PAST
"You bitch!"
Y/n shut his eyes the minute the shrill sounds started. He knew those sounds anywhere; high pitched, garbled, warped. The sound of his mother as she spat out fiery, sizzling words from her ruby lips, the telltale of her bright anger. She would smell of the five hundred dollar perfume that she liked to buy once a month: always the start of his parent's argument.
"You will buy so much perfume for your mistress, Brooke," His mother emphasized the words, "yet you won't spare anything for me? Your wife?"
"Who is even asking you to stay with me?" Y/n's father laughed, a cruel, cruel sound. "Ah, My wife. My wife? You have been nothing but a foolish, ignorant sinner."
"You would not have let me go even if I tried."
"You are right. I would not have." His father tilted his head, laughing. "But now I think I will."
She hissed. "Sometimes I think you need to experience the homicidal rage of a woman who has been wronged to truly ingrain it in your head that you are not God. You think you're god. You think you can walk over everyone, and never ever bear the consequences..."
His father smiled.
"Come here." He soothed her like she was a child, "you are just angry. Brooke? Brooke? She is nothing. She means nothing to me, she has never meant anything to me."
Y/n watched this unfold. The way his angry mother immediately melted into his father's embrace, tired and lulled by his sweet words.
Children who grew up in damaged environments were bound to become twisted, warped, different. They were bound to be dehumanized; bitter towards the world.
PRESENT
Y/n did not leave his house for a few days after that earth shattering kiss.
He spent those days almost in a daze—fingers reaching out to his bruised lips occasionally, wincing at the sharp pain that jolted his senses when he pressed too hard. The kiss had been more pleasurable than painful; yet the aftermath was terrifying.
He had let Anton kiss him. He had let Anton kiss him. He had—
Lucas tugged at his shirt. Y/n blinked dazedly, mustering up a small smile. The poor child had been concerned for him in the past few days; ever since Y/n had stumbled home, heaving sobs and then crumbling on the ground..
He knew his actions would influence Lucas. He knew whatever self-destructive behavior he was likely to adopt now, if he hadn't already, would influence Lucas in the long run, for the worse.
Children who grew up in damaged environments were bound to become twisted, warped, different. They were bound to be dehumanized; bitter towards the world.
In this current situation, if Y/n continued the way he was, Lucas would undoubtedly break. These were the formative years of his life. His childhood. If Y/n ripped those precious, sweet years away, that naïveté he had already spent so long trying to preserve...
"You must be hungry," Y/n said softly, raising one hand to ruffle Lucas's hair. "Why aren't you eating?"
No matter how tired he was, it was the bare minimum to take care of his child. Lucas was the responsibility he had taken on—so Y/n had gone through the robotic motion of it all: tuck Lucas in to sleep after reading him a story, making him meals and playing along with him. Somehow, he wondered if Lucas could sense it—the energy ebbing away from his body.
"You're not eating." Lucas mumbled. "You look sad, Father Y/n."
"Just refer to me as Father," Y/n closed his eyes. "For the sake of our sanity."
Don't link—no matter what, no matter how small, don't link me with that man.
"You aren't eating, Father." Lucas insisted. "I can't be the only one eating! You were the one who taught me that."
Y/n opened his eyes slowly, staring at the ceiling. He breathed in and out slowly, his hand falling from Lucas's hair, dropping onto the floor aimlessly.
"I'm not in the mood," Y/n said lightly.
"...Are you sick?" Lucas nervously asked, "you're all pale, and shivering...what's wrong, Father?"
Y/n couldn't bear to use the hands he had used to kill somehow to touch Lucas. It was like staining the kid.
"I..." Y/n said shakily, "I just need a bit of time."
Lucas nodded his head quietly, pouting. Y/n couldn't help but smile with affection.
And then there was that matter. After the whole horrible ordeal, Y/n had crumpled to the ground, tears blurring his vision, only to find that a quest had popped up. A quest, of all things! After so many days of tormenting him, the game had decided to give him a quest.
