The night was long, with gusty howling winds keeping Meh'r-Bano awake. It wasn't just the weather but her thoughts that kept her awake. The night in the barn played over and over in her mind stealing the tiredness from her eyes. When she thought of Shah Nawaz she grabbed the pillow and pressed it against her chest.
"I can't stop thinking of you, Bulbul. You drive me crazy."
"You feel it." Meh'r-Bano replied. "You feel the same?"
"I need you like the sun, the air and water and then there's my Bulbul."
Meh'r-Bano ran her hand over her chin and her mouth where Shah Nawaz brushed his lips. They were close, so close to kissing but she couldn't and pushed him away. This was wrong. What next? Their love was doomed. She was married and he was king of Jahanpur- there was no way their love would blossom. It was stupid, Meh'r-Bano shook her head. A crazy dream where nothing could come true. Her mind played of hundred of ways which they could be together and share their love, but nothing worked out.
When the thoughts drove her insane she took her pen and her notebook and began to collect her whirlwind thoughts and dreams. The dreams, her fears and everything in between. From the day they met by accident at the bazaar, to the day he imprisoned her and then from the hate, anger and bitterness dissolved into deep soul filled love.
Where do I start? Do I wish I never laid eyes on him? That I never encountered him in the bazaar? Then this day wouldn't manifest. Maybe, part of me does- maybe it doesn't. But where has fate thrown me?
It was late that afternoon when Kaneez cried out in the courtyard when she clapped her eyes on her son's sorry state.
"Hai Allah! What have they done to you?" Kaneez ran to her bloody son who limped in and wiped the blood from his bleeding lip. Kaneez quickly put his arm over her shoulder and supported him inside.
"Who did this to you? May he rot in hell!" She cried out.
Meh'r-Bano rushed out of her room and made her way to her husband following the cry. She gasped when she saw Shafiq's bloody face. He'd been in a fight.
"Go girl! Go get some towels, water and plaster. Fast!"
"Don't fuss ammi." Shafiq couldn't speak properly, his left side of was aching. Mushtaq punched him hard.
"Tell me. What happened?"
"I'm going to kill that bastard! I will kill him with my bare hands!" Shafiq threatened.
Meh'r-Bano returned with a bowl of water and clean towels.
"This water is cold you silly girl! Get warm water!" Kaneez yelled.
"What is she doing home?" Shafiq questioned.
"Ask her- I don't know anything about her anymore. She comes and goes as she pleases." Kaneez fanned the flames.
Shafiq gritted his teeth. "I know-" He shook his head sending fear through Meh'r-Bano's spine.
"What happened?" Kaneez pushed her son's chin towards her and he hissed in pain.
"That bastard Muhstaq he steals bikes and hides them in my garage. I didn't know this when I made him a partner. He changes the number plates and sprays them to change their colour and sells them for a fat profit." Shafiq spat blood on the floor.
"I confronted him at the garage-"
Meh'r-Bano returned with a bowl of warm water and Kaneez began wiping the blood as he hissed with pain. The altercation at the garage became violent and the bazaar customers and shop workers dragged Mushtaq and Shafiq apart with Shafiq threatening Mushtaq with death threats.
"If the haveli hear of this they will throw me off the land. I cannot be involved in stolen motorbikes. He has disgraced my name as this woman!" He glared at Meh'r-Bano.
"Ammi everyone in bazaar knows- they all know. She has disgraced me."
Meh'r-Bano face filled with fear and turned red.
"What has she done now?" Kaneez raised her eyebrow.
Shafiq stood up on his limp leg. "Why are you home? I left you at the darbar to pray for our future; our child."
Meh'r-Bano stepped back. "I was impure, I couldn't stay my prayers wouldn't be answered."
"So where did you go?"
Kaneez stood behind her son.
"Where?!" He yelled.
"I don't remember anything."
"She's lying ammi. She was -she left the darbar and people saw her leaving Manghal haveli in the early hours of the morning. Everyone knows."
