She maintained eye contact with Andrew. This time, she was ready to spell it out for him. The earlier he knew what a terrible person she was and could be, the better for him.
"I stood you up, on purpose." Ijeawele added and waited to see if there was a reaction or expression from him. There was none. Somehow, it allowed her to keep going.
"I think you're a nice man. You've been gentle and kind to me." She let out a soft sigh. Her lips parted a little to say something but they closed almost right away. Ijeawele knew what she wanted to tell him. But she didn't know why it was seeming too hard for her to say.
"My divorce was... it was hard for me. So, I don't think I ever want to give another man the chance to repeat the same thing." Quietly, she sucked in a deep breath. This time, her gaze on him had begun wavering and she was looking elsewhere whenever she could. She didn't necessarily have to tell him this. Still, Ijeawele felt she needed to, especially after realising she might be falling for him. If she couldn't stop herself then maybe he would help her by disappearing on her.
Ijeawele waited and hoped he would say something. Anything for her to understand where his head was at. The waitress arrived and placed each of their plates of white rice and stew on the table in front of them. Andrew reached onto the tray and picked up the spoons before the waitress could. While he stretched his hand with the spoon to her, the waitress walked away.
Ijeawele looked at him somewhat confused. He was acting like he didn't hear anything she just said. She accepted the spoon from him.
"It's a terrible thing what you went through." Andrew started while he stirred a small portion of his white rice and stew. "I would never wish for the same thing to repeat for you." He added and played with a simple smile.
Although his words were comforting, Ijeawele felt like he didn't quite understand what she was getting at.
"Andrew... You understand that I'm trying to tell you not to say things like 'let's have dinner' or 'let's go on a date', anymore. Right?"
"I said those words to you because I wanted to know you better."
She furrowed her brows at him. "Why?" Ijeawele felt slightly irritated with the fact that he was taking their conversation lighter than she would've preferred. Had he taken it a bit more intense then it would be the end and she could get over him and move on.
"If it's because of work and you're trying to make friends with the higher ups then, I give you a thumbs up. You can move on to the next person. We don't have to maintain a relationship outside work."
Now, Andrew was still, staring at her.
He wasn't stupid. He knew what she was trying to get out of him. She wanted some kind of reaction. One that would be enough to terminate whatever little thing they had going on between them. On one end, she acted like he was a thorn in her flesh and on the other end, she was taking the time to sit with him and share a meal. Andrew didn't know if he'd somehow found a way into her heart but his gut was telling him he has. Ijeawele wouldn't be here if that wasn't so. She mentioned her divorce and how broken it left her. Andrew understood she was being wary. Nobody would like to repeat the past, especially the hurtful part. It seemed like being straight forward might be the best solution. But more than anything, he feared that might chase her away really quickly.
Ijeawele watched as he flashed her a brief, simple smile and he lowered his eyes to his food. Andrew began eating. She waited for a word from him. He said nothing and didn't till even after he was done with his meal. Ijeawele barely ate up all of hers.
The only time he said something to her after that was when she tried to pay the bill but he told her he'd already done that. His behaviour was slowly eating away at her. Ijeawele couldn't tell if he was upset or okay.
Andrew turned to her when they were beside the car.
"Let me drive you home." He told her with his hand stretched out to her for the car key.
She hesitated for a second because she thought he wouldn't talk to her again. "Can you drive?"
"Yes. Are you okay with that?"
Say no. Her head screamed at her. Because somehow, it only made sense to keep infuriating him. Maybe he would really walk away this time.
"Yes." Ijeawele put the key in his hand and mentally slapped herself after that. At this point, she was really conflicted about what she truly wanted. Her head's logical reasoning made sense but her heart was making her too soft.
Andrew opened the door to the front passenger seat for her. Ijeawele didn't realise when she flashed him a faint, brief smile before getting into the car. It made him happy so he smiled as he shut the door before running to the other side.
Ijeawele could not help herself. She kept stealing glances at him while he drove. Maybe because she was just seeing this side of him for the first time. She felt curiouser.
Andrew felt her stares and finally spared her a glance when they were stuck in a light traffic jam. Ijeawele tried to steady her gaze ahead, mind her business.
"Where are you from?" Finally, she asked.
Andrew glanced at her again, partially excited she was taking an interest to know him better.
"Ikwerre, Rivers state."
"Oh." Ijeawele's voice went low.
Andrew amusingly furrowed his brows for a second. "Oh? Were you expecting to hear something else?"
"No. I don't know. Maybe, I unknowingly assumed you were Igbo."
Andrew wore a smile. "Well, we're kind of a subgroup of Igbo." He looked at her.
Ijeawele hesitated a bit. "Right."
Andrew's smile broadened while he looked ahead, both hands on the steering wheel. So, she did think about him, after all.
Ijeawele knew she was being the opposite of what she told herself to do. The lesser she knew, the better, right? But finding out every little fact only made her more interested in finding out more.