[ Speak To Sister Helen ]
No rewards, nothing. Just a simple line. Either way, this would force him to finally step out, and it also proved that Sister Helen...well, it proved she was still alive.
"Behave, alright?" Y/n kissed his forehead. "I'll be gone for a short while."
"Again?" Lucas frowned. "Father, you are terribly busy nowadays..."
Y/n's heart ached.
For my survival. For your survival. Everything I did so far was for you to survive. If Lucas died, Y/n...Y/n would not know what to do. His one last line to whatever feelings or positive thoughts he had would dissipate. Lucas kept him sane—Lucas kept him human. Anton dehumanized him: Anton loved him in a wretched manner, but constantly tore at his humanity to reduce him to whatever he wanted. Whatever he envisioned for him to be.
After we are free, I'll bring him somewhere...
Y/n paused. After he was free? But he would never be free. He didn't have any hope, didn't he?
And if he did cross over to his other world...would he even be able to bring Lucas over?
"..." Y/n's face was fixed into a smile that felt like it was melting off his face. It wasn't a smile of joy or contentment. It felt...empty. Devoid of any life.
"I love you." Was what Y/n said quietly.
I'm sorry.
Y/n would have promised Lucas to bring him somewhere nice, somewhere relaxing after this was all over.
But the promise was fragile, and Y/n knew it.
—
The air outside felt heavy as Y/n stepped out. The surroundings seemed to be even more dismal before—perhaps as time went by, his perception of the outside world was slowly growing distorted. With each day that passed, the world seemed to be greyer, darker, less void of bright colors. It was like the city was crying, and Y/n could only feel the tears splatter on his cheek in the form of rain.
...Sister Helen. I've not seen her for quite a while, but if the quest is informing me to seek her, then I suppose I'll see her...
There.
Y/n walked towards the church, inhaling in a deep, shaky breath. His memories of Sister Helen were not pleasant, not at all. She was terrifying, bitter, adamant on his downfall. But he also remembered the forum—the forum. Where she had stumbled over her words and claimed her name was Nora, when it was "Helen." Then the forum popped up with her name. If Y/n's guess was correct, then it would be one step closer.
One step closer from hell.
The door creaked open, revealing the dimly lit interior of the room. It was a room that Y/n had not seen before—yet it was the only one which was unlocked.
And sure enough, Sister Helen sat in a corner, her gaze fixed on a flickering candle. Coupled with the pattering sounds of the rain, she made a sight fitting for a horror movie.
"Y/n," She acknowledged his presence without looking up.
...How was he supposed to give an excuse to this? Looking for her?
"Father Anton told me—" Y/n was prepared to lie.
"I knew you would come."
What?
"...You received a quest, didn't you?" Helen finally turned around, meeting his gaze. "The system gave you the quest." Her voice wasn't empty, or malicious. It was extremely different from their previous encounters. If Y/n squinted at her, he could see the layers of weariness on her face, from her sunken cheeks, to her dark eye bags.
Tired. She looked so tired. Perhaps..perhaps Father Anton had done something...
"...Nora." Was what slipped out of Y/n's mouth instead, "what do you mean? What quest are you even—what are you even talking about?" A small, hysterical laugh left him. "What—what are you—"
"I know." She breathed heavily. "I know what you mean. You even know my real name. My name before I came here...the name before I came to this wretched world...this whole—"
A sob escaped from her lips. A guttural, cruel sob.
"You know about the game." A chilling sensation ran down Y/n's spine. "You knew. You fucking knew?" The last word was yelled, and Y/n rushed over to grab her collar. "What the hell are you even saying? And what? Do you expect me to have pity for you? For what? For playing me like a fiddle? For being sentient?"
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
What the hell? Helen knew all along? How many things was Y/n missing?
He let go of her, heaving in and out. Y/n felt a suffocating rage crawl up in his stomach when Sister Helen didn't even move. Where were her taunts? Her insults?
Something. He needed something to prove that she was a character...that she was human..that he hadn't been outwitted this whole time. Something, he desperately pleaded. Perhaps everyone was sentient. Perhaps he was just a foolish person.