Meh'r-Bano shook her head. "That's not true."
"So they're all lying?" Said Shafiq.
"It's not like that- you have to believe me." She backed away.
"What were you doing at THAT haveli? Dancers, prostitutes and cheap women spend their seedy nights there! Why were you there all night?"
Lost for words, Meh'r-Bano was backed into a corner. There were no words. She couldn't prove anything, or attest to anything. It was a blur and everything she learned from was Kalsoom. How could she ask Kalsoom to confess? All she knew was she was safe with Shah Nawaz.
"The entire bazaar knows my wife has been at Manhal Haveli. That bastard Mushtaq, the scum who was nothing and I helped him, even he knows - how do I hold my head up in the bazzar when my wife has been playing around behind my back?!"
Meh'r-Bano gasped in her shawl. The onslaught followed and her mother cursed her.
"I knew it. The day they called her to the haveli there would be trouble. Lock her in her room! Don't let her leave."
The bedroom door padlock clicked. Guilt burdened her. She couldn't deny it. There was something between her and Shah Nawaz, but no one must know. But the darbar- that wasn't her fault. Shah Nawaz saved her- he must speak up. Tell the truth. He needed to oust Peer Haider the fake holy man. She wasn't going to take the blame for something she didn't do. The haveli must step up and remove Peer Haider only then her name would be cleared. As for her love for Shah Nawaz? That was a foolish dream which had no foundation.
The day was filled with angry conversations with Shafiq and his mother. Plans were being made to bring the issue to the panchayat. There they would oust Mushtaq in front of the panchayat and Shafiq would clear his name.
"I promise you ammi- that man will die by my hands. He's a lying son of a donkey. I gave him everything, now look what he does."
"Just like your wife-"
Kaneez provoked her son to curse Meh'r-Bano. The woman was trouble and now a new revelation about spending the night at Manghal haveli.
"What did she do there alone?"
Shafiq shook his head. "I will deal with her later.
Shafiq was in no mood to listen to Meh'r-Bano that day. He was burning with anger for Mushtaq and in the same fire burned Meh'r-Bano. There was something not right. How did she leave the darbar during her chillah? Meh'r-Bano made several attempts to talk to him whilst serving him dinner, or apply balm to his injuries but he didn't want to look at her.
"Please believe me- I did nothing wrong. There is more to this."
"What?" Shafiq asked her. "What more? Do tell."
Meh'r-Bano was silenced. She couldn't prove anything, if only Shah Nawaz spoke up about the fake holy man, it would ease her difficult situation.
That night Shafiq left to spend the night at the garage. Meh'r-Bano packed parathas and a thermos of chai for him.
"Ammi, I have to stay there until the panchayat. He can break the padlocks and steal my tools. I don't trust him. Only the Panchayat will deal with him."
Kaneez kissed her son on his cheeks. "You stay safe my son. How can I sleep when you are there all alone?"
"I have my apprentice with me."
"He's a child! What can he do?"
Packing the items in a bag he glared at Meh'r-bano. "Keep an eye on her- don't let her out of your sight. Once the panchayat deals with Mushtaq I will sort her out."
Kaneez was pleased with her son's sour attitude towards Meh'r-Bano. She deserved it.
However, late that night Meh'r-Bano made a dangerous decision to sneak out of her home to see Shah Nawaz. Her mother in law and father in law feel were deep asleep at nine and she locked the inside of her room and climbed out of the window. Shah Nawaz knew the truth, if she could convince him to take action against the fake holy man, other women would be saved. God knows how many women were out there who'd been raped and abused?
On approaching Sang a Mar Mar haveli, the guard informed her Shah Nawaz was at Manghal Haveli. She veiled her face and made the difficult decision to visit Manghal Haveli with the aid of her torch.
***
On approaching the large, black iron gates of Manghal Haveli, Meh'r-Bano knocked the gate. A guard opened the gate and looked at her from top to bottom.