"I'm guessing you're Igbo." Andrew stated.
"Yes. Abia state."
Andrew nodded in understanding. Ijeawele decided to stop talking as she turned away from him. Instead, she stared outside through the window.
"How old are you?" The words flew right out of her mouth and next, she shifted her eyes back to him.
A moment of light crease formed between his brows amidst an amusing expression. He spared her a glance.
Ijeawele felt some type of way because of that. Ever more than before, she felt regret. "It's fine. Don't answer that. I shouldn't have asked."
"I'm thirty." He looked at her. "Thirty years old."
She nodded her head lightly while she looked away from him.
Thirty. Ijeawele repeated in her head. That would mean she was two years older than him. Strangely enough, it bothered her a little. It shouldn't because there was never going to be anything between them.
Andrew noticed her change in demeanour.
"Is that okay with you?"
She looked at him once and tried to cover her disturbance. "Your age doesn't matter to me."
Andrew felt a little taken aback. "Didn't you want to know if I was too young for you?"
Ijeawele wore a frown and narrowed her eyes at him at the same time. In the time he looked at her, the expression on her face only left him feeling amused. He'd never seen her scrunch up her face the way she was doing.
He laughed lightly. Rather than silly, she kind of looked cute and he loved it.
She relaxed her face at the light sound of his laughter and found herself staring at him. Many times, she'd seen him smile. Still, Ijeawele wasn't sure if she'd ever heard him laugh. She felt a warm feeling somewhere in her chest. Her heart began racing. She didn't realise when she allowed a small smile to curl up across her face.
He glanced at her one more time. Ijeawele was quick to make her smile disappear. Cautiously, she turned away from him and stared straight ahead. Ijeawele felt embarrassed. A little flushed. She was falling deeper for him than she thought. Even his laughter got her palpitated. Ijeawele shut her eyes and silently took in a deep breath. She hoped that as she released it, it would cause her heart to calm down and eventually return to its usual pace.
Ijeawele opened her eyes. Somehow, the exercise worked a little. She decided thereon neither to speak to him nor look in his direction anymore for the rest of the ride.
Andrew kept stealing glances at her hoping she would do the same. She'd suddenly gone quiet and he didn't know why. Was it something he said? It was the first time the mood between them didn't feel tense or awkward. Maybe he let himself and she didn't like his response. He thought about his last words to her over and over again. It didn't seem off to him unless she took his joke too seriously. It bothered him.
He parked in front of the gate to her apartment's building and unbuckled his seat belt. Ijeawele did the same. At a similar moment, they turned to each other. The silence between them lasted a while before Ijeawele spoke up.
"Thank you for bringing me home safely."
He smiled. "You're welcome."
Both knew what next needed to come. He would step down, head home and she would drive her car into the compound. But they hesitated. Andrew wasn't ready to end the night here. He wished he could spend more time with her. He didn't know if he could. His urge for more was getting stronger by the day. Andrew couldn't figure out what next step to take.
He was hesitating and Ijeawele gradually felt anxious. She had the craziest thought that he would kiss her. Her nervousness grew although she was doing a good job at not making it physically obvious. Ijeawele worried that when he did kiss her, she would be unable to stop him and it might turn into what she was afraid of.
"It's getting late." She mentioned out of the blue and he nodded like someone forced out their imagination.
Andrew turned and pushed the door open. Ijeawele did the same. She walked over to his side. He flashed her one more smile and though she didn't think she should do the same, she reciprocated it anyways before getting into the driver's seat.
For a few seconds, through the side mirror, Ijeawele watched him walk away. She honked at the gate a few times before the gateman opened it.
Ijeawele slumped on her bed and stared at the ceiling. The scene of the evening replayed in her head. She flung her slippers off her feet and curled up on the bed, shutting her eyes as well. Ijeawele knew she was wanting something that scared her. It didn't make sense but that was the situation she felt like she was in. Yes, she wished he wouldn't kiss her. But she was also disappointed that he didn't. She shook her head. Maybe it was for the best.
The knock on her door forced her to open her eyes. She sprung up on her feet from the bed and walked barefoot to the door. Ijeawele forgot to ask who it was and went ahead to open the door.
"Andrew." She called with surprise drawn across her face.
Andrew stood in front of her. He looked a little anxious and out of breath.
"You can slap or hit me afterwards. But right now, I don't think I should postpone doing this any longer." He closed the gap between them, gently held the left side of her face with his right hand and slid his other hand around her waist. Softly at first, he pressed his lips against hers and kissed her passionately.
Ijeawele's heart raced frantically. She'd never felt so alive, so excited. She couldn't think. All she'd ever said or decided to do against whenever this scene might play out were now all thrown out the window. One thing was for sure.
Her biggest fear had come to pass.
Thank you for your patience. Like always, please vote or comment. I would like to know what you guys think.