𝖢𝖧𝖠𝖯𝖳𝖤𝖱 𝖳𝖧𝖱𝖤𝖤
❝ 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗅 𝖿𝗎𝖼𝗄 𝗂𝗌 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 𝗀𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗀? ❞
PERHAPS IT WAS THE FACT THAT for the first time in months of being trapped in my own home, I was finally allowed freedom and able to see people I enjoyed the company of, but time seems to be going extremely quickly at the moment. It is already Christmastime. Where the actual fuck is all the time going?
Tonight is our last night at school before we go home for two weeks, a much needed break from school. This, of course, meant that everyone in school was going to get absolutely plastered to the point they probably wouldn't shed their hangover until halfway through the holidays. Well, at least everyone who was invited would do so. Invitations to a party at a university — could you imagine not being invited to a party at your own university, who was even controlling that system?
"What you wearing tonight, Hope?" Felix asked from beside me, his words muffling the sound of my amplified bass that he was playing a guitar riff on. The only baseline he was able to play was 'Smoke On The Water'; when he realised he could play it, he didn't stop for a good while — that was until I threatened to smash it over his head. We were in a year seven music lesson — our teacher didn't enjoy my comment all.
Ever since that day, he's played only basic guitar riffs that could be transcribed onto the bass. He didn't even try to use his fingers to play — he could've, it wouldn't have been too hard, as he was playing such simple things, but he didn't because he knew how much it annoyed me.
"I don't know," I shrugged, sighing slightly. A wide grin grew on my face before I started to speak again. "Wanna help me decide?"
"Yes," Felix agreed quickly, turning my amp off, unplugging my bass and hanging it up on the wall quickly. He looked at me expectantly, as though he expected me to have already picked out several outfit options. "Hurry up then, we don't have all day."
I rolled my eyes, letting out a scoff as I made my way toward my wardrobe. Flinging the doors open, I was greeted with many flashy tops, trousers, dresses, shoes; all my clothes I wore during school hours and to relax were already all packed away, ready for tomorrow. There was only one comfortable outfit in there, the one I'd travel home in — and when I say home, I mean Felix's.
The first dress I picked out was a sparkling, silver one, it was lose enough, but not to the point it was completely baggy on me. It was short, low-cut and extremely flattering; plus, I knew Felix liked it on me, he always complimented me on it — well, he was lovely with compliments anyways, but I got always more from him in this dress.
After picking out a few options, I held them against my body as if to model what they'd look like on. Felix wasn't satisfied with that though, it didn't seem.
"I don't know, I think you're going to have a little fashion show for me," he said, shaking his head as if he was really torn between choosing from a few dresses, some of which he'd seen me in loads of times. I'd probably just wear the silver one; he'd probably just agree it was the best option.
I rolled my eyes before undressing myself — I was okay getting changed around him, we both got dressed and undressed around each other frequently; not to mention, we often lay around naked in the fields at Saltburn. We didn't make attempts to look at each others bodies — though, God knows I'd study his for hours — but we didn't look away either. Sometimes, my gaze lingered on him for too long, he didn't notice — or at least he pretended not too. Sometimes, his gaze lingered on me for too long, I pretended not to notice.
Currently, though, he was making his staring too obvious. I was glad I'd worn a matching set and that it was red, his favourite colour. There was a subtle blush on his face and I had noticed, though he tried to make it as subtle as possible, the way he adjusted his jeans. He'd never done that before. Odd.
I allowed a small smirk to myself as I pulled the first dress over my head, making sure he didn't see; I didn't want to embarrass him. The dress I had on currently was red, the same shade of red as the underwear I was wearing, and it clung to my skin. It was quite hard to move around in, at least when I'd zipped it, but it would do.
"Can you even breathe in that dress?" Felix asked with a snicker as he noticed my stiff movements, as I moved to pick up the clothes that I had just been wearing off of the floor.
"Yes," I furrowed my brows at him, kneeling beside the bed as I opened my suitcase to put them in there. "Just can't move in it."
"So, not that one then," Felix concluded quickly.
"Nope," I sighed as I undid the zip, freeing my body of the tight cage of the dress. That dress was disregarded on the floor quickly. I knew that if I did not try the silver dress on, even though Felix has already seen it on me, he would be unimpressed and refuse to make a decision. Why? To annoy me.
"Wear that," he insisted, the very second I had pulled the dress over my head. I knew he would. "Don't need to see the others; you should wear that."
"Very well," I sighed, before throwing the rest of my dresses back into the cupboard. I picked out a pair of heels, from the bottom of the cupboard, that would match the dress perfectly and quickly joined Felix on the bed. "What are you wearing then?"
"This," he shrugged simply. I was about to protest, wanting to insist he do a fashion
show for me too, but before I could open my mouth, he began to speak again. "Too late now anyways, we're already late to the party."
I rolled my eyes at him as he got up from my bed, immediately grabbing ahold of my hands to pull me off of it.