"Who are you?"
"I need to see, Choudhary Saab."
"Who are you?"
She froze. She couldn't reveal her name. She had been disgraced but this time she was entering the haveli.
"I need to see him. It's important."
"Choudhary saab is busy. He has no time for random strangers in the middle of the night. Go! Go and wait for the panchayat to raise your matter."
Meh'r-Bano couldn't leave. She needed to speak to him, tell him about the scandalous rumours that were flying and he had to stop it. To say something. She hovered around and waited for a car, the gate to open but nothing. She knocked the gate again and the guard gave the same reply.
"Please-"
"What's going on?" Uzayr called out.
"Choudhary Uzayr!" Meh'r-Bano called him- "I need to speak to you- please."
Uzayr approached the gate and sent the guard on his way. He recognised the emerald green eyes.
"Come in."
Making her way into the courtyard she could hear echoes of tabla and strong male singing voices.
"What are you doing here Meh'r-Bano? This is not a place for you."
Removing her veil she pursued him. "It's urgent and it can't wait. I need to see him. I'm in trouble-"
Uzayr took a deep sign and stepped back allowing Meh'r-Bano to make her way into the haveli alone. The closer she got to the haveli the loud the beat of the tabla. The music echoed into the hallway, a powerful male voice, rhythmic, classically trained, sang masterfully in tune with the tabla. It was a qawwali thought Meh'r-Bano the melodic sounds of tabla beckoned her closer. She had never seen or heard live qawwali and the sound was enticing, loud and melodic. Making her way towards the bettak she could hear the sound of bells, gungru; this was a dance; a mujra. Her body became tense. Approaching closer to the room she saw a group of men in the far side of the room sat on the floor with scatter cushions. The band of men formed the singing group with tabla, harmonium and sarangi. Two beautiful backing dancers dressed in fine sky blue Anarkarli dresses danced like swans, long wide arms, adorned with gold jewellery. In the centre the main dancer, Dilruba dressed in a red wine anarkali was being showered with money. It was Shah Nawaz. Meh'r-Bano's heart stopped when she saw Shah Nawaz holding Dilruba's arm and pulling her close to him so he can shower the notes. Dressed in a causal grey salwar kameez, his shawl lingered behind him on the floor. His hair tied up and back with a red velvet ribbon matching the dancer's dress tying back his hair. She froze staring at the two. Dilruba stepped back and danced for him. Dilruba was an exquisite dancer, every eye in the room was pinned on her moves, careful steps on her tip toes, her body was like a swan and the most beautiful woman in the room adorned in fine bridal red. Meh'r-Bano was green with envy. They looked perfect together. She was tall and matched Shah Nawaz's height. Rudely she watched the exchange and the way Dilruba mesmerised Shah Nawaz. Meh'r-Bano lost her bearings. She looked around. She needed to leave. Quickly. Without anyone noticing. She had to leave. In her bid to disappear quietly her foot hit the table knocking the crystal vase to the ground. Crystal scattered on the marble floor causing the music to a lull and everyone turned towards the door.
To his shock Shah Nawaz turned to find Meh'r-Bano in the hallway. Shah Nawaz made his way towards the exit but Dilruba stopped him and grabbed his arm.
"Where are you going?" She smiled. "The dance hasn't finished yet."
Shah Nawaz shrugged off Dilruba and made his way towards Meh'r-Bano.
"What are you doing here?"
She shook her head and turned towards the exit. She had to leave. She was stupid to come here. Shah Nawaz grabbed her arm and dragged her to his private bettak. Meh'r-Bano was in a state of shock and went with him. She'd rudely interrupted Shah Nawaz. Why did she think he was any different? He liked women and wine like the rest of them.
In the private space of the bettak, Shah Nawaz straightened his shawl and collecting himself after a night of heavy drinking. Meh'r-Bano was assaulted with the strong metallic smell that made her step away from him. He wasn't staggering around in the room.