Maybe even Anton—
Y/n grabbed into the table, wobbling. Oh, please. Oh, please. This couldn't be happening to him.
"I was like you, once." Sister Helen admitted, her voice soft and fragile, "trapped in this. I'm still trapped in this reality...a game. A quest, a twisted existence."
"You knew." Y/n said numbly.
"I exist in this limbo. I exist in this bridge between the games. Between reality. Like you."
"You could have helped me," Y/n whispered. "Yet you made life so difficult for me. You pretended like you were...and all this time, you had information from the game. You were on the forum, Nora—!"
"Stop!" Sister Helen shrieked, "Not that name. Not that name. Not that name...this is who I am now. I'm Sister Helen," She hissed, "not...not.."
She didn't want to be reminded of her life—she didn't want to remember her normal life before being trapped in the game, Y/n realized. She would go crazy if that was the case, clinging on to distant happiness.
"I was jealous," Helen murmured, low and breathy, "oh, yes. I was very jealous of you." Her eyes were wild with a mixture of sorrow and frustration. "You don't understand. This existence—it's a nightmare. I've tried to maintain some semblance of sanity by burying my past, by embracing this role. I couldn't let myself be consumed by what I once was. It would break me."
Y/n's anger subsided momentarily.
"You knew about the game. About Anton. About everything," Y/n said softly. "We could have tried together. So why? Why were you jealous of me? I'm in the same boat as you. I—"
"Our situation is very different." She laughed, tears streaming down her face. "I've been trying to find a way out. For so long. But you know what?"
"...What?"
"I should have known," Helen smiled, "I should have known. After all, I was an expert in the game. I was a high level player. I knew the roles of everyone...I should have known that my role here wasn't even the role of a player. The chosen one."
"Why were you jealous of me?" Y/n raised his voice. "Helen. Helen! You—the oracle. The oracle. Is that what Anton meant by chosen one? By..."
"My quest was to foil yours. To foil the chosen one. In the end, countless people here were just used as cannon fodder—we're just used as obstacles to prevent you from escaping. There was never hope for us. Why didn't Anton see me as the chosen one from the oracle, you might ask? Because I simply wasn't. I wasn't the main character...I didn't possess the main character role. In the end, it all boiled down to luck." She hissed.
Realization settled like lead in the pit of Y/n's stomach. The air felt thick enough to slice through—and in the same way, truth seemed to cut his flesh with a blade.
He had been so—
Oh god. And there were people in worse situations with him..heck. He was even considered lucky. Lucky! Could you even believe that? Laughter bubbled from his chest, and he doubled over.
"I was so, so jealous." Helen told him weakly. "I resented you. I resented the fact that your quest held the key to escape, while mine was designed to—to ensure your failure."
"Luck?" Y/n scoffed, bitterness lacing his words. "So, my survival, my escape—it all came down to luck? What kind of sick game is this? How did you know I would be...looking for you?"
"Anton is not what he seems. He's not God, neither is he pure." Helen murmured. "It appears the gods are on your side, however. The system is a way for them to help you. I suppose they told me to help you. This world...everyone is aware of how horrible it is."
Her shoulders slumped, and a defeated sigh escaped her lips. "I loved this game. As you now know, I wrote countless things on the game forum...multiple endings were speculated, but never confirmed. I didn't know the outcome when I first came, Y/n. I was utterly helpless. The game never finished developing..." She paused.
"Ten levels."
"What?"
"You need ten levels to clear the game," She whispered. "I cleared my ten levels. Your prize for finishing the game is to leave. My prize for finishing the game, as I have already done so, was to get this information."
Ten. Ten. Ten. Ten. That was possible. That was possible...yet his heart ached for Nora. So the game really was unfair. She would remain trapped here forever even if she had already completed the game, while he would be able to escape.
Ten. The barrier between him and freedom.
"If you had this information and told me sooner.."
"I couldn't. I only just learnt it." She closed her eyes. "And now the fate that awaits me is death. I've done my job. I've done what the gods have told me to do. I no longer have any reason to live."