THE PARTY WAS DULL AS FUCK. It was selective, exclusive; decided by someone who was in one of my classes, as it turned out, which meant everyone — or most people here — knew at least half the people here. There was something about that was so dull and completely mood ruining.
The entire night was spent getting drunk, as we always would, smoking indoors, snogging people we wouldn't usually snog and embarrassing ourselves with our terrible dancing skills. I say our and we but I had no involvement at all with any of that — sans the getting absolutely twatted and smoking indoors.
Our little group — Felix, Farleigh and a bunch of other people I didn't spend enough time with to be considered the friends of — spent the whole night drinking and smoking in a corner of the room as we loudly shit-talked everybody in attendance of the party; again, I say we, but I had no involvement in the shit-taking, but to be fair it was mostly Farleigh doing that, anyways.
Why we spent our whole night in the corner of the room, I didn't know. But people seemed to be envious of us, the exclusivity of being in our little circle of friends. I'd probably understand if I was on the outside of it, but I don't currently.
"Do you want to go outside?" I whispered to Felix, ignoring the current conversation topic the group were focused on. "I'm bored."
"Yeah, go on," he was quick to accept my offer, standing up before even I had. He offered me his hand to take and we were out of there extremely quickly.
The freezing, winter air engulfed our bodies quickly, but it was relieving after having been trapped in a stuffy, warm room of the sweaty bodies of the people dancing.
"It's so fucking boring being friends with people who only wanna talk shit and are so worried about embarrassment they won't do anything fun," I spoke freely; I knew Felix wouldn't tell the group what I'd been saying — not that it would matter if he did, someone would have to tell them eventually.
"Me and you can dance together, if that's what you want," he suggested. "I'm not going back in there though, it's fucking boiling."
We could hear the music from inside, but I didn't really feel like dancing. That's not what I meant by my statement anyways — well, it was partially, but not entirely. They just couldn't make fun of themselves, they had too much pride, they were too worried about the image they were trying to curate. It makes sense, I suppose. If my family's wealth and titles weren't so secure, nor was my position in society so established, I'd constantly be worried about my image too.
"I'm alright," I sighed, shaking my head with a small smile. "Can I have a hug, though?"
"Why?" Felix asked with a snort, confused by my request. It had come out of nowhere.
"Because I want one, why else?" I rolled my eyes at him, letting out a sigh as I opened my arms, waiting for him to hug me.
He embraced me in a hug, but not before muttering the words, "Alright, weirdo," with a snicker.
I'm too drunk, I don't know why I've drank so much. But now I feel the overwhelming urge to press my lips to his. I've wanted it my entire life. We had already kissed before — it was my first kiss. It happened in year five when we both felt curious about what it was like, we saw our respective parents do it all the time, so why couldn't we? It was absolutely shit, of course, because neither of us actually knew what we were doing. But that didn't stop me from wanting a redo.
His grip on me loosened, I'm nearly his height in these heels. I looked into his eyes as our bodies began to drift away. I was about to do something I would massively regret, but then Felix did it for me. I couldn't comprehend what was happening until he had his lips on mine. It was a deep kiss. It was everything I'd ever wanted.
But then he pulled away, a startled look on his face as if he was so horrified by the fact he'd just kissed me. "I'm sorry, Hope," he began, shaking his head slightly. Before I could open my mouth to tell him it was alright, that I hadn't minded, he spoke again. Saying something that made me never wish to be in his presence again. "That was a horrible mistake. I'm sorry. I'm so drunk right now. I didn't mean to."
His words were a punch to the gut. That was a horrible mistake. He was so drunk. What the fuck did any of that mean? He'd had one fucking beer and I couldn't even taste it when I'd kissed him.
"I don't think I can stay at yours over the holidays," I forced the words out of my mouth. I meant those words, but I didn't. I didn't want to be around him, but it would kill me to not be. I loved him so dearly, but I hated him because he didn't love me too. "Nan's not well. I have to stay with her."
"Oh," Felix breathed as his face dropped. He could tell I was lying but he wouldn't dare bring that up. He didn't want his horrible mistake to ruin our long friendship — I didn't want that either. "Okay, are we still on for Easter and Summer?"
"That depends how she is then," I answered quietly, looking toward the ground. This will be forgotten by the time we're back from the Christmas holidays — by him at least — but I can't promise him anything right now. My heart hurts too much.
AUTHOR'S NOTES 🎅🎄☃️:
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO THE SLUTS WHO CELEBRATE‼️
I don't know what's worse, the fact that I've written this on Christmas Day or the fact that people are reading this fanfiction on Christmas Day. BUT THANK YOU FOR OVER FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY READS ANYWAYS, I'M ACTUALLY SO THANKFUL I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS <333
N E WAYZ, I hope you've enjoyed this jolly, festive chapter 😍 (if you say no I'll track you down and I'll come for you — and not in the fun way).
STOP BEING SILENT READERS GUYS, I LOVE GETTING COMMENTS‼️