"What are you doing here?" He avoided looking straight at her.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. It was wrong."
"You're here!" He turned to her. "Tell me woman."
It was his eyes Meh'r-Bano noticed, lazy, set back and narrow- he was drunk. She didn't recognise him. Her feelings of joy, liberation were dissipated in that second.
"I shouldn't have come, but since I am here to ask for your help."
He snorted with mockery.
"There are rumours and it maybe nothing to you, but I am a woman and it will destroy my life here in Jahanpur."
"What rumours?" He wiped his mouth.
"You need to tell everyone the truth about Peer Haider, the fake holy man and everything that occurs at the darbar. People will believe you. They won't believe me. My name is in tatters- I've been disgraced. Tell them why you took me that night and nothing happened between us." She argued trying to edge close to him, but the strong smell turned her stomach.
"What are they saying?"
"I can't say." She turned with shame.
He stepped closer forcing her to face him. "Say it. What are the rumours?"
She shook her head.
He grabbed her and yanked her closer.
"That I spent the night at Manghal Haveli......with you." Her eyes unable to look at him, her body flushed.
Shah Nawaz cackled with a cruel laughter. "So what?"
"You did spend the night here. Alone. With me."
"But nothing happened, did it?"
"Did it? Don't you remember?" He teased.
"NO!" She slapped her chest. "I don't remember anything- my mind is blank."
Shah Nawaz stretched his arms wide and reached up. "So how about this Bulbul?" He smirked and approached her.
"Why don't we make the rumours true? Why get punished for something we didn't do? Then the punishment would be even more satisfying." He licked his lips.
"No.." she shook her head and backed away. "You're not talking sense."
"It makes perfect sense, Bubul." He leaned towards her. "You came here tonight and I know the real reason why. I know you want me too. I felt it from your body-" he reached out to touch her neck but she pulled back.
"Don't fight it Bulbul. Allow it. All those dreams you had of a school, a class- I can make come true. I promise." He grabbed her waist and pulled her close.
Meh'r-Bano struggled in his strong hold fighting him to escape. "This isn't you-" She punched his chest. "Let me go."
"Don't act all high mighty-" He squeezed her tight and forced her to meet his eyes. The strong stench of alcohol oozed from his mouth.
"You told me. You feel it, so why are you running away my Bubul." He pressed his nose against the curve of her neck. "The night is young and intoxicating." His voice slurring. "I'll keep you awake all night and only then you will know what the pleasure of being loved by a REAL man- " he licked her neck. "A red hot blooded Choudhary man!" He growled biting her neck.
Meh'r-Bano struggled in his arms forcing him off her, her anger growing wildly.
"Get off me."
He laughed toying with her. She pushed him away and gasped for breath, her body red hot coiled with anger. He didn't love her, he only wanted her body. Reeling in anger she raised her hand and smacked him hard on the cheek with all her might.
"How dare you?" She cried out pointing her finger at him shivering with anger. "Is that what you think I want?" Her breath raspy and fast.
With his hands brushing his red cheek, Shah Nawaz leaped out grabbed a handful of hair and yanked her head back.
"I tried the easy way with you, I've talked, I've been patient, I wanted you to succumb to me on your own free will. but you want to play hard."
Meh'r-Bano shrieked as he pulled her.
"You want me to- don't deny it."
She sobbed, tears running down her checks. "Not like this-" She cried as he pulled back her hair. "I'm in love with you." She yelled sending echoes in the room. Shah Nawaz grip loosened first, then he released the cruel grip on her hair. She stood up and straighten her hair.
"I thought you were different." She wiped her tears from the back of her hand. In the silence Shah Nawaz took a long sip from his bottle as Meh'r-Bano collected her thoughts.
"I'm so foolish. What have I done? I had this great love story in my head. No- I'm angry at myself." She couldn't break down in front of this monster.