"We can get out of this game," Y/n pleaded desperately, "Helen—if you—"
"I've decided." She sighed. "It is my fate to be condemned here. I've nothing else. Y/n, I cannot escape. The last level..."
"The last level requires the priest's affections. For me, it simply meant fulfilling his trust. But for you..."
Y/n knew what she was hinting at. She meant both Anton's physical and emotional love for him. A different kind of affection that would be much harder to deal with, along with trust.
"Thank you." Y/n lowered his head, swallowing. "Thank you so much."
For the first time, Helen smiled. A bitter, cold smile.
"Take care of Lucas. He's a good child. He doesn't deserve to be here."
Y/n nodded his head fervently; choking back tears.
"Will you really die? Will it hurt?"
Please no. Please no. Please no. Tears streamed down Y/n's face. It was so unfair. So unfair for her.
"I suppose burning will hurt."
The words hung in the air, before Y/n finally broke down. Anton. Anton, even killing one of his biggest contributors.
"Is there nothing I can do? I can't just watch. I can do something," Y/n's voice cracked. "I can't just—I can't just let you die after all this." Desperation laced his every word.
Helen had helped him. She had been malicious to him, for a valid reason. Like Peter, she could have been another anchor. Another line of sanity. To know she was going through the same thing, to know they could try. Another potential, genuine connection disappeared. Gone.
Helen's eyes softened, and she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"Some stories are written in ink." She squeezed his arm. "Even if I try—even if we try, we cannot erase them. This is my fate. My fate was sealed long before you arrived, Y/n. Perhaps my regret was being so resentful, so angry towards you."
I wish there was more time. I wish we had more time.
Helen's smile now held fleeting warmth.
"Escape." She whispered. "Go, before he comes. Before Anton comes. Lucas still needs you."
Y/n stumbled out of the door.
He cast one last look at Helen, and smiled shakily, through sobs.
Then Y/n turned back.
Your poor thing, the clouds seem to taunt, as rain poured from the sky, even the world seems to weep with you.
Even the world seems to pity you.
hm, this is probably one of the hardest chapters to write. I won't be putting the explanation in "note" format for better readability. Also, to inform you, I made slight edits to chapter eleven and thirteen. I forgot to insert the part where he effectively levels up to level five and six. Yet for both of them, he does not have any rewards because of certain elements of the game (aka during knockout, he does not receive any rewards.) Also, there's parallels between y/n's family and his current "one" which is pretty obvious. Anton is essentially his father (except the cheating and curse words because that's an ICK) and y/n is his mother ☹️☹️ and Lucas is a "product of a bad situation", and it's ironic because it's exactly what y/n is trying to prevent.
and now I will be explaining everything: in the game, so far revealed, Sister Helen has always been a sentient character. In fact, she mentions "several" people, which means there are multiple people who are sentient. Each have a system of their own, with very different tasks. In Y/n's case, he got extremely lucky (in his circumstance. no one is lucky to be transmigrated into a horror game) and his role is a role that actually enables him to escape. For Nora (Sister Helen) who has been trapped in the game but with a role that confines her and does not allow her to escape, her completing the game (reaching level 10) means nothing. She has resented Y/n for this very fact, because her role exists to help him escape. Y/n L/n also goes through a little bit of healing here, despite the breakdown. No matter how short, it gives him reprieve to know that someone is experiencing the same things as him.
However, as you can, it's because of this short lived, genuine connection that he has formed, it only makes the pain much worse for Y/n when he realizes Sister Helen dies after helping him. It is in a way, a sacrifice that she has done for Y/n. A life and death sacrifice. But why do I say it heals/helps him? This sacrifice will put Y/n in her debt: to escape. It forces him to try again, and now that he knows the end point, he will try.
This is only one of the many reveals I have planned. There's alot to delve into the story: I have planned out every aspect of it, including the reason for transmigration, the logistics behind it, Anton's true nature, and what the world and the Gods of the world means.
as usual, please comment and heart the story! commenting would really mean everything to m since I've really tried my hardest on this chapter! :) thank you <3