she's talkin' about." He said.
"She went to Worton, and Switzerland." Max said.
I flipped Robbie off as we stormed out.
*at the diner*
I opened the door for Max as we arrived at the diner.
"Yo yo, look at that. That girl is working harder than Stephen Hawking tryin' to put in a pair of cufflinks." Earl said as we watched Caroline who had her arms full of plates.
"Okay you have to show her how you carry multiple plates at a time." Max said to me.
I nod.
A girl gasped as her drink spilled on the table.
"I'll clean that up, you go help her." I said to Max. She nodded.
I cleaned up the table as I silently listened to their conversation.
"Here let me help you with that." Max said.
"I don't need any help." Caroline said.
"Everyone needs help sometimes." Max said as she took two plates and helped Caroline.
"This isn't what I ordered." An old guy at their table said.
Max took the plate back.
"This is Caroline. She may have gotten your order wrong, but she does get some things right." Max said.
After that, they walked behind the counter.
"Thank you." Max said.
"No, thank you. What'd you see in that guy anyway?" Caroline asked.
"He had these muscle things." Max said.
"Oh those things?" Caroline asked.
"Yeah, I don't know what those are called but they make smart girls stupid." She said.
"Max! I thought your tight ass wasn't coming tonight and my heart broke in half." Oleg said.
"You know what Oleg? I needed that." Max said.
*later*
"Quinn you did WHAT to Robbie?!" Caroline freaked out.
"Don't act too surprised, Quinn over here knows how to kick ass." Max said.
"How?" Caroline asked.
"I was a street fighter back in my day. Then I got stabbed in the back so I had to stop." I said.
"Like metaphorically?" Caroline asked.
"No, literally, wanna see?" I asked before taking off my shirt and showing her the scar on the right side of my back close to my spine.
"That's so badass." Caroline said and I put my shirt back on.
"There's plenty more where that came from." I said.
"You are the hottest straight girl I've ever met." Caroline said.
"Oh I like women too, Max didn't tell you?" I asked.
She shook her head no.
"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, we're lipstick lesbians just without the lipstick." Max jokingly said.
I hit her arm slightly as we all threw laughed.