"I had this perfect version of you in my head. But here is the truth, a stereotypical drunk Choudhury with prostitutes forcing to have sex with the poor village woman."
Shah Nawaz scoffed with laughter.
"How did we end up in the barn?" The truth slowly manifesting. "Was it an accident? How did Habib come to my door? And how did you end up there? A coincide? What did you want to do? Uff!" She smacked her forehead.
"I'm such a fool- I thought of - I'm such a fool you are just like them. You want a night with women and then dispose of them and me- stupid me."
Meh'r-Bano gasped and stifled her sob.
"You know what the tragedy of this is; I'm in love with you Shawaj." The realisation tore her apart and broke her heart they were worlds apart from each other.
"My head, my body nothing is mine- it's all yours." She protested trying to make him understand that her feelings were pure.
"I can't stop thinking about you for months! I know, I know I can never have you- but just being with you is enough. " She tried to make him understand her version of love and sacrifice but he turned away.
"What do you know about love? You have never grieved or yearned for love. You got everything you wanted and this is another part of it. I admired you from afar - but how foolish. How could I feel such love for a man who drinks his night away with prostitutes. And here I am begging you to save my honour but you want to snatch my honour like everyone else. You're just as bad at them, the fake holy man and the panchayat. You're all the same. I can't bear to look at you."
Shah Nawaz staggered toward Meh'r-Bano his gaze foggy.
"I am Choudhary Shah Nawaz Qureshi, I take what I want. I don't need to force or drug any woman. They succumb to me."
"What do you take me for?" Her stomach twisted with sickness in her stomach. "One of your whores?!"
"You will obediently give yourself to me because I am Choudhary Shah Nawaz Qureshi. No one refuses me!"
"You're nothing special- I've made you special in my head- without all this- you're just ordinary."
"You will surrender to me." He snatched her chin in his large hand pressing her head against the wall. His was large and powerful. "You will be on your knees begging for me to take you."
"I'd rather die ! Let me go!" She smacked his hand off.
"You will rue this day, my Bulbul. Walk out- but I will ruin you without even touching you. Mark my words!" His voice echoed in the bettak and in the hallway.
Meh'r-Bano finally broke free and ran out of the room. In the hallway Dilruba accosted her. Meh'r-Bano wiped her years with the corner of her shawl as Dilruba ogled her. After a moments pause, Meh'r-Bano left the haveli.
***
An angry Shah Nawaz threw his bottle of whisky against the wall smashing it to smithereens. The guards rushed to his side but he grabbed the table and smashed it against the wall. Uzayr was quick to arrive to calm his uncle. What had Meh'r-Bano said to him?
"I want to destroy them! Destroy them all!" He roared in anger.
Dilruba watched from the doorway.
"What happened?"
"Who does she think she is? How dare she speak to me like that? I want them off the land. I want to destroy them all!"
Dilruba made her way into the room where Shah Nawaz was now calmer siting on the armchair with his nephew calming him. She heard the roar of a perturbed man every time he came to her. He was fighting with many sides of his life, a son, a king and now a lover; the love she desired. Her gaze at Meh'r-Bano's innocent beauty could see it would end in tragedy. Shah Nawaz was a dangerous man.
"Come-" She held his hand and tugged him from the armchair. "Come with me- my dance hasn't finished."
Usually it was easy to cajole Shah Nawaz into bed, to seduce him away from the stress of the day so he could find pleasure in her body and finally relax when he relived his frustration. Tonight, it was different. His eyes were red, and his body rigid as he threw her hand away.
"Get them out of here!" He instructed Uzayr to remove the dancers and the singers. "Get them all out of here!" he threw his shawl over his shoulder and marched out of the haveli to the stables. It was time for a long ride with Sikander to gather his thoughts and plan the ruination of Meh'r-Bano in vengeance for her slap.
The slap echoed throughout the walls of Manghal Haveli and Shah Nawaz wasn't going to forgive easily.